Where the Wind Blows (9 page)

He tore his gaze from her face and stared at the wall. “You know it’s not in me to settle down. And even if I did try, I’d only end up hurting you, or breaking your heart.” He looked back down at her angrily.
Or something much worse could happen to you, or little Sarah.
“I’m just not the settling type!”

Chase saw her tremble and knew what her invitation must have cost her. He felt miserable. It was better if she found somebody else. Somebody dependable like the blacksmith, who could take care of her, give her the things she needed.

Chase pulled away.

“I understand,” she responded softly.

He couldn’t miss the hurt written all over her face.

“Sometimes things affect our lives so powerfully that we think only of the bad—I know I do. But in truth, it had to happen. I know it sounds strange. Whatever it is, there is good, too. Look for it and you may be surprised.”

His eyes narrowed as he gazed at her. He stood and straightened his shirt. “I’ll be leaving tomorrow.” The words had a finality that brooked no questions. “I’ll ride into town and tell them about Nathan’s death. Pick up more supplies and buy you a side of beef that’ll last you till spring. I’ll try to find you a suitable horse, but if I can’t do that, I’ll leave you Cody.”

Awake at sunrise, Chase eased himself out of the rocking chair, where he’d slept all night. Jessie had tossed and turned, eventually curling into a little ball before finally falling asleep. Her mumblings had awakened him, so he pulled the blanket up around her shoulders and tucked her in. It was the least he could do for her. She seemed to be sleeping soundly now. He tiptoed out to avoid waking her.

The cabin was quiet with the young’uns still asleep. Chase lit the stove and set the pot on for coffee.

His mind was made up. He wasn’t changing it. Telling Gabe was going to be hard, though. Explaining that the last few days had all been make-believe, and now it was time for him to be heading out, would be tough. No matter how Chase circled it, Gabe was gonna think he was a coldhearted bastard.

“Mornin’,” Gabe mumbled from his bedroll. His disheveled hair shaded his eyes, and he yawned. “Didn’t hear you get up. Where’s Jessie?”

“Still sleeping.”

Chase waited as Gabe got up and slung his blanket around his shoulders, a shield from the cold. When Gabe returned from the outhouse, Chase motioned for him to have a seat at the table. He kept his voice low so he wouldn’t wake Sarah. “Got some things to explain, and I’d like to get it done before the little one wakes up.” Handing Gabe a cup of hot coffee, he drew up a chair.

Silence hung ominously in the room. By the size of the
boy’s eyes, Chase knew he must be thinking he’d stepped out of line.

“Nothing’s wrong, Gabe, so don’t worry. Well, something’s wrong, but it doesn’t involve you. You’ve been doing a fine job around here.”

Chase held back a smile as he saw Gabe release the breath he’d been holding. They both took a sip from their cups, and their eyes met over the rims. Chase was first to speak.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’m just going to say it outright. I think you’re man enough to understand.”

He had Gabe’s full attention.

“I’m not Nathan Strong. Been pretending. To help Jessie so she’d be able to adopt Sarah.” Chase leaned back in his chair.

Color came up in Gabe’s face and his eyes narrowed.

“Nathan was working for the same spread I was. Got himself killed. I brought Jessie the news the night before you arrived.”

Gabe shot up. His chair twirled, almost falling over. With fists clenched he leaned toward Chase. “You sayin’ you and her”—he motioned with his head to the bedroom—“
ain’t married
?”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

Gabe was across the table in a heartbeat. Coffee mugs went flying, landing with a crash on the floor. Gabe had a death hold around Chase’s neck, and it was all Chase could do not to fall to the ground.

“Damn it, Gabe! Let me explain,” Chase gasped, prying the boy’s fingers from around his neck. Gabe Garrison was wiry and strong. Chase hoped he could peel the boy from his throat without using force, but it didn’t seem possible at this point.

As quick as he’d attacked, Gabe dropped his arms and turned from Chase, making for the door.

“Gabe! Hold on.” Chase lunged for him and caught his arm.

“Let go,” Gabe cried, choking on the words.

“Let me explain.” Chase held him to the spot. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”

Gabe’s face glowered as he swallowed once. “Yeah? You tell me now, just what
am
I thinking?” The question was low, hurtful. “I know. It wasn’t you, sleeping in there with Jessie the past few nights. Right?”

The boy had him there. Things looked bad from the kid’s standpoint, and Chase didn’t have any foolproof answers.

Gabe wrenched free the moment Jessie appeared in her bedroom doorway, a startled look on her face.

“What’s going on?” she questioned, taking in the puddles of coffee on the floor, Gabe’s hard, angry expression.

Chase was taken aback. Her face was pasty white, with lines around her eyes and mouth. She slumped on the doorframe, as if needing its support.

Taking advantage of the interruption, Gabe ripped his coat from the peg and ran out the door.

“Horse pucky,” Chase uttered as the door banged closed. He’d made a mess of it now. He turned to Jessie. “You don’t look well. Are you sick?”

“I’m fine. Just need to make a trip outside.”

She didn’t look fine. Last night she hadn’t looked sick, but she’d been broody while asleep. Now she looked almost nervous, too. Chase watched as she disappeared through the door.

Five minutes…ten minutes…fifteen crept by.

Where in the hell was she? He’d have gone looking for her, but felt she needed her privacy. Women were fussy about that sort of thing.

Sarah, who’d somehow slept through all the commotion, was awake now, and hungry as a horse. Chase felt oddly helpless in the face of her need. He offered her a leathery piece of jerky from his saddlebag, but she rejected it, her face clouding with impending tears.

“Hungry,” she whined.

“I know, I know. Jessie will be right back. She’ll fix you something, all right?” As her tears began to fall, he stomped to the door. Sensibilities be danged!

At that moment, Jessie stepped in. “What’s wrong?”

Unnerved by his helplessness, he responded harshly. “Sarah’s hungry, and I couldn’t find anything she wanted.” He strode over to the child, picked her up, and faced Jessie angrily, as if waiting for an answer.

Jessie was dumbfounded. What could she tell him? That she felt terrible? That her head was squeezing her eyes out of their sockets? That her stomach, cramped and bloated, felt as if it’d been pummeled in a fistfight? It was all she could do to not shout back at him.

“Sorry,” she replied evenly, mentally counting to ten. “I just needed some morning air to clear my head. How does biscuits and gravy sound?”

Sarah stopped crying and wiggled out of Chase’s embrace. She ran up to Jessie and held out her arms. Too weary to lift her, Jessie knelt down and kissed her tear-dampened cheek.

“One…two…three.” Jessie let Sarah scoop out three heaping cups of flour from the barrel and dump them into a clay mixing bowl. She showed her how to form a small well in the center of the flour, then carefully poured some water inside. Jessie took over mixing the powdery concoction slowly at first, and then with gusto.

Chase was leaving today.

Folding the dough over, she gave it a punch. That was just
fine with her. They didn’t need
him. She
certainly didn’t need him. Actually, she was glad he was finally going. Things around here had gotten way too complicated.

“Breakfast is almost ready,” she said over her shoulder to Chase as she stirred the gravy. “Call Gabe in from the barn.”

“He’s not in the barn. I’m not sure where he is. I told him about us this morning.”

Jessie turned. “How did he take it? You not being Nathan and all?”

“Not good.”

“Well, what did he say—exactly?” She was getting tired of having to drag every word out of him. This was important, and she wasn’t in the mood to play cat and mouse.

“Didn’t say much of anything. Just went for my throat when he found out we weren’t married.” Chase gingerly touched the red welts Gabe had left behind. “Defending your honor.”

The wooden spoon clattered to the floor as Jessie hurried to the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“To look for Gabe,” Jessie shot back. “I need to explain…”

“Give him some time to work it out on his own. He’s a smart kid.” Chase picked Sarah up and put her on a chair at the table. “Don’t you fall off, now,” he told Sarah softly as he pushed her up to the table. “Besides, this one’s real hungry. We’ll have another uprising on our hands if we don’t get some grub into her.”

After breakfast Jessie cleaned up the kitchen and started a pot of water boiling in the front yard for the laundry she did once a week. She put Sarah, along with some pots and a wooden spoon, under the table and told her not to come out. It was a safe place for her to play while Jessie was busy outside working.

Her lower abdomen, racked with cramps, was all she could think about. If only she could lie down on her bed and die. Since Chase was set on leaving no matter what, she wished he’d just hurry up and go.

He came outside and leaned against the porch post and watched her. Jessie pushed some towels under the bubbling water with her wooden paddle.

Why is he hanging around? she thought irritably. Without warning, she swayed to one side, dangerously close to the hot water.

Chase sprang down the steps, gathering her in his arms. Limp as a rag doll, she leaned into him, drinking in his familiar scent, longing to say so many things.

“Jessie, what’s wrong? I can tell you’re not feeling well. What is it?” Chase’s face was etched with concern.

“Just a bad stomachache. It’ll pass,” she said, making no attempt to leave his embrace.

“You’re going to lie down for a bit.” Chase stood back and looked into her face. “I won’t take no for an answer.”

He scooped her up, carried her into the cabin, and placed her on the bed.

“Nursing me has plumb wore you out. I’ll watch Sarah till you’re feeling better.”

“Chase?” Jessie asked, with eyes closed and burrowed down into the soft mattress.

“Yes?”

“You won’t leave without saying good-bye, will you?”

“Course not.”

She felt him brush a strand of hair from her face and tuck it behind her ear. “Now get some rest.”

The wash was much harder than Chase had expected. He’d done his own laundry before, but the whole of that consisted of one or two shirts, a pair of long johns, and some socks, not much else. Washing for a family of three was quite another story.

His shirtsleeves rolled to his elbows, he plunged another pair of socks into the rinse bucket. By the time he’d finished scrubbing Jessie’s two dresses, with yards of cotton and serge, and Sarah’s two small ones, he’d worked up a sheen on his face and rings of sweat under his arms.

Gabe’s things were the last of it. He shoved them into the pot, giving them a good swish.

Sarah was happy as a tadpole. He’d brought her from under the table, where Jessie had left her, into the fresh air with him. Her job was to run to the woodpile and bring small logs whenever the fire grew low. She was to stop at the line he’d drawn in the dirt fifteen feet back. Now, she struggled with a piece of wood nearly as long as she was.

As Gabe’s clothes boiled in the soapy water, Chase rinsed Jessie’s and Sarah’s things and spread them on bushes to dry. This chore would be easier if there were a clothesline. A clothesline…

Long strides took him to the barn, where he untied his lariat from his saddle. Returning to the wash area, he strung the hard cord rope between two sturdy trees, and then reached back into the rinse bucket. He withdrew a worn chemise belonging to Jessie. She must’ve washed it and left it to soak in the rinse before he took over the job. Dipping it
several times, he wrung it carefully, being cautious not to rip the threadbare garment.

Chase felt a tug on his pant leg and looked down.

“Da, more wood,” Sarah said, pointing proudly to the big log she’d finally managed to drag over to him. Accomplishment shone in her eyes. He didn’t have the heart to scold her for coming too close to the fire. “Thanks…honey. You’re sure a big help. Now stay back where I showed you.”

Sarah beamed her pleasure, then ran back to the woodpile to tackle another piece. Perhaps she was so young she wouldn’t remember the brief role he’d played in her life and would forget all about him after he left. Somehow, though, this thought didn’t make him feel any better.

He finished with Gabe’s clothes and was surprised to find his own dirty pants and extra shirt at the bottom of the bucket. Obviously, Jessie had meant to wash his clothes, too.

With shooting pains up his back and an aching head, he rinsed the last pair of socks. Taking Sarah with him, Chase carried the rinse bucket to the back of the cabin and dumped the murky water on Jessie’s small garden. Almost everything was dead now that winter was at hand, but a few pea vines seemed to be hanging on to the bitter end.

Footsteps crunched on the frozen ground. He turned in time to see Jessie scurrying to the outhouse. Whatever was wrong, she wasn’t giving him the whole story. In a few moments, he saw her leave the outhouse and hurry down toward the creek.

Chase doused the fire and, taking Sarah in his arms, scooted around the cabin. As he came up quietly behind Jessie and stayed behind some trees, he and Sarah watched as she crouched next to the water. It looked as if she were rinsing something out.

If she had something to wash, why hadn’t she done it in the pot with everything else? Why hide it at the creek? She
turned and made a wringing motion, then began to arrange what looked like strips of cloth over the rocks to dry.

Realization dawned on him suddenly, and he felt like a horse’s behind for not figuring it out sooner. The facts of life didn’t embarrass him. But they certainly would Jessie. He wished she wouldn’t worry about hiding—it was natural, and nothing to be ashamed of. Was she sad? Sorry she wouldn’t be having Nathan’s child? Women seemed to set such stock in babies.

Sarah began to fuss, so he made his way quickly back to the front porch. “Let’s get this soapy water dumped ’fore your ma comes back. She’ll be happy to see we finished all the washing,” Chase said with a grin. Sarah clapped her hands with excitement.

Jessie came around the corner of the cabin and stopped dead in her tracks, astonishment written clearly on her face. It did look odd—clothing of all shapes and sizes fluttering in the chilly breeze. Suddenly, he was mighty glad he’d made the effort to help.

“My goodness. You—you really shouldn’t have,” Jessie stammered. “I was planning on doing it right now.”

“We needed something to keep us busy, right, Sarah?” Chase bent down and picked Sarah up.

Jessie dabbed at the corners of her eyes.

“Hey, don’t cry,” he said teasingly. “Next time we’ll leave it all for you, okay?” Chase was trying to lighten the moment, but they both knew there wouldn’t be a next time.

“I’m worried about Gabe,” Jessie said, turning to look into the woods. He’s been gone several hours now, and I’m fearful he’s run off for good. I wish I could’ve explained things to him myself.”

Truth be known, Chase was worried, too. He’d thought Gabe would’ve returned by now. Danger lurked in these wild mountains, and an unarmed boy was easy pickings.

“Maybe he used his head and walked into town,” he said, trying to sound casual. “He’s probably having a grand time looking around as we speak.” He didn’t really think that was where Gabe had gone. The way the boy had been feeling this morning, he’d probably run off not knowing where he was headed. “I’ll saddle Cody and take a look around.”

Jessie nodded, looking wan and tired.

Sarah, hearing Chase was leaving, hugged his neck with her strong little arms, burying her face into his windblown hair.

“Bye-bye, Da.” She tilted her head, gazing into his eyes. Chase’s throat closed.

“Bye, Sarah. Take good care of your ma, you hear?” He kissed her forehead then set her on the ground. Hurrying to the barn, he threw a hand in the air as a good-bye.

Gabe wandered deeper into the forest, paying little attention to the distance he was traveling. How could they have lied to him like that? He was such a fool. Here he’d been admiring Chase and wanting to be just like him when he was grown. And all the while, Chase’d been dallying with Jessie. He still couldn’t believe it!

Should’ve bloodied his nose when I had the jump on him. Bloodied it good!

“I know what you always told me, Pa, that settling things with your fists ain’t the best way. But it’s just not right for him to be treating her like some common…common…Well, you know what I mean.” Gabe spoke to the sky as if he were directly addressing his father.

Gabe caught sight of Chase and Cody as they climbed up the steep trail he’d just covered. He stopped, waiting for the horse to approach.

“You all right?” Chase called, his voice harsh. “Jessie is worried sick.”

Gabe nodded. He didn’t feel like talking to the man.

Chase extended his arm. “Climb aboard.” Finally, after several moments, Gabe grasped it, swinging up behind Chase. They galloped back down through the trees.

As they neared the homestead, Chase brought Cody to a halt, and Gabe swung off.

“Look, Gabe, I know you’re disappointed in the way things have turned out,” Chase began, looking down at him. “But I’m sure you know by now that life’s not fair. Just when you’ve been dealt a winning hand, you can be sure the devil’s going to throw down an ace. That’s a fact.” Chase paused.

Gabe figured Chase was waiting for him to say something. Maybe tell him he understood. Well, he couldn’t do that. Not only had Chase hurt Jessie’s reputation, but he also planned to leave—breaking up what had seemed to Gabe to be a perfect family. A family he wanted to claim as his own.

“When I was fourteen, I had been on my own for eleven years,” Chase continued. “Just a little older than you. What I’m trying to say is, you’ve got to be the man of the house now. Accept responsibilities. Jessie needs your help. She’ll depend on it.” Chase cleared his throat. “So when something gets you down, you can’t just up and run off. Take it like a man, the good and the bad, and do what’s right for you and your family.”

Gabe stared at the ground. He’d been thinking Chase was doing what’s right for the family, too, before he’d learned the truth.

“I’m going into town,” Chase went on. “I’ll be looking for a horse for you and Jessie and picking up some supplies you’ll need this winter.”

Gabe watched as Chase galloped off in the opposite direction. Even after everything that had happened today, after
all his feelings of disappointment and anger toward the man, no matter how hard he tried to hate him, he couldn’t.

He loved him.

There was no denying it.