When You Least Expect It (24 page)

             
Ray looked at her for a moment wondering if she’d lost it.  Did she realize she was dictating to him how he was going to leave her?  Ray was incredulous.  He picked up the bag, and walked out without looking back.  He’d had enough for one night.  He would talk to the girls tomorrow. 

~~~

              Ray lay on his old childhood bed.  He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to be feeling.  On the one hand, he felt horrible; he had just left his family.  On the other hand, he felt free.  He had done it!  He had taken the step he had been planning on for so long now.  There were many more steps to take, but for now, he felt exhilarated.  He’d left Carrie. Ray closed his eyes and wondered where his life would lead him now.

~~~

             
Carrie had not explained anything to the girls.  They had asked where their father had gone to; she’d told them his mother had an emergency.  Which had brought up other questions from them, but she’d insisted they go to bed.  Reluctantly, they had. 

             
She relived the scene in the kitchen repeatedly in her mind. She hadn’t been as calm as she’d hoped, she was mad at herself for losing control.  Nevertheless, she felt she had won the first round.  Knowing Ray as she did, she knew he would plan this out to the minutest detail, and she wasn’t going to have it.  This would be her way.  In the end, she knew that Ray would never go through with it. He might be gone now, but only because she made him leave.  Carrie smiled; she loved playing the game.

~~~

             
As Amanda lay in bed trying to sleep, she thought of Ray.  She’d been so hurt during their conversation; she’d been at a loss for words.  She now regretted hanging up on him as she had.  It sounded as if he was having a very hard time at home, and all she did was make it worse.  Some friend she was.  All she could do was hope Ray understood her position.  She wished him well, and hopefully, when his life was under control, their paths would cross again.  All she could do now was continue with her life, one that existed only in El Paso.

~~~

             
Ray arrived at work the next day, trying to be as normal as possible.  It proved to be somewhat difficult since Carrie had not packed him any shoes.  Accompanying his dress shirt and slacks, he had on his sneakers.  He looked ridiculous.  He couldn’t help but notice the raised eyebrow looks he was getting, but he quickly walked to his cubicle and slid safely behind his desk, his sneakers out of sight. 

             
Chad popped in his head.  “Going casual today, Ray?” 

             
“Funny.  Long story Chad, don’t really want to get into it so go away.”  Ray hadn’t even turned to look at him.  The last thing he wanted was to start having to tell people he had left his wife.  He at least wanted to tell his kids first.  He wasn’t looking forward to having to go back to the house, but he owed it to the girls.  Not to mention he needed shoes.

 
              “Well, when you want to go get coffee, I’ll be dying to hear about it.  Let me know.”  Chad went back to his cubicle, chuckling to himself.

             
Ray’s phone rang.  Reluctantly, he picked it up.  It was Carrie. 

             
“How did you sleep, Ray?”  At least she hadn’t started it off by screaming, for once.

             
“Fine, and you?”  Ray didn’t want to have this conversation.  “How are the girls?”

             
“Wondering where you are, of course.  I didn’t tell them anything.  How is your mother with all of this?”  Carrie didn’t like Ray’s mother and could only hope this was an inconvenience for her.

             
“She’s fine.” 

             
“So shall I make dinner for you tonight?”

             
Ray was stunned.  This woman was insane “No.  I’ll come by and speak to the girls, pick up some more of my clothes and be on my way.  This is hard enough as it is Carrie, let’s not make it harder.”

             
Carrie’s voice raised a notch.  “I’m not trying to make it harder, Ray.  I’m trying to make it easier.  This is a big adjustment for all of us, can’t you think of the girls?  Why do you have to be so selfish?”

             
“I’ll pick up the girls and take them to dinner.”  Ray wanted this to end.  “I have to get back to work.  Can we talk about it later?”

             
“No.  We can’t.  You’re not picking up the girls.  You’ll tell them your intentions in front of me.  I have to be there for them.  They’re going to be devastated.”

             
Ray groaned.  She was really milking this.  “
We
will help them through this, Carrie.  The kids are stronger than you think.  They know we have a bad marriage.  They aren’t stupid.  They’ll probably be relieved.”

             
Carrie started to scream.   “Relieved?  Their parents are separating!  No kid wants that.  Are you insane?  I’m sure they’d rather have two parents no matter what. You’re just saying that to make yourself feel better.  You make me sick!”  With that, she hung up on him.

             
Relieved, Ray sank into his chair.  He had a feeling this was only the beginning of a string of screeching phone calls that he’d get today.  He wondered if he could get away with not answering his phone.  He laughed at this thought.  Nope, it’s life as usual as far as anybody was concerned.  He logged on his computer and dove into his work.

             
The phone rang again.  Ray hesitated, but picked up.  It was Glenda. 

             
“Dad, what’s going on?  Why were you at Grandmas?  We were worried.”

             
“I’m sorry.  Things are bad between your mom and me.  She found out I’ve been planning on leaving.  She found my den all packed up.  She wanted me to leave last night without seeing you guys, but I’ll be by tonight.”  Although Glenda knew of the plan, telling her was not easy.

             
“I see.  So the plan is in action?”  Glenda’s voice suddenly got very small.

             
Ray’s heart sank.  “Yes, it is.  It has to be now.  It will all work out, Glenda.  Things will be fine.  How are your sisters?”

             
“Norma’s okay, but Nikki is a mess.  Of course, she didn’t know about this in advance.  We’ve tried to warn her a little, that this might be what’s happening, and tried to tell her it’s going to be better this way, but she doesn’t see it.  Maybe after you talk to her, she’ll be better.”

             
“I’ll see you all tonight.  Hang in there, okay?” 

             
“Okay.  See you later?”  Glenda’s voice was shaky.

             
So was his.  “Yep, right after work.  Tell the girls I’m coming, okay?” 

             
“Okay.  Bye Daddy.”

             
Ray hung up feeling numb.  He stared at the computer in front of him for a very long time. 

~~~

             
              After work, he headed over to the house.  There was a knot in the pit of his stomach, but that had always been the case.  Going home had never been his favorite part of any day. 

             
The girls were waiting for him outside in the driveway.  As soon as Nikki saw him, she started to cry.  Ray’s heart sank.  He quickly got out of the car and enveloped her in his arms.

             
“Nikki, don’t cry.  Everything is going to be fine.  Your mom and I just can’t keep up this farce of a marriage.  You know how hard it is.”  Ray stopped.  He was at a loss for words.  He didn’t know what to say to make this better.

             
“But why do you have to leave?  When will I see you?”  Nikki was barely coherent through her tears. 

             
“You’ll see me all the time.  On weekends, you’ll come to my place and have sleepovers.  I’ll meet you for dinner during the week. Plus, I’m only a phone call away, Nick so we can talk all the time, everyday.”  Ray still hadn’t let her out of his arms.  Her crying was subsiding just a bit.  Ray could see Carrie watching him from the doorway, so he let her go.  “Let’s go inside so I can talk to your mom about it.”  With an arm around her, they walked to the house.  Glenda and Norma followed them. 

             
The minute Ray opened the door Carrie took over.

             
“Girls, your father has something to tell you.”

             
They all stared at her, incredulously.  Had she not seen the scene in the driveway?  Instead of arguing and making this harder than it already was, they all sat down.

             
Ray was at a loss for words.  What exactly does one say in this situation?  He dug deep for something reassuring.

             
“As you probably already figured out, I’m not going to be living here any more.”  With that, Nikki started crying again.  He looked at the two oldest and continued.  “Nothing between us is going to change.  I’m your dad, will always be your dad, and will be a constant in your life.  Just like now.  I might not see you everyday, but we can talk on the phone and see each other as much as possible.”                Now, Glenda started to cry.  This might not be news, but that didn’t make it any easier. 

             
Nikki went and sat by her dad.  Glenda and Norma followed.  Wordlessly, they sat on the couch embracing…one big giant hug. Glenda and Norma felt their father was doing the right thing, but they were going to miss him so much.   

             
Carrie said, “See what you are doing to your children.”

             
Norma glared at her.  “He’s doing what’s right for him.  I admire him.”                             

             
Ray got up.  He went wordlessly upstairs to get the remainder of his clothes.  Oddly enough, they were already packed.  He made sure everything he’d need for awhile was in the suitcases, and then headed back down.  The girls walked him to the door. He had nothing to say to Carrie, not even goodbye.

             
“I don’t think I can do this.  I can’t leave you.”

             
Nikki put her arms around him and started to cry.  Ray couldn’t take it anymore; he started to cry too.  He cried as he’d never cried before. 

             
Norma was behind him, rubbing his back.  “Dad, don’t back down now.  You’re doing the right thing for you.  You’re miserable here.  We love you and we want you to be happy.  We’ll be fine.” 

             
Ray had his arms around both girls.  “Please don’t ever hate me for this, no matter how hard your mom tries to get you to blame me.  I love you all.”  Glenda came in and hugged her dad, too. 

             
“We love you too, Dad.” 

             
Ray walked out the front door and he didn’t look back.  It seemed it was miles until he reached his car.  He started the engine, realizing he was leaving for good.  This was the hardest thing he’d ever done.  He hoped it was the right thing.  Right this minute, it didn’t feel right, far from it.  He backed the car out of the driveway and drove to the nearest bar. 

Chapter 18

              Ray’s first order of business was to get into his apartment.  First thing this morning, he had placed a call to the Portland House Apartments, hoping to get his move-in date moved up.  His mother had said he could stay with her as long as he needed, but it had been over twenty years since he lived with mom, he really didn’t want to begin his new life in his childhood home.

             
Ray’s phone rang.  He hadn’t even had a chance to catch his breath that morning.  He’d planned to call Amanda and let her know what was going on.  He picked up the phone, hoping it was she.

             
“Ray Knight.”

             
“Did you spend the night at your mother’s?”

             
Ray groaned silently.  It wasn’t Amanda; it was Carrie.  She didn’t sound too happy either.

             
“You know I did.  What’s up?”

             
“What’s up?  Let see, oh, my husband left me and abandoned his children.  They’re devastated.  Are you happy about that, Ray?”

             
Ray was in no mood for this discussion. “I’ll call the girls later, Carrie.  I think we have to do our best to get them through this with as little drama as possible.  Can you do that Carrie?  Or do you plan to make it all about you?”  Ray couldn’t hide the disdain in his voice. 

             
“How dare you imply that I don’t care about my children?  I’m not the one who tossed them aside because I was unhappy with my life.  Maybe our life wasn’t perfect Ray, but don’t fool yourself; this nightmare is all on you. 
You
are leaving our home. 
You
are making me go back to work, leaving the girls at home unattended. 
You
are making us all wonder how we’re going to survive.”