What the Lightning Sees: Part Three (11 page)

“But I’m great at house hunting,” Millie said, trying to convince me to take her to a second viewing that Beth had arranged that afternoon for one of the apartments that I’d seen a few weeks before. With Beth’s exams finished, she’d thrown herself into finding us a new place to live now that I’d finally agreed it was time to move.

“I’m going with Beth,” I replied. When I’d told Millie that Haven and I had broken up she hadn’t tried very hard to hide her glee. She dressed it up in concern, but I could tell she was delighted. I suppose it was better for her. Even though we weren’t together, Millie was increasingly demanding, asking me to pick up shopping and medication for her, and now that Haven wasn’t in the picture, there seemed to be less of a reason to resist.

“But I could see what would work for the baby. If there are danger zones and things.”

I sighed, wondering which was the lesser of two evils: Millie’s whining or Beth’s temper if I dared to bring Millie along.

Beth won. “No, Millie. Stop.” The thought of seeing her in that last apartment that Haven and I had seen together was just wrong. Haven owned that space.

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

I must have really snapped at her if she was apologizing. My stomach churned with guilt.

“We’re friends, right, Jake?”

“Of course, I didn’t mean to snap at you—” I pushed my hands through my hair.

“So friends can have dinner. Let me take you out, as a friend, and maybe I can get a smile out of you,” Millie continued.

I sighed. I didn’t have the energy to say no. “Okay. We can go around the corner for a quick, early supper.”

Millie’s face lit up and she smiled widely at me.

“I need to go,” I said. “I’ll see you here at seven. Be ready.”

“I like it,” Beth said.

I liked the apartment, too. The first time I’d seen it had been with Haven. I could still see her face as she walked from room to room, open-mouthed. She looked good in this place. It was comforting that she’d seen it and liked it. If I ended up living here, I would feel as if a part of her was always with me.

“By the grin on your face, it seems like you like it, too,” Beth said, snapping me out of my thoughts of Haven.

“It’s big,” I said.

“It is. The views are amazing . . .”

“And you don’t think I’d be better off in a house, a bit further out, rather than an apartment?”

“No. I think you’ve got great outside space here. A house takes maintenance, and if you want that, you can buy a proper country place. If you’re in the city, live with all the conveniences.” Beth was right, as usual. And I needed to be close to Millie and the baby.

“And you like your room?” I asked.

Beth’s chest rose as she took in a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking,”

“Careful, you might strain something.”

She gave me a hard stare. “I’ve been thinking,” she repeated, “that I might get my own place.”

My stomach dropped away from me. It was the last thing I was expecting her to say. We’d lived together for years.

“You want to move out?”

“I think it’s time. I dealt with so much stuff when I went back to Chicago. I’m so much stronger. I think I need to try to be independent. A bit.”

“You’ll still be nearby?”

She nodded, and her eyes danced as if it were Christmas, and we were kids. She was excited and it was so good to see. “I thought maybe I could rent somewhere for a while, close by, and then see.”

“I hate to interrupt,” my realtor said. “I couldn’t help but overhear. I don’t know what your budget is, but I have a lovely one-bedroom place in this building. I could show you that now, if you’d like to see it?”

Beth looked at me and smiled. I grinned back. This could be the perfect solution.

“It’s twelve hundred square feet, so considerably smaller than the penthouse that we’ve just seen, but that’s reflected in the price,” Debbie said as we walked into the open plan living and dining area.

“It’s a lot of money,” Beth whispered.

“But you have enough, and if you need more then you can have that, too.”

“Of course I don’t need more. You’ve been more than generous. I’ve never felt that the money’s really mine, Jake. It’s yours.”

When I’d sold Energy Trade, I’d given Beth a chunk of money that she wouldn’t touch other than to pay her college tuition. My dad had point-blank refused to take anything, so the fact that the money sat in an account with Beth’s name on it had felt like a victory at the time. I wanted her to use it.

“Can we not do this again? I want you to have that money. I have plenty. And buying this place would be a smart investment for you. The money’s not doing much sitting in the bank. Spend it, or invest it.”

“You think?” She looked up at me expectantly.

“I really do.”

“Does it suit me? Do I seem like I belong here?” she asked.

“I think that you belong anywhere you want to. We both need to move on and move up. An apartment is just the people that live in it.” I wasn’t sure if moving in here was moving on, it was more like a way of hanging on to something that had never belonged to me—my future with Haven.

“It wouldn’t bother you having your little sister living in the same building?” Beth asked.

“I think it would be perfect. I’ll have a built-in babysitter.”

She punched me on the arm. “You won’t need one. When are you going to realize that I’m always right? But it would be good, wouldn’t it?” She grinned.

I was sold. The realtor was about to make a killing from the pair of us.

Haven

“It’s Saturday night. We
have
to go out,” Ash whined.

“I’m not stopping you,” I replied.

“You totally are. You’re my only friend. I can’t go out on my own.”

I rolled my eyes. Ash only wanted to get me out talking to other men to take my mind off Jake. It had been nearly two weeks since I’d last seen him. All the books I was reading and songs I was listening to were telling me how it would get better in time, but each day seemed more painful than the last. I knew I’d made the right decision. He was free to spend as much time with Millie as he really, truly, in his heart wanted to. He didn’t have to think about how jealous it was going to make his girlfriend. He could fly to Chicago and see his father, he could concentrate on his new business. But that didn’t mean it didn’t feel like a red-hot poker in my stomach all day, every day. Scared of completely falling apart, I did my best to keep my longing for Jake hidden, zipped up inside me. If no one else saw the effect on me without him, then maybe the feelings within me would just disappear.

“Jesus, your fridge is barren apart from ketchup. When was the last time you ate?” Ash called from the kitchen. I didn’t respond. Food hadn’t exactly been the top of my priority list. “Not even any ice cream. That’s it, there’s no way we can stay in.” I heard the freezer door slam shut and Ash pad back into the living room. “You keep telling me how you made the right decision about Jake, but I don’t think even you believe it.” She started gathering up empty glasses and mugs from where they were scattered about, carrying them back into the kitchen.

“I do. I didn’t say it wasn’t going to hurt, though.”

“Well, going out, even if it’s just for a drink, will help distract you. You might start to function like a normal person again.”

The only person more stubborn than me was Ash. She wasn’t going to take no for an answer. And she was right. I had to accept Jake was gone, and at least act as if I had started to move on. “Okay, an hour. And as long as you don’t want me to do anything to my hair. I’m either putting it up or leaving it like this,” I bargained. I knew my hair could do with a wash, but even the simplest of things seemed to take all my energy. My laundry was piling up and I hadn’t changed my bed linens since Jake left. At first it had been because I could still smell him on my pillow, but now the thought of the sheer effort that was required to put clean sheets on the bed filled me with horror.

“Two hours and can you put some dry shampoo through it?”

“Not a minute past two hours? And fuck off with your dry shampoo.”

“Do a shot of tequila with me before we go out, I will no longer care about your hair. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Jake

I arrived at exactly seven o’clock. I expected Millie to be still getting ready, but she answered the door with her coat on.

“You ready?” I asked.

“Don’t I look ready?” she asked, tilting her shoulder up slightly, and glancing at me from under her lashes.

“You look lovely.” She did. She always looked beautiful. It was just difficult to see it through the rest of her crap.

“Thank you. You look very handsome, too. But you always do, Harry.”

I smiled and led her out of her apartment. “I brought the car, but we can walk to Italian, I think,” I said.

“Actually, I booked us something in Soho.”

“Millie . . .”

“What? I’m treating you, remember? I want to take you somewhere nice.” She grinned at me.