Whatever the Cost (23 page)

Wishing he could see Liam better, that there was more light, Jacen debates lunging for the nearest lamp and grunts, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“But I thought you’d want to, with me.”

“Oh I do. I mean, if you’d rather....”

Cupping the back of Liam’s head to keep him close, his lips right there, warm, full and soft, and a small but noticeable amount of trepidation in his eyes, Jacen drinks him in as his other hand cups under Liam’s ass, the fingertips slipping up between his cheeks. A shiver races through Liam’s body. Jacen feels it and senses Liam’s nervous energy. It’s taking a lot for Liam to give Jacen this much, and freely. It’s as much as he can give right now, and Jacen feels honored to receive it, and him.

Liam’s lips drag back over the scruff covering Jacen’s jawline, the rough texture tickling. His small, sharp inhales are soft but audible.

Jacen slips the tip of one finger in up to the first knuckle after tracing around Liam’s tightly clenched opening. He parts easily enough with gentle pressure. The hot, soft grip of him around Jacen’s finger brings out Jacen’s animalistic need. Everything in Jacen tells him to push and get farther inside Liam, to pull him open and thrust inside and move, right there. Holding back with marked effort, he feels Liam shiver again as the finger slides slowly deeper. Liam’s fingers claw at Jacen, gripping on to him to remain steady as Jacen enters him.

Gradually, gently, Liam begins to rock, rearing up, and when Jacen just chases after him, moaning quietly as Liam pushes down onto the invading digit.

Kissing the side of Liam’s neck, back by his ear, Jacen groans, “God, you’re so tight.”

Clenching up at the words, Liam seals his lips to hold in a louder, swallowed moan. The grips he has on Jacen’s back and shoulder are almost painful in their intensity but Jacen bears it with no problem or complaint. Liam battles his way through his own fears, letting it happen, letting Jacen take what he wants without the buffer of a character or charade to hide behind. Bad things have always happened to him when he’s let a loved one in too deeply: hearts get broken, lives are ruined, and happiness is obliterated. Liam tries to trust while hoping it doesn’t destroy him in the process. It helps that he’s technically on top, and could get away if he needs to. That small detail is the only thing staying him. After committing to Jacen so completely, to their shared future together after so brief a ‘courtship’, if you could even call it that, Liam needs to preserve something for himself, just for now, but for fear of what, he doesn’t even know.

“If you aren’t ready for this, I understand,” Jacen tells him. The sadness exuding from Liam is palpable. “You wanna be in charge? I’m okay with that if it makes it easier.”

“I’m sorry,” Liam hisses.

“Hey. You don’t ever have to be sorry with me. Just be honest. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Tell me what to do, boss.”

He can feel Liam smile against his cheek. “Add another one.”

“Yes, sir.”

Liam chuckles but it breaks apart with the burn of the stretch. He surges up, pulling almost all the way off and away, and this time Jacen lets him.

“Wanna stop?”

“No,” Liam says, shaking his head, sinking back down, and taking Jacen in. Staring at Jacen’s earlobe, his shaggy brown hair tucked behind it, Liam anchors himself to reality. “It’s okay. I’m okay,” he repeats to himself.

Gripping his jaw with strong, gentle pressure, Jacen guides Liam’s head back a few inches, just enough to see him as Liam moves in a shallow rocking, dipping rhythm, riding his two fingers. Not a word is said, but Jacen asks clearly enough with his eyes.

Liam replies, somewhat breathlessly, “This’d be so much easier if you didn’t give a shit about me.”

“You don’t have to be anything but you. You don’t have to be perfect, or a fantasy. You’re allowed to fuck up, or be scared. There aren’t any rules here, Lee.”

“Just kiss me,” Liam asks.

Nodding, Jacen leans in as Liam does. They meet in the middle. Eyes closed, tasting each other, lips and tongues sliding together, their closeness helps dull the edges of things. In a sense they stop being separate beings, Liam and Jacen, and meld into something else, some other creature with two parts, symbiotic.

Liam’s movements gain in strength and depth. Scissoring his fingers apart, stroking and twisting, Jacen worships Liam’s body with each touch, each kiss. Rolling his hips back, Liam thrusts forward, right against Jacen’s straining cock. Their flesh rubs, dragging together. Gasping, clutching at each other, it happens again. Liam thrusts up against Jacen, savoring the way it makes Jacen try to buck and pulse. Reaching down between their bodies, Liam wraps them both in a hand and tugs.

Jacen grunts. When Liam does it a third time, a fourth, Jacen tries and fails to rut up against Liam’s silky, steely shaft with Liam’s weight holding him down. It continues a little longer, but quickly Jacen is trembling, breathing hard, ready to come.

Liam decides for them, wanting to feel Jacen buried deeply when he climaxes, so he lets him go. Intending to ask Jacen to pull out, the plan changes when Liam gets up on his knees. Jacen strokes in and out of his clenched heat, the lube making it slick and easy. Remembering his old secret fantasy from before any of this happened, before
Claudia
happened, of having Jacen’s fingers stretching him out instead of what Liam is used to doing the job—a cold, hard toy—Liam starts to really get off on it. It’s empowering that it’s Liam provoking Jacen’s soft moans, and in that moment there is nothing better than the bending, changing push and tug of the long, thick fingers penetrating him, coaxing his sphincter loose so that Jacen can stuff it full of his fattened cock and fuck Liam’s ass to orgasm.

Liam’s cries grow slightly louder, sharpening. He exhales shakily against Jacen’s sweat-dampened skin.

“Feels good?”

The answer Jacen gets is a whimper. Liam is perfectly still, unmoving, kneeling astride Jacen’s lap, letting Jacen fingerfuck him without any help or guidance. Snapping his wrist, Jacen thrusts deep, up to the hilt, then slowly rubs his way out over the velvety soft tissue of Liam’s rectum, tugging out completely through his rim only to rub around it, teasing him for a long second before pushing back inside, sighing as he reclaims the place he most wants to be.

“Liam....”

Unthinking, just reacting, Liam grabs his aching cock, jacking himself off. Breath labored, shuddering with desperate need as Jacen caresses over Liam’s body, simply touching him, not for any selfish reason other than to give Liam pleasure and because he cares. He cares about
Liam
, not his body, not what Liam can do to him or what Liam can take from him. It’s more than that. It’s everything that counts. It’s everything Liam has, until that moment, not realized he has been missing.

Exhaling sharply at the sweet sounds of Liam’s rapidly approaching climax, Jacen kisses him searchingly, tasting Liam’s desire, his frantic lust.

With Jacen’s fingers playing in his ass, Liam comes with a small cry, painting Jacen’s chest with his spend.

Before Liam has even begun to come down, Jacen frees his hand, palms a rubber and gets it on without missing a step after years of practice at it. Grabbing hold of Liam by the hips, Jacen adjusts his angle with a tilt of his pelvis, lining up. He draws Liam down onto him, shifting his hands around to pull Liam’s cheeks apart. Once they’re aligned, Liam whimpers again into Jacen’s mouth. Liam’s hand slips over to Jacen’s throat, wrapping a come-smeared palm around it to feel Jacen’s Adam’s apple move as he moans.

A hard grunt is startled out of Liam as Jacen breaches him. After a full week of no sex, his body has begun to recover from some of the abuse it had endured from overuse, tightening back up, so it aches and burns as Jacen stretches Liam wide. Hugged around him, Liam breathes through it, focusing on Jacen, who sounds like he’s trying not to blow his load right there, before he’s even fully seated. Taking some pride in Jacen’s devastated panting and tensed, controlled but sharp thrusts, Liam lets him in, closing his eyes and humming at the possessive pleasure of owning Jacen so intimately for only the second time.

His whole body strung tight, from his arms, his back, his abs, his thighs, even down to his curled toes, Jacen bites back his orgasm, losing his mind from the exquisite snugness of Liam gripping him. Finally, Liam’s body weight pulls him down flush to Jacen’s pelvis. Observing Jacen’s inner battle with a small but pleased grin, Liam only gives him a moment to fight it out with himself before he begins to roll his hips, working himself on Jacen’s cock.

“Oh fuck! Li-Liam! I, I can’t,” Jacen grunts, growling.

Liam’s smile widens. His hands rub up Jacen’s chest, kneading his pecs, tweaking his erect nipples. After only a few tight figure eights, he pulls up and presses down, beginning to slap down against Jacen’s skin, bouncing on his lap.

“God, you
suck
,” Jacen complains. “Lee, I’m gonna—I’m gonna come. You have to slow down.”

Liam chuckles. “Don’t you dare come. I forbid it.”

Jacen growls with frustration, tensed up from head to toe, ready to shoot. Gritting his teeth, he lets Liam torment him a few seconds longer before his raw need wins out. Wrapping Liam with an arm wound around his back, the hand clasping to the nape of Liam’s neck, Jacen guides him forward, crushing their bodies flush together, chest-to-chest, and plants his feet on the bed.

Jacen begins to snap his hips, fucking Liam roughly, pounding up into him and taking him deeply.

A wrenching moan is surprised from Liam, as he plants a hand on the headboard behind Jacen’s head to steady himself, each digging rut of Jacen’s huge cock driving the air from his lungs. Blood surges, as Liam struggles to attain a second erection. Sticking out his ass to meet each push, Liam lets Jacen use him, and gets off on it.

Hands palming Liam’s bottom, Jacen holds him open and keeps him right where he wants him. With only a few more quick slaps of skin on skin, he’s coming with a sharp, thunderous shout, panting and sweating.

“Oh my god. Oh my
god
,” he groans, tingling from head to toe, not wanting to let Liam go.

The room steadies once more. Their breathing evens out. Jacen can feel Liam’s dick nudging him, the hard line of it. But Liam is quiet, almost too quiet. A small, secret voice in the recesses of Jacen’s mind suggests that Liam is probably waiting for his chance to take off, to sneak away to the bathroom, maybe purely from habit, and an instinct of self-preservation.

But Jacen doesn’t want to let him go. Closing Liam up in a gentle, complete embrace, pressing kisses in a line to his neck, Jacen makes it last as long as he can.

“Want me to suck you?” he asks quietly.

Liam’s chest falls as he exhales in a rush. “No, I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

A few minutes later finds Liam locked away in the motel room’s bathroom. The sound of the water running in the shower is loud, drowning out what Jacen suspects might be the soft gasps brought on by Liam’s second release as he masturbates in the shower.

Once Liam has finished cleaning up, they switch places. When Jacen—freshly showered—returns to the bed, Liam is dressed in pajama pants once more. The sheet is drawn up over him, tangled around him. Climbing into bed beside him, Jacen whispers, “You good?”

Liam rolls toward him. He’s smiling. The sight of it lets Jacen breathe easier. Palming his cheek, Jacen smiles back at him. “Yeah. I’m good,” Liam sighs.

Loving Liam so much in that moment that he’s unable to speak the words, Jacen is grateful when Liam shifts closer, slipping a hand around Jacen’s waist. They fall asleep like that, safe in each other’s arms.

“Do we tell him about this?” Liam asks, holding up his left hand, the ring finger adorned with a gleaming silver band. “Last chance to say no.”

“It’s Yasha. We can trust him,” Jacen says. He scans the diner’s menu with a baffled expression. “You know there’s seriously every entrée known to man on here. How am I supposed to pick something?”

They have decided to meet Yasha clear across town and far away from their motel, just in case. In case of what, exactly, they don’t even permit themselves to speculate. They just know that it makes them feel better about showing their faces to someone who knows who they really are and how to find them. Jacen and Liam have both been friendly with almost all of the employees of The Company, though some more than others. They are also acquainted with some people who have worked their ten-years, like Yasha, and gotten away free and clear. But without specific knowledge of the closeness between Jacen and Yasha, and the assumption that The Company can’t be tailing everyone all the time, they are consenting to take the risk of meeting Yasha, though they have asked him to double back a few times to ensure he is not followed on the drive.

“If you say so, but this is our lives, Jace. This isn’t a game.”

“I never said it was a game.” Jacen sets the menu down and glances at the other customers around them. No one is paying the pair of men sitting in a booth by the window any attention, so Jacen continues. “He knows everything about me. He’s the only friend we have to depend on, apart from someone you just got in touch with after how many years?”