Where I Found You (12 page)

‘It’s got to be here somewhere,’ she whimpered but then froze as soon as she heard the rustle of paper beneath her fingertips.

Elsa almost tore the envelope in her eagerness to pull it from her bag but her heart sank when she realised it wasn’t the airmail letter she was searching for. She groaned in frustration and dropped the accumulated clutter back into her bag, some of which fell to the ground. But Elsa was more aware of her growing panic than the detritus scattered around her.

Looking back towards the lake, she watched as one of the boys went to sit next to the woman on the bench. She wrapped a motherly arm around him, yet Elsa was sure this woman had told her she didn’t have children. She had lied. Was there no one left who she could trust? Her first instinct was to turn and run but she still hadn’t found Freddie’s letter. A sob escaped her as she stumbled down the hill.

‘Can you feel the baby inside your tummy?’ Sam asked.

‘I keep waiting,’ Maggie said with a smile, ‘and there have been a few times when I thought I could feel it moving but it turned out to be my stomach gurgling. It won’t be long though and one day you’ll be able to feel him or her kicking too.’

‘I want it to be a girl,’ he said in a whisper so his brother wouldn’t overhear, but he needn’t have worried: Liam was too busy chasing the ducks with his boat.

‘I always wanted a sister,’ Maggie told him. Her parents had spent many painful years trying to have a baby and at forty-one her mum had all but given up hope of ever having children when Maggie, their miracle baby, arrived. ‘But to be honest, a brother would have been better than nothing.’

‘I wouldn’t say so,’ muttered Sam. ‘Liam’s a pain.’

Maggie put her arm around him. ‘At least you’ll get to play big brother to the new baby. It’ll be your turn to boss them around.’

‘But I won’t be a proper brother.’

‘What do you mean, Sam?’ she asked, completely dismayed.

‘Nana Judith said the baby will only be my half-brother or -sister. That means we’ll only love each other half as much, doesn’t it?’

‘Nana-bloody-Judith!’ she said with a hiss loud enough to disguise her words. Taking a breath she explained, ‘No, Sam. It means that you share only one parent: in your case you have the same dad but not the same mum. That’s all. I think you’re going to love this baby as much as you possibly could, even if it is a boy.’

‘OK,’ Sam replied.

Maggie felt as if she ought to say more but the sound of heels scraping along the path caught her attention.

‘Did you take it?’ Elsa demanded.

As Elsa approached the woman on the bench, her golden-haired dog stood up to greet her. His ears were pricked and his tail wagged furiously but his body froze as she spat out her accusation.

There was a look of shock on the woman’s face. ‘Elsie? What’s wrong?’

‘My name is Elsa, as well you know! Did you take Freddie’s letter?’

The woman had the nerve to turn towards her son. ‘Sam, why don’t you go and play with Liam so Elsa can sit down?’ The boy looked warily towards Elsa but didn’t move other than to take hold of his mother’s hand. ‘I’ll be OK,’ the woman reassured him.

‘Is everything all right?’ It was the other boy this time. He had abandoned his boat and was creeping closer to them.

‘Don’t worry, Liam. Elsa is a friend. We’ll be fine. Why don’t you take your brother and carry on playing with your boat?’

The boys skulked away but didn’t return to their play, reluctant to leave Maggie’s side. The fearful look on their faces wrenched at Elsa’s heart. She didn’t want to frighten the children but she was scared too. She didn’t know who she could trust any more and her mind was becoming so muddled. Through it all, one single thought stayed in focus.

‘Well? Did you?’ she demanded.

‘Please, Elsa, sit down.’

Elsa shook her head. ‘And you’re not coming near my handbag.’

‘I didn’t take Freddie’s letter, Elsa. I didn’t even know he’d sent one. Please, sit down and tell me what’s happened.’

Elsa refused to move closer. ‘You said you didn’t have any children but here you are with them!’

‘They’re not my children; they’re my husband’s from a previous marriage. I don’t have any of my own, not yet.’

‘So you stole them and now I bet you want to steal my baby too! Well, I’m telling you now: no one is taking my baby away. I won’t let you and Freddie won’t either.’

The dog was looking at her with his deep brown, imploring eyes. His friendly face was irresistible and he wagged his tail when he sensed her resolve weakening. Maggie let go of the lead and the dog stepped confidently towards her. She patted his head.

‘I want you to keep the baby, Elsa. Really, I do. I’m pregnant too, remember? I’m Maggie and this is Harvey. Tell me about the letter from Freddie. Please, Elsa,’ Maggie said.

Harvey led Elsa towards the bench but she sat as far away from Maggie as she could. Her breathing was still ragged but as she settled into her seat and took in the view she knew so well, her thoughts began to calm. She could picture Freddie perfectly, as if he was standing there in front of her. ‘You have no idea how lucky I am,’ she said. ‘Freddie’s so dashing and out of all the girls at the dance, he chose me.’

Elsa didn’t flinch when Maggie moved closer. Amongst the memories she was able to grasp, she recalled that Maggie was indeed a friend.

‘I’ll never forget the first time he took me for a ride on his motorbike. I was all dressed up for the dance in a red polka-dot dress, which was hardly appropriate for riding pillion. I had to hold on to Freddie for dear life and couldn’t stop my skirt from blowing up but Freddie said my legs were too good not to show off.’ Elsa giggled at the memory and her anger was all but forgotten. ‘That was the night he told me he loved me.’

Elsa’s smile was enough to put the two boys’ minds at ease and they sauntered off towards the lake. Within seconds they were consumed in their own arguments over who was in charge of the remote control.

‘I don’t know how I ever thought he would go off to Germany and forget me,’ she continued. ‘I should have had more faith in him. He told me in his letter that he only agreed to the break-up because he thought someone would snap me up as soon as his back was turned and it would have broken his heart.’

‘Does he know you’re pregnant?’

‘Yes, and he wants to marry me! So I’m not going to spend the rest of my life grieving – I’m going to be happy. Freddie’s letter proves it,’ Elsa said, but the joy in her voice left her body in a sob. She looked in her bag for her handkerchief but it had disappeared along with the proof that her one true love really would come back for her. ‘I suppose I should be grateful I got it in the first place. He used Celia’s address rather than Mrs Jackson’s, because as good as Aunt Flo is, she’ll do whatever Anne says and that niece of hers wants me to forget all about Freddie. Anne says not to get my hopes up and now she’s stolen the letter just like she’s going to steal my baby.’

‘Anne’s going to adopt the baby?’

‘Not now, she isn’t. I explained everything to Freddie and he’s said no one else, not even a posh doctor and his wife, could be better parents than us. Of course Anne doesn’t agree and nothing I could say or do would convince her otherwise.’

Elsa’s voice cracked with emotion as she explained, ‘I was so foolish, so trusting. When I first met Anne and she offered to help, we didn’t even discuss how the baby would be adopted. All I knew was that she would be better off with a family who could give her the kind of things I couldn’t. When Aunt Flo just happened to mention how her beloved niece couldn’t have children of her own, I was the one who actually suggested that Anne and her doctor husband should take her. But I can’t help but wonder … Do you think they planned it from the start? Have they trapped me?’ When Maggie didn’t answer, Elsa became more desperate. ‘He will come back for me, won’t he?’ she asked, looking to her friend for reassurance but it was already too late and the ghosts of memories came back to haunt her.

Elsa’s restrained sobs transformed into a heart-rending wail and amidst the returning confusion she was left with one indisputable fact. Freddie wouldn’t be coming to save her.

When Elsa had arrived, Maggie had been acutely aware this time that she was in the company of a very confused old lady. She was still trying to work out how she could have got it so wrong before. Everything about the way Mrs Milton moved suggested old bones and aching joints but once she sat down on the bench, those subtle distinctions were lost. The old lady’s perfume was dated but as the breeze curled around them it was diluted with the natural scents of the park. And then there was the voice. Tight with emotion, tempered by forced youthfulness, and dulled by the acoustics of their little alcove, the aged rasp was all but obscured.

As she sat back and listened to Mrs Milton reliving her fears, Maggie’s spine followed the curve of the bench that had absorbed the lives of the park’s former visitors. The seat was as hard and unyielding as the past and yet Maggie found herself melding into the world Elsie was creating around them. It took the old lady’s tormented sobs to jolt her completely back to her senses and she wrapped her friend in her arms. Maggie’s slight frame was strong and taut in comparison to Elsa’s fragile soul captured inside the crumpled body of an old lady.

‘I want it to be over. I don’t want to feel like this any more!’

Mrs Milton had lifted her head and looked towards the lake as she cried out. Maggie’s stomach churned as snatches of her nightmare came back to haunt her again. She had to find a way of helping Elsie while taking care of the boys at the same time. They were ominously quiet.

‘Harvey, go find the boys,’ she urged.

The dog had become wedged between the two women but followed his mistress’s command and went to offer his comfort elsewhere. Maggie’s next challenge wasn’t going to be so easy. The past was too painful for Elsie to bear and she needed to be drawn back carefully into the safety of the present, but Maggie had two children in her charge and they were her first priority, so she waited as long as she could for the sobs to ease.

‘The last time I saw you, you visited me at the salon. Do you remember?’

The only response from the elderly woman, holding herself as if heavy with child, was to bury her head into Maggie’s shoulder.

‘I’m an aromatherapist,’ Maggie said, speaking slowly but firmly. ‘Do you remember coming to see me?’

There was an imperceptible nod of the head.

‘I gave you some cream.’

Elsie sniffed back her tears with a hiccup. ‘That smelly stuff? I don’t like it.’

‘What does Ted think? Does he like it?’

‘He thought it was OK,’ she said hesitantly.

‘Maybe we could try something else next time.’

‘Maybe.’

Maggie held her breath. She had detected a change of tone in her voice. The forced youthfulness had disappeared. Elsie lifted her head tentatively. ‘I’ve made a fool of myself again, haven’t I?’ she said. The only remnants of her sobs now were the persistent hiccups.

‘You were looking for a letter. The one from Freddie.’

‘Oh,’ Elsie said, pausing to hold back a hiccup as well as her emotions. She didn’t quite succeed with either and her next words trembled over quivering lips. ‘Why do I keep putting myself through this?’

‘I suspect there are some things you can’t forget, no matter how much you try. You went through such a lot here in Sedgefield, didn’t you?’ Maggie asked.

‘I sat here many times and wondered what would become of me,’ Elsie admitted. ‘Holding on to hope only to have it ripped from my arms.’ The confession was painful but there were no tears to accompany the suppressed sob. They had been spent, not only in the last few minutes, but perhaps over decades.

‘He never came back for you, did he?’ Maggie asked, and as she did she was acutely aware of the hard wooden surface of the bench keeping her connection with Elsa open.

‘No.’

Maggie was about to summon up the courage to ask about the baby but then she heard Elsie rummaging through her bag again. ‘What are you looking for?’

‘My handkerchief; I know I’m losing my marbles but I’d never leave the house without a clean handkerchief.’

‘You’re not losing your marbles,’ Maggie assured her.

‘Oh, but I am. I hate what this illness is doing to me and there’s nothing I can do to stop it,’ she said. ‘After everything I’ve been through in my life, you would think I could have some peace in my old age.’ Elsie had every right to be angry but there wasn’t a trace of it in her voice, only an overwhelming sense of resignation. The fight had gone out of her. ‘Maybe it’s what I deserve.’

‘I can’t believe anyone deserves to go through this, least of all you.’

‘I’m scared, Maggie,’ Elsie whispered.

That simple statement tore at Maggie’s heart and she groped around for a glimmer of hope. ‘Things are bound to be more confusing right now. You said yourself that you’ve had a lot on your mind with the move.’

‘Thank you for being so kind,’ Elsie said, ‘but there’s little point in ignoring the facts. I’ve lost my mind
and
my handkerchief.’

The sound of footsteps and the accompanying rattle of Harvey’s harness drew Maggie’s attention. Sam and Liam were running up the path and away from the lake. ‘Liam, I don’t want you and your brother going far,’ she shouted.

The two boys didn’t answer and a moment later Maggie could hear them talking to someone at the top of the slope. Before she had time to panic, she heard the boys returning and, judging by the number of footfalls, they weren’t alone.

Sam arrived first. ‘Here’s your tissue,’ he told Elsie in the barest whisper as if he was afraid that the old lady would shatter if he spoke too loud.

‘And you dropped some other stuff too,’ Liam added. ‘But look who we found, Maggie.’

‘It’s Judith,’ Maggie’s mother-in-law said. She spoke slowly and clearly as if Maggie was hard of hearing and it was true to say that Maggie was finding it difficult to believe her ears.

‘Nana Judith says she’s come to the rescue,’ Sam piped up.

‘I thought you might need some help,’ Judith explained, the forced cheer a challenge to Maggie’s brusqueness. ‘And from what Liam’s told me, it sounds like you’ve had your hands full.’