When the Music Ends (The Winter Rose Chronicles) (14 page)

            "Then
call him up. We’re going to graduate next semester. You’re about to
launch yourself into your adult life. If you’re ready to settle down, get
married, all that, why not call up your one true love and ask him to be part of
it with you?"

            "He
doesn’t want me anymore, you know that. It’s over Sheridan. I
haven’t talked to your brother in two years." There was an edge to Erin’s voice.

            "I
know. I wish you would. He’s not over you any more than you’re over
him, you know. He doesn’t date either. I know he misses you, and would
take you back in a second if you just told him you were still
interested."

            "If
that’s the case then why did he stop calling me? It was really
deliberate. I don’t want to call him only for him to tell me right out
that he doesn’t love me anymore." Her tone grew harder with every
word. It was clear she did not want to talk about this, but Sheridan was
determined.

            "That
would never happen. He loves you as much as he ever did. The reason he stopped
calling is that he was trying to be noble, not hold you back."

            Erin made a face. "That’s stupid. He didn’t hold me back, he held me up.
I would never have gotten though high school without him."

            "I
know. And I wish you had that kind of support now."

            "I
don’t need it. I’m fine," she said stubbornly

            "You’re
not. You need support and love as much as anyone else. You’re not a cold
person, Erin."

            "Can
you please drop it, Sheridan? I don’t like talking about Sean. It still
hurts a little how easily he got over what we had." It was clear Erin had about reached the limit, but still Sheridan pressed.

            "He
didn’t get over it at all. God you two are stubborn. If you would just
talk to each other…"

            "It’s
never going to happen. The one thing I can’t stand is to look pathetic,
begging him to take me back. There’s just no way."

            Wisely,
Sheridan changed the subject. This wasn’t over for her, but it had to
be done delicately. She was so much better now that she wanted to give her
friend that token of gratitude she had been thinking about since the day she
had given up her daughter. The only thing Erin really wanted was Sean. Sheridan was furious over the way those two had let each other go, each thinking they were
doing the other a favor. They still belonged together as much as they ever had,
and Sheridan would see them back as a couple if it was the last thing she did.

            "I
got a new letter from Christine. Do you want to see it?"

            "Sheridan, why do you torture yourself this way? You know those letters always make you
cry."

            "I
know, but it’s helpful for me to know how well she’s doing. It
reminds me that I made the right decision. It’s not like I can ever
forget."

            "You’re
the lucky one, you know." Erin was angry with her friend or she would
never have said that.

            "Why?"

            "Because
your baby is still alive."

            "Oh
sweetie, does it still bother you that much?"

Erin
’s voice caught a little. "What do
you think? For that brief couple of months, I thought I would be able to keep a
little piece of Sean with me forever, and then it was gone, and he was gone,
and I’m alone. I lost the only child I’ll ever have."

            She
walked out of the dorm room, tears streaming down her cheeks, letting the door
slam behind her.

            Wow,
Sheridan thought. That was dramatic. She had no idea Erin was still grieving
her miscarriage, although given how much she still loved Sean, it was no
surprise. She hated seeing her friend so sad, but how to help? Hmmmm. An idea,
like divine inspiration, clobbered Sheridan.

            She
grabbed her cell phone and dialed her brother’s number.

            Two
days later, the second to the last day of class before Thanksgiving break, Sheridan greeted Sean in the parking lot of the English building. She had asked him to
come for a visit, claiming she had so much grading to do with her job as
English Department aid that there would be no time for her to come home. This
wasn’t actually a lie. And she did really miss her brother. They were
very close. But of course, this was a classic Sheridan plot. She had schemed
her brother and best friend together four years ago, knowing that if they just
spent some time together, nature would take its course, and she was confident
that if she could just get them to talk now, the same would happen. She
didn’t even feel the tiniest bit guilty about manipulating them. Not when
so much was at stake. Those two would never be happy apart. Besides, it was
almost time for Erin to go home. She was one semester away from achieving her
goals, and Sheridan was ready to stand on her own. Not that the idea of letting
her friend go didn’t cause a pang, but it was unfair to rely on her when
it was no longer needed.

            Sean
got out of his car, that same neon blue mustang he had bought years ago, and
gave his sister a hug. The years had been very good to Sean. At twenty-six, he
no longer looked so young. There was a new hardness to his face, the bones
standing out more clearly. His skin was faintly weathered from so many hours in
the sun, and there was just the slightest indication of what would eventually
become lines around his eyes. It suited him. He looked like a man in his prime,
the kind of man that made girls weak kneed and fluttery. He was an absolute
titan of masculine beauty, and she was about to unleash him, full force, on her
susceptible friend. She hoped Erin would be completely overwhelmed.

            "Hey,
baby sister. How are you doing? You look happy."

            "Oh
I am. I’m so much better. You can’t even imagine it. Life went on
after all. Who knew?"

            "I’m
glad. I was worried about you for quite a while. It’s good to know
you’re thriving."

            "It’s
the environment here. I just love it. I wish I could stay in college
forever," she replied fervently.

            "I
never felt that way. I just wanted to hurry up and finish my degree so I could
go build stuff."

            "Well,
we’re not exactly the same, are we? Hey, Sean, would you walk with me a
bit? I have some stuff to do in the English department before I can take you
out to dinner."

            "Sure,
no problem. Man, I used to hate this building. Reading Shakespeare really didn’t
do anything for me."

            "Ha,"
Sheridan said, "everyone likes Shakespeare. It’s full of
sex."

            "Come
on, sis. Don’t talk like that. I want to imagine you’re still
innocent."

            "I’m
no less innocent than I was the day I arrived here, for your
information."

            "Well
that’s good to know. I pictured you cutting a swath through the male
population, you and your roommate."

            Since
he had brought up the subject, it was time to plunge in.

            "Come
on, silly, you should know better than that," she told him as she
escorted him through the door and down the hallway to the teaching
assistants’ office. She could hardly stand being in there, it was so
close to Dr. Burke’s office. Sometimes Sheridan swore she could feel his
presence through the walls. "Erin and I have been studying, and not men
either by the way. She’s no more moved on than you have. She has not been
on a single date since you took her out on Christmas break of our freshman
year."

            Sean
remembered that night. After months of separation, his ‘date’ with Erin had been spent entirely in bed. He had not seen her since. When he realized how much
she was still clinging to him, and he to her, he had purposely begun limiting
contact. She deserved better than to be the wife of a small-town builder, and
he intended to see that she not waste her opportunities.

            It
had hurt like hell. Now, years later, the ache was still raw. He missed Erin every day, but he refused to be the cause of her missing out on life. Shaking his
head, Sean forced his thoughts back to the conversation.

            "I
don’t want to talk about Erin."

            "Come
on, Sean. There’s so much unsaid between you. At least you should talk to
her. Explain why you cut her off. You broke her heart, you know."

            "Danny,
you know why I had to let her go. She would be wasted back home."

            "No,
she wouldn’t." Sheridan looked at her brother stubbornly. "She
would be wasted out there, in the world, alone. That’s how she’s
going to live, Sean. Alone. No one to love her. Is that really what you want
for her?"

            "Of
course not. She needs to let go of me and find someone who can give her
everything she deserves."

            "And
what exactly would that be?"

            "Well,
for one thing, the recognition that she’s this amazing musician."

            "She
can be an amazing musician back home too. In fact, think of the accolades
someone of her caliber would get for playing there. She’s better now than
she ever was before."

            "It’s
too small a venue."

            "For
whom? It’s what she wants. It’s all she’s ever wanted. You
were her dream, Sean. She didn’t dream about being a great musician,
because she already is one. People dream about what they don’t have. She
dreamed of you, of being part of a loving family. She doesn’t care about
fame, Sean. She only cares about having a home with people who love her, and
getting to play her oboe. I suspect she would also like a baby. She can have
all those things with you. Without you, even if she became the most famous oboe
player in the world, and let’s face it Sean, how famous do oboe players really
get? She would have no one. That instrument can’t love her back, and she
won’t let anyone else get close. Think about it."

            Sheridan’s pointed words struck Sean like a sledgehammer. She was chipping away at
the defenses he had erected to keep himself from scooping Erin out of her dorm
room and carrying her off to the nearest priest and marrying her. And every
blow unleashed a wave of pain he could scarcely stand. It really wasn’t
surprising that he lost his temper.

            "That’s
enough, Sheridan." His voice was harsh, loud. He was almost yelling.
"Leave me alone about her. It’s over. Do you think it was easy for
me to let her go? You of all people should understand about walking away from
someone you love for their own good. It had to be done, and I hate it every
day, okay. Just let it go."

            "What
is going on here?" A very tall man with long black hair, a large beaky
nose, and a ragged gray suit stalked out of a nearby office and approached
them. He looked from Sheridan to her brother and back, and was clearly
startled.

            "Sheridan?"

            "Dr.
Burke." Sheridan looked stricken. Sean’s attack had undermined her
composure, and her lip was quivering, her eyes filled with tears.

            The
professor walked over to her and put his arm around her shoulders, leading her
towards his office. "Come on, let’s go." He turned and gave Sean
a very hard look, his black eyes glittering dangerously. Sean walked away.

            Back
in his office, Dr. Michael Burke regarded Sheridan for a long moment. He was
still standing very close.

            "Are
you all right?"

            "Yes,"
her smile was watery but sincere. "I’m sorry if we disturbed you. I
was having a little disagreement with my brother."

            "Your
brother?" Dr. Burke looked surprised, almost relieved. "I thought
he was your boyfriend."

            "No,
I don’t have a boyfriend."

            "Hmmm.
Well, I’m glad I found you. I wanted to ask you something. You’re
just about finished with your Bachelor of Arts. Do you have any plans for the
future? I hate to say it, but a B.A. in English isn’t exactly a career
path in and of itself. What do you want to do with it, Sheridan?"

            "I
don’t know really. I wish I could just stay here forever."

            "You
could."

            "How?"

            "Get
a Masters. Then you could teach here."

            "A
Masters? Do you think I would be able?"

            "Of
course. You’re only the smartest student we’ve ever had. I would
suggest a PhD program, but we don’t have one. You would have to leave to
pursue that." And something in his eyes made her dare to hope that he
really didn’t want her to leave.

            "I
don’t want to go. Can I teach at a university with a Masters?"

            "Yes,
especially if you don’t mind teaching freshman classes, like you assisted
with this last year."