When You Least Expect It (23 page)

             
After purchasing the calling card, a fair distance from his home, he dialed up Amanda’s number.  She answered on the third ring.

             
“Hello?”

             
“Hi.  It’s me, Ray.  How are you?”

             
Amanda was stunned to hear Ray’s voice.  Her first instinct was to think that he had a lot of nerve calling after everything, but then settled down a little so she could find out what was going on.

             
“I’m okay, considering.  How are things on your end?”

             
Ray noticed that she sounded distant.  “Considering what?”

             
She couldn’t disguise the irritation in her voice this time.  “Considering your wife wrote me a letter threatening me, that’s what!”  Did he not know this?

             
“What?”  Although Amanda couldn’t see it, Ray’s face paled.

             
“Ray…don’t tell me this is news.  I’m sure if your wife was upset enough to write me, she had to be upset enough to question you about it.”

             
Quietly, Ray responded.  “No, Mandy, this is the first I’m hearing about it.  Tell me what happened.”

             
She sighed audibly.  This was unbelievable.  “I got a letter telling me to stay away from you, and that I wouldn’t hear from you anymore.  That you had a wife and three children and if I knew what was good for me, I’d back off.  Cool, huh?”  She was more than irritated now, and didn’t care if he knew it. 

             
Ray was beside himself.  This was why Carrie was carrying on like the perfect wife. She felt she had something on him.  He was about to explode.  “Mandy, you have to believe me when I tell you I knew nothing of this.  Carrie has not confronted me on this.  In fact, she’s acting as if we have the best marriage in the world.  I was wondering what was going on, now I know.  Mandy, I’m so sorry.  This was the last thing I wanted…for you to be involved.  Did she say anything else?”

             
“No, that was the crux of it.  Ray, I don’t want to be the other woman.  You have to tell her we’re just friends.  Why hasn’t she asked you?  I don’t understand.  How did this happen?”

             
Ray didn’t want to tell Amanda how it happened.  He was so afraid of losing her, and this might just be the last straw for her.  But undoubtedly, the worse thing he could do now was lie to her.

             
“Promise me you won’t get upset.”    Ray was reaching for anything.

             
“What?  I’m already upset.” 

             
He sighed.  This was a new side of her.  Of course, he didn’t blame her for being upset.  This was horrific. 

“She opened my account up.  She read the last letter you sent me.  I guess she realizes I’m contemplating leaving her.”

              She gasped, mortified that this was her fault.  She was speechless.

             
“Maybe this is a good thing.  Maybe this is just the fire I needed under my ass to get things moving.  This is not your fault Mandy, it’s mine.”

             
Amanda was crying.  She wanted to run.  She wanted the earth to open up and swallow her whole.  She couldn’t believe it had gotten to this point. 

             
“Mandy, please say something.”  Ray could feel in his gut that this was more than she was going to be able to handle.  He was going to lose her.  “I’m going to leave her.  I’m going to go home right now and face this head on.  I’m going to tell her I know about her reading the letter, and that it’s true.  That I’ve had enough, and that I want to move on with my life.  That I want to find a way to be happy, because we haven’t been happy in a very long time.  I promise Mandy, I’ll tell her it has nothing to do with you.  It
has
nothing to do with you.”

             
Amanda found her voice.  “Ray, you do what you have to do.  As I said in the letter that Carrie read, it should have nothing to do with me now, or in the future.  We live miles apart, the chances of us getting together is almost nil.   Right now Ray, I honestly don’t want to think about it.  I wish you luck with leaving your wife, and will be here if you need me.  I do love you.  Take care.”  With that, she hung up.

             
Ray listened to the dial tone.  He could feel his heart pounding in his head.  This couldn’t be happening!  He slammed down the phone watching as the receiver shattered.  He got into his car and could feel the rage building.  He blamed Carrie for this.  He was going to lose Amanda and it was all Carrie’s fault.  He hated her!  What had he ever done to deserve this?

             
He hung his head.  He knew what he’d done.  He’d tried to have his cake and eat it too.  He knew talking to Amanda the way he had been was wrong.  Even if he didn’t love Carrie any more, and even if in his heart, he didn’t feel he was cheating on her, telling another woman he loved her, while married, was wrong.  As Jimmy Carter once said, lusting in your heart is cheating.  He laughed at that, remembering when the ex-president said it.  He laughed uncontrollably, out loud, not caring who heard.  He felt delirious.  He held his head in his hands, trying to regain his composure. 

             
He knew what he had to do.  He had to go home and confront Carrie.  He had promised Amanda, and he was going to go through with it.  He decided to take a drive and calm himself down first though.  He started the car and headed to his mothers.  He was going to need a place to stay, probably as early as tonight.

~~~

             
“Where’s your dad?”  Carrie looked around the room, first at the girls, and then at the empty spot Ray had left.  “Did he go to his den?”  Carrie didn’t wait for the girls answer, she went upstairs to Ray’s little haven.                Norma had been about to tell her Ray had gone out, but decided to just stay out of it. 

             
Carrie knocked on the den door.  When there was no response, she opened it.  She was stunned at what she saw.  The room was almost empty.  Yes, the furniture was there, but his stereo, his records and CD’s, they were all gone.  When had he done this?  Where was everything?  She couldn’t believe this!

             
She ran to the garage.  Had he packed up all his stuff?  She turned on the light, and started ripping apart any box she could find.  Where was it?  She opened up boxes of old clothes, tools, all the things she knew were there.  Out of breath now, Carrie stopped.  She looked around the garage at the mess she’d made and burst into tears.  Ray was going to leave her! 

             
Mandy40 had known the truth.  But when, how?  Carrie sat on the worn out chair they were going to throw out.  She looked at the worn out fabric, so faded she couldn’t even tell what color it was.  She remembered when they’d bought it.  Ray had hated it.  She’d insisted.  She had won.  It was the story of their lives together.  Now, it seems, it was soon to be over.  Carrie wept, for everything that never was.             

~~~

             
Ray sat in his mother’s kitchen.  They were drinking a cup of coffee as Ray filled his mother in.  He left out the part about the Internet; although, it seemed to be an intricate part of all this, he felt it best to leave it out for now.

             
“Mom, things are worse than ever.  Carrie is suspicious, and hateful and hurtful.  She broke into my e-mail, and I can’t even go to the bathroom without her asking where I’m going.  She’s out of control, I can’t take it anymore.”

             
“I understand Ray.  I just feel sorry for the children.  This is going to be so hard on them.  I know they support your decision, and that makes it better, but I don’t even think they realize how hard it’s going to be.”             

             
“It will be hard on all of us, Mom, the girls, Carrie, and yes, even me.  It won’t be easy, but I still feel it’s the best solution.  Otherwise, I won’t ever be happy, and Mom, I want to find happiness out there somewhere.  It’s there. I know it.”  Ray looked at his mother, expecting her to agree with him, but instead she just shook her head.

             
“I hope so, for your sake.  I hope you aren’t searching for something that you might never find.  I don’t want you to end up alone, Ray.”

             
Ray rolled his eyes.  “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mom.  If this comes to a head tonight, can I stay here for the time being?”  Ray didn’t know which was worse, here, or with Carrie.  Fortunately, this was temporary.

             
“Of course you can.  This is your home.  You can stay for as long as you’d like.” 

             
“Thanks.  It will only be until I can get the place at the apartments I looked at.  My name is on the list, so it may be a few weeks, unless I can move it up.” Ray rose to leave.  He put an arm around his mother and they walked to the door.

             
“I need your support right now.  I know you don’t approve, but I have to do this.” 

             
“I know.”  She hung her head, saddened for her son.   She knew this was only the beginning of a very tough road ahead for him.  “Let me know what’s happening.”

             
“I will.  Bye, Mom…I'll see you later.”  He headed for home, not knowing what to expect.

~~~

             
After her mini breakdown, Carrie had sent the girls upstairs and started dinner.  She put on a pot of pasta and went upstairs.  She had decided to make this Ray’s last night in this house. 
She
was going to call the shots, not Ray.  It was how she decided she would deal with all this. 

             
She was packing his bag when she heard his car pull up.  She looked out the window to see Ray just sitting there.  She threw a few more things in and ran downstairs with the bag.  She wanted it to be the first thing he saw when he walked in.  She threw it on the floor by the stairs, and ran into the kitchen to finish dinner.  She was out of breath, and trying hard to keep it together; the last thing she wanted was for him to know she was flustered. 

             
She drained the pot of pasta and left it in the sink.  Ray walked in at that moment, and was standing in front of the suitcase.  He looked at it suspiciously, and then walked into the kitchen.  Carrie held her breath.

              “What’s with the suitcase?”

             
Carrie ignored him.  “I made dinner.  Sit, please.”

             
Ray looked at Carrie guardedly, but sat down at the table.  He watched as she banged the pot of pasta on it and set down an unopened jar of spaghetti sauce.

“There you go.  Dinner is served.”  Carrie sat across from Ray and stared at him, daring him to say something.

              “Well thanks for going to so much trouble.”  He served himself some pasta with no intentions of eating it.  From the look on Carries’ face, it probably had arsenic. 

             
“When were you going to tell me?”

             
Ray hesitated for a second, not sure to feign innocent or to jump right in.  He chose the latter.  “Now seems good.”

             
Carrie stood up.  “How dare you!” She screamed.  “I cook and clean for you, I do your laundry.  I raise your children.  I can’t believe that I have to find out you’re planning to leave me by some woman on the Internet; that I have to find out because you have packed up your belongings, while I have NO IDEA!  What’s the matter with you?  What kind of man does this?”

             
Ray cringed.  She saw his den.  Shit, this was worse than he first thought.  “Carrie…”

             
“Don’t even try to explain yourself.  I heard it all from Mandy40.  You aren’t happy, blah, blah, blah.  Well who the hell is?”  Carrie was yelling so loud she couldn’t even hear herself.  She had lost total control.  “Do you think I’m happy here stuck in this hellhole you call a home?  Stuck with the girls’ day in and day out, while we have the poorest excuse for a relationship I’ve ever seen. You of course are happy; you go off to work, or to the bars with the guys; or, as you’ve proven, even have girlfriends on the Internet.  You have it made, why would you want to leave?” 

             
Ray laughed, almost evilly.  “I want to leave because our marriage is dead…over.  There isn’t anything here for me.  The only reason I have stayed this long, is that I love Glenda, Norma and Nikki more than anything or anyone.  I just can’t take it anymore, Carrie.  I’m going to lose my mind if I stay here.  I want out.”   Ray was standing at this point.  Things were getting ugly and he wasn’t sure what Carrie would try to do.  She continued to surprise him.

             
“You want
out
?  Fine, I have packed you a bag.  Go to your mother’s house tonight, and tomorrow you can come back and say goodbye to the girls.  You can tell them that you’re leaving them.  For now, just leave.  We’ll talk more tomorrow.”