What's His Passion 1 - Mountains to Climb (2 page)

Toby blinked, not sure if he was horrified that Jensen’s friends had left an injured man alone without knowing for sure how badly wounded he was or by the fact that Jensen didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with that.

“What the fuck kind of friends are they? Who the hell leaves an injured guy at a camp where there are probably bears and shit? If your ankle was bad, you wouldn’t have been able to run away.” Toby couldn’t help but speak up. He wanted to find these so-called friends of Jensen’s and smack them upside the head.

“I had a rifle and people were coming to get me. It was all good.” Jensen’s smile was huge and happiness seemed to ooze out from every pore.

Toby was struck by how different Jensen appeared. Before he’d left, he would’ve been dressed like Toby and the rest of the group. Expensive suits, designer dress shirts, and silk ties worn to show how successful they were and how much money they had. His hair wouldn’t have been so long and he would’ve never shown up anywhere in ripped faded jeans and a torn Henley that had seen better days.

Instead of Italian leather dress shoes, Jensen wore battered boots. Yet even though he looked like he’d been living rough the past six years, there was joy in his hazel eyes that Toby had rarely seen when they were friends. He thought about those rare moments, and he grimaced when he realized most of them had been while they had cuddled together in bed after sex.

Remembering how much he’d enjoyed those times as well brought Toby full circle back to his anger. He took a deep breath and forced a smile on his face. “Well, it was great chatting with you, Brockhoff. I’m glad to see you’re still alive. Don’t be such a stranger and go another six years without calling anyone.”

Toby slapped Simpson on the arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Usual place and time?”

Simpson nodded and Toby left, pretending not to hear Jensen call his name. No. He wasn’t going back there again. He wasn’t going to put his heart on the line only to have Jensen disappear and crush it.

“Don’t go after him, Brockhoff,” Simpson said as Jensen started to chase after Toby.

Whirling around and almost tipping over when he put too much weight on his bad ankle, Jensen glared at Simpson. “Why the hell not? He didn’t give me a chance to talk to him.”

Simpson folded his arms over his chest and smirked. “What the fuck were you going to explain? How
do
you explain why you bailed on him six years ago? What possible excuse do you have to disa-fucking-ppear without a word?”

Jensen shoved his hand through his hair, forgetting that he’d tied it back until his fingers got tangled in the leather thong he’d used. “I sent him an email. Jesus, Simpson. You know why I left. I told you last night when I showed up on your doorstep.”

“I saw that email, asshat, and it didn’t explain anything about you making like Houdini and pulling the vanishing act. Why didn’t you go to Toby’s when you got back in town? Why come to me? It’s not like we were fuck buddies or anything like that. Hell, if I remember it right, you fucking hated my guts.”

He hated the fact that Simpson was right. Jensen had spent a lot of his life hating people for no God-damned reason except for jealousy and envy. Neither emotion served any purpose except to give him an ulcer and make other people hate him as well. He tugged on the ends of his hair.

“I know that, and I’m sorry, Simpson. I don’t think you should forgive me for that or anything, but the world we used to live in didn’t really help build friendships, you know. We were all rivals trying to make the most money with big stock deals and managing hedge funds.”

“Toby and I still live in that world, but you ran away from it. To be honest, I think it takes a lot of fucking courage to give up your penthouse and fancy cars to go grubbing around in the wilderness and all that shit. It’s impressive that you chose to do that.” Simpson sneered. “But you took the fucking coward’s way out by not telling Toby you were leaving. Even calling him the day you took off would’ve been better than what you did.”

Jensen didn’t have an argument for that. Simpson was right, pure and simple.
How could I explain to Toby that I had to get away before I went crazy? How could I tell Toby that he wasn’t enough to keep me from losing myself in the world we lived in?

“No matter what I said, Toby would’ve been hurt, man.” Jensen didn’t want to get into it with Simpson at the bar. Not in front of all the men who used to be his friends, but whom he now had nothing in common with. “I don’t want to talk about it here. I have to go find Toby and see if I can get him to listen to me.”

Simpson studied him before heaving a sigh. “Toby’s moved since you left. I know you won’t stop until you talk to him, though I’m still not entirely convinced it’s a good idea. Let me give you his new address and phone number.”

“How was I supposed to get a hold of him if he changed his number?” Jensen asked as he pulled out his cell to punch in the information.

Rolling his eyes, Simpson said, “He still works at the same company, jackass. You could’ve called him there.”

Okay, so that had been a stupid question. Jensen met Simpson’s gaze. “Thanks for this.”

“If I don’t see you until tomorrow morning when I meet Toby for brunch, I’m going to be questioning Toby’s judgment.”

“You’re not being very supportive about this whole thing. Excuse me if I hope for a different outcome that ends up with me in bed with him.” He started to limp away from the table.

“Oh, Jensen,” Simpson called to him.

When he stopped to glance back, he saw Simpson shooting him a hard glance. “Yeah?”

“Don’t hurt Toby. If you’re only here for a week and want to get your rocks off, find someone else. He’s never recovered from you leaving and it’s going to be harder for you to convince him to let you back in. Don’t make the effort if you’re not going to stick around.”

“Warning heard and understood, Simpson. Are you and Toby dating? Am I stepping into the middle of something?” He held up his hand to ward off Simpson. “If he’s happy, I don’t want to ruin that.”

Simpson burst out laughing. “I’m straight, man. There’s nothing but friendship between Toby and me. I was there when he needed someone to pick him up after you left. Toby hasn’t been really happy for six years, and you coming back only to leave again won’t help him.”

With that last damning sentence ringing in his ears, Jensen left the bar to try to find the man he’d never forgotten. Toby Schwartzel had wormed his way into Jensen’s heart years ago. Not even running away from his high stress job and soul-numbing life had erased what Toby meant to him. In fact, Toby had been the only bright light in the darkening world Jensen had found himself in.

Chapter Two

Jensen’s phone rang and he checked the ID screen to see it was his friend Cat. She was probably calling to check on him. He moved out of the flow of sidewalk traffic to lean against the building.

“Hey, honey, how are you and Jigger doing?”

“I’m doing fine so far. Jigger might not survive another day if he doesn’t quit hovering over me.”

Her strong Boston accent always made him smile.

“Cut him some slack. This is his first baby too, you know. He’s still a little freaked out by the fact that you could’ve been climbing somewhere while pregnant and not even know it. He doesn’t want you or the baby hurt.” Jensen understood where Jigger was coming from. Cat wasn’t his girlfriend, yet he felt very protective of the unborn child she carried. Like he had time invested in the baby already by virtue of all the hours he’d spent with his—or her—parents scaling mountains.

“Yeah whatever.” She dismissed both of their over protectiveness. “So have you talked to him yet?”

He didn’t pretend he didn’t know what she was talking about. “He told me I looked like shit then slapped me on the shoulder like I was an acquaintance and walked out.”

“Harsh. But you knew it wasn’t going to be easy after six years of no contact, Jensen. I’m pretty sure Toby has got a lot of anger and probably built up some walls to keep from being hurt again.”

“Why? Simpson said he had to pour Toby into his bed for an entire week after I left. I guess I just didn’t think he liked me that much. I thought I was the only one into the relationship.” Jensen reached up to rub his chin and almost punched himself in the face with the brace on his wrist. “That’s one of the reasons why I never tried to get a hold of him. At least not very hard. I didn’t think he would miss me.”

Cat sniffed her disgust with him. “You both put time into your friendship and sex life. Why would you think you were more in love than he was? Toby just might not show his emotions. Hell, you never did until you went through rehab. What made you think he was different from you?”

Jensen dropped his gaze to the sidewalk while he kicked his left foot against the brick wall. Not hard enough to hurt. Just enough to jolt him because he knew Cat was right. He didn’t own the monopoly on being a complete emotion eunuch.

“You’re right. Well, I’m heading over to his new place and we’ll see if he’ll even let me in or if he has the police cart my ass out of the building.”

“If he does, you go back tomorrow and the next day and the next, until he listens to you. He needs to know the whole truth, Jensen. Only then will you both be able to move on.” Cat’s day job as a therapist ensured she sounded like she knew what she was talking about.

“What if he moves on and doesn’t want me in his life?” Jensen finally spoke aloud his deepest fear.

“Oh, honey, you’ll survive. It’ll hurt like falling off mountains usually do, but you’ll heal and find another one to climb.” Cat exhaled. “Go and talk to him. Give me a call tomorrow and tell me how it went.”

“Love you. Give my love to Jigger as well.”

“Love you too.” Cat hung up.

Jensen tucked his phone into his jeans pocket before shoving off the wall to walk to the curb. He hailed a cab then gave the driver Toby’s address once he’d settled in the back seat. As the driver wound his way through the traffic, Jensen studied the crowds outside his window until they arrived at their destination.

The noise of vehicles and people had battered against his ears from the moment he’d stepped out of his cab in front of Simpson’s building. It was hard to deal with when he’d spent the last six years of his life avoiding huge cities as much as he could, unless he had to travel through them to get to the mountain he wanted to climb.

His head pounded and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the noise or having slammed his face against rocks. Jensen touched his fingers to his split lip, remembering the fear that had raced through his body as he’d fallen. Yet instead of his life flashing before his eyes, it was Toby’s face he’d seen right before his right side had hit the wall. It was that instant when he’d realized he needed to come back to New York and tie up the loose end he’d left when he’d run away.

Back then he might have been twenty-six and a man, but his life had gotten to the point where he hadn’t been able to handle it anymore. Oh, it wasn’t the money that had flowed like a torrent into his bank account. He’d dealt with the long hours and craziness of his high stress job in the worse way possible. It was how he’d dealt with it that had eventually driven him from the city and into rehab.

At thirty-two, he was returning to where his journey to sobriety had begun, but he’d lost the man he loved while trying to save his own life. Well, Jensen was determined to make things right with Toby, even if he ended up leaving the city alone again.

“We’re here.” The driver pulled the cab to a stop at the curb out in front of a rather upscale building.

Jensen paid him before climbing out. The doorman nodded at him as he walked into the foyer. There was a security guard sitting at a reception desk and Jensen went over to him.

“Who are you here to see?” The guard inspected him.

Jensen knew he was considering tossing Jensen out because of how scruffy he looked. A high-rent place like this didn’t do ripped jeans and faded shirts.

“Toby Schwartzel.” He read his name badge. “Mr Savloski.”

“And you are?” Savloski reached for his phone.

“Jensen Brockhoff.” He stayed relaxed, not wanting to make the guard nervous or anything. It was going to be hard enough to convince Toby to let him come up. No point in annoying Savloski as well.

“Hello, Mr Schwartzel. Sorry to bother you, but there’s a gentleman here to see you.” Savloski paused then said, “Jensen Brockhoff.” His eyebrows shot up, but he handed the phone to Jensen. “He wants to talk to you.”

“Hey, Toby.” Jensen wished he could move away from the desk, not liking the idea of Savloski listening in on their conversation.

“I thought we were done, Jensen. It was nice chatting with you, but I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” Toby’s tone sounded final.

“Please, Toby. Let me up and listen to what I have to say. Once I’m done, if you want me gone, I’ll take off and you’ll never see me again.” Jensen tapped his injured wrist against his thigh. He hoped that Toby’s innate fairness would make him say yes.

There was silence on the other end of the phone, making Jensen worry that Toby had hung up on him, even though he hadn’t heard a click or anything.

“Toby,” he said.

“Oh, for God’s sake, fine. Come on up. If I don’t let you do this, you’ll just stand outside the building waiting for me to leave then follow me around until I let you talk to me. Give the phone back to Savloski.”

“Thank you.” He handed the receiver back to the guard. “He wants to talk to you.”

“Yes, sir?” Eyeing Jensen, he nodded. “All right. I’ll send him up.”

After he hung up, Savloski stood, gesturing for Jensen to follow him. They went to the elevator and Savloski summoned it. When the doors opened, Jensen stepped inside while Savloski slid a card into a slot then punched the number three button.

“Thank you, Mr Savloski.”

Savloski grunted but nodded while moving away. Jensen rode up on the elevator, wondering if he should get ready to take a punch when the doors opened and Toby faced him. He wouldn’t blame him at all. He’d been an idiot all those years ago.