What to Expect the First Year (95 page)

“Our baby, who was sleeping through the night, has now started waking from teething pain. We don't want to let her cry, but we also don't want to encourage her waking. What should we do?”

There are plenty of 9-month-olds who are all gums—and there are even a few who finish their first year without a single tooth to help them bite into their birthday cake. Though the average baby cuts a first tooth at 7 months, the range is from 2 months (occasionally earlier) to 12 (sometimes later). Late teething is usually hereditary and is no reflection on your baby's development—though you can probably expect the second round of teeth to come in later, too. Eventually, the tooth fairy comes to visit every baby, so enjoy these yummy gummy grins while you can.

By the way, being toothless doesn't interfere with a baby's ability to move on to chunkier foods. First teeth are for biting down on food, not for chewing. Until molars make their appearance midway through the second year, your little one will use his gums for mashing up food—and it's the same process for toothed and toothless babies.

And here's another bit of tooth trivia (and another example of the “every baby is different” rule). After the first pair (usually the bottom, but occasionally the top) poke through, other pearlies may pop up relatively quickly (within weeks), or there may be a lull in teething that lasts months. That's normal, too—and no reflection on your baby's development.

“Our baby is almost 9 months old and still doesn't have a single tooth. What could be holding up his teething?”

It's true: Babies don't need a lot of encouragement to start (or restart) a night-waking habit. A few nights of waking here, a few nights there—and bingo, sleeping through the night is just a distant dream. And that's what often happens when teething pain triggers night waking—the pain ends, the waking continues.

How to break the cycle before it gains momentum and you lose sleep? Offer comfort, by all means, but try to avoid starting a comfort habit that you'd prefer not to keep up indefinitely (say, feeding baby or bringing her into bed with you). Instead, keep comfort short, sweet, and not too addictive: a little patting, a soft lullaby, a teething ring, a quiet “It's okay, it's okay” until she begins to drift off again. Pretty soon, she'll relearn falling back to sleep on her own when she wakes during the night, and all of you will get a better night's sleep.

If she seems to be in a lot of teething-related pain at night, ask her doctor about giving her a dose of baby acetaminophen or ibuprofen before she goes to bed (also ask before applying numbing gel or giving homeopathic teething tablets;
click here
for more teething tips). And check in with the doctor, too, if there seem to be any signs of illness—an ear infection, for example—that can get worse at night.

If your baby seems to be waking for reasons other than teething pain and you're wondering why she's suddenly regressing when it comes to sleep,
click here
.

“Our baby just learned to pull up. He seems to love it for a few minutes but then starts screaming. Could standing be hurting him?”

Now that he's figured out how to pull up, your baby may have a leg up—make that two legs up—on two-footed mobility. Exciting, until he realizes—as he does after just a few minutes—that he's all pulled up with no place to go, and with no way of getting down. In other words, he's standing stranded—and that's frustrating stuff. Like most babies who've just learned to stand, he's stuck standing until he falls, collapses, or is helped down (cue the screaming). And that's where you come in. As soon as you notice frustration setting in, gently help him down to a sitting position. Slowly does it—so that he can get the idea of how to do it himself, a skill he's likely to master within a few days to a few weeks. In the meantime, expect to spend a lot of time coming to the rescue of your stranded standing sweetie. Calls for help may come (inconveniently) during the middle of the night, too, since many babies are so pumped about pulling up that they start practicing standing while they're supposed to be sleeping (and sometimes even when they're half asleep), leaving them stranded standing in their cribs in the wee hours. As you would during the day, rescue your standing man, tenderly helping him lie back down. Hopefully he'll soon get the hang of plopping back down on his own.

One fun way to practice pulling up and sitting back down is in your lap—especially enjoyable if you turn the practice into a silly game.

“My baby is trying to pull up on everything in the house. She's excited about her accomplishment, but I'm a nervous wreck. How can I make sure that she's safe pulling up?”

First, your baby took in the world from the secure cocoon of your arms. Then, from a variety of other relatively safe venues—infant seat, swing, play yard. Then, on all fours. And finally, from two feet. Endlessly thrilling for her—and endlessly worrisome
for you. Pulling up and (coming soon!) cruising open up a whole new world for your little one, along with a whole lot of risks, from minor tumbles to major furniture toppling.

Her job as a curious almost-toddler is to explore this whole new world. Your job is to make sure she stays safe while she's at it. To help with that, see the tips beginning
here
for the lowdown on childproofing now that your baby's upwardly mobile. And don't forget that your baby's best defense is your vigilance—so make sure supervision is constant, and when it comes to judging her skills (or her lack of judgment), always overestimate.

To prevent slips and trips, be sure that papers, open books, and slippery magazines are not left lying around on the floor and that spills on smooth-surfaced floors are wiped up quickly. And to be sure her feet won't trip her up, keep her barefoot or in skidproof socks or slippers rather than in smooth-soled shoes or slippery socks.

“My baby's arches look totally flat when he stands up. Could he have flat feet?”

In baby feet, flatness (like cuteness) is the rule, not the exception. And it's a rule that you're not likely to find an exception to. There are several reasons: First of all, since young babies don't do much walking, the muscles in their feet haven't been exercised enough to fully develop the arches. Second, a pad of fat fills the arch, making it difficult to discern, particularly in chubby babies. And when babies begin to walk, they stand with feet apart to achieve balance, putting more weight on the arch and giving the foot a flatter appearance.

Chances are that your baby's flat-footed look will slowly diminish over the years, and by the time he's finished growing, his feet will sport a well-formed arch. Around 20 to 30 percent of fully grown feet will end up flat, but that's not something that can be predicted now—or that would be considered a problem later.

“Our baby wants to practice walking all the time, holding on to our hands. Will walking before she's ready to do it on her own hurt her legs?”

Your baby's next step on the road to walking—taking steps while holding on—may be a strain on your backs, but not on her legs. Babies have a knack for knowing when they're ready to take on a new skill—and when they're not ready, they'll let you know (say, by staging a sit-down). If she's happy practicing her steps, her legs are happy, too. Plus, assisted walking allows her legs to flex the same muscles she'll need to walk solo—and if she does it barefoot, she'll be strengthening her feet, as well. Another reassuring FYI: Despite what you might have heard, early walking (assisted or un-) won't cause bowing, a standard characteristic of baby and toddler legs no matter when those first steps are taken.
So as long as your backs hold out, let her walk to her legs' content. Or let her try out a push toy.

A baby who doesn't want to practice walking at this stage, of course, shouldn't be pushed into it. As with other aspects of development, just follow your half-pint-size leader.

“Our baby has begun only recently to sit well by himself, and he hasn't started trying to get around either. Does that mean he'll keep lagging developmentally?”

Maybe you've heard this one before, but maybe (like many parents) you need to hear it over and over again to help you shake those developmental doubts: Every baby is different, and every baby develops different skills at a different pace. Much of the timing for your one-of-a-kind cutie's development comes courtesy of his unique blend of genes, which are programmed with precision to determine when he'll master each skill. Chances are his development hasn't been (and won't be) uniform across the board—most babies are faster in some areas and slower in others. One, for instance, may be speedy with social and language skills (smiling, saying words) but lagging in large motor skills (like pulling up). Another might walk (again, a large motor skill) by 9 months but not finesse a pincer grasp (a fine-motor skill) until after his first birthday. What's more, the rate at which motor skills large or small develop isn't related in any way to intelligence. Some brainy babies sit early, some sit late.

While nature holds most of the developmental cards, nurture (and circumstances) can stand in the way of skills. That's definitely true of sitting: If your baby spent a lot of time on his back, buckled into an infant seat, or snuggled in a sling, he may not have had much of a chance to figure out how to get himself into a sitting position, and that could have slowed him down. Weight can also weigh on certain skills—a roly-poly baby may find rolling over more challenging than a lightweight one, while a baby on solid stems may find stability on two feet sooner than one on spindly legs.

As long as development falls within the wide range considered normal and progresses from one step to the next, doing even most things later than other little ones is not usually a matter for concern. When a baby routinely reaches developmental milestones late, however, it's smart to check in with the doctor.