When Harry Met Sally (10 page)

Marie points to a large wagon wheel that's been made into a coffee table with a round plate of glass over it
.

Harry looks at Jess, who's glaring at him
.

HARRY
    It's nice.

JESS
    Case closed.

Jess smiles, victorious

MARIE
    Of course he likes it. He's a guy. Sally?

Sally crinkles up her nose
.

JESS
    What's so awful about it?

MARIE
    It's so awful there's no way even to begin to explain what is so awful about it.

JESS
    Honey, I don't object to any of
your
things.

MARIE
    If we had an extra room, we could put all your things in it, including your bar stools, and …

JESS
    Wait, wait, honey, honey, wait, wait. You don't like my bar stools?

Marie looks at him. Of course she doesn't
like his bar stools
.

Jess turns to Harry for help
.

Harry, we now see, has wandered away and stands by the window and he's staring out like a forlorn figure in a Magritte painting
.

JESS
    Harry, come on.
(beat)
Someone has to be on my side.

No response from Harry
.

MARIE
    I'm on your side. I'm just trying to help you have good taste.

JESS
    I have good taste.

MARIE
    Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor, but they couldn't possibly all.

Harry stands up, looks around the room
.

HARRY
    You know, it's funny—we started out like this, Helen and I. We had blank walls. We hung things. We picked out tiles together. Then you know what happens? Six years later you find yourself singing “Surrey with the Fringe on Top” in front of Ira.

SALLY
    Do we have to talk about this right now?

HARRY
    Yes, I think that right now is actually the perfect time to talk about this, because I want our friends to benefit from the wisdom of my experience.
(he's becoming more and more upset)
Right now everything is great. Everyone is happy. Everyone is in love. And that's wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish.
(he picks up a cracked ashtray)
This eight-dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of “That's mine, this is yours.”

SALLY
    Harry—

HARRY
    
(to Sally)
    Please.
(to Jess and Marie)
Jess, Marie, do me a favor. For your own good.
Put your name in your books
. Right now. Before they get mixed up and you don't know whose is whose. Because someday, believe it or not, you'll go fifteen rounds over who's going to get this coffee table, this stupid wagon-wheel, Roy Rogers, garage-sale coffee table.

JESS
    I thought you liked it.

HARRY
    
(still shouting)
    I was being nice.

Harry slams out the door
.

Sally looks at Jess and Marie
.

SALLY
    He just bumped into Helen.

Sally goes out the door, leaving Jess and Marie
.

MARIE
    I want you to know that I will never want that wagon-wheel coffee table.

CUT TO
:

EXT. JESS AND MARIE'S APARTMENT—DAY
Harry is sitting on the stoop. Sally comes down the steps
.

HARRY
    I know, I know. I shouldn't have done that.

SALLY
    Harry, you're going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have every moment that you have them.

HARRY
    Oh, really.

SALLY
    Yes. There are times and places for things.

HARRY
    Well, the next time you're giving a lecture series in social graces, would you let me know, 'cause I'll sign up.

SALLY
    You don't have to take your anger out on me.

HARRY
    Oh, I think I'm entitled to throw a little anger your way. Especially when I'm being told how to live my life by Miss Hospital Corners.

SALLY
    What is that supposed to mean?

HARRY
    I mean, nothing bothers you. You never get upset about anything.

SALLY
    Don't be ridiculous.

HARRY
    What? You never get upset about Joe. I never
see that back up on you. How is that possible? Don't you experience any feelings of loss?

SALLY
    I don't have to take this crap from you.

Sally storms back to the building. Harry follows
.

HARRY
    If you're so over Joe, why aren't you seeing anyone?

SALLY
    I see people.

HARRY
    See people? Have you slept with
one
person since you broke up with Joe?

SALLY
    What the hell does that have to do with anything? That will prove that I'm over Joe? Because I fuck somebody? Harry, you're going to have to move back to New Jersey because you've slept with everybody in New York, and I don't see that turning Helen into a faint memory for you. Besides, I will make love to someone when it's making love, not the way you do it, like you're out for revenge or something.

HARRY
    Are you finished now?

SALLY
    Yes.

HARRY
    Can I say something?

SALLY
    Yes.

HARRY
    I'm sorry.

He walks over and gives her a hug
.

They walk back up the steps toward the house. Jess passes them, coming down the stairs carrying out the wagon-wheel coffee table
.

JESS
    Don't say a word.

CUT TO
:

INT. JESS AND MARIE
's
APARTMENT—NIGHT
It's all furnished now, very comfortable, not lavish. A corduroy couch, lots of books and records, a couple of quilts hanging over the backs of
chairs. No wagon-wheel coffee table. A game of Win, Lose or Draw is in progress. Sally's team consists of Harry, Alice, and Jess. EMILY, Harry's date, is snuggled up against him. Alice's husband, GARY, Marie, and JULIAN, Sally's date, are part of the other team
.

Sally is feverishly drawing what is supposed to be a baby
.

JESS
    It's a monkey. It's a monkey. Monkey see, monkey do.

Sally shakes her head no and keeps drawing
.

JESS
    (
CONT'D
)    It's an ape. Going ape.

ALICE
    It's a baby.

Sally nods yes
.

JESS
    
Planet of the Apes
.

Sally writes the word “BABY” on the paper. She continues to draw what looks like a big mouth
.

HARRY
    
Planet of the Apes
. She just said it's a baby. How about planet of the dopes?

JESS
    It doesn't look like a baby.

Sally now has drawn what looks like arrows on lines coming out of the mouth
.

HARRY
    It's a big-mouth baby. Mick Jagger as a baby.

JESS
    Baby ape! Baby ape!

ALICE
    Baby's breath.

HARRY
    
(overlap)
    Rosemary's Baby's mouth.

JESS
    “Won't you come home, Bill Baby?”

ALICE
    
(overlap)
    Kiss the baby!

HARRY
    Melancholy Baby's mouth!

JESS
    Baby fish mouth!

JULIAN
    Fifteen seconds.

ALICE
    Baby boom!

Sally is getting frustrated, can do nothing but draw more arrows out of the mouth
.

JESS
    Draw something resembling anything!

ALICE
    … Kiss the baby …

HARRY
    
(overlap)
    Baby spitting up. Exorcist baby!

ALICE
    “Yes, sir, that's my baby.”

HARRY
    “No, sir, don't mean maybe.”

JULIAN
    That's it. Time's up.

SALLY
    Baby talk.

JESS
    Baby talk? What's that? That's not a saying.

HARRY
    Oh, but “baby fish mouth” is sweeping the nation.

GARY
    Final score: our team, 110, you guys, 60.

SALLY
    
(to Julian)
    I can't draw.

JULIAN
    No. That's a baby, and that's a baby talking. You're wonderful.

He puts his arms around her
.

MARIE
    All right, who wants coffee?

Sally and Julian kiss. Harry looks on
.

JESS
    I do, and I love you.

ALICE
    Do you have any tea?

MARIE
    One tea.

Harry holds up his hand
.

HARRY
    Industrial strength.

EMILY
    I'll have tea also.

SALLY
    I'll help you.
(to Julian)
Decaf?

JULIAN
    Yeah.

ALICE
    Cream.

EMILY
    
(to Marie)
Where's the bathroom?

MARIE
    Through that door, down the hall.

Emily and Harry kiss as she heads away. Sally notices this
.

Jess and Julian are at the drawing board, examining Sally's “baby” drawing
.

JESS
    Never looked like a baby to me.

JULIAN
    Which part?

JESS
    All of it.

HARRY
    Hey, Jess, you were going to show me the cover art for your book.

JESS
    Oh, yeah, yeah. It's in the den.
(to Julian)
Look, uh, Julian, help yourself—have some more wine, whatever you like, okay?
(to Harry)
I like saying it's in the den. It's got a nice ring to it.

INT. KITCHEN—NIGHT

Sally and Marie go about getting the coffee ready
.

SALLY
    Emily's a little young for Harry, don't you think?

MARIE
    Well, she's young, but look what she's done.

SALLY
    What has she done? She makes desserts.

INT. DEN—NIGHT

HARRY
    Does Julian seem a little stuffy to you?

JESS
    He's a good guy. You should talk to him, get to know him.

HARRY
    He's too tall to talk to.

INT. KITCHEN—NIGHT

MARIE
    She makes 3,500 chocolate mousse pies a week.

SALLY
    Emily is
Aunt
Emily?

INT. DEN—NIGHT

JESS
    He took us all to a Mets game last week. It was great.

HARRY
    You all went to a Mets game together?

JESS
    It was a last-minute thing.

HARRY
    But Sally hates baseball.

INT. KITCHEN—NIGHT

SALLY
    Harry doesn't even like sweets.

MARIE
    Julian is great.

SALLY
    I know. He's a grown-up.

INT. DEN—NIGHT

JESS
    Emily is terrific.

HARRY
    Yeah. Of course, when I asked her where she was when Kennedy was shot, she said, “Ted Kennedy was shot?”

JESS
    No.

CUT TO
:

INT. HARRY'S BEDROOM—NIGHT
Harry in bed reading, trying not to look at the last page, but finally he can't help himself. As he flips to the last page, the phone RINGS. He reaches for the phone and answers it
.

HARRY
    Hello.

SALLY
    
(through filter)
    Are you alone?

HARRY
    Yeah. I was just finishing a book.

SALLY
    
(through filter)
    Could you come over?

HARRY
    What's the matter?

INT. SALLY'S BEDROOM—NIGHT

SALLY
    He's getting married.

HARRY
    
(through filter)
    Who?

SALLY
    Joe.

INT. HARRY'S BEDROOM—NIGHT

HARRY
    I'll be right there.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE SALLY'S APARTMENT—NIGHT
Sally opens the door. She wears a bathrobe. She is crying and looks terrible
.