Where There's a Will (24 page)

Will’s eyes were as big as Troy’s had to be. Will gulped but moved over to Carlos and placed a hand on his arm. “You didn’t kill the Dom, did you? Not that I think a guy like him is a Dom. He was just a mean asshole.”

“No,” Carlos rasped, “I didn’t.” He took a step back and nodded at Troy. “Go ahead and ask.”

Troy blinked and wondered if he was really so transparent. Obviously he was. “Did the guy, the sub, was he okay?”

Carlos shook his head. “I don’t know if Lil was ever okay later on up here,” he tapped his temple, “but he didn’t die. He was definitely beat to hell, and I eventually got Clive, the wanna be Dom, away from him. Lil absolutely refused to go to the hospital. You have to bear in mind, this was years and years ago, and in the Midwest. Not somewhere anyone wanted to be out, and we sure didn’t want anyone knowing about the BDSM going on. Lil insisted on going home, and he wouldn’t let me near him afterwards. He was…” Carlos had gone pale and his voice not much louder than a whisper. “He hated me for letting him get hurt.

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Took me a while to find out, or get it through my head anyways. I thought at first I must have done something, hurt him physically, you know.”

“Were you bruised or anything? Sore muscles?” Troy scrambled for excuses, because he couldn’t believe Carlos, even fucked up on drugs, would hurt someone like what he’d described. The unprotected sex, well, Troy had been stupid once in his youth, and he’d been sober then. But violence, no, he didn’t believe Carlos capable of cruelty. “Like you’d been taxing yourself?”

Carlos blinked at him, frowning fit to cause permanent wrinkles. “I was fucked up from taking I don’t even know what drugs. I don’t know if I was sore.”

Well, shit.
“Did you ever see Lil again?” Even as he asked, Troy knew the answer.

“Yeah.” Carlos reached for his glass, chugged the rest of the water. “About a year later, I finally tracked him down in Portland. I’d spent a year getting my shit together and worrying about what I’d done to Lil. Trying to find him, too. When I did, he had a big ol’

Master who threatened to rip my arms off if I upset Lil, which was good, I think. Lil spoke to me for a few minutes with his Master there. He told me he blamed me for not taking care of him. Apparently—and I believe him—I’d been the one to suggest a threesome, and I’d picked Clive out as the third. So yeah, I fucked up, and Lil paid for it. After our chat, and sincere apologies on my part, I figured the best thing I could do was let him go so he could try to forget what had happened to him.”

“What happened to Clive?” Will asked.

Carlos’ frown deepened. “He was found dead not long after. Cops thought he was mugged, but they never figured out who killed him. I always wondered, since he was stabbed over a dozen times.” Carlos rubbed at his temple.

“The fact is, I allowed someone to be hurt because I was too busy fucking up my head.

And I
liked
Lil, he was a good man. But that’s why I hadn’t been close to anyone, really, in a long time. Took me a while to learn to be the man I wanted to be, time to forgive myself as much as I could. I do know I won’t ever do anything so stupid, so careless with someone else, again.”

“We all make mistakes,” Will pointed out. Carlos opened his mouth and Will held up a finger. “Let me finish. Now, I don’t know if Lil decided to play with Clive or if he was forced, but I’m betting it was bad judgement on his part, too. Could he have said no? I know you wouldn’t have forced him to go along with anything, including a three-play. Doesn’t mean www.total-e-bound.com

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he deserved to be hurt, not at all. And I’d think someone like Clive would have had a reputation for being abusive beforehand.”

“He was new to the area. Said he’d played along the east coast before moving there.”

Carlos sighed and held his hands out, one to Will and the other to Troy. “I know what I was, before, and even if I never laid a hand on Lil in violence, I was a fool for taking chances and any drug I could get my hands on. But I’m not the same man I was then, and I know it, too.

I’ve worked hard to be the kind of man my folks would be proud of.”

Troy reached for Carlos at the same time Will did. He held them both as tight as he could. Carlos didn’t need their forgiveness, but maybe he’d needed to talk, to purge the guilt from his system, as much as he could, and to reassure himself and them. Troy knew Carlos wasn’t the reckless man he’d been years ago, and he was betting Will knew it too.

“We’re gonna be all right,” Will said, making Troy think the guy was a mind reader, at least part of the time. Which was okay, actually.

“Yeah, we are.” He hugged Carlos until his cowboy grunted. “Now, since you’ve shared your kind of distant past, Will and I have something from the not so distant past to show you.”

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Carlos yawned so big his jaw popped. His eyes watered and he knew Troy and Will were right, something was gonna have to give, and it looked like that was going to be him.

The late nights and early mornings were kicking his ass, and Carlos had no intention of giving up his men. The three of them belonged together, that was all there was to it, so there wouldn’t be any splitting them up.

Problem was, Troy worked at least three really late nights—early mornings, rather—a week. Even when Carlos was at Troy’s place waiting with Will, and they napped before Troy got home, the love making and broken sleep was taking a toll. It irritated Carlos—in his younger days it wouldn’t have fazed him. Now he was older and wiser…and tired, damn it.

Troy’s solution, which was having Carlos and Will move in with him, would help a little. Didn’t alleviate Troy’s late-early hours, though, and Carlos would still have to drive in.

He’d be getting too little sleep, just like he was now. They could cut back on the sex.

Even thinking something so stupid was like a physical pain, but Carlos knew they all had to act like the adults they were supposed to be. But damn it, he wanted his men—his family—and he had to work.

As Carlos helped move the cattle to the south pasture, he tried to find a solution. Far as he could tell, he could either move, or ask about having Troy and Will move into the bunkhouse. The problem with them moving there was, Troy and Will would both have to drive to The Xxchange, or in Will’s case sometimes, to Xavier and Chase’s.

Will’s hours so far had been banker’s hours, from nine to five. The drive probably wouldn’t be so bad for him, but it would be for Troy driving home in the early morning hours, when deer and javelina were serious hazards. So what was the solution? Carlos wished he knew.

“You keep scowling like you have briars in your balls, you’re gonna scare off both your boys.”

Carlos didn’t turn his head, just looked at Rory out of the corner of his eye as the blond rode up beside him. Carlos’ smile didn’t quite match Rory’s angelic one, but he hoped it www.total-e-bound.com

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conveyed his lack of anger when he corrected his boss. “My men are made of sterner stuff.

For that matter, they like it when I’m grumpy. Gives ‘em something to aspire to.”

Rory arched a pale eyebrow at Carlos, making the Stetson he wore hitch up.

“Something to aspire to? What d’ya mean?”

Carlos tried to figure out if he’d said it wrong, but he didn’t think so. He just hadn’t completed the thought out loud. “I mean, they like trying to rock my world so I ain’t grumpy any more. Almost reason enough to come in snarling every night.” Almost, but not quite. He wouldn’t screw with to the two people he loved best in the world.

“Ah.” Rory looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Chance sure can get me out of a mood in no time, and I can do the same for him. I hate when he’s had a bad day, but it is good for both of us when he’s brought out of it. And,”

Rory sighed as his cheeks turned ruddy. “I got it. Troy and Will are men, not boys. Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“It’s okay,” Carlos said. “I think they’re both older than you are, though, and I kind of don’t like anyone else calling ‘em boys.” Sometimes he might call Will or Troy ‘boy’ but it held a different connotation…at least, it better, he thought. Carlos yawned again and this time water leaked from his left eye and streamed down his cheek. He swiped at it then rubbed his eye. Damn, but he was tired. It was looking like tonight he was going to have to sleep in his own bed.

Carlos became aware of Rory watching him intently and he huffed, annoyed with his own body’s limitations. “Getting old,” he admitted, but it wasn’t like it was a secret, was it?

Rory clucked at his horse, bringing the gelding around until he was in front of Carlos.

Carlos was sure Rory was cataloguing every line and sag marking his face.
Shit, I got bags the
size of Dallas under my eyes.
Still, Carlos sat up straighter and didn’t look away from Rory.

“You do look pretty tired,” Rory said, immediately holding up one hand, as if Carlos was even going to bother refuting what he knew was simply the truth. “I don’t mean anything bad by it. Still, you need to be getting more sleep. Ever thought of having Troy and Will stay over? Nick and Josh will be moving into their place next weekend. About time the contractors finished their house. I doubt Max and Bo would mind you having your boyfriends over.”

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Carlos explained his concerns about Troy making the drive in the middle of the night, and how he didn’t want Troy to be exhausted like Carlos was now. “Best just to leave it the way it is for now.”

Rory didn’t look convinced, and later, Carlos was sure the man was up to something, because he caught Rory watching him several times, and more than once Rory was on his cell phone when it happened. Carlos just knew Rory was talking about him, and Rory sure didn’t try to make it appear otherwise.

When he got up to the bunkhouse, he was dead on his feet. He barely remembered sending off texts to Troy and Will. Troy was working and Will’s phone had gone straight to voicemail, so Carlos had settled on a text telling them he loved them but he had to get some sleep. He didn’t even bother with dinner, only took a quick but thorough shower before collapsing in his bed, asleep before his head hit the pillow.

He woke, restless and feeling wrong, alone in his bed, several times throughout the night, until finally, he sank into a deep sleep. Dreams or memories of prior nights brought him a measure of peace, but when he woke alone in the morning, he just felt wrong, and he knew then something was going to have to change. He was too old to spend half his time away from his loves, so he had some decisions to make.

Could he do something else for a living? Carlos wasn’t sure. Ranching was as much a part of him as breathing, he thought—but Will and Troy were his heart. Maybe he could work at a feed store or—or what, he didn’t know, but there had to be alternatives other than what he was coming up with.

Carlos was so busy concentrating on the dilemma, he didn’t even hear the tap on his door at first. When he did, his heartbeat sped up, and once he saw Will and Troy in the doorway, Carlos thought it was interesting how his body seemed to know who was there before he’d seen or heard them for confirmation. Then he was just too damn glad to see them to think about it.

“What’re y’all doing here?” he asked, stomping his foot down into his boot. He stood up and held his arms out, and Will sprang at him. Troy grinned and looked him over much like Rory had, and Carlos knew then at least one person Rory had talked to yesterday.

“You still look tired,” Troy said as he stopped and leant forward, kissing Carlos as Will nuzzled his neck. “Rory said to tell you to take the day off, and the weekend. He’s got it www.total-e-bound.com

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covered. I think one of his brother-in-laws is coming over to help out, or maybe both of them are taking turns, I don’t know.”

Carlos felt a pang of sympathy for Annabelle. Hell, if he were in her shoes he’d probably have castrated every male around her. Last time he’d seen Annabelle, she’d looked about ready to pop. “When’s she due?”

Troy shrugged. “Have to ask Rory. All I know is, we’ve got you for the next three days, and since the club will be closed for renovations for two weeks, well, think of all the fun we can have.”

Will purred and Carlos thought he might have, too. He surely didn’t feel so tired anymore. “Maybe you and Will could stay here while the place is closed.” He didn’t ask, exactly.

“Oh yeah, we should.” Will punctuated his agreement with a hip-swivel, and the sexy move shot streaks of yearning up from Carlos’ balls. “What d’ya say, Troy?”

Troy’s smile was as wicked as the need in his eyes. He whipped his shirt off over his head and unsnapped his pants. “I think maybe you two should convince me.”

Carlos grinned, a hungry twist of lips. “I do love a challenge.”

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Will was going to die,
die,
if Troy didn’t get naked and inside his ass in the next minute!

“Ah ah,” Carlos rumbled, catching hold of Will’s wrist and tugging him back. Will slammed back against Carlos’ chest hard enough to knock the breath from both their lungs, and damned if Will’s dick didn’t get even harder. Carlos chuckled and brought a hand down to cup Will’s balls. “Watch him,” Carlos instructed, and he slowly began squeezing Will’s nuts, chasing back some of the snarling, impatient need threatening to make him come all over the place.