When You Least Expect It (21 page)

             
She filled the cup with the chocolate and a handful of marshmallows.  She sat on her bed leafing through a magazine.  She found herself having a lonely moment.  Elisa was out with friends, and Alex holed up in his room.  The only indication that he was even home was the bass sounds that came in through the walls.  Alex loved rap.  She didn’t really approve, so he kept it on the down low so that she wouldn’t veto his CD’s.  Bright boy, she thought as she sipped the hot chocolate.  She wondered if he would join her for a cup, so she padded off to his room, knocked and opened the door.  Sure enough, Eminem was shouting about killing people, while Alex talked on the phone.

             
“Hold on a sec…yes, Mom?” 

             
Amanda looked at her son, who looked annoyed at the interruption.

             
“Nothing, just wanted to say goodnight.”

             
“Oh, ok…goodnight Mom.”  He went back to his call.

             
Amanda shut the door and slowly made her way back to her room, thinking of the times he’d have been thrilled to drink hot chocolate so late, then give her a giant hug and kiss goodnight before she tucked him in.  How she missed those days.

             
She rinsed out her cup feeling a bit melancholy, and went to bed.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the country, Ray lay in his bed also feeling very lonely.  He missed Amanda so much it hurt.  Carrie was doing laundry supposedly, at one a.m., and for about the millionth time in the course of their marriage, he wondered what she did all day.  Her new nightly ritual was doing housework all night and watching television.  The funny thing was the next morning nothing was done.  Ray knew Carrie was lying to him, but if she didn’t want to sleep with him then what else could he do.  It exhausted him to think about it. 

             
He wondered what Amanda was doing.  He hoped she was sleeping.  He wished he could chat with her, but Attila the Hun was guarding the computer.  Even if he tried to get on during the day, she honed in on the sound of it coming on and ran to the living room to look over his shoulder.  He didn’t know exactly what the hell was going on in her mind, but it was starting to annoy him.  Ironically, even as he lay here, he could hear Carrie frantically typing away in the living room.  He groaned as he pulled the covers over his head.  What did he do to deserve this?  He worked on clearing his mind so that sleep would come.   He thought of Amanda, her voice, her laugh, her whisper… until finally he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

~~~

             
Carrie was frantically hitting the keyboard.  She was trying to crack Ray’s password!  She knew if she got into his account, the truth would come out.  There would be a letter or a picture…something!  She put in everything she could think of; the kid’s names, his birthday, her name, his favorite team, nothing was working.  It kept asking her if she wanted to re-do the password, but if she did, Ray would find out.  Of course, that matter might be a mute point after she found out all the gory details of his Internet affair, so maybe she should just do it.  That way, she would get into the account, read it, maybe even go to a chat room, and find out finally if Ray Knight had a secret life on the Internet.

             
Carrie got up from the computer to ponder this for a minute.  She went to the kitchen for a glass of water.  She wanted to do it.  She had the right! There was probable cause.  That’s what she’d tell Ray, she had probable cause to go into his account.  She would tell him he wasn’t going to make a fool out of her.  She put down her glass and with a look of determination on her face, headed back to the computer.

Chapter 15

The next morning, Ray woke up late.  The house was quiet, which was a rarity.   He wondered what time it was.  Without his glasses, he couldn’t see the clock, so he got up and went into the bathroom.

             
He rubbed his eyes, brushed his teeth and opted to go get some coffee before finishing the rest of his routine. 

             
He walked into the kitchen in his bare feet, the linoleum feeling colder than usual.  Winter must be on its way.  Maine had intense winters, and it wasn’t something he welcomed.  He poured himself a cup of coffee and went to see where the rest of the Knight’s were.

             
He went to the girl’s room and found nothing.

             
“Glenda? Carrie?”

             
He got no response.  He guessed they must have gone shopping.  He went back to the kitchen to look for a note, but found none.  He shook his head, wondering why this surprised him.  He took his coffee cup and went to the computer, thinking it was an opportune time to check his mail.  He sat down and logged on.  He typed in his password, and it told him there was an error.  How could that be?  He typed it in again.  Again, it got him nowhere. 

             
Ray wondered what was going on.  It looked like he had been locked out, or someone had changed his password.  Carrie didn’t have the access to do this, so it must be the former.  Someone was trying to break in to his account!  The girls would have no reason to try this, so of course it had to be Carrie.  Ray held his head in his hands.  Was she really so obsessed with the fact that he could have a girlfriend.   Ray opened his account after issuing himself a new password, nervous to see how bad his life was about to become.

             
First, he noticed that all the mail he hadn’t opened was still just that…not opened.  He did have a letter from Amanda, but everything else was just normal stuff.  The letter from Amanda was unopened, but Ray knew that didn’t mean anything. Anyone breaking into his account could open it and mark it as new.  He opened it, he read it, and he got an instant headache.  He tried to focus his eyes but all he could see was
thinking of leaving your wife
, and
don’t want to be responsible for breaking up a marriage
.   What would he do if Carrie had read this?  What must she be thinking and how was he going to explain it?  Financially, he wasn’t ready.  He didn’t have a place to go yet, he didn’t have the money for an attorney, and he didn’t know how he was going to support two households.  These were all the reasons that kept him here in the first place.

             
Ray groaned aloud.  He was so sick of all this.  Maybe you can’t be a hundred per cent ready.  Maybe when one wants to leave, they leave, and plan their lives from there.  This was torture, and it was not fair to him or to Carrie.  He should take responsibility for his actions and come clean.  Stop this charade of a marriage and either decide to try to fix it or end it. 

             
Ray slammed hard on the desk.  Damn it!  This is what he always did, self-ultimatums.  He didn’t want to save the marriage.  He knew now he had to make some changes in his plan.  It was time.  He had to stop putting it off and putting it off until it was perfect.  It was never going to be perfect.  It was going to be painful for him and the girls, and maybe yes, even Carrie, no matter when he did it.  Yeah, he would like to have more money, a nice place to stay, but this wasn’t a vacation.  He was leaving his wife, his family.  Maybe he deserved to suffer; after all, he was turning everyone’s lives upside down.  He went to the kitchen, put his cup in the dishwasher and went to take a shower.  Like a zombie, he removed his pajamas and stood under the shower spray, as hot as he could stand it.  He had to take a stand.  He had to move forward.  Standing underneath the spray, under the guise of the water, Ray cried.
                                                                      ~~~

Amanda took her morning coffee into the den to read her e-mail.  Elisa and Alex had both spent the night at friends’, so the house was still.   She didn’t mind this particular morning.  The house was quiet, the coffee was hot, and a little time to gather her thoughts after a rough week at work, was uplifting. 

              After logging on and waiting for the connection to take place, Amanda’s thoughts wandered to Ray.  They’d spoken a few times this past week.  The calls were very short but sweet.  She loved listening to him talk about himself, or about the girls.  She especially loved how he talked about her.  She was still shocked at how attracted she was to him, to his personality.   It seemed like he still felt the same way about her.  She kept her situation with Ray more on the down low now, so she wasn’t hassled by her friends and family too much.  Hilary seemed a little bit mellower now since seeing his picture and decreeing he at least looked normal. 

             
You have mail.
  Amanda smiled and opened her mailbox.  She looked through them to see if Ray had written…no such luck.  There was a letter from a CKnight00.  She had no idea who this was.  Usually she deleted anything that didn’t look familiar, but this one intrigued her since Knight was Ray’s last name. She opened it up.

             
Dear Mandy40,

             
No, you don’t know me.  However, as it turns out, you know my husband, Ray.  Maineman.  I’m his wife.  I’m not sure you even know he has a wife, but he does, and three children.  We’ve been married eighteen years.  I don’t know anything about YOU, whether or not you’re married, have kids or whatever, and I don’t care.  I want you to stay away from my husband.  Stop writing, stop chatting, and stop everything.  If you ever DARE to even suggest meeting him, you’ll have to then answer to me, and Mandy40, trust me, you don’t want that. I’m not somebody you want to mess with, so I suggest you back off.  As of today, you won’t hear anything else from Ray.  Forget about him.

Mrs. Ray Knight

             
She couldn’t breath.  She was gasping for air as she stared at her computer.  Ray’s wife knew about her.  How could this be?  Why didn’t Ray tell her?  What should she do?  Her first impulse was to write Mrs. Knight back and apologize for living.  She felt horrible.  She had inadvertently hurt Carrie by talking to her husband.  She now deserved to wear the ‘A’ letter. 
Adulterer.
  A wife was threatening her.  A wife wanted her to stay away from her husband.  She was the other woman. She was no better than Randy was.  She continued to stare at the letter and wonder who she had become.

 
              She decided against writing Carrie, or even Ray.  She would wait to see what Ray had to say when he called her…if he ever did.  She walked over to her phone and stared at it, willing it to ring.  Coincidentally enough, it did, startling her. 

             
“Hell-o?”  Her voice was a whisper.

             
“Mandy?  Is that you?”  It was Hilary.

             
“Yes.”

             
“What’s wrong with you?  You sound horrible.  Is everything all right?  Are the kids okay?”

             
“The kids are fine.  It’s Ray.”  Amanda told her the story, and then read her the letter.  “I think the shit is about to hit the proverbial fan.”

             
“Oh wow, Mandy.  This is horrible.  What are you going to do?”  Hilary felt sorry for her sister now, so withheld her ‘I told you so’.

             
“I’m waiting to see if I hear from Ray.”  She was trying hard not to lose it.  She knew this was all her fault and had no way to fix it. 

             
“Let me know when you do. Or if you don’t, I still have that friend I can fix you up with.” 

             
Amanda’s response was to hang up the phone.

~~~

Carrie sat in the Food Court at the mall sipping on her soda.  The girls were in the music store searching for their favorite CD’s.  Carrie had opted to sit out here so she could sort out everything that she had learned the night before.

             
She had been surprised at how easy it was to change Ray’s password.  He probably was up and had noticed by now.  She didn’t care.  At this very moment, she didn’t care if he dropped off the face of the earth.  Last night, she had broken into his account to find out finally, if he was involved with someone online.  She had learned so much more.  Unfortunately, it was even worse than she’d imagined.

             
Ray was planning to leave her.  Carrie was stunned.  She didn’t know if she should be angry or sad.  How dare he?  How could he leave the girls?  How could he throw away almost twenty years of marriage?  More importantly, how could she stop him?  Carrie knew this was the crux of her problem.  There was no way she could stop him, if this were truly the course of his plan.  Of course, he could just be telling the little floozy online this to keep stringing her along.  Although from the letter she read from her, this Mandy40, it didn’t seem like this was the case.  She didn’t want to break up his marriage or be involved with it in any way. 

             
Carrie was outraged.  Apparently, Ray had been planning this for some time, and telling this woman online all about it.  He was sharing their personal, private business with her.  Who was she?  Why was Ray on such familiar terms with her?  Although her letter to him didn’t suggest it, was she part of the reason Ray wanted to leave?