When Harry Met Sally (9 page)

JESS
    So which one is she?

HARRY
    Attractive.

JESS
    But not beautiful, right?

Harry glares at him
.

CUT TO:

INT. RESTAURANT—NIGHT
Harry, Jess, Sally, and Marie at a table. A waiter has just brought them drinks. It is clear from the arrangement at the table that Harry is meant to be with Marie and Jess is meant to be with Sally. Jess and Sally are talking to each other, while Harry and Marie carry on their own conversation
.

JESS
    
(to Sally)
    It's like whenever I read Jimmy Breslin, it's as if he's leaving some kind of wake-up call for the city of New York.

SALLY
    What do you mean by a wake-up call?

They continue talking as we now focus on Harry and Marie's conversation:

HARRY
    Would I have seen any of your windows?

MARIE
    Well, just a couple of weeks ago, I did a thing with hostages.

HARRY
    Oh, the thing with people in blindfolds.

Back to Jess and Sally, who obviously is not enjoying or agreeing with what he is saying
.

SALLY
    
(to Jess)
    Uh, let's just say I'm … I'm really not a big fan of Jimmy Breslin.

JESS
    Well, he's the reason I became a writer, but that's not important.

A little pause
.

SALLY
    Harry, you and Marie are both from New Jersey.

MARIE
    Really?

HARRY
    Where are you from?

MARIE
    South Orange.

HARRY
    Haddonfield.

MARIE
    Oh.

They all look at each other
.

Then they look at their menus
.

HARRY
    So what are we going to order?

SALLY
    I'm going to start with the grilled radicchio.

HARRY
    Jess, Sally is a great orderer. Not only does she always pick the best thing on the menu, but she orders it in a way that even the chef didn't know how good it would be.

Sally shoots Harry a look
.

JESS
    I think restaurants have become too important.

MARIE
    Oh, I agree. “Restaurants are to people in the eighties what theater was to people in the sixties.” I read that in a magazine.

JESS
    I wrote that.

MARIE
    Get outta here.

JESS
    No, I did. I wrote that.

MARIE
    I never quoted anything from a magazine in my life. That's amazing. Don't you think that's amazing? And you wrote it?

JESS
    I also wrote, “Pesto is the quiche of the eighties.”

MARIE
    Get over yourself.

JESS
    I did.

MARIE
    Where did I read that?

JESS
    
New York
magazine.

HARRY
    Sally writes for
New York
magazine.

MARIE
    Do you know, that piece had a real impact on me. I don't know that much about writing, but …

JESS
    Look, it spoke to you, and that pleases me.

MARIE
    It had a wonderful, unique—is the word “style”?

JESS
    If you say that's the word, that's the word.

MARIE
    I … I mean … I really have to admire people who can be as … as … articulate …

JESS
    Nobody's ever quoted me back to me before.

CUT TO:

EXT. WEST BROADWAY—NIGHT
Harry, Jess, Marie, and Sally are walking up the avenue, all four of them in a row, ad-libbing about the meal and what a nice night it is. They walk past a shoe store, and Marie suddenly yanks Sally over
.

MARIE
    Oooo, I've been looking for a red suede pump.    
(beat)
    What do you think of Jess?

The two men keep walking
.

SALLY
    Well, uh …

MARIE
    
(interrupting)
    Do you think you could go out with him?

SALLY
    I don't know …

MARIE
    —because I feel really comfortable with him.

SALLY
    You want to go out with Jess?

MARIE
    If it's all right with you.

SALLY
    Sure. Sure. I'm just worried about Harry. He's very sensitive, he's going through a rough period, and I just don't want you to reject him right now.

MARIE
    I wouldn't. I totally understand.

SALLY
    Okay.

EXT. WEST BROADWAY—NIGHT
Harry and Jess apparently in the midst of an identical conversation. They're stopped in front of a running-equipment store
.

JESS
    If you don't think you're going to call Marie, do you mind if I call her?

HARRY
    No.

JESS
    Good, good.

HARRY
    But for tonight you shouldn't … I mean, Sally's very vulnerable right now. I mean, you can call Marie, it's fine, but just, like, wait a week or so, you know? Don't make any moves tonight.

JESS
    Fine. No problem. I wasn't even thinking about tonight.

The women join them
.

JESS
    (
CONT'D
)    Well.
(beat)
I don't feel like walking anymore, I think I'll get a cab.

MARIE
    I'll go with you.

JESS
    Great.
(he leaps into the street as he spots a cab)
Taxi!

The cab SCREECHES to a halt, and Jess and Marie get into it and it pulls away, leaving Sally and Harry on the curb
.

FADE OUT
.

FADE IN:

DOCUMENTARY FOOTAGE

Another OLDER COUPLE, both Asian, sitting together on the love seat
.

ASIAN MAN
    A man came to me and said, “I found nice girl for you. She lives in the next village, and she is ready for marriage.” We were not supposed to
meet until the wedding. But I wanted to make sure, so I sneaked into her village and hid behind a tree and watched her wash the clothes. I think, if I don't like the way she looks, I don't marry her. But she looked really nice to me. So I said okay to the man, we get married. We are married for fifty-five years.

FADE OUT
.

FADE IN:

EXT. THE SHARPER IMAGE—DAY—ESTABLISHING

INT. THE SHARPER IMAGE—DAY
One of those places with gifts for people who have everything. Harry and Sally are browsing through. He shoots a basketball into a mini-sized hoop
.

HARRY
    I have to get this, I have to.

SALLY
    Harry, we're here for Jess and Marie.

HARRY
    I know we'll find them something, there's great stuff here.

SALLY
    We should've gone to the plant store.

He picks up a pith helmet with a battery-operated fan in it and puts it on Sally's head
.

HARRY
    Here. Perfect for them.

SALLY
    What's that?

HARRY
    Battery-operated pith helmet, with fan.

SALLY
    Why is this necessary in life?

HARRY
    I don't know. Look, look at this.
(indicating fan)
It also makes great fries.

He spots something across the aisle
.

HARRY
    (
CONT'D
)    Oh, oh, oh.

He heads toward it
.

HARRY
    (
CONT'D
)    Good. Call off the dogs. The hunt is over.

He goes to one of those machines that allow you to sing the lead to the backup vocal and instrumental on a song
.

HARRY
    (
CONT'D
)    Sally, this is the greatest.
(into the microphone)
Sally, please report to me. Look at this. This is incredible. They're gonna love this. This is a singing machine.

Harry puts in one of the cassettes. The INSTRUMENTAL for “The Surrey with the Fringe on Top” comes on
.

HARRY
    (
CONT'D
)    Look. You sing the lead, and this has the backup and everything. This is from
Oklahoma!
Here's the lyrics right here.

SALLY
    
(reading)
    “Surrey with the Fringe on Top.”

HARRY
    Yeah, this is perfect.

He starts singing giddily
.

HARRY
    (
CONT'D
)    “Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry,
When I take you out in the surrey,

When I take you out in the surrey

With the fringe on top.”    
(pointing to Sally)
    Now you.

She starts to sing
.

SALLY
    
(singing)
    “Watch that fringe and …”

Harry resumes singing, too, as the absurd and dizzy instrumental continues. They both get more and more idiotic
.

HARRY AND SALLY
    
(singing)
    “… see how it flutters,
When I drive them high steppin' strutters,
Nosey pokes'll peek through their shutters and their eyes will pop!”

Suddenly Harry turns pale and stops singing
.

SALLY
    
(continuing to sing)
    “The wheels are yeller, the upholstery's brown,

The dashboard's gen-u-ine leather

With isinglass curtains y'can roll …”

Sally notices something's wrong
.

The backup MUSIC CONTINUES as she stops, too
.

SALLY
    (
CONT'D
)    What? It's my voice, isn't it? You hate my voice. I know it's terrible. Joe hated it….

HARRY
    It's Helen.

SALLY
    Helen?

HARRY
    She's coming right toward me.

The BACKUP VOCAL CONTINUES, as we see coming toward Harry a dark-haired, very chic woman, HELEN, accompanied by a tall, attractive man, IRA
.

HELEN
    How are you, Harry?

HARRY
    
(he swallows)
    Fine. I'm fine.

HELEN
    This is Ira Stone. Harry Burns.

IRA
    Harry.

They shake hands. It's very awkward. Harry suddenly remembers Sally
.

HARRY
    I'm sorry. This is Sally Albright. Helen Hillson and Ira.

IRA
    Sally.

HELEN
    Nice to meet you.

SALLY
    Hi.

A terrible moment.

HELEN
    Well, see you.

HARRY
    Yeah. Nice to meet you, Ira.

A smile, and they move on. HOLD on Harry, about to faint
.

SALLY
    You okay?

HARRY
    Yeah, I'm perfect.

Harry looks like one of those cartoon characters who's been struck on the head with a mallet
.

HARRY
    (
CONT'D
)    She looked weird, didn't she? She looked really weird. She looked very weird.

SALLY
    I've never seen her before.

HARRY
    Trust me, she looked weird. Her legs looked heavy. Really, she must be retaining water.

SALLY
    Harry.

HARRY
    Believe me, the woman saved everything.

CUT TO
:

EXT. PLANT SHOP—DAY
Sally is paying for a plant. Harry is just staring blankly into a ficus. Sally approaches
.

SALLY
    You sure you're okay?

HARRY
    Oh, I'm fine. Look, it had to happen at some point. In a city of eight million people you're bound to run into your ex-wife. So, boom, it happened. And now I'm fine.

CUT TO
:

INT. JESS AND MARIE'S APARTMENT—DAY
A nice West Side floor-through with a beautiful fireplace and a great deal of furniture—about twice as much furniture as is necessary, as a matter of fact
.

Marie and Jess in sneakers, jeans, baggy shirts, are clearly in the middle of some sort of dispute. Harry is still distracted. There are a few unpacked boxes—some books, a couple of ashtrays, a glass, etc
.

JESS
    It works. I like it. It says home to me.

MARIE
    
(to Jess)
    Okay, okay, we'll let Harry and Sally be the judge.    
(to Sally and Harry)
    What do
you
think?