What the Lightning Sees: Part Three (15 page)

“Champagne, as requested,” Ash said as she pulled out a bottle from her bag and set it on my kitchen counter.

“You’re one in a million. There aren’t many girlfriends who would turn up on short notice on a Monday night with a bottle of champagne just because they were asked.”

“What can I say? I always do as I’m told. Anyway, what’s going on? I take it there is a reason I’m here with posh booze and you’ve just not told me.”

“Let’s wait until Luke arrives. He shouldn’t be long. Are you okay with him being here?”

She playfully pushed my shoulder. “Of course I am. You know I adore that man. I’m just trying to do stuff that doesn’t always involve him. I’m creating a little space for someone else,” she said resolutely.

“Talking of someone else. Have you been playing doctors and nurses with your new love interest?”

Before she could answer, we were interrupted by the sound of Luke crashing through my hallway.

“How are my two favorite girls?” he asked as he appeared in the kitchen doorway. “I brought champagne as requested.”

“So what are we celebrating?” Ash asked.

“Okay, so someone get one of these bottles open,” I said as I reached into the cupboard and pulled out three glasses. “Luke, I want you to keep an open mind about what I’m going to tell you.”

“Oh my God, are you a lesbian?” Ash asked and immediately started laughing. Luke poked her and she squealed.

“Seriously, people,” I said and they both turned their attention from each other to me. “Okay, so
Rallegra
is a good job and everything. And this promotion is a great opportunity.”

Ash nodded as she poured champagne into the three glasses. “Go on,” she said.

“And I don’t want you to think that I’m ungrateful or anything,” I said, looking at Luke. My throat tightened. I really hoped Luke wasn’t angry with me.

“What do you mean ‘ungrateful’?” he asked.

“You know, for everything that you’ve done for me. For giving up your dreams of cooking and going to law school instead. I don’t want to let you down.”

“Haven, what are you talking about? I wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted to be a chef too, but I had to choose. I could earn more money being a lawyer. No dreams were sacrificed.”

“You didn’t want to be a chef?”

“I thought about it, sure. And of course Mum and Dad dying probably meant I took the more conservative choice but, as much as I’d like to be your hero here, I didn’t choose for you. I chose for me.”

I had to steady myself against the counter. Was he serious? I’d carried this guilt around for a decade, pushing myself to make my brother proud, to ensure his sacrifice hadn’t been for nothing.

“What’s going on? You’re freaking me out. What’s happened?” Luke asked.

My heart sped up and my mouth dried. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get the words out. I took a deep breath and smoothed back my hair, twisting it as if I were about to put it into a bun, then I dropped it. “I told Robert I didn’t want the promotion.”

“Oh my God,” Ash said.

“And I resigned,” I said, staring into my champagne glass, butterflies fluttering in my stomach, some of them excitement about my future and some nervousness about the reactions of those I loved.

“Oh my God,” Luke and Ash chorused.

“What happened and why? And are you okay . . .” Ash sounded worried.

“I stopped loving it. I used to be proud to tell people I worked at
Rallegra
. I’m not quite sure if I’m not as proud of it anymore, or if it’s just not important what people think. I just don’t get the same pleasure from saying where I work. And more importantly, they’re not interested in running the kinds of stories that I want to write. I’m not sure they ever were. I kidded myself into thinking I would change things as I got promoted, but that’s never going to happen. If I ever got Robert’s job, I’d have to turn down articles about sexism in the workplace in favor of botched plastic surgery. That’s what the readers want. And I think I’ve decided that I’m not a
Rallegra
reader.”

“I never thought you were,” Luke said.

“Are you mad?” I asked.

“Why would you think I’d be mad?”

“Well, you had a successful sister up until about two hours ago. And I could never have done it if it hadn’t been for you.”

“I couldn’t be more proud of you, Haven,” Luke said. “You are kind and thoughtful and loyal. I don’t give a shit what you do for a living. I want you to be happy. I didn’t make any grand sacrifice when I chose law over cooking. I don’t know how you’ve tricked yourself into believing that. I wanted to make sure you were safe and secure but I wanted to make sure
I
was safe and secure, too. If Mum and Dad hadn’t died, maybe I would have been a chef, but that’s about me, not you. I’m sorry you ever felt any pressure to do anything because of choices I made.”

Tears spilled out of my eyes, a mixture of relief and love. Luke pulled me into a hug.

“I had no idea this is how you felt,” he said. “I just want you to be happy.”

I felt lighter, as if each word he spoke lifted weight from my shoulders and spine.

“We never talk about them,” I said into his sweater.

“
You
never talk about them. Sometimes Ash and I do. I like to remember them and wonder what they would think about how we turned out. I like to think we would have Sunday dinner with them like we do now.”

“But Dad would cook?” I smiled.

“Dad would definitely cook,” he said as he chuckled.

“Do you remember that time your mother served us raw chicken?” Ash asked.

I pulled out of the hug with Luke, but kept my arm around his waist. “How we didn’t all end up in hospital after that, I have no idea,” I said. “Urgh and that weird thing she did with the egg and the fish?”

“She was a terrible cook,” Luke said as he squeezed me.

Ash slid off the counter and raised her glass. “Can I propose a toast? To Mr. and Mrs. Daniels and their two amazing children, who I love more than chocolate. They would be so proud of both of you.”

Luke put his free arm around her and pulled her into him as I stood silently pulling memories into my conscious thoughts.

Luke broke the silence first. “As an older brother, I’m delighted you have decided to make a change in your life, but I do have to ask—do you have a plan?”

I started to laugh. “Not really. I thought I would research some of these Internet news websites.”

“Do you need money?” he asked.

“Thanks, Dad, but I’m okay for now. I have some savings and I’ve got to work a month’s notice. I’m going to see where the wind blows me.”

Ash reached over and placed her hand against my forehead. “Have you got a fever? You always have a plan.”

I shrugged. “I’m trying something new, breaking my rules. This way, I get to decide the future I want, the person I want to be and the person I deserve to be with.”

Jake

“Feeling better?” Beth shouted from the living room as I slipped off my trainers in the hallway. I’d been out for less than an hour and my whole life had changed. My ears rang and I pushed my palms against them trying to get rid of it.

“I’m going to take a shower,” I shouted back and headed to my bedroom.

I turned the water up as hot as it would go. I wanted no trace of Millie in my life. I wanted to burn her from my skin.

As I’d walked home, I’d called Millie’s sister, Lauren. Part of me wondered whether Millie was still pregnant, but telling me she wasn’t because she wanted me out of her life. But Lauren had confirmed that Millie had never been pregnant and it had simply been an attempt to get us back together.

I opened my eyes under the water, wanting every part of me to be renewed and refreshed. It stung and the sensation brought a hint of relief. Eventually, the water ran cold and I climbed out, pulled on some clothes and went to find Beth.

She muted the television and looked up at me expectantly.

“Millie’s not pregnant. Never was. It was all an act to get me to marry her or something.”

Beth turned toward me. “What?”

“I saw her outside a restaurant drinking and smoking, and as you can imagine, I wasn’t very happy about it.”

“Jesus, I knew that girl was up to something, but I just thought she’d got knocked up by a plumber and was trying to make you take responsibility for it.”

“Yeah, well, you told me so.” I hadn’t wanted Millie to be the monster that Beth had seen all along. I didn’t want to have dated someone like that.

“God, I’m sorry, Jake. Are you disappointed?”

I collapsed on the sofa and she sat beside me.

“Maybe a little,” I said. “Not that I would relish having Millie around for the rest of my life but . . .”

“You thought you were going to be a dad.”

My chest tightened.

“I’m not sure I’d completely let myself believe that the child was mine, but yeah, I thought I was going to have a . . .” I’d pictured my future as a father, in a new apartment with Haven. Now what was I left with?

Beth shuffled closer and put her arm around me. I concentrated on my breathing.

“I’m sorry, is this painful for you, talking about this?” I asked. Beth’s lost baby had been real. Mine just felt that way.

Beth shook her head. “Not at all. The stuff with Louis happened a long time ago and you can’t compare them. Maybe it’s a terrible thing to say, but that loss provided me with a different future—one I’m starting to enjoy. Maybe you’ll feel the same when you’ve had time to digest things. Millie really isn’t the woman you should have as the mother of your children.”

I nodded. That was for sure.

“You think I’d have done okay as a dad?” I asked.

“I think you’ll be a wonderful father. Maybe it’s time to ask yourself who you
want
to be the mother of your children. You need someone who will be just as good a mother as you will be a father.”

I closed my eyes. All I could see was Haven.

“Fucking A,” I shouted as the results started to trickle in. Eric had been building and testing the simulation model for weeks now, and although initial testing had been positive and in line with the initial model, this was judgment day. We had been able to plug in much more data now, so it was really going to show us whether we were on the right track. Everything about Elemental Energy was going great.