When the Music Ends (The Winter Rose Chronicles) (13 page)

A set of Vietnam era bombers roared over the crowd, and a
pyrotechnics team on the ground set off a number of small explosions mimicking
machine gun fire as the two planes zoomed past each other with delicate
precision, banking sharply before turning upside down overhead and returning to
skim the ground again amid another volley of pseudo explosions. The crowd
applauded raucously, but was drowned out by the heavy engine noises.

Erin
glanced at Ellen and Roger. Their gaze was
focused skyward. She changed positions, sprawling on her side nonchalantly, her
head propped on one arm. The other she extended to where Sean sat near her and
ran her fingers down his leg. He had been looking at her, not at the planes,
and was not startled by the touch. His fingertips brushed hers gently. He also
shifted, sidling back a bit, and towards her. It still didn’t look like
they were trying to be close, but it did allow him to press his hand against
her back, the warmth of his fingers sinking into her, soothing her nervous
energy. His body blocked the view from his parents.

The bombers roared away, only to be replaced by ¼ scale
remote control aircraft that zipped and hovered and skimmed inches above the
ground before climbing into the sky and returning, tails down, noses up, held
perfectly still. At last they landed gently and were packed away in preparation
for a set of seven little jets that flew in formation, and then a solo
aerobatic artist in a blue airplane. Act after act entertained the crowd while
Sean sat close to his girlfriend, touching her, but not in such a way that
their relationship was acknowledged.

At last, the air was empty, the smoke dissipated. Sean pulled back
from Erin as his parents retrieved the picnic basket from the car, and they ate
sandwiches and carrots and drank sodas. Then Erin left the group and headed
over to the bandstand. The symphony orchestra would be entertaining the crowd
as the sun began to set, with patriotic and military tunes. As she played, Erin recounted in her mind how the afternoon had gone. It was starting to bother her a lot
that Ellen and Roger were in the dark about her relationship with Sean. It was
almost as though he were ashamed of her. He never acted that way, except where
his parents were concerned. While she realized she was on the young side, she
was legally an adult, no longer in high school, and surely it couldn’t be
so bad that she was his girlfriend. She loved him. That had to count for
something, didn’t it? And he loved her. She knew he did.

She was so deep in thought that she missed the cut off and her oboe
blared noisily a half-beat too long. The conductor gave her a dirty look and
she forced her mind back to the concert. This was no time for ruminations.
Concentrating intensely on the music, she managed to finish with no further
errors, and then she packed up her instrument and put it away in the back seat
of Sean’s Mustang. He would be driving the girls home after the fireworks
because Ellen didn’t care for them, and Roger couldn’t abide the
crowd.

Returning to the blanket, she bid the departing parents goodbye with
hugs, and watched them wend their slow way to the parking lot. At last they
were gone and Erin was scooped into a passionate embrace, Sean’s mouth
coming down hard on hers for a devastating kiss. She kissed him back eagerly,
twining her arms around his neck. How she adored him. She could stay cradled
forever in these arms and be happy.

"Guys, stop," Sheridan said urgently. They released each
other to see Jason approaching the blanket, a scowl on his face.

"What?" Sean asked his brother belligerently.

"Nothing. Hell of a show, that’s all. You know, there
are kids here."

"Shut up."

Jason shook his head and moved a messy strand of dark hair out of
his eyes. "I never thought you’d be the sort to rob the cradle,
Sean."

"Leave them alone, Jason," Sheridan told her brother
tiredly.

"Humph. Why should I? I don’t get ammunition like that
every day. How cliché, bro, the little sister’s best friend.
Couldn’t you do any better than that? Is she good, at least?"

"Jason, if you don’t shut your mouth right now, I swear
I will shut it for you," Sean gritted out through clenched teeth,
deliberately wrapping his arms around Erin and pulling her close to him. She
laid her cheek on his chest.

"Jason," Sheridan said, her voice intense, "I’m
not kidding. Leave them alone. With all the shit that’s been going on in
this family, at least let
someone
be happy."

"Whatever. I’m outta here. See you around." He
sauntered off.

It was almost dark by now, and the three young people stretched out
on the blanket again. This time, Erin pressed close to Sean, her head pillowed
on his shoulder, his arm around her holding her tight. That was better. Now she
could relax.

Sean turned his head and looked at his girlfriend. She was so
beautiful. He loved her so much. If only she could stay here, be with him, not
go away. He would miss her every day until she returned.

What would he give to keep her from leaving? He knew if he asked her
right now to marry him, she would agree. She would go away to college engaged,
and plan her whole future around that fact.

The thought was so appealing that the words almost burst from his
mouth, but then he stopped. This was selfish. What would happen when some
amazing opportunity presented itself, and she refused it, tied as she was to
him? She had such talent, such skill. What use would those things be here? She
had mentioned teaching music lessons, playing in the little community symphony.
It would be a criminal waste. It’s what she said she wanted, but
honestly, she was too young to know what she wanted. Life would change, her
circumstances would change, and it wouldn’t be fair for her to make
permanent decisions when she was barely more than a child. No, her feelings
today were not to be taken seriously. Someday she would want more. He knew it.

It was a stunning revelation. He had always imagined love would be
different. He pictured the progress of a relationship would be simple; meeting
a girl, falling in love, getting married. Yes, there would be problems to face,
adjustments. But he had never, not for one instant, envisioned anything like
this. After a love this sweet, how could he ever move on? He had never realized
that loving someone could be so brutally painful, that it meant giving up your
own happiness for the sake of that other person. He had to choose. He could
keep Erin, and steal her life. Or he could let her go so she could live. The
thought was so excruciating that his eyes burned, his breath caught.

Hearing the soft sound, Erin turned to look at him.

"No matter what, baby," he told her, his voice intense,
"no matter what happens, always know that you are loved. I will love you
forever."

She saw the conflicted, haunted expression and knew what it meant,
saw the goodbye in his eyes. It hit her like a hammer blow. Desperate, she
leaned forward, capturing his lips in a kiss that pleaded for some other
outcome. But there was none. And as the first volley of fireworks exploded in
red, white, and blue sparks, their dreams of forever slowly died.

******

            Labor
Day weekend was almost over. It was Saturday and tomorrow morning, the girls
would be leaving to go to the University and get settled in before classes
started on Tuesday. Erin sought out Mrs. Murphy. She had something very
important she needed to tell her host and substitute mother. As usual, Ellen
was in the kitchen, this time baking cookies.

            "Hi,"
Erin said, pulling out a cooling rack from the cabinet and setting it up for
the double chocolate monsters Ellen was just pulling out of the oven.

            "Hello,
Erin. Thank you."

            "You’re
welcome. I needed to ask you something. You know I’m leaving in the
morning?"

            "Of
course."

            "Do
you and your husband plan to drive Danny, or would you like me to give her a
ride?"

            "No,
we’ll drive her. You can certainly come with us if you would like."

            "No
thanks. I want to have my car with me. You don’t know how long I saved up
to pay for that jalopy and I want to keep it."

            "Oh,
that’s fine. We’ll see you up there then."

            "Sure.
Listen. There’s something I have to do. You’re not going to like
it, but it’s absolutely necessary."

            "What’s
that dear?"

            "I’m
not coming home tonight. I’m staying over with my boyfriend. I
don’t know when I’m going to see him again, and I can’t pass
up the chance to spend the night with him one last time."

            "You’re
right. I don’t like that. Are you sure that’s a good idea? Are
you…giving up your virginity to this boy?"

            "No.
I did that a long time ago."

            "Oh.
Erin, I really wish sometimes that you were my daughter so I could have had
some influence on you."

            "Believe
me, you have. I would have loved to have you for a mother. Your children are so
lucky."

            "Don’t
do this, Erin."

            "I’m
very sorry."

            Erin left.

November 2005

            "Sheridan, you know that boy in our political science class, the one with the crazy hair? I
think he wants to ask you out."

            "What,
Eric?" Sheridan made a face. "No thanks. I’m not much
interested in a boy who wears leather and chains."

            "Come
on, step outside your comfort zone. You never know. Maybe he’s this
closet poet who will write you sonnets and make your heart melt."

            Sheridan laughed. "Nice try, Erin. Sorry, but you know these boys don’t do
anything for me. Too young. We both like an older man, don’t we?"

            "Yeah,
sure. I hope you’re not still talking about Dr. Burke though. I really
don’t know what you see in that guy. He sure isn’t hot."

            "Who
cares? I think we’re soul mates." She sighed dreamily at the
thought of her favorite professor.

            "Has
he ever expressed even the slightest interest in you apart from being your
teacher?"

            Sheridan thought for a moment. "I’m not really sure. He’s pretty subtle.
Sometimes I think he likes me, but it’s just hard to tell."

            "Sheridan, everyone likes you. It’s impossible not to. That doesn’t mean
he’s suddenly going to propose."

            "I
know. But here. Let me show you something, and you tell me what you
think."

            Sheridan opened her backpack and pulled a messy binder out onto her dorm room bed. Inside
was a sheaf of printed papers.

            "What’s
this?"

            "Some
stuff he gave me in that poetry class I’m taking. Here. Read it. Am I
imagining that he likes me?"

            Erin took the papers and scanned them. They were some pretty passionate anonymous love
poems clearly written for a girl who closely resembled Sheridan.

            "Sunshine
woman? Glorious smile? These do sound like you. But if they were from
class…that doesn’t really mean much, does it?"

            "Maybe
not, but he didn’t give them to the class. He only gave them to me.
Everyone else was reading Robert Browning."

            "What?"
Erin’s dark eyes widened.

            "Yeah,
he said I had already read those poems last semester in Brit Lit, and he wanted
to give me something harder." Sheridan could not contain a hint of a
smirk.

            "Danny,
these aren’t hard."

            "I
know. But please don’t call me Danny anymore. Remember?"

            "Yeah,
sorry. Old habit." Erin shrugged an off-handed apology. "You may be
right that he likes you. That still doesn’t mean he’s going to ask
you out."

            "Some
day he will. I’ll make sure of it. Besides, I’m not ready
yet."

            "It’s
been four years," Erin reminded her gently.

            "I
know. I’m much better. I just don’t know if I’m ready for
that yet. It’s still scary." Sheridan quickly deflected the
conversation away from herself. "Besides, it’s not like
you’re dating either, and I know there are guys that would love to ask
you out."

Actually, Erin had gone out with a boy last year, twice, a friend
from the music department. On the second date, she’d even let him kiss
her. While the embrace itself had not been poorly executed, it had left her so
unmoved that she had immediately let him know there was no future for them and
he should forget about her. It had been good advice because now he was
practically engaged to a very nice girl. Erin was happy for them.

            "Yeah
right," she said. "It’s different for me, you know. I already
met the love of my life, dated him, slept with him, everything. I wish it could
have lasted, but I’m thankful to have been with him for a while. After
that, no one else seems appealing. I would no sooner try to replace Sean than I
would my oboe. I’m the kind of girl who only has one love in her lifetime."