What About Charlie? (10 page)

Alan gave his friend a thoughtful look, wishing that if he just took the chance, he could find the happiness he was looking for.

“Have you seen the new JAMA?”

Evan nodded, relieved that Alan was dropping the subject. He briefly wondered if Alan was right. Was he being a fool in not pursuing a relationship with Charlie?

Evan new exactly when Charlie stepped into the cafeteria, how he didn’t know, he just had a feeling, a little voice telling him to look up. And there she was standing in the cafeteria entrance, prettier than he’d ever seen her. Gold earrings, the ones he’d given her for Christmas, dangled from her ears. Her dark blonde hair was swept up, long curly tendrils cascading out of the hair clasp, brushing her shoulders. She wore a denim overall dress with an emerald green blouse, the same green color as her eyes. The only word he could think of to describe her was breathtaking.

Breathtakingly beautiful.

A hesitant smile graced her cherry red lips. It was a hesitance Evan had never seen before, like she didn’t know whether he would welcome her or not. He cursed himself. No doubt Charlie had sensed things were beginning to change between them just as he had. He should have talked to her earlier to assure her their relationship would remain as it had been before all this craziness started.

Evan nodded. “She is, isn’t she?” He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her as she gracefully weaved between people and tables to him. His eyes held hers, unwilling to break the contact, taking in every graceful movement of her body - from the sway of her hips to the small bounce of her breasts.

Alan looked at his watch. “I have some rounds to make.” He glanced at Evan, whose attention was solely focused on Charlie, his eyes full of tenderness.

She smiled, feeling particularly special that Evan was so concerned about her. “I am. It’s hard to accept he’s gone, though. It’s just going to take time.”

“I understand. Remember to let me know if you need anything.”

“I will.”

“As for lunch, I thought we should forgo the usual salad. They’re serving hamburgers today. I know how you like the hamburgers here.”

“That sounds wonderful, Evan.”

“Let me go get our plates.”

“No,” she said almost too quickly. She was reluctant to let him go for even a few minutes. She hadn’t seen him for a week and wanted to spend every moment she could with him. “I’ll go with you.”

A wide smile crossed his face, reaching his eyes. “Come on then.”

During lunch Charlie decided Evan was having regrets about their kiss. It wasn’t anything he said, but his lack thereof. He was the perfect gentleman. Talkative, attentive to her, but in almost an impersonal kind of way. A few times she looked up to catch him looking at her, his eyes thoughtful. Then he quickly blinked it away, causing Charlie to wonder if she’d seen anything at all.

She didn’t want Evan to have regrets. She didn’t want the kiss they had shared to be a product of the moment. She wanted it to have meaning, for it to be a result of some deep feeling for each other, not some mistake.

During the past week, she had longed to hear Evan’s voice. But she’d only heard it twice, both times when she gave into her deep yearning to hear his voice and called him. He hadn’t called her. That caused her to wonder, but seeing him today confirmed her suspicions. He regretted it.

Admitting it hurt.

And at the same time she felt a smoldering anger, though not at him per say. It was more a realization that a man like Evan would never seriously look at her. She wasn’t beautiful or alluring or sophisticated. She was plain old Charlie, farm girl from Iowa. She felt like yelling at the injustice of it all. She was so tired of being plain Charlie.

She laughed and smiled at the appropriate moments during their lunch, and, incredibly, her anger subsided. Of course, she was being irrational. She was fortunate to even have such a good person as a friend. She could get over the hurt of his not being interested in her. That was life. Besides, how could she risk their friendship for a romantic relationship? What if it didn’t work out? She could never get over losing him as a friend.

“Do you want desert, Charlie?”

She laughed and shook her head. “I’m about to pop as it is.” She cocked her head sideways and gave him a thoughtful look. “Your eyes don’t look good, Evan.”

Running a hand through his hair, he sighed. “It’s been a long week. I’ve been filling in for everybody who filled in for me while I was gone.”

“Thank you, Evan. Why don’t you come over tomorrow evening for supper? Let me try to make it up to you. Then after we eat we can watch the baseball game on TV.”

****

“Amy, what are you doing here?”

“Can’t I visit my own friend?”

“You know what I mean. You and Rich usually go out on Friday nights,” Charlie clarified as she moved from her open front door to let Amy by.

Amy plopped on the sofa. “I wanted to come see how you were doing. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for your dad’s funeral.”

Charlie sat by her friend and put an arm around her shoulders. “I know you have to work, especially with Rich not working. I know that’s tough and makes it next to impossible for you to take any time off.”

“How have you been doing?”

Charlie sighed. “Ok, but it’s been hard. I still keep on thinking he’s there at the farm. He’s always been there and now he’s gone. It’s really hard to get used to. Just this evening I picked up the phone to call him. Then I remembered.”

“Is there anything I can do for you? Help move stuff? Anything?”

Charlie shook her head. “Evan, while he was up there, took care of all the business odds and ends. I’m keeping the farm, just leasing the property. Evan helped to set all that up. All that needs to be done now is to allow all that’s transpired to fully sink in.”

“Far from it. He was so caring, so understanding. He even folded clothes and set the table! And he was there at every step along the way from sleeping with me at night to arranging the funeral.”

“It’s been so busy, I guess it slipped my mind. I couldn’t sleep; I was crying. Inconsolable really. The first night, Evan, who was sleeping on the couch in the den, heard me crying. He came into my room and lay down in bed with me and we fell asleep. We did that for the next two nights.”

“Did anything happen?”

Charlie paused to think for a moment. “In the physical sense – no. In the emotional sense – yes. When that happened things seemed to change between us. Really subtly, nothing overt. I’d wake up in the morning with Evan curled around me and I didn’t want to move, I didn’t want our togetherness to end. There was just this feeling that there was something happening between us, intangible, but happening nonetheless.”

“And nothing happened the whole time?”

“Well,” Charlie said reluctantly, “something did happen. We kissed. Just once right before he left. On the lips. I have never been kissed like that before. So sensual, so passionate.”

“You’re talking about Evan? Ice-water in his veins Evan?” Amy asked incredulously.

“Amy! Evan is not a cold person. He’s just reserved. But since he kissed me, I can no long look at Evan as my friend, but a flesh and blood man. It’s a big difference.”

“You’re falling for him.”

Charlie put her head in her hands. “Yes, but I don’t want to.” She looked back up at Amy. “I don’t want to have these carnal feelings for him. He is my friend and I am so confused. I feel like I’m being pulled in two by these conflicting emotions. Which one should I follow?”

“What does Evan say? What does he want to do? Surely you’ve talked to him about it?”

“Evan hasn’t said anything. We’ve only talked a few times since we’ve been back and it was really rushed. I’m beginning to wonder if he considers this all a huge mistake, maybe no big deal at all and is now ignoring it, hoping that it will be forgotten.”

“You know, Charlie, he may be as confused about the situation as you are. Have you thought about that?”

“No.” She looked at Amy suspiciously. “Why are you defending him all of the sudden?”

“I’m not defending him. I’m merely offering a different point of view. Besides, no matter what I think of Evan, he treats you well and makes you happy. That counts for something. You’re lucky.”

“Thanks. What are you doing here tonight?”

Amy sighed. “I needed to get away from Rich. I am getting so sick and tired of him. Now his brother, who’s also unemployed with no inclination of getting a job, is staying with us.”

Charlie shook her head. “Why do you put up with it? You can end it right now. You’re not dependent on him. He’s dependent on you. You can leave anytime and you’ll always have a place to stay here with me. Let him pay the rent on the apartment, pay all the bills you pay.”

“I don’t know, Charlie. I think about it. I even make plans in my head to do it, but I never actually do it. Something keeps stopping me.”

“Well, you need to figure out what that ‘something’ is and then fix it.”

“You know, Charlie, I wish I could find someone like Evan. Well, not like him in personality, but someone who would treat me like he treats you.”

“You can find that person, Amy. All you have to do is look.

It was Saturday night and she was all nerves. Charlie thought it silly since she and Evan were the same two people as a week ago before their kiss. A simple kiss shouldn’t have changed their friendship, but she had to acknowledge that somehow it did. At least on her end.

Evan was her friend and she was afraid having these feelings for him would ultimately have a negative impact on their friendship. She was determined to keep things as they had been. She would ignore these emotions!

But Charlie’s resolve wavered when she opened her door to Evan that evening. As soon as she saw him, she wondered if wanting their relationship to go back to the way it was was realistic or even something she even really wanted.

He looked so handsome dressed in a blue and white striped polo shirt, a suede jacket, and pair of khaki pants, his light brown hair neatly combed, his face freshly shaved, and his eyes as warm as melted butter.

Charlie blushed and looked away from him for a moment, suddenly uncomfortable with the warmth that was so evident in his eyes. “You’ve seen me in this old outfit dozens of times.” She tried to laugh, make light of the physical tension between them, but somehow it sounded odd, forced.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” she called as she walked quickly to the kitchen, feeling the need to put some distance between them. Evan followed, stopping by the small dining table Charlie had decorated complete with a linen tablecloth, a candle flickering in the center, two wine glasses and a bottle of chilled wine.

Charlie watched Evan pick up a wine glass and twirl the stem in his fingers. Out of nowhere a sense of mortification enveloped her. What had she been thinking when she had set that table? What would he think of her?

She glanced at him, forcing a large smile before she turned around to the stove. “Thanks. We’re having spaghetti and meatballs, salad, and garlic bread. And for dessert I bought a cheesecake.”

“You made my favorite meal.”

“I aim to please,” she quipped, hoping her voice didn’t sound as nervous as she felt. “If you’ll get the wine poured, I’ll fix our plates.”