When I Look to the Sky (23 page)

CHAPTER SIXTEEN ~ Spirit

The week after camp was always
a time of recuperation. This year was just a little harder for Carlee, knowing that Matthew would be leaving soon. He stayed a couple of days with Carlee and Andy before heading to Jacksonville to be with his family for a few days.

She was packing and preparing to head back to school the coming weekend. Matthew called every evening, and during one of their conversations told her, “While you’re packing
, make sure you have a fancy dress to bring to Jacksonville with you. I have a special date planned before I head back.”

Matthew met Andy and Carlee in St. Augustine to help get her settled in the dorm and then returned to Jacksonville to work on his schedule for school, assuring he got all the classes he needed. It would be a full load in order to graduate in December. There were a couple of photography jobs that he lined up for when he returned, and he would still be working at Six. The next three months would be busy. 

Carlee headed to Jacksonville after her class on Friday morning. She had an appointment at the TV station at eleven to tape the rest of the PSAs for Suntone before she went to the Davis’ home. She arrived around two and Matthew wasn’t there. He’d gone to run an errand, and only Geni was there.

“
Hello darlin’!” she said in her rich southern accent, hugging Carlee. “Matthew will be right back. Do you need a bite of lunch?”

“Thank you. I had
something on the way, I was starving!”

“
Well, how ‘bout some tea?” Geni said in a motherly way.

“
Yes ma’am. That’d be nice.” They sat at the kitchen table and talked about school, hers and Matthew’s. She liked Geni, although sometimes it hurt talking and sharing with her. It made her wonder what it would have been like to do that with her mama.

Geni thought the same thing, thinking about Carlee missing her mom, but she enjoyed the alone time with her. Matthew had girlfriends in high school and college. She and Tom met some of them, but he never brought any of them home. She knew this was something special right away. They were having a nice visit when Matthew came in the back door. He joined them with a glass of tea and watched the two of them talk, and loved what he was experiencing.

Finally, Matthew told Carlee
, “We have dinner reservations at seven, and it’s about a forty-five minute drive.” 

She looked at the clock.
 It was 4:30. Tom came in the kitchen and joined them. She looked at Geni first, then turned to Matthew and said, “I can be ready in forty minutes and look like a million bucks. Time me when I go,” she said sarcastically, and a few seconds later both she and Geni started laughing.

Just to prove her point
, she sat there talking with Geni and Tom a while longer before excusing herself. She went upstairs, showered, put on some make up, and pulled her hair into a loose knot on top of her head. She brought the purple sparkly dress she’d worn in Paris on her date with Andy, for her evening with Matthew. She grabbed a shawl and her bag, looked in the mirror, checked her watch and opened the door to descend the stairs. Matthew was standing in the foyer with his mom and dad, waiting as she appeared.

He
looked at his watch. “You were wrong,” he said sarcastically.

Carlee stopped mid-way down the stairs and looked at her watch. She had seven minutes to spare. She started to protest, but Matthew spoke first.

“You look more like two million bucks,” he said, and they all laughed. Geni and Tom stood on the porch and watched as they drove away.

In the car, Matthew was quiet as he drove. “Man, Carlee,” he said finally, and she turned to look at him. “You look incredible,” he told her. His hand on her neck lightly caressed and she leaned to him, for a kiss. 

“
You clean up pretty good yourself, ‘suit’,” she laughed, and then asked, “Where are you taking me, I’m starving!”

“
Somehow you’re always starving,” he laughed. “I have a special date planned, so you’ll just have to wonder ‘til we get there.”

They drove a while, happily chatting, and he finally pulled into the parking lot of a Taco Tico restaurant and parked. Carlee looked at him.
 He smiled back at her, got out of the car and came around to open her door. She stepped out of the car and Matthew took her hand. 

There were only a few folks in the restaurant and they watched curiously.
 As they entered, she noticed a booth in the corner had the light over the table out. There was a candle and a vase of daisies on the table. 

He took her to the counter, and his brother Brian came around the corner.
“Welcome,” Brian said, kissing Carlee’s cheek, hugging her.

“
Carlee, this is Brian’s restaurant. I was lucky enough to get a reservation here this evening.”

Carlee laughed, but she loved every second of it.
 It was the most special date she had ever been on. They sat on the same side of the booth and Matthew put his phone on the table and played soft classical music that he’d loaded on to it, while they ate tacos and drank Cokes.

“
Another of our ‘first dates’,” she said as she snuggled against him and smiled.

Brian watched from behind the counter. He didn’t have to be there, but he wouldn’t have missed it for anything. He loved the idea when Matthew called to ask him about the ‘reservation.’ At first Brian laughed, but then, it was just like Matthew. His baby brother was in love and it was special to watch. He liked Carlee. She ‘went with it.’ Someone else probably would’ve been pissed to be all dressed up only to end up sitting in a fast-food restaurant, but she was sitting there laughing with Matthew, looking like an angel.

~ ~ ~

After dinner, Matthew drove to the beach. Carlee kicked off her shoes and said, “Let’s go for a walk.” Matthew removed his shoes, rolled up his pant legs, and they walked down to the water. He took her hand as they did.

“
Thank you all of for this,” she said after a while. “It’s very special and I love it.”

“
Carlee, I’m going to miss you like I can’t even say. I’m dreading getting on that plane, leaving you behind.”

“
It won’t be long,” she reminded him.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
“More than a day is too long,” he said. He kissed her neck, leaving a trail of kisses down her chest to where the fabric of the dress began at her breasts. She inhaled quickly. He stopped and looked up at her and grinned. She was beautiful, but in the moonlight she was breathtaking.

“I dream of these touches,
Carlee,” he told her.

“
Me too,” she replied with a sigh.

~ ~ ~

In September, Carlee received an invitation to the State Annual Meeting of The Cancer Foundation in Orlando. She asked Andy to join her. Dean Rollins called him a few weeks earlier to talk to him about it. “She needs to be there, can you help make that happen?” Dean asked him.

“
I’ll do my best, what’s up?” Andy asked.

“
She’ll be recognized for her work,” was his reply.

Andy drove to St. Augustine and picked her up after her class. They had lunch and made their way to Orlando. 

They checked into the hotel and dressed for the evening.
 When they arrived at the convention center, a large crowd had gathered. Carlee had grown up among the people of the Florida Chapter of the Cancer Foundation, and he watched as she made the rounds, bursting with pride. 

Dean Rollins made his way to Carlee and Andy
. He hugged Carlee and invited them to join him at his table. Alison Mayheart was there too. Alison was twenty-four now and had gone to college on a Cancer Foundation scholarship. Now, she was a practicing psychologist, and on the Cancer Foundation’s State Board of Directors.

The beginning of the meeting was a financial report
. Carlee listened intently. This is where they would be made aware of plans for the coming year, including the financial plans for Butterfly Camp. 

The speaker announced what they already learned at camp; two more cabins would be added.
 Each year, in the spring, the Cancer Foundation hosted the Butterfly Ball to raise money for the camp and college scholarships. In addition to the cabins, they would give out two scholarships, like the one Alison had received. He then told the group of Traveler’s gift of music to the camp. She listened as they talked operating budgets and fundraising plans.

Next
came the fun part, there was a video presentation of events from the previous year. They flashed clips from Butterfly Camp. Carlee recognized the pictures of her in the ‘DO YOU KNOW MEL’ t-shirt, the little girls with Andy and Nathan and the big check. They showed Matthew’s book; she was so proud of all of it.

Dean Rollins took the stage. “Welcome, again. I know we’re all glad the financial report is over!” he laughed. “I hope you enjoyed the video. We have so much to be thankful for this year. The recognition the Cancer Foundation has received this past year has been such a blessing. I hope every one of you purchased a copy of the book,
The Young Faces of Cancer
. I’d like to tell you that our own Carlee Oliver-Stevens’ fiancé gets the credit for that awesome gift. Matthew Davis was unable to join us this evening. He’s attending school in London, but I am proud to tell you that he’s been recognized for his work by the National Institute of Photography being named the 2017 recipient of the award for Deep Perspective Photography.” 

The crowd applauded loudly as Rollins began again.
“And there’s more. I hope you don’t mind me sharing another video clip with you. It’s something very special to me.” The lights dimmed once again and pieces of all the PSAs that Carlee had done began playing on the big screen. Andy’s arm around her shoulder gave a proud squeeze, as once again the crowd broke into applause. 

When the lights came back up
, Dean Rollins spoke again. “Thank you. As you know, each year the Cancer Foundation gives an award on both a local and a national level for volunteerism. The Spirit in Action Award is awarded to a volunteer who goes above and beyond, giving more than just their time. They give their heart and soul. They live our mission; the 4 A’s in our fight in the battle against cancer; Awareness, Advocacy, Activism and Action.”

“
I am proud this year to tell you that our National recipient and our local recipient are one and the same. Ladies and gentleman, please join me in congratulating our own Carlee Oliver-Stevens!”

It took a moment to sink in.
 

“
Carlee, please join me.”

Andy took her hand and walked
with her to the edge of the stage. Dean Rollins put his arm around her shoulder and squeezed. He guided her to the podium where the two awards awaited her.

“
Ladies and gentlemen, your 2017 Spirit in Action Award recipient! Carlee would you like to say a few words?”

“
I’m completely shocked…” He handed her a tissue to wipe her eyes.

“
As I look out, I see many of you that I’ve grown up with as I’ve tried to live my mama’s dream. Butterfly Camp was her idea, but it became my passion.” She paused a moment and looked out at Andy; he was crying. She knew he would be, and she was sad that Matthew wasn’t there to share this. 

“
The first year I went as a child who needed to learn to cope with my own loss. Each year after that was because I couldn’t imagine not being there, surrounded by the love of those who were there as volunteers, as well as the kids who were learning the same lessons I learned.”

She wiped her eyes again
, “Now I go because I want to help make a difference in a child’s life. Thank you…”

Dean hugged her again
, and Andy met her with a hug at the edge of the stage. Alison rose to hug her, and as she took her seat, those nearby leaned over to congratulate her. She leaned into Andy’s arms and whispered, “I’m so sad that Matthew isn’t here…”

“
Here,” Alison handed her Andy’s phone. She noticed that the video application was on, and she saw Matthew on the screen.

“
I’m not there in person but thanks to Andy and Alison I experienced the whole thing. Congratulations, I’m so proud of you.” he spoke softly.

She blew a kiss in the phone.
 “I love you so much,” she whispered.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
~ Acceptance and Change

Carlee loved that she and Marissa were roommates again.
 They’d become good friends. What Carlee liked best was that Marissa knew her story and it didn’t affect how she thought of Carlee. Some of the girls thought of her as a spoiled ‘trust fund baby’, or the ‘poor little rich girl.’ She worked very hard to keep her personal life separate, and private. Marissa made all of that easy. She went home with Carlee often on weekends. It was closer than her family in Atlanta, and she always enjoyed being with Carlee’s family.

Carlee dug deep in her studies. She’d always been a good student, but she was working hard to get her work done and turned in early. She would be going to London for Matthew’s graduation in December. Andy would be going over, as well as Matthew’s family. She was counting the days.

On a Wednesday evening, Marissa was out with some other friends.
 She begged Carlee to join her, but she decided to stay behind to study. She was deep into a chapter on social behavior. The section she was reading dealt with the stages of grief.

She read the words on the page, and they were powerful to her.
 
Sudden, unwanted events cause grief.
 She stopped to think, and then continued.
Grief isn’t related only to death. Those who go through a divorce or a break-up experience grief, as well.
 
Grief has no completion date.

She thought about all of that, and as she read the words again, she thought of her dad. She knew he loved her, but
somehow she’d never been able to get close to him. It was something she thought about a lot, because it never stopped hurting. She realized, as she read, that their relationship was strained, not just because he was sad, he was angry and bitter. He was bitter over her mama’s illness, but resentful too, because she never stopped loving Andy. He was bitter that she brought him back into her life, even though he allowed it. Carlee realized how angry he was that she moved him out of her life, and Andy back in. He thought their love could endure, but her love for Andy was far deeper than her dad really knew, and when she got sick she realized it herself and gave in to it.

She knew
how things were with Andy and her dad, but she didn’t realize how strong her mama’s feelings for Andy were until after she read the book. She sat down and talked with Andy, and then with Kimmy. They took time and care, and explained the situation in-depth. As vivid a picture as the book painted of their love, Kimmy and Andy’s words made it clearer, but her dad was gone by then.

Carlee thought about it, and knew that must have been a hard pill for h
er dad to swallow. And then, for him to keep Andy in her life, her mama wanted that, and he did, but it must have been hard to share. She tried to reach out to him, but it seemed he was always just a little further away. It had been four years, and suddenly, she understood it a little better.

She looked at the clock and calculated the time difference; it was just after one in the morning in the U.K., Matthew finished his shift at eleven. He had class early so she didn’t want to call and wake him. She picked up the book and started reading again.

Her phone vibrated a moment later.
 It was a text from Matthew.
Can’t sleep R U up?

Instead of replying by text, she dialed his number.
 “How nice,” she said when he answered. “I was just wishing it wasn’t so late so I could call you.”

“
Perfect timing then,” he said. “I was just lying here wishing you were beside me. I miss you, Carlee, and I keep thinking how far off December is,” he said and sounded sad.

“
It’ll go fast,” Carlee told him, trying to sound cheery. 

“
I was thinking about Thanksgiving here alone. It never really mattered much before because I knew I’d be going home for Christmas, but this year is different. I’m missing you so much, missing everyone, but I want to be with you. I wish I was coming home. I feel homesick,” he told her.

“
What a coincidence!” Carlee said, happily. “I just decided to buy a plane ticket to join you for Thanksgiving.”

“
You did?” Matthew asked. There was excitement in his voice, and Carlee couldn’t help smiling.

“
Yep, two seconds ago, just when you said you missed me!” she laughed.

He heard the smile in her voice.
“Buy that ticket, Carlee!” Matthew told her.

Two weeks later, she went home. Maxx would be away and Jenna called and invited her to come for a visit. Carlee was anxious for some girl-time with her. She knew she would see Andy, but she was going home to see the ‘Sister Chick.’

Early on Friday afternoon, she met Andy for lunch at The Bistro, and then stopped at the grocery and grabbed snack things to take to Jenna’s. She was at the house just after Jenna got home from work. 

“
I really wanted to come see you. I was so glad you asked,” Carlee told Jenna.

“
You can come any time, you know that!” 

“
I know, but I needed some ‘just us’ time,” Carlee said.

“
Oh, I see.” Jenna sat back a minute, thinking. “I have a bottle of some yummy Muscato in the fridge; want a glass before we get yapping?”

“
Sure! I’m not going anywhere,” Carlee laughed. She knew she could talk to Jenna about anything. They’d shared many private conversations over the years.

Jenna poured the wine and they sipped while Carlee fixed a plate of snacks
for them. They went to the living room and sat in the floor talking. A second glass of wine, and Jenna eased her into the conversation she knew Carlee was looking for.

“
So, have you and Matthew talked about when you might get hitched?” she asked first.

“
No, he graduates in December. With my major, I still have two more semesters. I don’t know if I can wait that long!” Carlee laughed. “We’ll talk more after he’s home. I’m going to London for Thanksgiving.”

“
I heard, Andy told me,” she said. “Have you slept with Matthew?”

“
Well yeah!” Carlee replied, sarcastically. “But we just slept!” she said, and then busted out laughing.

“
And now you want to sleep with him, but not sleep, right?” Jenna said as she poured Carlee more of the wine, and thought she might be ready to have that conversation.

“
I do…”

“
So?” Jenna said, and settled back for the chat. “What’s holding you back?”

“
First time nerves,” Carlee took another sip of wine. “I went to the doctor as soon as I knew I was going for Thanksgiving. I’ve been on birth control for just over a week. It’ll be three more weeks ‘til I leave,” she hesitated, “but I’m nervous.”

“
Good, then that’s not a worry, about birth control, I mean. You’re nervous because you want everything just right. I know Carlee, I remember.” Jenna smiled as she said it.

“
I
am
worried,” she hesitated. “You know… There’s been plenty of exploring, all of that, but I’ve never gone that far with anyone.” But she knew she wanted to with Matthew. “And Matthew’s older, probably ‘been there, done that.’ I’m just nervous.”

Jenna knew about Zane
. Carlee talked to her about it when they were seeing each other and told her that he was a “little too frisky,” for her.
Not a great first experience,
Jenna thought about having to deal with that ego. She’d been around Matthew enough to know he was different. And she knew that Carlee loved him and wanted it to be special.

“
Carlee, it’ll happen the way it’s supposed to.” Jenna tried to make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal, but she knew it was. “Just roll with it, I know Matthew will make it special.”

They talked way into the night, finished a second bottle of wine and crawled in the bed together, like they did when they were young girls.

When they got up the next morning
, they had coffee and did some more catching up. “Hey!” Jenna said after a while, “Let’s go shopping!” They cleaned up, and were out the door for some retail therapy.

They went to Victoria
’s Closet. Carlee picked some things out and Jenna made some suggestions. She left with a full bag, threw it in the trunk, dropped Jenna back at the house, and headed for home.

“
Let’s get a bite to eat, I’m starving!” Carlee told Andy when she got there.

“
You’re always starving! Where do you put it?” he laughed.

They went to Giovanna’s, her favorite pizza place. She loved it there. It was a place where red and white checkered fabric tablecloths covered the tables. There was a red brick fireplace on one side of the dining room, and soft Italian music was always playing. They shared an antipasto salad and a pepperoni pie. He listened to her rattle on about everything under the sun, loving her chatter.

“
I’ll miss you terrible,” Carlee said as they talked about Thanksgiving.

“
But you miss Matthew more,” he said. It was a statement, not a question and he watched her as she responded.

“
Papa, I never dreamt I could miss anyone that much, I can’t wait ‘til he comes home for good.”

“
I know. It’ll be here before you know it.” He smiled, Carlee was in love and it showed.

Carlee stayed with him that night and the next morning they went to The Bistro for breakfast.
 Afterward, she headed back to St. Augustine.

~ ~ ~

She finished her classes the Friday before Thanksgiving, and had everything ready to go to the airport for a flight at six Saturday morning. Marissa was driving home to Atlanta and taking Carlee to the airport was a way for her to get started early. Carlee was on her way and she couldn’t wait.

Matthew had just completed his shift at Six, and was anxiously pacing, waiting for her. It was ten on Friday evening when he finally saw her round the corner. 

“
I’ve never been so happy to see anyone in my life,” he said, wrapping her in his arms. The feel of her, the smell of her, left him breathless.

“
Me too,” she said as he smothered her with kisses.

By the time they reached his flat it was almost midnight. He had sandwich meats and fresh bread ready when they got in. He knew Carlee would be hungry. He requested that Cook make brown sugar scones for breakfast the next morning and he gave him a pan to take home to bake.

Carlee sent a text to everyone
letting them know she arrived safely and settled in as Matthew showered before heading to bed. When he finished, she slipped into the bathroom, and came out wearing that big Traveler t-shirt, and Matthew smiled.

They crawled in bed, into each other
’s arms, and quickly fell asleep. The time difference and travel left her tired. Matthew worked all day, and he had an early shift the next morning.

They rose early Sunday morning, and Matthew made coffee while Carlee baked the scones. “Want to go with me?” he asked.

“
I’ll just hang out here and you’ll be home before I know it,” she smiled. 
Home
, she thought and smiled again. “I have some reading to do, anyway.”

He left at nine
, and told her he’d return around 5:30. Carlee spent a lazy day studying. When he returned they walked to the pub he’d taken her to on their first tour of London, for fish and chips.

Monday morning, Matthew had class and was working a mid-day shift. He’d be off the remainder of the time she was with him. While he was gone, she tidied up and made a list to go to the market. When she headed out it was cold; she knew her coat wasn’t warm enough, so she grabbed one of Matthew’s from the closet.

She
walked the few blocks to the market, grabbed what she needed and started back to the flat. Her phone vibrated indicating a text. She juggled the bags and pulled it from her pocket. She looked at the message and smiled as she read the words, ‘I love you.’

She’d
spent days searching for easy recipes; she was just learning to cook and she wanted to fix a special dinner. The grocery store at home had a recipe that she figured she could handle. There were step by step instructions for roasted pork loin chops, potatoes, and brussel sprouts.

O
ne pan! I can deal with this one, yummy, but not too risky,
she thought as she got everything ready to put in the oven. She made a salad, and then ran back out to the a little shop up the street where she picked up a bottle of wine. She knew what she wanted. Andy had taught her well.

She showered and got ready
, dressing in a purple sweater and black jeans.
Purple awakens the romantic spirit,
she read on-line. Dinner ready, she waited for him to come home.