Who We Are (24 page)

She turned back to the task at hand with determination. As she began to sew, it dawned on her that these bags could determine their fate. She sewed feverishly for the next two hours. When she finished the sacks, she needed to fashion the straps. She had to sit and think about this. The straps had to be strong enough that they would not unravel under the weight of the bag.

While she was trying to make a mental pattern of the straps, her stomach started to growl. She decided to stop for lunch. She set up their lunch on the table after she cleared off her sewing. Then she went over to Johnny and gently kissed him on the forehead. He stirred a little and when he opened his eyes he smiled.

“Now I can get used to be woken by your beautiful face and soft lips. How long did I sleep?”

“A couple of hours, actually.”

“Really? I haven’t slept that much or that peacefully in a long time.” He pulled Desire onto his lap and planted kisses all over her face. He embraced her and whispered in her ear. “You saved me, Darby. If I didn’t find you here when I did, I would have given in to this crazy mess of a world.” He hugged her tightly.

“Let’s eat now,” Darby said. “We have a lot to do. I also want to show you my work. I am almost done and am trying to make a mental pattern of good solid shoulder straps.”

They sat at the table and ate their lunch, mostly in silence. Desire wanted to talk but there was too much activity in her head. The act of stitching their escape bags solidified the reality of the danger they were in. Johnny also seemed deep in thought. There were no chuckles over spilt lemonade this time.

Darby wondered what they would be doing right now if they had not had that terrible car accident. Aedan would be halfway finished law school and she would be studying at university. She looked down at her plate and reality finally hit her. Whatever it was they were involved in, there was no turning back. She stopped chewing as it finally dawned on her. Regardless of whether their escape attempt was successful, they would never be able to walk back into their real lives as if nothing had happened. In fact, they would probably never again be who they once were.

If there were people in the world powerful enough to pull off a community-sized human experiment, They were powerful enough to find the two of them once they had discovered they had escaped. Darby put down her sandwich and started to cry. These were not little tears, they were the sorrowful cries of someone discovering that they are at the end with no other options.

Aedan dropped his sandwich and rushed to her side. He turned her chair to face him. “I know Darby, I know what you are thinking. But we just need a chance. We need a chance to be free. If we can make it out of this screwed-up world, we can make our own rules and decide our own destiny. I can’t make any guarantees, but knowing me and knowing who you are deep inside, if anyone can make it, I believe we can. As long as we are together, we can have a good life.”

“I won’t see Patrick or my parents ever again, will I?”

Aedan hung his head for a minute and then looked Darby straight in the eyes. “I don’t know, Darby. I really don’t know. It may just be you and me for a while. The first place they will look for us is our parents’ homes. I know you wouldn’t want to put them at risk and I wouldn’t either. But trust me, we will find a way to let them know that we are alive and well. I promise you, we will see our families again. I promise.” It sounded as if he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince her.

He stood up and kissed her forehead. Turning her chair back around to face the table, he said, “Now finish your lunch. It is imperative that you keep up your strength.”

Darby grabbed his hand before he could walk away to the other side if the table. “You never finished telling me everything, Aedan. You got distracted talking about our pack-sacks and supplies.” Darby focused on the facts. She felt that if she became fully armed with the whole truth, it might help her focus. Sometimes the truth, as ugly as it may be, was better than being ignorant.

“I will tell you everything, but first we have to get these bags finished. Our times draws near so we have to be prepared. If we enter the forest ill-equipped, well, I think you know what will happen.”

Darby nodded in silence and quickly finished her lunch though she had lost her appetite. Something stirred within her. She decided that fear would get her killed and she allowed her anger and smolder just under the surface. It was a fiery anger for all that had been stolen from her: Her family, her true love, his family and their futures. She let this simmer inside of her, hopeful that her anger would fuel her as she embarked on her dangerous journey of escape with Aedan.

She spent another couple of hours after lunch sewing shoulder straps on their bags. This seemed to take almost as long as creating a pattern and fashioning the actual pouch on the bag. She finally decided add some padding. She ripped open a pillow Aedan gave her and cut some of the foam inside into strips to pad the part of the strap that would rest on their shoulders. When she finished, her fingers were sore from the needlework, but she felt quite pleased with the final product.

Aedan studied his notebook. He had not yet determined the exact plan to escape, but knew that he would have to rely on Tobias for some assistance. Tobias had some new information and he hoped to meet with him later today or tomorrow.

Darby called Aedan over to inspect the pack-sacks. He tested them by filling them up with random items. When he was done he gave her a thumbs up. “These will work perfectly.” Then he rolled them up tightly and hid them under the floor boards along with his notebook. Then he walked over to the kitchen area. He opened a cupboard and retrieved some small letter envelopes. He gave her about half a dozen.

“Darby, I want you to start collecting things. You mentioned bringing evidence with us to the outside world and I think that is a great idea. In these envelopes, you can put some vitamins, some of the herbal tea and whatever else you think might be significant. Be sure to label the envelopes with what you know the items to be. Be careful not to get caught.” Darby nodded dutifully. He put his hand on her back and rubbed it a little. As he rubbed toward the side of her body, he felt a hard lump. “Desire, what is this I feel?”

She looked at him curiously and then remembered she had wrapped her little notebook up in her bosom. Although it was uncomfortable at first, she ended up forgetting it was there at all.

“Well, I had a lot of anxiety and difficulty sleeping, so I stayed up almost all of night last night recording everything I could think of. All my memories here, descriptions of everyone I knew, little pictures and maps of the town… any little thing I could think of.” She looked up at him hoping he wouldn’t be upset with her.

He smiled gently and took her hands in his. “That is an excellent idea, Darby. Be careful to keep it safe, although it looks like you found a pretty good hiding spot.”

She re-packed the picnic basket. Although she felt desperate to learn more from Aedan, she knew it was time for her to go home. She had to go back home to finish her chores there and make dinner as Mama had instructed.

* * * * * * *

Johnny and Desire walked quietly through the town. As Desire looked around at the community, that up until recently she thought had been her home, she felt as though she had been blind and had just regained her sight. She looked at all the houses and they were all the same. They passed a few people on their way home and she focused in on their eyes. What were they thinking? What were they feeling? It occurred to her that as far as she could remember, there was very little, if any, displays of emotion here. Everyone was polite enough and kind enough, but she couldn’t remember any public display of emotions such as happiness and delight. She couldn’t remember seeing two friends walking about laughing and giggling simply happy to be in each other’s company.

They had been taught that public displays of emotion were forbidden, but as she thought about Patrick, she remembered how good it was to run through the park with him laughing out loud. She remembered hugging him in public just because it felt good. They picnicked and lay on the blanket singing and telling stories and would laugh the afternoon away. But here, it was as if the emotional switch had been shut off.

It suddenly became evident to her that negative emotions such as anger, shame and guilt were part of the core of this community. The positive emotions she felt when some of her memories came back were all-consuming. As Desire thought of her brother Patrick, it was like she could
feel
the memory. It was a very powerful and dominating emotion. But when she thought about being punished here in Hemac, all she felt was fear of reprisal, guilt for disobeying and shame for standing out as a heathen in the community. Despite the intensity of these emotions and the negative feelings attached to these memories, Desire suddenly put some of the pieces of the puzzle together.

Despite the fear of being caught, she had continued to sneak into the forest. It was in the forest that she felt free and happy. She pictured herself running around barefoot feeling the grass between her toes. Her pursuit of positive emotions outweighed her fear of punishment. Regardless of              the consequences, the pursuit of the positive overshadowed the possible negative outcome.

Although she wanted to ponder this some more, they had arrived at her house. Johnny bid her a proper farewell and she went inside. Much to her surprise her mother was already home. She brought her picnic basket to the table to empty it.

“Good afternoon Mama, how are you today?”

Her mother walked over to her and gave her a long hug. Desire was a little surprised by this but hugged her mother back. When she looked up there were tears in her mother’s eyes. “What is wrong, Mama?”

Her mother hesitated and wipe a tear from her left cheek. Her hand was shaking a little bit and when Desire looked into to her eyes, she saw an intense sadness despite Mama giving her a weak smile.

“Desire, I love you so much. Papa will be gone for a few more days, so it’s just us girls.” She paused for a moment. “Earlier you asked me what my favourite memory was and I was thinking about that most of today. I thought I could help you pick some vegetables for our dinner tonight and we can talk about that then.”

Desire smiled up at her. “Sure, Mama. That would be nice.”

Although Desire knew deep down that this was not her mother as far as she knew, her Mama thought she was.

Chapter Twenty

Mama and Desire headed out to the vegetable field. Desire thought about how the warmth of the sun felt wonderful and she looked up to see billowing clouds floating through the clear sky. She looked forward to a quiet afternoon with Mama.

“Desire, let’s go over here, I think there are some peas ready to pick.” She pointed to the spot close to the bushes that Desire used as cover to sneak into the forest. Desire nodded and followed her mother. When they reached the spot, Desire looked around and saw a basket behind the bushes, already full of plump green pea pods.

“Well, look at that! Now we don’t have to spend this wonderful afternoon sweating in this hot sun.” Mama put her basket down beside the full basket and took Desire’s hand. Much to Desire’s astonishment, Mama led her straight into the forest. She had not been back there since Nathaniel had attacked her and she started to shake a little. “Don’t you worry darling, this is our little secret.”

Desire started to cry a little. She realized that despite the positive emotions attached to her experiences in the forest, humiliation, pain, shame and fear had displaced those feelings, thanks to Nathaniel. After taking just a few steps into the forest, Desire was unable to move. Her mother tugged her arm a little, but she stood firm. Deep down she wanted to go into the forest with her mother, but the intensity of the feelings attached to that horrible event overwhelmed her and she felt a wave of nausea come over her. She let go of her mother’s hand. She kneeled down, hunched over and vomited until she had nothing left in her stomach. Her mother knelt down beside her rubbed her back.

“Darling, it’s okay. Papa will never know and you don’t have to fear getting in trouble.” Desire recognized that her mother thought she was scared of getting caught in the forbidden forest and the punishment that would surely come.
If she only knew what actually caused me to feel like this! How I wish I could confide in her! But I mustn’t. I cannot! I cannot trust anyone here. Oh how that makes me feel so alone.

Desire choked back more tears at the thought of her isolation and instead wiped her eyes and waited for a moment to make sure her stomach had settled.  Her mother helped her to her feet and led her deep into the forest. She brought her to the little creek and bent down to get a handful of water. She dabbed some on Desire’s forehead. Desire looked into her eyes and what she saw disturbed her. She saw a mixture of sorrow and warmth. It occurred to her that this woman standing before her was a mystery to her. Did she have a family in the real world that was missing her? She took her mother’s hand and squeezed it.

They went over to a grassy patch beside the creek and sat down. Her mother turned to her. She smiled gently and looked Desire straight in the eye.

“Desire, I want to tell you something. Something very important. It might shock you, so I want to prepare you.”

Desire could not imagine what Mama might tell her, but she embraced the opportunity to learn anything she could.