Where I Found You (16 page)

The shock Maggie felt was as real sixty years on as it would have been if she had been there with Elsa in 1953. ‘How?’ she managed to ask.

Elsie shrugged as if she had insulated herself from the past, and perhaps she had. It was only her dementia that found her weak spots. ‘A motorbike accident.’

Maggie couldn’t stop herself from imagining a lonely and pregnant young woman sitting on a park bench waiting in vain for her hero to appear. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’

Elsie sniffed back unshed tears. ‘It broke my heart, but I suppose I should be thankful I found out at all. I would have gone on waiting for him forever otherwise. Still, it was my Ted who came along eventually. Our marriage may not have had the same fiery passion – but it was built to last.’

‘Why come back here, back to Sedgefield, after all of this time, Elsie?’ Maggie asked, stepping a little closer to the question that still remained unanswered.

‘We came here when the girls were little to visit Aunt Flo and I do like the place.’

The response wasn’t as sincere as Elsie would have had Maggie believe. ‘But it’s the more painful memories you’re revisiting now.’

‘Maybe it’s my way of punishing myself.’

Elsie had so far chosen not to talk about the baby but Maggie sensed she was getting nearer the truth. ‘Or you want to retrace your steps? It would be perfectly natural to want to come back to trace—’

‘Trace my fingers across an empty bench,’ Elsie said before Maggie could finish. ‘I can’t change the past. What’s done is done. Now,’ she said, patting Maggie’s hand, ‘if memory serves me right you’re supposed to be giving me a massage.’

Reluctantly, Maggie did as she was bidden. She couldn’t bring herself to push Elsie further. Losing Freddie would have been painful enough but she imagined there had been worse to come.

‘Tell me all the latest gossip at that salon of yours,’ Elsie asked. ‘Have you made anyone else cry lately?’

‘It’s Kathy’s salon and no, there haven’t been any more cases of hysteria.’

They chatted a little longer but Maggie’s massage worked to better effect than either had expected and Elsie was soon in danger of nodding off. ‘I think we’re just about done. So how was that?’

‘It was a pleasure and I hope I remember your kindness. You will forgive me if I don’t, won’t you?’

Maggie cleared her throat as if to swallow back the useless words of comfort that she had quickly learned would only insult Elsie’s intelligence. A last squeeze of the shoulder was all she could trust herself to offer.

‘Try not to wash off the oil immediately,’ she said, her bump protruding as she straightened her back. ‘And I’ll leave you the bottle so you can apply it yourself. The oil will moisturise your skin but it’s the smell that will give you the most benefit.’

Maggie was rubbing her stomach as Elsie eased herself up, her stiffened joints making the process slow and painful. She couldn’t resist laying a hand over Maggie’s. ‘You know, it’s not so much the things I forget as the things I remember that scare me most. You need to start believing in yourself, Maggie. Take my word for it, you don’t want to fail this little mite before it’s even been born.’

Elsie’s words echoed in Maggie’s mind as she returned to the living room, sending shivers down her spine.

‘Where’s Elsie?’ Ted asked when he realised she hadn’t reappeared with Maggie.

‘I’m afraid I made a bit of a mess of her hair so she’s trying to make herself presentable. Has Harvey behaved himself?’

‘We’ve had a great time watching the snooker,’ Ted said. ‘It’s still pouring down outside. Do you want me to phone for a taxi?’

‘Erm, yes, that would be kind of you,’ Maggie replied, a little disappointed to be ushered out so soon. If Maggie was ever going to fulfil her promise to Elsie and help her husband, first she needed to know him. She was starting to realise she would have her work cut out trying to chip away at his rough exterior.

‘How is she doing? Really?’ Maggie asked once the taxi was ordered.

The question was probing, but thanks to Elsie’s pep talk, Maggie was feeling assertive enough to challenge his obstinacy. Ted didn’t answer straight away and the only sound in the room came from the rhythmic ticking of a clock on the wall.

‘The doctor’s given her some tablets,’ he said at last.

‘For Alzheimer’s?’

‘Alzheimer’s, dementia,’ Ted said dismissively. ‘It’s all the same thing in the end. We’ve seen it before with my dad and Elsie’s mum. The tablets will stop her forgetting so much.’

‘Or remembering things,’ Maggie added. ‘Has she had many episodes like the ones in the park?’

‘She always comes back to me.’

‘I know it can’t be easy for you, Ted, so I’m telling you what I’ve told Elsie. I want to help as much as I can.’

‘That’s very kind of you but you’re not really in a position to help, are you?’

‘I might be blind but I’m not completely useless,’ Maggie said, her tone a warning that she was a force to be reckoned with.

Ted coughed nervously. ‘I meant because you’re pregnant. You’ll have your hands full soon enough.’

Maggie’s cheeks flushed. ‘Sorry.’

Ted laughed. ‘Don’t apologise, I like your spark. I can see why you and Elsie get along so well.’

‘You have my number; call me if I can help. Your wife seems to be able to talk to me when she’s confused. She’s told me quite a bit about herself.’

‘Complaining about her aching feet after a hard day’s work at Flo’s Fruit and Veg?’ he ventured.

‘Or waiting for someone to return,’ Maggie offered.

‘So you know about Freddie, then?’

‘Yes. Did you know much about him?’

‘I didn’t when we first met but she told me eventually,’ he said and then laughed. ‘We must have been married at least five years before she got around to it though. Apparently, she thought I’d be jealous.’

‘And were you?’

‘I wasn’t then,’ he said.

Having hit a nerve, Maggie took a more gentle approach to her next question. ‘I’m beginning to understand why she dwells on her time here so much. It was quite traumatic, I think.’

‘You shouldn’t go reading too much into what my wife tells you,’ he warned. ‘Not everything she says really happened. She’s not well, remember.’

This time Maggie didn’t pause long enough for self-restraint. She was too busy overstepping the boundaries of politeness. ‘Did Elsie have any children before she met you? I was wondering if Nancy …’

‘Is my daughter?’ Ted asked, unfazed by Maggie’s directness.

‘I know I have no right to ask, but maybe knowing more about her life in Sedgefield will help me give her some kind of comfort when she needs it.’

‘I don’t think there’s much comfort anyone could give her. Freddie’s death affected her more than I ever imagined but as far as I’m aware there was no baby back then. Maybe she pretended to be pregnant just to get him back. I wouldn’t put it past my Elsie, she was a little minx in her day,’ he said with deep affection. ‘Nancy was born in 1957, two years after we were married. My daughter is selfish and thoughtless, so she most definitely takes after me. I hope that answers your question.’

‘What if …’

‘Maggie, my wife has kept her feelings locked away for sixty years. If she wanted me to know about everything that happened before I met her then she would have told me. Whatever she says when she’s not herself, real or imagined, is of no consequence. If she has secrets to keep then far be it for me – or you, for that matter – to take any notice of her ramblings.’

They both heard the taxi beep its horn but only Maggie felt the disappointment. Elsie came in as Ted was helping her with her coat.

‘Leaving so soon?’

‘The taxi’s here,’ Maggie said.

‘I hope you didn’t go pushing our guest out of the door,’ Elsie said to her husband. ‘He’s terrible, you know. As soon as Yvonne arrived the other week, the first thing he asked was when she was going home.’

‘Someone has to be organised and I was only trying to help,’ Ted protested.

‘Don’t be so hard on him. I can tell he has a good heart, however hard he tries to hide it,’ Maggie said, more in hope than belief. ‘And I really do have to be going but I’d like to do this again soon. You can come over to my house next time, I insist.’

‘You live by the park, don’t you?’ Ted asked.

Maggie could feel a polite refusal forming on his lips. ‘Yes, but I can always ask the park warden to lock the gate if you want,’ she joked. Despite Ted’s compelling arguments earlier, Maggie still wanted the chance to sit and listen to Elsa talk of her time in Sedgefield, whether her view of the world was flawed or otherwise.

‘You’re beginning to sound as bad as he is,’ Elsie said. At that moment, a car horn sounded again and she immediately became flustered. ‘That must be the oven. The pie will be burnt to a crisp!’

Neither Maggie nor Ted could stop her from rushing off to the kitchen.

The reminder of Elsie’s frailties was a reality check for Maggie. ‘If it’s easier, then I can come over to you,’ she conceded.

‘Yes, it would be easier,’ he said. ‘Now, if you have everything then I’d better see what she’s up to.’

Maggie heard Ted releasing a deadbolt before opening the front door for her. ‘You lock her in?’ she asked.

‘It’s easier that way.’

Maggie shook her head, dismayed by this glimpse of their life together. ‘I don’t imagine it’s easy at all,’ she said.

Maggie and James snuggled up together on the sofa. Both were shattered but for Maggie it was more mental than physical exhaustion. Soft music filled the warm air, which was laced with the scents of juniper berry and sweet marjoram, a perfect reflection of the purples and greens in the living room’s colour scheme. But despite all the ingredients for a relaxing evening, Maggie’s pulse raced.

She had expected lunch with the Miltons to go some way to allaying her fears but it had had the opposite effect. Whether she called herself Elsie or Elsa, her newest friend had sneaked into Maggie’s heart and she worried what the future held for both. Her own problems were insignificant by comparison and it had been Elsie who had given Maggie the courage to confront them head on. It was a poignant gift considering how little control the old lady had over her own fate.

‘Have you spoken to your mum today?’ Maggie asked.

The arm that James had around his wife was strong enough to demolish brick walls but when he gave her a gentle squeeze, his touch was as delicate as his response. ‘Only a quick hello, this morning.’

‘She doesn’t work on Fridays, does she?’

‘No,’ James answered and would have followed through with a question but Maggie was already pulling away from him.

Her tired body objected as she stood up and it took the adrenalin rush pumping through her veins to get her to the house phone. She was dialling before James had time to ask what she was doing.

‘Hi Judith, it’s Maggie,’ she said, relieved that the tremors making her hands shake had not transferred to her voice.

‘Oh. Hello, Maggie.’

Judith had been taken by surprise so Maggie still had the upper hand. ‘I hope I haven’t disturbed you?’

‘No, of course not. It’s lovely to hear from you,’ she said, more confidently this time.

Maggie bit down hard on her lip, the pain giving her the final push to carry out her plan. She wished she could see James’s face. She had heard him sitting up and leaning forward to listen in on the conversation. ‘The thing is, Judith, I’m after a favour.’

‘Really?’

‘I’ve got an antenatal appointment on Friday afternoon and James was supposed to go with me but he’s just been asked to quote for a job. He says he can cancel but it sounds important and I don’t want him to miss out on any opportunity for more work.’

‘Yes, I understand,’ Judith said. She didn’t.

‘So …’ Maggie paused to take a deep breath ‘… I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind coming with me? I could go on my own but I’d rather have some company, if you’re not too busy.’

There was a pause and then, ‘Oh.’

Maggie’s nerves jangled and it took all of her self-control to stop herself from immediately retracting the offer. Of course she could manage on her own, and she was well-aware that admitting a weakness, albeit a fabricated one, could work against her but she needed some kind of bait to get her mother-in-law to visit.

‘What time?’ Judith asked hesitantly.

‘Two thirty at the health centre in Sedgefield.’

With a sigh of relief, Maggie made all the necessary arrangements for them to meet at the salon later that week. They would go to the health centre from there.

‘Do you want to tell me what that was all about?’ James asked when Maggie ended the call.

She waited until she was back on the sofa, wrapped in her husband’s arms once more before she said, ‘I want your mum to accept me, that’s all. I want an opportunity for the two of us to be on our own so that I can get to know her a little better and she can get to know me. I know we’ve tried before but I was told today that I need to start believing in myself. And I do. I can do this, James.’

‘For what it’s worth, I already believe in you.’

Maggie’s emotions bubbled to the surface and she only just managed to say, ‘I know.’

‘So do we have your Mrs Milton to thank for this change in attitude?’

‘It’s not fair that my mum isn’t here to see her grandchild come into the world. She would have moved heaven and earth for me and it took Elsie to remind me that the same could be said of many mothers, even yours. I’m taking a leap of faith that Judith is going to be worth the effort.’

‘I promise you she will be,’ he said with iron in his voice that wavered when he added, ‘She has to be or she isn’t the mum I thought she was.’

Maggie was even less convinced but there was hope. ‘My plan is to concentrate on your mum’s positives. I’m going to remind her how good a mother and grandmother she is, how strong and protective she is. And then all I have to do is convince her that I’m part of that family too.’

‘And how exactly are you going to do all of that?’

Maggie let out a soft but nervous laugh. ‘I wish I knew.’

‘Maybe you should ask Elsie what to do next.’

Although it was intended as a joke, Maggie considered James’s suggestion in all seriousness, if only for the briefest moment, before shaking her head. ‘I’d rather be the one helping her,’ she said and wished, not for the first time, that she could sit next to Elsie on their park bench and help her confront the ghosts of the past once and for all. ‘Do you think it’s possible that someone could find their happy ending even if it is sixty years too late?’ she asked, already knowing that no one, not even Elsie herself, could answer that question with any certainty.