White Dreams (4 page)

Star didn’t hesitate. It didn’t matter that she’d never been to a city and had no idea what running his household entailed. It didn’t matter. She’d do whatever it took to protect her daughter. “I accept.” With that, she turned and hurried back to the village and her tipi. There was much to be done before tomorrow.

Flat on their bellies, Renny and Morning Moon watched their parents walk away. Renny lifted her head to peer over the top of the grass, but ducked when her father hesitated and glanced back over his shoulder. Her heart hammered, but eventually her father moved off.

She breathed a sigh of relief, but just for good measure motioned for Morning Moon to remain still. Finally, she lifted herself up onto her knees.

“It’s safe. We can talk now,” Renny said, bouncing in her excitement. “Did you hear them? My dad is going to bring you and your family back to our house! Your mom is going to take care of me, and that means we get to be sisters. And Running Elk will be my brother,” she whispered excitedly.

Morning Moon sat up and crossed her legs. “We should not sneak up on adults and listen to what does not concern us, Weshawee.” She glanced around nervously.

“But it does concern us. See, now we don’t have to run away. ’Sides, how else will we learn stuff? Grown-ups never tell us anything.”

Seeing that her friend still looked uncertain, Renny tossed a handful of grass at her. “You worry too much. I
never
get caught.” She giggled. “You should’ve heard what some of Aunt Ida’s friends used to gossip about. They never knew I was hiding in the parlor. I have lots of hiding places back home.”

Relaxing, Morning Moon rolled her eyes. “You won’t be able to do that anymore. Your father is a wise man. He’ll catch you.”

Renny fell back and chewed on a new blade of grass as she stared up at the stars. “He won’t. I’m smarter. ’Sides, he won’t do nothing.”

Shaking her head, Morning Moon leaned forward. “If my grandfather or grandmother caught us, we’d have to listen to a story meant to teach us proper manners. And if my uncle were to find us, he’d shame us.”

Renny shuddered, then rolled over to peer into the darkness to be sure no one was coming. “Your people punish very strangely. I think I prefer being sent to my room.” She’d only been publicly scolded once, for carelessly knocking over a bowl of ground nuts. While she’d immediately apologized, Striking Thunder had
suggested
she stay and help the old woman grind more nuts to replace those that had been ruined. Renny had to admit, though, she’d learned to appreciate the time and effort it took to produce even the smallest quantity of food.

Actually, she hadn’t really minded the punishment too much. The woman had been nice. Morning Moon and the other girls had even joined them, and they’d had fun. But at first it had been humiliating, especially having the chief speak so sternly to her in front of everyone. His words had been very effective. She’d felt bad, so the next day, Renny had offered the woman a rabbit pelt she’d been given to show how sorry she was. No, she sure didn’t want any more
shamings.

Still… “No one will find out, so quit worrying.”

After a moment of silence, Morning Moon grinned. “We will be sisters.”

“This is going to be fun. I’ll even share my room with you.”

“And you’ll show me all your hiding places?”

“Yep, but you can’t tell anyone,” she cautioned. “That’s why they are my secret places, ’cause no one knows about them.”

Stretching out on her stomach, Morning Moon rested her chin on her fisted hands. “It will be fun living in a big wooden house with so many rooms. My uncle Wolf’s cabin is small, and it has a bed in a loft. It’s fun to climb the ladder and sleep up there. Do you have ladders to get to your sleeping areas?”

“No, silly.” Renny giggled. “We have stairs.” She grew serious. “This would be perfect except for
him.
Maybe he’ll get bored and leave. Then it’d be just you and me and your mom.”

“I think your father is a nice man.”

“Well, I don’t. He doesn’t love me. He’s just pretending—so Emma won’t worry. He says he doesn’t blame me for my ma’s dying, but I don’t believe him. If he didn’t blame me, why’d he leave?”

Morning Moon put a protective arm around Renny. “My grandfather says we should always look to the heart for answers.”

Renny snorted and jumped to her feet, answering her own question. “No good reason, ’cept he didn’t want us. Come on. We better get back.” Though she spoke bravely, she didn’t want her father to come looking for her and learn she’d left camp against his orders. He scared her. He was big, and he never smiled.

The two girls headed back, shoulders bumping. When they reached the camp, they skirted the tipis, walking around the outer perimeter. Renny’s mood lightened and she alternated between walking and skipping. “You know, I don’t want to leave here, but it won’t be so bad with you and your mom and brother coming with us.”

She ground to a halt and frowned. “Hey, what if your grandfather or uncle won’t let your mother leave with you? What if they change her mind?”

Morning Moon stared up into the bright heavens, her face somber. “She won’t change her mind.”

Morning brought the promise of a storm. Overhead, dark, menacing clouds gathered. Gone was the week of warm, sunny spring days. Winter had returned for one last show of strength.

Camped a short distance from the Indian village, soldiers dismantled tents, hampered by strong gusts of wind that attempted to wrestle the canvas from their gloved fingers. Despite the weather’s quick deterioration Grady’s men moved with practiced efficiency as they saddled horses and loaded gear.

Compared to the activity of the soldiers’ camp, the Indian village was nearly deserted. Most of its inhabitants had opted to remain inside their warm, cozy tipis. Those outside in the brewing stormy weather spoke in hushed whispers and avoided the large tipi near the center of the village, where the sounds of arguing could be heard.

Inside of it, a storm of a different sort had just broken. Shouting could be heard throughout the camp.

“Enough discussion. You will not leave! I will not allow it!”

Inside her parents’ tipi, Star Dreamer met her father’s furious glare. “I
am
leaving,” she stated quietly, avoiding Striking Thunder’s eye. Somehow, her brother had learned of her plan and had returned early to add his protests to that of their father. As soon as her father had learned of her plan, he’d commanded a family meeting. For the last half hour, her family had been trying to talk her out of her decision. Even her youngest sister, White Dove, seemed to have taken up against her—and Dove was the most rebellious of all her siblings.

Golden Eagle paced from one side of the tipi to the other. He stopped at the closed flap of the doorway, flung it aside and stared out into the gray mist of morning. The air thickened inside despite the cool air rushing in. Leaning out, he growled something beneath his breath. Squeals of fright followed. Star watched several children take off running—Renny and Morning Moon among them. They had obviously been eavesdropping.

Turning, he dropped the flap, blocking out the dismal day and children. “You have not thought this through, daughter. The white man’s city is no place for one of our people.”

Star lifted one brow in perfect imitation of him. “I do not seek the permission of my family, only understanding. I carry my mother’s white blood—as do my brothers. They have each been to the cities of my mother’s people. I choose to visit as well.”

Pain mingled with disbelief in her father’s features. Star didn’t dare peek over at her mother, fearing what she’d find there. For the first time in her life, she was rebelling against her parents. She might be twenty-five winters, but right now, she felt sixteen.

Biting her lip, she wished there was some other way. She didn’t want to hurt them, but during the long, lonely night, she’d thought hard about her decision. And in the cold light of the morning, it seemed her only option. Her plan to accompany Renny and her father to St. Louis seemed the perfect solution.

After all, she’d had not one but two visions of flying away from her village and her people with the eagle. Hadn’t she felt safe with the great bird? Free as she’d never felt before? Yes. This was meant to be. There was a purpose to the arrival of Emma to their village as predicted by her dreams—one look at Striking Thunder’s happy union was proof of that—and so it made sense that the girl’s father would also play a role in her life. Grady O’Brien was the eagle of freedom.

The vision had been a sign from the Great Spirit that she was meant to leave. Though she didn’t expect to find peace or happiness for herself, she prayed that this was the reprieve for which she had begged the Spirits. Her daughter would not know the torment that plagued Star’s own life.

She kept her hands folded tightly in her lap.

“Why, daughter? I do not understand.”

Star sought the right words. “You cannot understand, my father. You do not fear waking each day because something might happen that you should have prevented, yet failed. When you go to bed each night, your dreams do not haunt you. Flashes of future events do not leave you frightened and confused and waiting for the worst to happen. You do not have your vision grow black as control is taken from you.”

Golden Eagle spread his hands wide. “I
do
understand. As chief for many years, I too felt the same worry and the same fear. But none of us can know the future for certain. Only the Great Spirit knows. Many times I have feared failing our people.”

Star shuddered and squeezed her eyes shut, fighting the tears. “You have never seen your own mate’s death,” she whispered.

Golden Eagle moved to his daughter and lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his dark gaze.

“True. I have never had visions as you and my mother have, but I’ve lived with the fear that my decisions would cause unnecessary death. I’ve been responsible for the lives of our warriors—I too have afterward wondered if I could have done something differently. You are too hard on yourself.” He looked to his wife, frustration filling his features.

Star cupped her father’s hand in hers. “It’s not the same. I have the gift. I should be able to use it to help our people, but I can’t. Many have already died because of me.” Her tears broke forth, her control finally overcome.

Golden Eagle stood and paced. “None of us can know the intentions of the Spirits, but I do know our people need your gift—as much now as it was needed when your grandmother walked the
maka.
Did she not learn how to use her gift for our people? She saw many times the approach of our enemy and warned us to move. Your own power will improve with time. You just need confidence.”

Star sighed. They’d had this same conversation more times than she could count. “My gift is not strong like my grandmother’s.” It hurt deeply to admit to her parents that she was a failure, but it was the truth. Only luck had enabled her to save her brothers’ mates, and now her people were beginning to get a false sense of competence about her. Nothing had been clear in those visions—just a sense of danger.

A clear vision meant seeing the death of a parent or child, and having no way of preventing it—and she wanted nothing to do with that. In a weary voice, she addressed her parents. “No matter what you say, I know I will never have the ability of my grandmother. But my leaving isn’t just for me. I will do everything I can to prevent my daughter from developing the Sight. I do not wish to see her suffer, as I do.”

Golden Eagle frowned. “If she is to have your grandmother’s gift, then it will be so, no matter where she lives.’

Star wrapped her arms around herself. If that were true, then what was the point in leaving? She hesitated, then strengthened her resolve. She had to believe there was hope for Morning Moon—hadn’t her last vision promised freedom? “The Spirits are strongest among our people. They are part of our world, they inhabit this land from the blue sky above down to the ground below. We live among the Spirits, we take our life from them, they are
waken,
and so I will take her to a different world, one where the Spirits cannot find her, cannot talk to her. There she will be free to grow up among my mother’s people.”

Staring into the burning embers before her, Star shivered despite the warmth rolling toward her from the smoldering fire. “I have decided.” Her words were desperate. She had to escape the deep, dark pit her life was slowly becoming. If she didn’t, she’d lose her mind; her daughter would have no one. Star’s breathing quickened with panic.

Unable to face the prospect of another long argument, afraid she’d buckle and give in, she glanced over at her brother. He had remained silent so far. His eyes, filled with worry and doubt, held hers for a long moment before he glanced over at Emma. His wife was biting her lower lip, torn between what her husband wanted and her father needed.

With a start of surprise, Star realized Emma’s father also had much to lose if she decided not to go. He needed her for Renny, as much as she needed him for Morning Moon’s sake. He’d admitted that. Her presence would make his slow reconciliation with his young daughter that much less strained. Emma knew that, obviously. Smiling weakly at her, Star strengthened her own resolve and grasped at the one bit of power left to her.

Reaching over to take her brother’s hand in her own, she clutched it, willing him to understand. “Is not the father of your wife trustworthy?”

“That has nothing to do with this.” Agitated, Striking Thunder tried to pull his hand free.

Star tightened her grip.
“Is not the father of your wife trustworthy?
Can he not be trusted to watch over me and my children away from our people?”

Striking Thunder closed his eyes, a sign of imminent defeat. If he admitted that Grady O’Brien was trustworthy, he’d eliminate all the reasons why she should not go. And if he said no, he’d risk angering and hurting both his father-in-law and his wife. She sat back and waited, satisfied she had finally found the words to stop his protests.

“Yes, my wife’s father is trustworthy—”

Star rose to her knees. “And will I not also be helping Weshawee, your new sister-in-law, as she is reunited with her father? Does not the child trust me and have need of me? Is she not a sister to my own daughter?”

“You have been very good to—”

“And would your own wife not have peace of mind knowing her young sister has left happy, and willingly, instead of being taken against her will?”

Striking Thunder glanced at his father. Both men bowed their head in defeat.

Star glanced around the tipi. Her mother and Emma looked pleased. She held Dove’s gaze until her sister gave her a small nod. To her father and brother, she said, “Then I must do this. I will go and help Emma’s father and sister. In return, the colonel has promised employment,” she stumbled over the new English word. “I will not be alone, and I will have a safe place to live.”

Golden Eagle asked, “What about Running Elk? You will take him away as well? All heard his loud protest this morning. He has no wish to leave.”

Star sighed. “My son has asked to stay with his other family, but I cannot leave him. He will go with us.” Honestly, she’d actually considered allowing him to stay behind as he wished. All Indian children were given a second set of parents to keep the birth parents from spoiling them. In times of hardship or death, there were always others to look after a child’s best interest—especially with her own large and loving family. Yet her son belonged with her. Didn’t he? Wouldn’t the city be a good place for him to learn about the changing world?

Star thought of Wolf, her twin brother. Before their birth, their grandmother had forecast twins who would each use a special gift to serve their people. Wolf’s gift was knowledge. At twelve winters, he’d been sent away to be educated in the white man’s boarding schools, and his learning was still widely respected.

But at first there had been difficulties. She recalled her brother’s despair over his forced separation from his family and people. He’d suffered many injustices at the hands of the whites and had finally run away. But at last he’d found his way, discovered his purpose.

In fact, by this summer’s end, Wolf and his wife, Jessie, would return to the cabin that had once belonged to their mother. There they planned to run a boarding school for Indian children, to educate them in the ways of the white man.

Still, remembering how her brother had fared among the whites gave her pause. Would her son feel the same anger and pain at this forced leave-taking? All during the long winter, Running Elk had spoken of nothing else but learning to shoot his bow and go on real hunts with the other boys his age.

He wanted to become a great warrior like his father, uncle and grandfathers. Could she subject him to what his uncle had gone through? And what would happen when and if they returned? Would he have to prove himself to his own people all over again, as Wolf had?

Emma spoke up hesitantly, interrupting her thoughts. “Running Elk is welcome to stay with us.” The woman’s offer earned her a frown from her husband; Striking Thunder clearly did not see the separation of mother and son as a solution.

Emma shrugged. “You cannot stop Star from leaving, and I for one think she should go if that’s her desire. Though I will admit my reasons are selfish.” She cast an apologetic look at her husband. “Renny will do so much better if Star and Morning Moon are with her. And one must follow one’s heart. Star Dreamer obviously needs to go.”

White Wind nodded her head, although somewhat more sadly. “I agree with my new daughter. Does the separation between mother and son have to be forever? Running Elk with be well cared for among our people…though it is of course my daughter’s decision.”

She held up a hand as both her son and husband started to protest. “Why not set a time? A trial period. Emma’s babe is due at the end of summer, and I’m sure Emma’s father will wish to return and see his daughter and grandchild. Why not ask the colonel to bring Star back to us at that time? And if it is her wish then to remain in the city, we will decide on Running Elk’s future.”

Neither Golden Eagle nor Striking Thunder looked pleased with the compromise, but there was little else to be said. Star had made her decision: she would go to the city.

But what about the fate of her son? Parting mother and child was never an easy decision, even though Running Elk had begged to be left behind. Her mother and Emma smiled at Star with understanding, but White Dove still looked worried. As Star glanced about, she saw the men still wore varying degrees of frustration on their faces. She had to act fast. “My mother is wise. I accept my sister’s offer to look after my son until I return…if it is still his wish to remain here.”

Her stomach churned. Would her son decide to stay? It wouldn’t be fair to take him away if he truly did not wish to go, but a part of her wished that everything could remain as it had. But it couldn’t. She needed to get Morning Moon away from here, away from any chance of pain, and if her son would be happier here…

White Wind rose gracefully to her feet. “Then it’s all settled.”

Striking Thunder rose as well and met Star’s teary gaze. “I will choose a handful of warriors. We will accompany you to the fort.”