Why Me? (15 page)

Michael Wong

Alliance Bank

Malaysia

----------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Michael Wong

Subject: I'll wait

Hi Michael,

No worries pal, I'll wait.

Bob

----------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Michael Wong

Subject:Checking In

Michael, how are you getting on with that ID? There's various websites on the Internet that should help if you're struggling.

----------------

From: Michael Wong

To: Bob Servant

Subject: ID

Hello my friend, the ID is below. I just had to clear security. OK now I think we can proceed as planned and you can submit the information.

Y f i nd Michl

----------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Michael Wong

Subject: You Should be Proud of Yourself

Michael,

Well done that's not a bad effort at all considering you were put very much on the spot. Well done Michael, you've managed to get away with that one, just like Sir Trevor McDonald got away with killing that hairdresser.
³²

I'll just look up the Alliance Bank now online and give them a call directly to speak to yourself: the one and only Michael Wong. It will be great to finally hear your voice.

All the best,

Bob

----------------

From: Michael Wong

To: Bob Servant

Subject: DO NOT CALL THE BANK DIRECT

Bob,

Wait do not call there is no point I work in a secret department at the bank. They will not know me.

I can call you or we can talk most safe with this email.

God bless you.

Michael Wong

Alliance Bank

Malaysia

----------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Michael Wong

Subject: Timmy

Michael,

OK message understood. I have often suspected the banks have secret departments. I was once in the Bank of Scotland in Broughty Ferry and there was a man with red hair working through the back. I went in a week later and he wasn't there and I asked one of the girls where the man with red hair was and she didn't answer me. Not a peep. So who got to her, Michael? Someone had put the thumb screws on and it certainly wasn't me, why would I? I managed to get a quick snap of him trying to hide from me and it's attached. Have you met him on the banking circuit?

Anyway, Michael, I wonder if you can help me. I mentioned my young son to you, little Timmy Servant. Well, he's got to give a speech at Cub Scouts about what he's going to do with his life and he needs some advice. He won't listen to his old Dad here (who does these days? Not the wife! Or the dog! One likes wearing a lead and the other one is a good cook, and I've also got a dog! And a wife! One sleeps in a basket and the other one has a tail, and that's the wife! And the dog! I feed one biscuits and the other one goes to the toilet in the street. And I've got a wife!) and so I was wondering if he would listen to you?

Would you mind if I get Timmy to email you some questions to help him with his speech? I would hugely appreciate it and we could crack on with the business in the meantime.

Your friend,

Bob

----------------

From: Michael Wong

To: Bob Servant

Subject: OK

Bob,

No i do not know this man but this is OK for me to talk to your son. I have a lot of experience here at the bank so if this is what he needs then yes of course this would not be problem to help your son because we are friends. This is what friends do to help the families. But Bob this must be an exchange and you must help me by providing your full information today OK?

Michael Wong

Alliance Bank

Malaysia

----------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Michael Wong

Subject: Timmy Will Be In Touch

Michael,

Great news and, yes, of course this is very much a case of you scratch my back and I'll brush your hair. Timmy will be in touch today, I've just woken him up. He's very cute in the morning with his little face and his four legs. And I also have a dog!

Yours,

Bob

----------------

From: Timmy Servant

To: Michael Wong

Subject: Hello!

Hello Michael!

My Name is Timmy Servant and I am the wee boy of Bob Servant who is your friend.

I want to have some advice please.

Is it important to have friends because I do not have many?

And what is the best way to get a pretty wife?

Also how can I make money in life, what is the best way?

What is the best way to talk to your father?

Thanks for your advice!

Timmy

----------------

From: Michael Wong

To: Timmy Servant

Subject: My advice

My dear boy,

How are you doing today? Yes I am friend of your father Bob and have been waiting for your mail ever since he told me about it. I think i will try my best to anser the questions with the best of my knowledge.

1. Is it important to have friends I do not have many

I think It's important to have friends because it can help your social development in many ways. Make sure your friends are people you want to be around. Some people are more comfortable naturally and that's okay! You can still have friends. Also, having friends can help you develop a schedule for your days instead of what seems like just lounging around till bedtime.

2. And what is the best way to get a pretty wife?

Timmy, here's the problem - a pretty woman makes her husband look small, and very often causes his downfall. As soon as he marries her and then she starts to do the things that will break his heart. But if you make an ugly woman your wife, you'll be happy for the rest of your life. An ugly woman cooks meals on time, and she'll always give you peace of mind. If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.

3. Also how can I make money in life, what is the best way?

If you wanted to get rich, how would you do it? I think your best bet would be to start or join a startup. A startup is a small company that takes on a hard technical problem. Lots of people get rich knowing nothing more than that. You don't have to know physics to be a good pitcher. Why do startups have to be small? Will a startup inevitably stop being a startup as it grows larger? Why are there so many startups selling new drugs or computer software, and none selling corn oil or laundry detergent.

4. What is the best way to talk to your father

Contrary to teenage belief, parents are not tyrants! They are simply human beings doing their best to raise a child in the best way they know how. They provide food, shelter, protection, guidance, advice, and love in the best way they can. But, to answer your question, just approach your dad and say, ‘Dad, I need your advice on something that has been bothering me', or something to that effect. I am sure he will listen.

I hope I have been of some asistance to you Timmy now please tell your father Bob I have satisfi ed this.

God bless you

Michael

----------------

From: Timmy Servant

To: Michael Wong

Subject: I have a girlfriend already!

Hello Michael

Thank you so much for the advice! Some of it was what my Dad calls gibberight about women. I have never had a girlfriend before
but after you gave me that advice I went and told a girl at school that I love here and I want her to come to my house for tea. She is the ugliest girl at the school but like you have told me now she will be loyal to me