When Harry Met Sally (5 page)

Another OLDER COUPLE sitting on a love seat, looking at the CAMERA
.

THIRD MAN
    We were married forty years ago. We were married three years. We got a divorce. Then I married Marjorie.

THIRD WOMAN
    But first you lived with Barbara.

THIRD MAN
    Right. Barbara. But I didn't marry Barbara. I married Marjorie.

THIRD WOMAN
    Then you got a divorce.

THIRD MAN
    Right. Then I married Katie.

THIRD WOMAN
    Another divorce.

THIRD MAN
    Then, a couple of years later at Eddie Callichio's funeral, I ran into her. I was with some girl I don't even remember.

THIRD WOMAN
    Roberta.

THIRD MAN
    Right, Roberta. But I couldn't take my eyes off you.
(beat)
I remember, I snuck over to her and I said—what did I say?

THIRD WOMAN
    You said, “What are you doing after?”

THIRD MAN
    Right. So I ditched Roberta, we go for coffee, a month later we're married.

THIRD WOMAN
    Thirty-five years to the day after our first marriage.

FADE OUT
.

EXT. NEW YORK RESTAURANT WITH VIEW—DAY

IT'S FIVE YEARS LATER
.
Sally is sitting at a table with two other women, MARIE and ALICE. Marie is a dark-haired, dark-eyed beauty. Alice is cute and plump, a married lady
.

MARIE
    So, I go through his pockets, okay?

ALICE
    Marie, why do you go through his pockets?

MARIE
    You know what I found?

ALICE
    No, what?

MARIE
    They just bought a dining-room table. He and
his wife just went out and spent
$1,600
on a dining-room table.

ALICE
    Where?

MARIE
    The point isn't where, Alice. The point is, he's never going to leave her.

ALICE
    So what else is new? You've known this for two years.

MARIE
    
(glumly)
    You're right, you're right. I know you're right.

ALICE
    Why can't you find someone single? When I was single, I knew lots of nice, single men. There must be someone. Sally found someone.

MARIE
    Sally got the last good one.

SALLY
    
(matter-of-factly)
    Joe and I broke up.

ALICE
    What?

MARIE
    When?

SALLY
    Monday.

ALICE
    You waited three days to tell us?

MARIE
    You mean Joe's available?

ALICE
    For God's sake, Marie—don't you have any feelings about this? She's obviously upset.

SALLY
    I'm not that upset. We've been growing apart for quite a while.

MARIE
    
(horrified)
    But you guys were a couple. You had someone to go places with. You had a date on national holidays.

SALLY
    I said to myself, you deserve more than this, you're thirty-one years old—

MARIE
    —and the clock is ticking.

SALLY
    No, the clock doesn't really start to tick until you're thirty-six.

ALICE
    God. You're in such great shape.

SALLY
    Well, I've had a few days to get used to it, and I feel okay.

MARIE
    Good. Then you're ready.

Marie takes her Rolodex out of her satchel and starts to look through it
.

ALICE
    
(aghast)
    Really, Marie.

MARIE
    Well, how else do you think you do it?

She flips through the Rolodex and pulls out a card
.

MARIE
    (
CONT'D
)    I've got the perfect guy. I don't happen to find him attractive, but you might.
(to Alice, indicating Sally)
She doesn't have a problem with chins.

SALLY
    Marie, I'm not ready yet.

MARIE
    But you just said you were over him.

SALLY
    I am over him. But I am in a mourning period.
(beat)
Who is it?

MARIE
    Alex Anderson.

SALLY
    You fixed me up with him six years ago.

MARIE
    Sorry …

SALLY
    God.

MARIE
    
(pulls another card)
    All right, wait. Here—here we go. Ken Darman.

SALLY
    He's been married for over a year.

MARIE
    Really? Married.

Marie takes Ken Darman's Rolodex card and dog-ears a corner of it
and places it in a section at the back of the box. Then she pulls out another card
.

MARIE
    (
CONT'D
)    Oh wait, wait, wait, I got one.

SALLY
    Look, there is no point in my going out with someone I might really like if I met him at the right time but who right now has no chance of being anything to me but a transitional man.

MARIE
    Okay. But don't wait too long. Remember what happened to David Warsaw? His wife left him, and everyone said, give him some time, don't move in too fast.
Six months later he was dead
.

SALLY
    What are you saying? I should get married to someone right away in case he's about to die?

ALICE
    At least you can say you were married.

MARIE
    I'm saying that the right man for you might be out there right now and if you don't grab him, someone else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that someone else is married to your husband.

CUT TO
:

EXT. GIANTS STADIUM—DAY
A wave is in progress. It sweeps around the stadium and passes by Harry and his friend JESS, sitting in the second deck surrounded by Giants fans. It's fall, they're both wearing jeans and windbreakers
.

Harry is very despondent
.

JESS
    When did this happen?

HARRY
    Friday, Helen comes home from work, and she says, “I don't know if I want to be married anymore.” Like it's the institution, you know, like it's nothing personal, just something she's been thinking about in a casual way. I'm calm. I say, “Why don't
we take some time to think about it?” You know, don't rush into anything.

JESS
    Yeah, right.

HARRY
    Next day she says she's thought about it, and she wants a trial separation. She just wants to
try
it, she says. But we can still date, she says, like this is supposed to cushion the blow. I mean, I got married so I could stop dating, so I don't see where “we can still date” is a big incentive, since the last thing you want to do is date your wife, who's supposed to love you, which is what I'm saying to her when it occurs to me that maybe she doesn't, so I say to her, “Don't you love me anymore?” and you know what she says? “I don't know if I've ever loved you.”

A wave comes through the crowd, and Harry and Jess stand and wave their hands
.

JESS
    Ooh, that's harsh.

They sit down
.

JESS
    (
CONT'D
)    You don't bounce back from that right away.

HARRY
    Thanks, Jess.

JESS
    No, I'm a writer, I know dialogue, and that's particularly harsh.

HARRY
    Then she tells me that someone in her office is going to South America, and she can sublet his apartment. I can't believe this. And the doorbell rings. “I can sublet his apartment.” The words are still hanging in the air, you know, like in a balloon connected to her mouth.

JESS
    Like in a cartoon.

HARRY
    Right. So I'm going to the door, and there are
moving men there. Now I start to get suspicious. I say, “Helen, when did you call these movers?” And she doesn't say anything, so I ask the movers, “When did this woman book you for this gig?” and they're just standing there, three huge guys, one of them wearing a T-shirt that says, “Don't fuck with Mister Zero.” So I said, “Helen, when did you make this arrangement?” She says, “A week ago.” I said, “You've known for a week, and you didn't tell me?” And she says, “I didn't want to ruin your birthday.”

A second wave comes through and Harry and Jess stand and wave their hands
.

JESS
    You're saying Mister Zero knew you were getting a divorce a week before you did?

HARRY
    Mister Zero knew.

JESS
    I can't believe this.

HARRY
    I haven't told you the bad part yet.

JESS
    What could be worse than Mister Zero knowing?

HARRY
    It's all a lie. She's in love with somebody else, some tax attorney. She moved in with him.

JESS
    How did you find out?

HARRY
    I followed her. I stood outside the building.

JESS
    So humiliating.

HARRY
    Tell me about it.
(beat)
And you know, I knew. I knew the whole time that even though we were happy, it was just an illusion and one day she would kick the shit out of me.

JESS
    Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity—it's just a symptom that something else is wrong.

HARRY
    Really? Well, that symptom is fucking my wife.

Another wave comes through, and they stand up. They sit down
.

CUT TO
:

INT. SHAKESPEARE & CO. BOOKSTORE—DAY
Sally and Marie standing in the bookstore in a section called Personal Relationships. A table full of books. Marie is looking at something like
Smart Women, Foolish Choices.
Sally is looking at something like
Safe Sex in Dangerous Times.

MARIE
    So I just happened to see his American Express bill.

SALLY
    What do you mean, you just happened to see it?

MARIE
    Well, he was shaving, and there it was in his briefcase.

SALLY
    What if he came out and saw you looking through his briefcase?

MARIE
    You're missing the point. I'm telling you what I found.
(beat)
He just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife.
(beat)
I don't think he's ever going to leave her.

SALLY
    No one thinks he's ever going to leave her.

MARIE
    You're right, you're right. I know you're right.

Marie looks up for a moment for a new book, sees something
.

MARIE
    (
CONT'D
)    Someone is staring at you in Personal Growth.

Sally glances over to the Personal Growth section. There's Harry
.

SALLY
    I know him. You'd like him. He's married.

MARIE
    Who is he?

SALLY
    Harry Burns. He's a political consultant.

MARIE
    He's cute.

SALLY
    You think he's cute?

MARIE
    How do you know he's married?

SALLY
    Because the last time I saw him, he was getting married.

MARIE
    When was that?

SALLY
    Six years ago.

MARIE
    So he might not be married anymore.

SALLY
    Also he's obnoxious.

MARIE
    This is just like in the movies, remember, like
The Lady Vanishes
, where she says to him, “You are the most obnoxious man I have ever met”—

SALLY
    
(correcting her)
    —“the most contemptible”—

MARIE
    And then they fall madly in love.

SALLY
    Also, he never remembers me.

HARRY
    Sally Albright—

SALLY
    Hi, Harry—

HARRY
    I thought it was you.

SALLY
    It is. This is Marie …

Marie is exiting down the stairs. She waves goodbye
.

SALLY
    (
CONT'D
)    …
was
Marie.

Sally turns back to Harry
.

HARRY
    How are you?

SALLY
    Fine.

HARRY
    How's Joe?

SALLY
    Fine. I hear he's fine.

HARRY
    You're not with Joe anymore?

SALLY
    We just broke up.

HARRY
    Oh, I'm sorry. That's too bad.