Authors: Chase T. A.
“I wish you would have.” Toby’s voice was soft.
Jensen thought he might have heard a hint of sympathy in his tone.
He gathered his scattered thoughts and said, “I went to my dealer and got a shit ton of bags. I was convinced you weren’t interested in me anymore, so what did it matter if I got high or anything. After getting home, I cooked some of it and shot up. I passed out and lost track of a whole lotta time. I’m lucky I didn’t die. When I came back to myself, I saw the needle still in my arm and fucking panicked. It was as though I’d heard a voice while I was out that told me I had a second chance, but that I needed to leave New York.”
“So you left,” Toby stated.
Jensen nodded. “I caught the first flight I could down to Miami where I checked myself into rehab. It took me over a year to get to the point where I could function without any kind of drug, even prescription ones. I learned to climb because I saw how much peace it gave Cat. After I was released, she became my instructor. We traveled the world and I discovered the best natural high was scaling a mountain, using my own muscles and sweat to get from the bottom to the top.”
Toby smiled at him. “I can tell you love it.”
“Only one thing can compare to what I feel when I’m on a mountain. Making love to you.” Jensen sighed. “I know you probably thinking I’m bullshitting you, but I’m not, Toby. Making love to you was the only time I flew without chemicals.”
Toby slid to his knees and into his arms. Jensen couldn’t believe he wasn’t imagining this whole thing. Toby cradled his face in his soft hands and Jensen nuzzled against his palm.
“I know I should let you finish, Jensen, and I’ll probably regret what I’m about to do, but come to bed with me.” Toby rubbed his thumb over Jensen’s bottom lip. “Let’s see if we can fly again without the drugs. Just you and me, then maybe afterward, you can stay and not sneak out like a thief.”
“I can do that,” Jensen promised, meaning every word. He could stay because he no longer had anything to hide from Toby and he had six years of being gone to make up for.
“Good.” Toby scrambled to his feet, offering his hand to help Jensen up. “Do you need some aspirin for your ankle and wrist?”
He shook his head. They ached a little, but he was used to the low level pain and he didn’t want to risk taking even over-the-counter pills. “I’ll be fine. When we’re done, I’ll just put a pillow under my ankle before we go to sleep. It’ll be all right in the morning.”
“Somehow I don’t believe you.” Toby gave him a narrow-eyed stare. “But I’ll let that pass because I think it might have something to do with pills and your past. I don’t want to get you in trouble.”
“It would be my problem to deal with. Not yours.”
After he stood, he let Toby escort him down a hallway to a set of double doors. He gasped when Toby pushed one open before they entered Toby’s bedroom. While it was a very masculine room with its dark wood furniture and black satin comforter and sheets, there were small touches of bright colors softening the overall appearance. Large throw pillows in yellows, oranges, reds and pinks were scattered on top of the bed. Long rather gauzy curtains hung over the windows.
“Toby, this entire place is beautiful. I can tell you decorated it all on your own. You always had such amazing taste. Well, except when you decided to throw your hat in with mine.” He turned in a slow circle, checking out the paintings on the walls and the books on one small bookshelf.
“A few of my friends thought I was crazy to get involved with you as well, and when you disappeared, you proved all the naysayers right.” Toby began to unbutton his shirt. “Are you going to stand there or are you going to get naked?”
“Getting naked sounds like a great plan to me.” He winked at Toby as he tugged at his Henley.
Toby watched as Jensen maneuvered his shirt off without removing the brace on his wrist. He hissed softly when a faded yellowish-green bruise was revealed running along the right side of Jensen’s chest. After approaching him, he touched one area of the skin softly.
“How long before you could take a deep breath?”
Jensen chuckled. “Just last week when the wraps came off. You wouldn’t think broken ribs would be so much trouble, but it was the second time in a year that I’d damaged them. It was the first injury that got me using again.”
Toby pressed one of his fingers to his mouth. “No more talking about any of that right now. I just want to feel you inside me again. I’ve dreamt about you all these years and I’m going to take advantage of your reappearance.”
He shuddered. Jensen wrapped his lips around his finger then sucked on it. Clamping down on his desire, he smiled at Jensen as he gestured toward Jensen’s jeans.
“Start getting those off then sit on the bed. I’ll help you so you don’t hurt yourself further.”
Toby stripped off the rest of his clothes quickly then crouched in front of Jensen to remove his boots. He made sure to take care not to twist Jensen’s ankle. Once they were both naked, he stripped the covers down to the foot of the bed then supported Jensen as they wiggled and climbed into the middle of the mattress. Toby used pillows to prop Jensen up because he didn’t want Jensen to strain himself in any way.
“Are you feeling all right?”
Jensen grabbed his hand then tugged him down beside him. “I’m fine, Toby. I’ll let you know if anything hurts. I want to hold you.”
He lowered himself into Jensen’s arms, making sure to keep his weight on his left side. Their lips came together and Toby loved how he tasted. Without the alcohol that usually masked Jensen’s flavor, he tasted minty and a little sweet.
The thought of alcohol shot through his mind and he pulled a few inches away. “Is the alcohol on my breath bothering you? Do you want me to go brush my teeth?”
Chuckling, Jensen shook his head. “No. You’re fine, Toby. I’m not going to fall off the wagon just because I kissed you after you had a drink. It’s funny. Alcohol was my first addiction, but it was the easiest for me to control.”
His reassurance was all Toby needed. He dove back in, bringing their mouths together. Jensen slipped one hand to the back of Toby’s head, holding him still while they nibbled and sucked. Toby relearned all the little spots that made Jensen moan, and he groaned. Jensen palmed his ass before flexing his fingers into Toby’s muscle.
“Lie on me properly, honey. You won’t hurt me,” Jensen whispered against his lips.
Shifting cautiously, Toby did as Jensen asked then he shuddered as their cocks rubbed on each other.
“Oh yeah. Just like that.”
They rocked together, causing Toby’s eyes to roll in his head at the heat and hardness of Jensen’s body under his. Jensen had always been muscular, but when he’d lived in New York, the definition had come from spending time in the gym. Toby had a feeling the strength he felt in Jensen’s hands and Jensen himself came from being outside, conquering mountains and Mother Nature.
After pushing away from Jensen’s grip, he slid down to swallow Jensen’s cock, taking it all the way in so that his nose was buried in the curls at the base. He’d relaxed his throat so that Jensen’s head could to hit the back of it. Toby began to bob his head, applying as much suction as he could each time.
“Toby. God, man. You’re driving me crazy. Do you know how many times I’d jack myself off thinking about you doing this? Every damn night. I couldn’t forget about you. I didn’t want to forget. I needed to remember the good things in my life and you were it,” Jensen rambled, his right hand resting on Toby’s head while he scrambled in the sheets to get a hold of something with his left hand.
Pushing his own erection into the mattress, Toby worked Jensen, drinking down the pre-cum leaking from his slit while reaching between Jensen’s thighs to roll his balls in his hand.
“Toby. You have to stop. I’m going to come and I want to come in your ass. It’s been too long,” Jensen pleaded.
He wanted that as well, so Toby eased off then slipped over to the nightstand where he dug through the box on top of it. He pulled out a condom before tossing it at Jensen. After that, he got out the lube he’d stuffed in there that morning.
“Put that on. I’ll get myself ready this time. I don’t want to take too long. I’ve been thinking about you in my ass since I saw you earlier tonight. No matter how many guys I fucked after you left, it’s never been the same.”
Wincing, he told himself to shut up about the other men who’d been in his bed. Jensen didn’t want to hear about all that. But when he glanced over, Jensen was nodding like he agreed.
“I know. I didn’t sleep with a lot of guys. Mostly because I was still trying to get myself back on track and figure myself out, but still I managed to hook up occasionally. None of them were you, you know, so it wasn’t the same.” Jensen struggled to get the foil packet open because his hands were trembling and the brace made it difficult for him as well.
After setting the bottle down, Toby took the rubber from Jensen. He got the condom out. He held it for a second. “Can you roll it on or do you need me to help you with that?” He wasn’t being sarcastic or anything. He’d broken his hand two years ago and had been so frustrated by all the things he suddenly couldn’t do with the cast on.
“I got it.” Jensen flashed him a bright smile. “Thank you.”
He snatched up the slick again, straddling Jensen’s hips. Toby popped the top then poured some on his fingers. Bracing his hand on Jensen’s chest, he reached around to press his fingers into his ass. He wasn’t going to take it slow or careful. Stretching was going to be fast and hard.
“Are you ready?”
Toby looked down to meet Jensen’s gaze, noticing the need blossoming in it. Gasping, he removed his fingers then grasped Jensen’s cock to position it at his opening. Jensen took hold of Toby’s hips, not doing anything except balancing him as he lowered himself.
He bit his lip at the burn as, inch by inch, Jensen filled him. Shivering, Toby relaxed as best he could until Jensen was all the way inside. He froze, letting his inner passage get used to being so full again. He knew it had to be mostly in his mind, he’d never been as full as when it was Jensen fucking him.
Jensen smoothed his hands down Toby’s sides, doing his best to ease Toby in some way. Toby closed his eyes, took a deep breath then began to move. Up and down, slow at first until the slight pain morphed into pleasure and he grunted as the flared head of Jensen’s cock bumped his gland each time.
“Christ! Jensen, I’m going to come.” Toby managed to get it out just before his climax burst over him.
His cum spilled from him, coating Jensen’s stomach. His orgasm tore through him, his muscles clenched around Jensen’s dick over and over again, milking it until finally Jensen gave in and came, flooding the condom and crying out Toby’s name.
Toby’s mind had been wiped of any thought as he collapsed into Jensen’s arms. He didn’t care about the sticky mess between them, wanting only to be held by his lover while his pulse slowed. Burying his face in the curve where Jensen’s shoulder and neck came together, Toby breathed in Jensen’s pine scent.
“You smell like outside,” he muttered, nuzzling along Jensen’s jaw.
“It’s a soap that Cat makes. She says it’s to soothe me when I’m away from the woods and mountains that I love.” Jensen shrugged, which bounced Toby’s head on his chest.
Even though he’d said he didn’t want to discuss anything else for the rest of the night, Toby couldn’t help but ask, “Do you think you could live in the city if you had a chance to go out climbing whenever you wanted?”
Jensen, who had been running his hand up and down Toby’s back, paused in his movements for a second then he started up again. “Think I could probably do that if I had someone who loved me in the city. I’d have to figure out something to do while I wasn’t climbing.”
“What do you do in between your trips?” Toby couldn’t seem to stop asking questions.
“I train and hang out with Cat and Jigger. He’s my Narcotics Anonymous sponsor and he became a close friend. I told you Cat’s a therapist while Jigger used to be a bassist in a big-name rock band, but the drugs were taking their toll. So he quit cold turkey, left the band and headed out to the woods. He got clean.” Jensen sighed. “I’d made a shit-ton of money before I left the city, and it’s still accruing interest. No matter what I do, I couldn’t spend it all in my lifetime.”
Toby snorted and Jensen laughed.
“All right. I probably could make a pretty big dent in it if I went totally crazy, but I figured out once I got away from here that I don’t need a lot of things to make myself happy. I like simple things. I want a man who loves me. That’s a good start. Then maybe add a nice house, a dog, and the ability to travel the world and climb. But I also know I need to have something to do or I could easily fall into my old habits.”
Toby nodded then yawned. The cum between them was drying and starting to itch.
“We should clean up then go to bed. You need to put your ankle up and I’m dead on my feet. I’ve been working fucking crazy hours on this account. I finally got all the buys laid in, so I can take the weekend off.”
Jensen took care of the condom, wrapping it in tissues before tossing it into the wastebasket next to the bed. Toby climbed off the mattress then held out his hand. “I’ll help you to your feet and we’ll shower together.”
Once Jensen was up, Toby couldn’t believe Jensen Brockhoff was standing there in his bedroom, but he wasn’t going to question it at the moment. He’d been well-fucked and was relaxed enough to allow his exhaustion to overwhelm him.
“Whoa,” Jensen said as he caught Toby when he stumbled on his way to the bathroom. “We’ll make that a quick shower then you’re going to bed.”
“What about you? You’re staying the night, right?” Toby gripped Jensen’s arm tightly, not wanting to let go because he was afraid he would disappear before his eyes.
“I have to make a call then I’ll be in. I promise no more leaving without telling you first. You’ll always know where I’m going when I travel anywhere.” Jensen leaned in to place a kiss on Toby’s lips. “I don’t make promises very often anymore, Toby, especially if they’re ones I know I can’t keep. This is my vow to you—I won’t disappear ever again.”