When the Music Ends (The Winter Rose Chronicles) (11 page)

            At
the hospital, a very kind nurse looked Erin over. Her bleeding was already
slowing. The miscarriage was complete, with no tissue left behind. Erin would have to have two blood tests, about a week apart, but there was no reason to
suspect that there would be any problems.

            "You
know," the nurse told the young couple gently, "this is probably
for the best, especially for you Erin. You’re too young to deal with
this. Please be more careful in the future. You’re not ready to be a
parent."

            "Can
I get on the pill?" she asked the nurse.

            "You
can’t yet. If everything is fine after your second blood test in two
weeks, then you can. I don’t suppose I have to tell you not to have sex
again before the bleeding stops?"

            "Of
course not." Sean told her, "I wouldn’t even ask it of
her."

            He
drove her home in silence. As they climbed up the stairs, Sheridan peeked her
head out of her room, and then quickly withdrew it, shutting the door again. Erin was still hurting pretty badly and wanted to lie down, so Sean tucked her into his bed
and lay down beside her, holding her. It didn’t take long for her to
break down and she cried quietly for a very long time.

            Finally
the tears passed. Erin sniffled a little. "My God, this must be the worst
senior year in the history of high school."

            "I
know. The nurse was right though. This really is for the best. You can go to college
where you want now."

            "I
don’t care about that. I want my baby back."

            "Later,
when you’re finished with your degree, Erin. If you still want a baby
then, I promise to give you one, okay?"

            She
didn’t answer. That was a long time from now.

            By
midafternoon, Erin decided to stop feeling sorry for herself. There was still a
lot going on, and she needed to act normal. Besides, the Murphys would probably
be home soon and she really didn’t want them to find her in bed with
Sean. They had been through enough. She dreaded their return because it meant he
wouldn’t be able to hold her, and that thought brought fresh tears to her
eyes.

            She
showered and then made a quick sandwich out of the leftover turkey and ate it,
which made her feel a little better.

            Roger
and Ellen returned to the house about an hour after that, quickly carrying bags
into their bedroom to hide them. At that point Sheridan emerged. Her eyes were
red, but her face was composed. She asked everyone to join her in the family
room.

            "I
know what I need to do," she announced, "and I hope to have
everyone’s support. I’m going to have this baby, but I’m not
going to keep it. This is no situation for a child to grow up in. I’m
going to find a family to adopt my baby. It’s the right thing to
do."

            "Are
you sure that’s what you want, Danny?" Erin asked.

            Sheridan gave her a long speaking look. She fell silent.

            "Of
course, dear. I agree that’s probably best," Ellen said, "and
we do support you."

Roger nodded.

            Sheridan, being the serious and studious girl that she was, immediately applied herself to
finding an adoptive family for her baby. She put as much effort into that as
she did her studies.

She kind of isolated herself for a while, which was actually a
relief for Erin as she healed from her miscarriage. The all-state audition was
very soon, and she needed to practice. The Murphys were incredibly patient with
the sounds of oboe music coming from the upstairs bedroom by the hour. Her own
parents would have been howling by now.

            Then
one Saturday, about three weeks later, she got up early and drove to the high
school to catch a bus for her final attempt to make the all state band. The
audition music was hard and very vigorous, but she had it mastered, and was as
confident as could be expected under the circumstances. She was also much
better, physically. Her bleeding had stopped finally, and the second blood test
showed her hormone levels back to normal. The community health clinic had
issued her a prescription for birth control pills as well, and she had informed
her hosts that she had a date after the audition and wouldn’t be home
until curfew. She had also received some very interesting mail in the last
week, and wanted to share it with Sean. Even if she blew the audition, this
still had the makings of a very good night.

******

            That
afternoon, Sean was tidying up his apartment while he waited for Erin. She was supposed to arrive soon, and it wouldn’t do to look like too much of a
slob for her. As he tossed empty beer cans from the sturdy, serviceable coffee
table into the trash, added an empty pizza box, and swept the chilly white tile
floor, he wondered how she was healing. There was a soft sound as Erin’s key turned in the lock of his apartment door, and she was there, her lovely
face glowing. She looked happier than he had seen her since homecoming night,
when they were in bed together.

He gathered her
into his arms.

            "Hey
beautiful baby," he said, pressing a soft kiss on her upturned mouth,
"how did the audition go?"

            "It
went fine." Her tone was cool, neutral, and he wondered what that meant.

            "Did
you get in?"

            She
lingered a moment, savoring the anticipation. "Yes. I made first
chair!"

            She
had explained to him before about chairs in musical groups. The lower the
number, the better. His precious Erin had just been voted the best high school
oboe player in the entire state. It was a tremendous honor.

            "Congratulations,
Erin. You deserve it."

            She
was smiling hugely. "There’s more, too. Can we sit down for a
minute?"

            "Sure."
They walked to the sofa hand in hand and sat. Erin leaned on Sean’s chest
and he cuddled her close.

            "So
what’s up?"

            "I
got some interesting mail yesterday. First, I got a letter from that school in Texas. I was accepted! It’s a really big deal, you know."

            "So
you’re going then?" That thought was like a knife in his gut.

            "Hold
on, I’m not finished. I did a little research and found out something I
hadn’t realized. That conservatory is crazy expensive. They offered me a
scholarship, but a pretty small one. Everyone there is that good. To attend
would cost me thirty thousand dollars…a year. I could buy a small house
for the cost of that four years of tuition. Sean, there’s no way I want
to go into that kind of debt. Classical musicians don’t get paid
that
well. I would be making payments until I die. I’m honored to be accepted,
but I’m not going to Texas. That’s where the other letter I got
comes in. I was accepted to state months ago. But they just informed me that
they’re giving me a free ride. Think about it, Sean. College I
don’t have to pay a cent for. They’re covering tuition, housing,
even books, just so long as I pursue a double reed performance major there and
keep my grades up. There’s no way I can turn that down. I’m going
to state."

            He
relaxed, relieved she would be staying close. "That’s great, baby.
I’m glad your answer was so clear. I wanted you to go to Texas, because it would be good for you, but I’m not sorry you’ll be nearby."
Conflicting thoughts crowded his mind and one burst out before he had time to
reflect on it. "Erin, do you still want us to…stay together while
you’re in college?"

            Her
mouth dropped open at the unexpected question. "Yes, don’t
you?"

            "Of
course."

            "Why
are you asking this?" There was a hint of desperation in her voice. "I
thought we were forever."

            "That
was my intention, my desire."

            "Was?"
He could see she didn’t like the sound of that at all.

            "Is,
Erin. Calm down. It is my intention. I just had to be sure you
still…wanted this, now that there isn’t going to be a baby, and
you’re going away to school, and all."

            "Sean,
I love you. I plan to spend as much time with you as possible, even though I
won’t be living here anymore. Once I finish that degree, I’m coming
right back here to you, if you’ll still have me."

            "What
will you do here?"

            "Play
in the symphony and teach oboe and maybe bassoon lessons."

            "What
about your career?"

            "That
is my career. That’s what I want."

            "I
pictured you in some high powered program, maybe in New York or L.A., traveling, making recordings, all that stuff."

            "No,
I never needed to be famous. I just want to play my instrument. And be with
you, of course. That sounds like a perfect life to me."

            Sean
didn’t argue with her that such small dreams were a waste of her
considerable talent. After the miscarriage, he had done some serious thinking.
His father had told him not to let her give up her life for romance, and these
achievements only confirmed it. She was the best, a truly high caliber
musician. He loved Erin too much to hold her back forever. She needed to live
her dreams in a big way, and he would not stand in the way of that. She
didn’t realize she needed it yet, but would discover that later, when her
accomplishments started piling up. And when that time came, he would try very
hard to let her go graciously. It was what she needed to do, and he loved her
too much to keep her in this small town with so few opportunities. He had been
blessed to have known Erin, loved and held her, for this short time, and he
would make the most of every moment. But eventually she would leave, and he
would not try to make her stay.

            The
thought was painful, and they still had the rest of the school year to be
together. He hoped she would heal soon. He did want to put the mark of his love
on her heart and body and memory so that she would always remember him fondly.

            Erin wondered what Sean was thinking so very hard. He looked almost grim. She didn’t
want that, so to erase the little frown from his face, she scrambled into his
lap and pressed her mouth to his, kissing him for all she was worth.

            "Easy,
Erin," he told her, smiling a little, "you can have all you want.
You don’t have to fight for it."

            "I
want more. Can we please go to bed?"

            "Are
you sure?"

            "Yes.
Everything is fine, I’m not bleeding, my hormones are normal and
I’m on the pill. I’m totally ready for a good time. Would you like
to show me one?" She rubbed up against him with a sexy little shimmy.

            "Oh
baby would I!"

            He
scooped her into his arms and carried her to his bed and proceeded to make love
to her for so long that she was nearly late getting home.

            For
a year that had begun so badly, the second half was much better, at least for Erin. The all state concert went really well, and even featured a small oboe solo for the
first chair player. Sean went to hear her, which really warmed her heart.
Warmed the rest of her too, later, when he showed her how much he had enjoyed
listening to her play.

The rest of the time she studied, did homework, played her
instrument at the high school and the symphony and spent every possible moment
with her boyfriend. They started being seen out in public, no longer caring if
people knew. Too much had gone on between them to worry if the odd person
looked askance. They didn’t tell Sean’s parents though. The time
just never seemed right, not when the difficult situation with their own young daughter
just kept lingering on and on.

Sheridan
eventually settled on a family she wanted
to adopt her baby, a lovely couple in their mid thirties named Christine and
William Potter, who couldn’t have children of their own. There was one
final snag in the plans though.

Erin
returned home quite late one Friday just
before spring break. She’d had rehearsal after school, and then a date
with Sean, and so naturally she was feeling quite relaxed and content, a hint
of a smile lingering around her mouth. It was almost curfew, so she locked the
front door and headed to the family room to let the Murphys know she had
returned on time. She knocked and entered to see Mrs. Murphy sitting on the
sofa with her arms around her daughter. Sheridan was weeping once again.

            Erin ran right to them and embraced them both, her happy mood dissolving into concern.

            "What’s
wrong?" she asked.

            Sheridan couldn’t speak, so Mrs. Murphy answered, her voice bleak. "We got
some bad news from the attorney. In order for the adoption to be legal, both
birth parents have to sign a termination of parental rights. They sent the
paperwork to Jake, but…"