When It Rains: The Umbrella Collection (13 page)

They put me into the ambulance and the last thing I recall was the paramedic screaming my name into my face urging me to not go and to stay with her as she drove her knuckle of her one hand into my chest.

****

 
I awoke unable to close my mouth or swallow and I began to freak out inside.  I didn’t know what was going on as I peered urgently around the room.  My sight was fuzzy and from what I could make out I was in a room with a bunch of machines and people huddled around them.  I instantly reached for whatever it was blocking my throat passage and put my hands around a tube.  Just as I was about to yank it out someone lunged towards me and grabbed my hands.  The person held my arms down at my sides as I tried to wiggle my way out of her grips.  In our struggle I had somehow got my hands on an IV that was in my arm and I ripped it out.  Blood spewed out of the small hole where it was once placed. She yelled in the direction of others and some of them came to aide her and others ran out the door.  They returned and started another IV and hooked up another tube to the newly placed one and slowly pushed in whatever liquid was in there.  The moment it entered my blood stream I was swept away and my eye lids became heavy.  They closed and I fell fast asleep.

****

Through the crack of my eye lid, I gazed around apprehensively, unable to open them all the way in fear of where I might be.  I was frightened to be enveloped in a white cloudy substance resembling some form of heaven.  After I saw enough to make me feel like I was still alive, I opened them both up.  I tried to do a morning stretch because my muscles felt squished together, but such luxuries were not available; something blocked my execution.   My wrists were strapped to the bed on both sides.  My eyes bugged out as I tried to shake them free.  The noise of my frustration woke Pops up, who was asleep in the recliner beside me. 

“Hey, Kiddo. How are you feeling?” he asked as he sat up and stretched.
  I wonder if he was mocking me.  Nah, he immediately stopped as I gave him a death stare.

“Why am I strapped to this thing?”

“Oh, you put up quite the fight.  They said you were kicking and screaming while you were sleeping, mumbling about some voice talking to you.”

My head bowed low as I knew everyone now had a clue about the
voice
.  My secret was out, but so far I haven’t heard it. 

“You scared me, Nor,”
 Pops continued as he stared in my eyes.  His face looked tired and worrisome as he gripped the small part of my hand that wasn’t hidden under the shackles. 

“I know.
  I really am sorry,” I began as the teardrops slowly began to trickle down my cheeks.

“We got you help, but you just have to be willing to accept it.
  It’s time to start fixing things instead of trying to hide it from everyone.”

“Okay, I will.”

“Look at me in my eyes.  Promise?”

I lifted my head and our eyes met.
  I glared into the eyes of the man that has been with me my whole life.  He never hesitated in his belief in me and his love was always constant. Never said, but always there.  The grasp of our hands tightened. “I promise, Pops,” I said and meant it, not only for me, but for him, too.  I don’t want him to worry anymore.

“Alright.
  I trust you.  The guys are in the waiting room.  I’m going to go grab them real quick,” and he left the room.  There was a moment of silence, other than the beeping of the monitors I was attached to.  That hasn’t happened in a long time and I treasured it.  I heard a stampede of feet come walking down the hall and it got louder while the feet entered into my room. 

“Look who’s awake!”
 John was the first to enter, followed by everyone else.

“How you feeling?”
 Brian asked.

“Okay, a little nauseous.
  But, that’s it.”  There was a hint of an awkward silence until I decided to bite the bullet, “I know it was stupid and I’m really sorry for what I did. Um, so, does anyone want to tell me what exactly happened?”

Everyone glanced at each other; I’m sure wondering who would bite the bullet and tell me.
 

“Well, after you stormed out,” Mike started, “the boys left to go search the neighborhood for you and we stayed home calling everyone you knew.”

“We didn’t even know you were up in your room until we heard the bang when you fell,” Alex included.

“We all ran up there, but you locked your door.
  John had to bust it in,” Brian chimed in as he walked closer to the bed.

“Good thing I was all-state in football,” said John with a shrug of his shoulders a purse of his lips.

“You are so full of yourself!” Elijah harshly stated.

“Anyway,” Mike began again and punched John in the shoulder, “you were on the floor and Pops called 911.
  They came real quick, thank goodness, because you weren’t looking so good.”

“Gee, thanks,”
 I quipped

“You had puke hanging out of your mouth, you eyes were rolling back in your head I really don’t think that your looks were top priority,” he said back.

“What do you remember?” Brady questioned and everyone looked at me.

“Sporadic things like when I stole your pills,” I said pointing at Mike, “getting changed and taking the pills, sitting on my bed waiting.
  Then, snippets of laying there and hearing Diablo, you guys coming in, the paramedics and stuff.”

“Yeah, who exactly is Nomorda?” John jokingly asked and I looked at him confusingly because I had no clue what he was talking about.
 

“And, why was there a pile of wet clothes in your room?”
  Brady asked.

Visions of the lake popped into my head and I fought the urge to bawl my eyes out, “Long story,” I answered with my ashamed head arched downward.

 “Look who’s awake,” a lady said as she walked into the room wearing nursing scrubs, “Hi, I’m Macy.  I’ve been taking care of you.  How are you feeling?”

 
“A little nauseous and trapped,” I answered and lifted up my arms by my wrist as far as I could which was all of a half an inch. 

Macy was around my age it seemed.
  She was the lady that I saw before that was holding me down as I was freaking out.  Her blonde hair was tied into a messy ponytail on top of her head and she had a southern twang to her voice that set her apart from the Northerners surrounding her.

“Well, you were giving us a hard time last night.
  The doctor will be in any minute, I just saw him at the nurse’s desk, so when he comes in to talk, ask about getting them removed.  When he comes in, guys, you have to hit the road.”

“That’s fine.
  We are going to go take showers and stuff. We didn’t want her waking up alone,” Brian said.

“I’m hungry, too.
  Macy, are you hungry?  If your lunch break is coming, we could wait,” John, the always looking to get laid guy, said.

“I’m married,” she replied with her back towards him and her left ring finger lifted in the air as she walked out the door.
  

“Along with all-state football player, you are also an all-state slut,” I said.
  He gave me a nasty look and walked over to me to kiss my forehead goodbye as he ruffled my hair.  He was followed by Brian, Alex and Mike, as they all did the same.

Pops leaned down towards me and took my chin in his hands forcing me to look at him, “Remember, you promised,” he said, “Give me a half hour or so and I’ll be back.”

Pops began to walk out the door until he noticed the boys weren’t following. He turned back, “Are you boys coming?”

“Yeah, just one sec,”
 Elijah turned to him and said.

They all stood in front of me and they all looked like they wanted to say something.
  Drew began, “We were talking and we just wanted to let you know something,” he hesitated and Brady took over.

“We just want you to know that even though we act like jerks and are a bunch of douche bags, that if you ever needed anything, you could always come to us.”

“It kills us to think that you felt so alone and kept so much stuff in that you felt this was the only option,” Colin added.

“We can be serious when we want to,” Evan said.
 

“Thanks, guys,”
 I quickly said.  I didn’t want the tears that began to fester in my eyes fall and my voice to crack.  We always kid around and stuff, so I will admit, it was a little awkward in that room.

Evan walked over and kissed me goodbye and said that he loves me and the other boys followed his lead and left.
 

I knew they meant what they said because there is no way they would have put themselves through something emotionally driven without it being physically painful for them.
  They are all about girls and sports.  My head hit my pillow and I tried to doze off. 
B
ut, thoughts of the past evening and what I said to my uncles and Pops at dinner echoed throughout head with an interruption from the
voice
.

“You made it. Great,” it said with a sarcastic tone.

10

Surprise Visits

    I was startled out of my slumber by a guy holding a cup of coffee while shaking my shoulder gently.  My eyes shot open and I glared with intensity at the man trying to put the pieces together to figure out who he was.  He was a tall man and a bit lanky.  He was good looking and appeared to be in about his mid-30’s.  His tan complexion went well with his beige dress shirt and his hair looked like black fluff on top of his head. I noticed that there was name tag hanging from his beige shirt pocket and I tried reading it, but I couldn’t put the letters together.  I was still groggy from just waking up, but I don’t believe I would have been able to pronounce it anyway. 

He spotted my look of bewilderment and immediately said, “Hi.
  I’m Dr. Gangopadhyay, but you can call me Dr. Gable; it’s my first name.  People can’t seem to pronounce my last one, so I like to make it easier on everyone.  I’m the hospital’s psychiatrist.  You gave everyone a big scare last night.  How are you feeling today?”

“I’m okay,” I said as I tried to scoot up the bed.
  I was still limited in my motions, so I didn’t get very far.  I peered down at the straps in vane and the doctor took notice.

“If you swear that you won’t act like you did, I’ll take them off.
  You seem to be a different person today,” he said as he stared his eyes above his black rimmed glasses and looked at me.

“I swear.”

“Okay.  When we are done here, I’ll tell Macy to set you free. But first, let’s begin with you telling me the truth and let me know how you are really feeling today and then walking me through wants been going on.”

“Honestly, I feel like shit.
  I’m exhausted.  I’m scared and I need help,” I said with a pathetic look painted on my face.  It was the God’s honest truth.  And, without a pause to think in between, the promise that I made with Pops came into my head and I divulged my story.  Everything was said; the pills, the suicide attempts, my feelings and pain.  Along with that I told him about the
voice
.  It was the first time that I have told anyone about its existence.  Well, besides me supposedly yelling about it last night.  The doctor looked at me, not in a strange way, but with an understanding demeanor.  He nodded as I spoke and listening intently to my words as they flowed out and the tears streamed down.  I wiped away the tears that puddled on the upside of my lips as I finished speaking and waited for his reaction. 

“Well, my dear,” Dr. Gable began, “we have some work to do.
  I’m going to get you started on some medications and we are going to have to talk about being admitted into a safer environment for you to explore some options. That
voice
that you hear isn’t a good thing and we have to find a way, be it through prescriptions or psychotherapy, to get rid of it.”

“What if I did everything right, the pills, therapy and such, would I be able to avoid going into a place?” I asked, deeply hoping that his answer would be the one I wanted to hear.
  I didn’t want to go into a mental ward.  I didn’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of people that were crazier than I was.  The chaos would get to me and I wanted to erase that as an option as fast as I could. 

“It isn’t unheard of, but let’s cross that bridge when we get to it.
  Until then, I’m going to go order your meds and you need to get rest, you have a long fight ahead of you.”

As he walked out the room, I sighed a deep sigh, exhausted from my activities the last few days and emotionally drained.
  Minutes went by before Macy returned holding a tray full of small white cups and a tiny silver key.  She unlocked the straps, releasing my arms that instantly raised to that morning stretch I was trying to accomplish earlier.  It felt good.  My body was crumpled in the same position for what seemed like forever and now, as my muscles extended, it felt glorious.  Macy sat down in what once was Pops sitting chair and explained the medications that were on top of the tray she was holding.  As she pointed to each cup, she would say the name, the reason in taking it, some side effects and then handed them to me along with a glass of water to help aid me in swallowing them.  Then she informed me that she was done her shift and a new nurse would be coming in.  She said her name was Gloria and that she wasn’t exactly the kindest person.  Her rough looks and loud booming voice made it hard for her to come across as anything else.  And a second later in walked the soon to be nurse in charge.  Within the room, the sound that emitted from her mouth was fierce, as it repelled off the walls and came in contact with my eardrums, was fierce.