What About Charlie? (12 page)

Charlie looked away, ashamed for not telling him the truth. She’d wanted this moment so much; she had wanted this moment to be with Evan.

Looking back up into his angry eyes, she said softly, “It still doesn’t change this, Evan.”

He shook his head while grabbing his shirt off the floor and tugging it over his head. “You’re wrong, Charlie. It changes everything.”

When he turned to leave the room, Charlie jumped out of the bed, pulling the sheet and wrapping it around her, following him to the living room.

“Don’t leave like this, Evan,” she said to his retreating back. “Please,” she pled, the word feeling as if it was stuck in her throat.

He stopped briefly as if he were going to turn around. Suddenly, he grabbed his jacket off the chair next to him and headed for the front door, opening it and letting it slam behind him as he left.

Charlie stood there for several long seconds, hoping that he would come back, that he would see that they could work this out. After all they were best friends.

Suddenly, reality hit her like a pan of cold water thrown in her face. Putting her hands to her mouth, the sheet she’d been holding slipped to the floor. After this, she realized, they may not even be friends at all.

Evan sat alone in his office drinking a Dr. Pepper and eating a bag of Cheetos. It was Friday. Two weeks to the day that he and Charlie had their awful encounter. It seemed like it had been two months instead of two weeks since he’d last seen her. Resting his head against the back of the sofa on which he was sitting, he thought about her. He missed her so much. He hadn’t realized that she had played such an important role in his life. He missed her smile. He missed those lovely eyes that seemed to melt his soul whenever she turned them on him. But most of all, he missed her company, her kindness. She was such a joy to be around. She was one of the few people with whom he felt comfortable and at ease, with whom he could let his guard down and be himself.

Since that night, he hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind. What had transpired between them had been incredible – not just for him, but he suspected for Charlie, too. It had felt so right to be kissing and caressing her. He had felt an immediate connection with her, heart to heart, soul to soul. And it wasn’t because of his lust. It was something much more, deeper. He’d never felt that type of connection with a woman before. It had been so strange but so exhilarating at the same time. He was at a loss for words as to exactly how to describe it. All he knew for sure was he had never felt that way before. Never.

Today was their usual lunch day, but he hadn’t bothered going to the cafeteria to see if she had shown up. Charlie wouldn’t be there. Of that he could be sure. Not after what had transpired between them. He had neither talked to her nor seen her since. For some reason, he felt ashamed. It was silly since she was the one who had deceived him. But nonetheless he felt as if he had betrayed her, taking something from her that should had given to the man she loved.

He should have never let his feelings, his insatiable want for her get so out of control. He blamed Alan for planting that seed about Charlie in his mind, though he knew blaming Alan was a copout. There was no one to blame but himself. He was a grown man. It was incumbent upon him to act responsibly, to take responsibility for his own actions. Instead, he acted like a randy teenager, following the desire in his loins and, yes, his heart for her. He had taken her virginity and left her crying. She deserved a heck of a lot better than that.

Never in his wildest dreams had he expected her to be a virgin. Over the past five years, she’d had several boyfriends. Now days, it was common for men and women to have sex if they weren’t married. He had thought the same of Charlie and her boyfriends though he knew she wasn’t the type to sleep around. Looking back, the relationships she’d had hadn’t lasted very long at all. Evan gave a wry smile. Probably the poor guys couldn’t take it because she wouldn’t give it up, he thought crassly.

Evan suddenly felt very sick to his stomach. He closed his eyes.

God, what had he done?

His office door opened with a click. Evan’s stomach lurched with anticipation. Had Charlie come after all? Slowly he opened his eyes, disappointed only to see Alan standing there gazing down at him.

“It’s you,” he said unenthusiastically.

Alan gave a wry smile. “Gee, what a nice greeting for your good friend and colleague.” Alan sat in a chair across from Evan. “Who were you expecting?”

Evan glanced at his friend, wondering what he should tell Alan, if anything. He usually wasn’t a person to talk about his problems, but he felt like he needed to talk to someone. He couldn’t talk to his brother Michael. He would laugh his ass off that his staid, older brother had acted so out of character, screwing things up so royally. And talking to his dad was out of the question. His father would start talking about honor and doing the right thing. Before he knew it, his dad would tell him he needed to do the honorable thing and marry her because he’d taken her virginity. Evan glanced back at Alan, his mind made up. He had to talk to someone, and Alan was the only person he could turn to.

“I was hoping you were Charlie.”

“Ah.”

“We uh…” Evan looked away from his friend, suddenly feeling very self-conscious, the thought of telling Alan about what had transpired between he and Charlie somehow seeming wrong. It was their private business and theirs alone. “We, uh, got to know each other better one night a few weeks back.” What else could he have said?

Alan simply stared at him like he hadn’t understood a single word he said.

“Damn it! You’re going to make me say it.”

Alan smiled, seeming to enjoy Evan’s distress. “What’s so wrong with admitting that you slept with a very pretty lady? You never seemed to mind telling me about the other women you’ve slept with in the past.”

Evan sighed. “You have no idea what happened. It was horrible. A nightmare.” He looked up at Alan, his eyes filled with self-loathing. “She was virgin, Alan. A god damned virgin.”

“Me neither. She’s had boyfriends. So, I thought that she had obviously slept with them. That’s what couples do. Needless to say, I was furious that she didn’t tell me beforehand. She led me to believe she’d been with a man. I had no reason to believe she hadn’t.”

“Let me just say she was very upset and crying when I left. It’s a damn mess, Alan. I should have never crossed the line. I should never have given in to my feelings.”

“You’re still angry.”

“Damn straight. I’m angry at her. I’m angry at myself. I took something from her that she can never get back. She had obviously been saving herself for the love of her life and here I come and take her virginity away.”

Alan looked pointedly at Evan. “The way I see it, it was hers to give. She happened to choose to give it to you.”

Evan nodded thoughtfully. The thought had crossed his mind. Why after all these years of remaining a virgin had she suddenly decided to give her virginity to him?

“It was something she shouldn’t have done. She should have saved it for the love of her life, the man she wants to marry if she’s waited this long. She shouldn’t have settled for me.”

“Maybe you are the love of her life, Evan. Have you thought about that?”

Evan’s heart felt like it skipped a beat. No, he wanted to scream. “I don’t want to be the love of her life,” he bit out angrily. “I don’t want that responsibility hanging around my neck like a noose. I don’t want to feel obligated to her for the rest of her life.

“Then what were your intentions when you had, uh, relations with her? You knew Charlie had lived a sheltered life, still does pretty much. You knew she didn’t sleep around or have one-night stands. She’s always had relationships, Evan.”

Evan rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, irritated with himself and his lack of foresight. Normally he was such a methodical person. “I know, Alan. I know. She has me so tied in knots I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. The way I feel about her is very different compared to other women. I can’t even think straight.”

Alan smiled. “First of all, you know as well as I do everything would not have been ok. You’d still be panting after her like a hound after a scent. And second of all, I don’t see why you expected her to tell you in the first place. From what I know of Charlie, she doesn’t talk about those kinds of things. Anything remotely risqué makes her blush. Her virginity was hers to give, and she chose to give it to you. It wasn’t your choice; it was hers. So, what do you plan on doing now?”

“I want to rectify things between us.”

“How are you going to do that?”

Evan shrugged his shoulders, totally at a loss. Before now he’d never cared enough about a woman to make amends. “Maybe I’ll give her a call in a few days.”

Alan shook his head. “Listen, I’ve been married for almost five years. That’s not going to do it. Believe me I know. When women know they’ve been wronged they make your life miserable until you make amends.”

“How do you make amends?”

Alan chuckled. “That’s the tricky part. Each woman is different as well as each situation. Sometimes a simple phone call will work or a box of chocolates, maybe even an arrangement of flowers. Every woman, every situation is different. You’ve got to figure it out.”

****

“Today is such a beautiful day, isn’t it Charlie?”

Charlie gave her friend Amy a half smile though her heart was frowning. They were sitting at a restaurant waiting to be served. “It is. The weather is lovely.”

“I’m glad you came shopping with me to help find a dress to wear to Chrissie’s wedding. You know how to pick such classy outfits. There’s no telling what I would have bought if you would have let me shop alone.”

“There’s no telling, Amy.” Her sense of dress was gaudy – and that was putting it mildly. “When is Chrissie getting married?”

“In two weeks. Mom is so excited that her only niece is getting married. She says she has to take advantage of this one because I’ll never have a wedding.”

“Then why are you living with him? Living with someone is like being married. If you couldn’t put up with him enough to marry him, why do you put up with him now?”

Charlie shook her head, embarrassed to be revealing this whole mess. She was an educated, professional woman, but when it came to sex she was completely ignorant.

“I mean we had sex.”

Amy sat back in her chair and whistled.

Charlie looked around, glad to see the restaurant was virtually empty and the patrons who were there were several tables away. Too far to hear what they were saying. She would die of embarrassment if someone overheard this conversation.