What to Expect the First Year (92 page)

“When we bought our play yard a couple of months ago, our baby just couldn't seem to get enough time in it. Now she screams to get out after only 5 minutes.”

As your baby has grown, so has her perspective from inside the play yard. A couple of months ago, the play yard was vast and endlessly entertaining—her own personal amusement park. Now she's beginning to realize that there's a whole world—or at least a family room—out there, and she's game to take it on. The four mesh walls that once enclosed her paradise are now her barriers to freedom, keeping her on the inside looking out.

So don't fence her in. Take your baby's hint and start using the play yard sparingly and only as needed—for instance, when you need her penned up for her own safety while you mop the kitchen floor, put something in the oven, or pick up her toys (though be sure not to leave her unattended in the play yard—she should always be in your view). Limit her time to no more than 10 to 20 minutes at a stretch, which is about as long as an active 7-or 8- month-old will tolerate it anyway—or should be expected to. Rotate her stock of toys frequently so she won't become bored too soon, especially if she's outgrown any toy accessories the yard came with. Just keep large toys out, since an extremely agile and resourceful baby may be able to use them to climb to freedom. Also avoid hanging toys across the top of the play yard.

If she protests before she's done her time, try giving her some novel playthings—a metal bowl and a wooden spoon, perhaps, or a clean, empty plastic bottle or two (without the cap)—anything she doesn't usually play with in this setting. If that doesn't work, parole her as soon as you reasonably can.

“My son could stay in the play yard all day if I let him, but I'm not sure I should.”

Some easygoing babies seem perfectly content to be cooped up in the play yard, even late into the first year—and it's fine for your little guy to play in one place, to a point. It's also important for him to see the world from a different perspective than he can spy from the confines of his four mesh walls, and to flex the muscles that will eventually allow him to explore that world on all fours, then two feet. So even if he's not actively demanding his freedom, let him free on the floor in between play yard stays. If he's hesitant at first, help him
transition to those wide-open spaces by sitting with him. Set him up with a few favorite toys, or cheer on his attempts at crawling. Gradually, help him adjust to more floor time, less yard time.

“I've noticed that my baby picks up and reaches for toys with either hand. Should I try to encourage him to use his right?”

It's common for babies to appear ambidextrous, freely alternating between hands until they decide which is more … handy. In fact, babies usually don't start playing hand favorites until about 18 months at the earliest, and most don't settle on one until at least the second birthday—though some kids keep their parents guessing for several years beyond that.

Statistically speaking, your baby (and 90 percent of his baby buddies) will probably end up preferring the right hand—only 5 to 10 percent of people are lefties. A lot has to do with genetics—when both parents are lefties, there's more than a 50 percent chance their children will also be left-handed. When just one parent is left-handed, the chance of a child being left-handed drops to about 17 percent, and when neither parent is left-handed, it's down to 2 percent.

Wondering if you should try nudging your little one to use one hand over the other? Hands off. Since it's nature, not nurture, at work here, nothing you do would work anyway. Research suggests that pushing a child to use the hand he's not genetically programmed to use can lead to problems later with hand-eye coordination and dexterity. (Have you ever tried to write with the “wrong” hand? Imagine how tough it would be if you had to use that hand consistently.) Time will tell whether you've got yourself a righty or a lefty on your hands—all you need to do is sit back and watch nature take its course.

If your baby strongly favors one hand over the other before he turns 18 months, let the doctor know. In rare cases, such an early and consistent preference can signal a neurological problem.

“I'd like my daughter to be a reader, like I am. Is it too early to start reading to her?”

It's never too early to start raising a reader—even though your baby may be more wiggle worm than bookworm at first, or do more chewing on the corners of books than looking at their pages. But soon enough she'll begin to pay attention to the words as you read them (first to the rhythm and sounds of the words, later to their meanings) and to the illustrations (enjoying the colors and patterns at first and later relating the pictures to known objects). And before you know it, your baby will look forward to storytime as much as you do. Here's how you can nurture a love of reading:

Storytime will become everyone's favorite time.

Be a reading role model.
Are you hooked on books? Not surprisingly, readers are more likely to raise readers (much as TV watching tends to run in the family). So let your baby catch you with your nose behind a book or e-reader often—or at least, as often as you realistically can. Steal a moment or two while your little one's playing to read a few pages—reading out loud can help make the connection even stronger. Keep books around the house, and point out often, “This is Daddy's book” or “Mommy loves to read books.”

Learn to read baby-style.
When reading to a baby, style (tempo, tone, inflection) matters even more than the words do. So go slowly, but go to town with your delivery—with the lilting singsong voice babies lap up and exaggerated emphasis in the right places. Stop at each page to point out what's going on in the pictures (“Look at the little boy sitting on the hill,” or “See the puppy playing?”) or to show her animals or
people (“That's a cow—a cow says ‘moo'” or “There's a baby in a crib—the baby's going night-night”).

Make reading a habit.
Build reading into baby's daily routine, doing a few minutes at least twice a day, when she's alert and when she's already been fed. Before naptime, after lunch, after bath, and before bed are all good reading times. But keep to the schedule only if baby's receptive—don't push a book on her when she's in the mood to practice crawling or make music with two pot covers. Reading should be fun—never a drag.

Keep the library open.
Store destructible books on a high shelf for parent-supervised reading sessions, but keep a small (to prevent baby from being overwhelmed) rotating (to prevent baby from becoming bored) library of babyproof books where she can reach and enjoy them. Sometimes a baby who resists being sat down for a reading session with mommy or daddy will be happy to “read” to herself, turning pages and looking at pictures at her own pace. Ditto for e-readers. Allow her the supervised opportunity every so often to look at electronic books, many of which are interactive.

No doubt you've heard about the flashy educational toys sure to boost your baby's brain development and send those fine motor skills soaring off the charts. The apps that'll have your 7-month-old channeling Einstein and Mozart (not to mention reading on a fourth-grade level by age 2). The classes practically guaranteed to turn out a pint-size prodigy. And now you're wondering: Should I be buying (and signing my child up for) these whiz-baby products and services?

You may want to read this first. Though it might be possible—and let's face it, even a little satisfying—to teach an infant a wide variety of skills (including how to recognize words) long before they are ordinarily learned, the majority of experts agree that there's no evidence that intense early learning actually provides a long-term advantage over a more traditional timetable of learning patterns. In fact, studies show that so-called reading programs for babies don't teach babies how to read at all.

Interestingly, early learning programs touted to beef up brainpower and speed language development may have a very different effect. Research has shown that infants fed a steady diet of educational videos, computer programs, and apps actually know fewer words than those who have less screen time—probably because excessive screen time preempts valuable one-on-one time with mom and dad, which is when babies do their best language learning.

In other words, your baby should be spending his or her first year being a baby, not a student. And babyhood comes with quite a course load of its own—not just intellectual but emotional, physical, and social as well. During these exciting 12 months, babies have to learn to build attachments to
others (to mommy, daddy, siblings, babysitters), to trust (“When I'm in trouble, I can depend on Mommy or Daddy to help me”), and to grasp the concept of object permanence (“When Daddy hides behind the chair, he's still there, even though I don't see him”). They need to learn to use their bodies (to sit, stand, walk), their hands (to pick up and drop, as well as to manipulate), and their minds (solving problems such as how-to-get-that-truck-from-the-shelf-I-can't-reach). They'll need to learn the meanings of hundreds of words and, eventually, how to reproduce them using a complicated combination of voice box, lips, and tongue. And they'll need to learn something about feelings—first their own, then those of others. With so many lessons lined up already, it's likely that academic add-ons might overload baby's circuits, maybe even leaving some of these important areas of learning (including those critical emotional and social ones) to lag.

How do you make sure you're fully nurturing all the many amazing sides of your baby's development, so he or she can reach that personal best at a rate that's personally appropriate? Not necessarily by signing up for classes or ordering online educational programs, but by standing by to offer plenty of encouragement and support as your baby tackles the ordinary (but extraordinary!) tasks of infancy. By nurturing baby's natural curiosity about the big world at large (whether it's a dust ball on the floor or a cloud in the sky). By providing a stimulating variety of settings to soak up (stores, zoos, museums, gas stations, parks). By talking about people you see (“That man is riding a bicycle,” “Those children are going to school,” “That woman is a police officer who can help us”), and by describing how things work (“See, I turn on the faucet and water comes out”), what they are used for (“This is a chair. You sit in a chair”), and how they differ (“The kitty cat has a long tail and the pig has a little curly one”). Offering your baby an environment that's language rich (by spending plenty of time talking, singing songs, and reading books) will boost language skills immeasurably—but keep in mind that it's more important for your baby to know that a dog says “woof,” can bite and lick, has four legs, and has fur all over than to be able to recognize that the letters d-o-g spell dog.

If your baby does show an interest in words, letters, or numbers, by all means nurture that interest. But don't pass on the playground so you and baby can spend all your time with a pile of flashcards (or a tablet's worth of apps). Learning—whether it's how to recognize a letter or how to throw a ball, two things your baby can learn just as easily and probably more effectively on a playground as in a class setting—should be fun. And at this tender age, learning should come from doing, which is always how little ones learn best.