Why not Wyoming? (Wyoming Wilds Series Book 1) (19 page)

She tensed with the thought, fighting the urge to hug herself.
Rolling her neck and shoulders, she shook her arms out. The shower wasn’t going
to help if she didn’t let it. If she didn’t relax and get some sleep, Cleveland
was going to get a very cranky Quasimodo tomorrow. Worrying wasn’t helping. She
wasn’t going to know what he was thinking until they talked. Picking up her
loofah and body wash, she prayed that was going to be tonight.

She was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed brushing
out her hair when Billy Idol’s
White Wedding
blared from her phone.
Dropping the brush, she grabbed the cell up and stabbed at the screen in
excitement.

“Crys!”

“Annie!” Crystal crowed back.

“How was Bora Bora?”

“Stunning,” her cousin breathed. “It was absolutely stunning. I
have some amazing pictures to share.”

“Please tell me you have clothes on.”

Crystal’s laughter was light and genuine. It was so beautiful
to hear after the stress of the wedding.

“I’ll admit I’m wearing a bikini or a sarong in almost all of
them, but I’m covered. Tyler is shy. Regular swim trunks are as risky as my
hubby gets.”

“Your
hubby
,” Annie repeated with a grin. “That’s so
adorable, Mrs. Barrett.”

“I love that!” Crystal squealed. “Seriously, he is just the
best. I’m the luckiest woman alive.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear. I’m so happy for you, Crys.”

“Thank you. Now, fill me in on everything I missed.”

“Why would you want to hear about me when you just got back
from paradise? I want to hear everything,” Annie demanded.

“Nice try with the deflection, but I know your tricks. Besides,
what is there to say about my honeymoon? We had sex, we ate, we had sex, we
swam, and we had more sex. I think you get the idea.”

“Are you bow legged?”

“Maybe just a little bit,” Crystal said, smugly. “Now, spill!”

“I don’t know what you want to hear.”

“Yes, you do. I know you stayed in Wyoming for an extra week. I
want details!”

Falling over onto her back on the bed, Annie twisted a strand
of hair around her finger. What to say? We had mind blowing sex. We saw the
sights, and we had … no, we made love—again and again. Her heart swelled. She
was in love. No matter how primal, it hadn’t been just sex. She bit her lip. Why
was she suddenly shy? This was Crystal she was talking to. She blew out a slow
breath.

“I only ended up being able to stay an extra three days. I flew
back Friday morning for a launch party.”

“A lot can happen in three days.”

Crystal was so much smarter than people gave her credit for.

“It would seem that Barrett men are irresistible,” Annie
admitted with a small grin.

“That they are,” Crystal said, a huge grin evident in her
voice. “Keep talking.”

Annie laughed. It felt so good. She wished Crys was lying on
the bed next to her like all those times they’d talked about boys over Doritos.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Even more than I thought I would. I wish I was
there but for now, get comfy and tell me about this man who has stolen your
heart.”

Purple fleece blanket snuggled against her cheek, Annie closed
her eyes and let the story flow. The words poured out, tumbling over one
another as she tried to express feelings long dormant in her. She sounded like
a teenager gushing over her first love. Maybe in a way she was. When Brad had
left for the Army after her junior year, she’d thought her heart would break.
The intensity of her feelings for CJ showed that her parents had been right,
she hadn’t known what love was in high school. Happiness gave way to fears as
the words slowed.

“I really love him, Crys. What if he doesn’t love me, or want
me for me?”

Her voice broke, a dry throat and emotions working in tandem to
trip her up.

“Are you crazy? Who wouldn’t love you?” Crystal asked.

“You, of all people, know who I am. I’m not easy to like, let
alone love, and I don’t have a great history of holding onto men.”

“Honey, Brad wasn’t a man. He was a boy that went from star
running back to Private Peon and had no idea how to handle it. You tried to
hold onto him, but you were both kids. Then you lost your mom and dad and no
one knew what to say, or how to help you. Fair or not, you grew up overnight.
He couldn’t keep up.”

Annie’s eyes opened to slits in the shadowy room. When had she
started underestimating Crystal? The words swirled in her head. They made too
much sense to ignore. The memories and feelings of inadequacy weren’t going to
disappear, but her cousin’s fresh perspective gave her something to think
about. Leaning over the side of the bed, she fished her water bottle out of her
purse. Luke warm or not, the liquid was a balm to her dry mouth and throat.

“Are you okay?” Crys asked softly.

“Yeah. I’m just wondering when you got so wise.”

“I don’t know about wise, but Tyler has been encouraging me to
share what I’m thinking, even if I’m afraid it sounds dumb or it isn’t what he
wants to hear. I guess it has been bleeding over to other people too. My mother
isn’t too sure about the new me.”

“I knew I liked Tyler,” Annie said smugly. “He’s right. The
world is no longer listening and judging every word that comes out of your
mouth, dearest contestant from Michigan. Tell us how you really feel.”

“I’m not sure the world is ready for that,” Crys joked. “Seriously
though, we talked more on our honeymoon than I think we did the six months
leading up to it. Just talked. Weird, right?”

“Not really. I don’t think I’ve ever talked to anyone as much
as CJ and I’ve talked. Maybe it’s a Barrett thing.”

“That’s a sexier explanation than suspecting your husband read
one of those Cosmo quizzes on communication,” Crystal said with a laugh. “So,
anyway, CJ followed you home and crashed your party, but then had to fly out
the next day?”

“We spent all day Saturday together, and I took him to the
airport Sunday morning.”

“But you believe him that he got an unexpected job offer he
just couldn’t refuse?”

Annie frowned at the question. 

“Yes. Why would he lie to me?”  

“I’m not saying he did.” 

Her stomach lurched and Annie hugged the blanket tighter.

“You think he planned an exit call?”

“That isn’t what I said. I was asking what you believe. You
know him better than I do.”  

“I don’t think CJ would lie to me.”

“Then why do you think he’s lying about his feelings for you?”

Annie pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at it. The
caller ID still showed Crystal.

“Who are you, and what have you done with my cousin?”

“Maybe it’s just my turn. You’ve always been there for me,”
Crystal said simply. “If you’ve done as much talking as you say, why are you afraid
to talk to him now?”

“I don’t know,” Annie whispered. “The ‘we need to talk’, and
the current game of phone tag we’re playing, aren’t helping. Or maybe it’s just
that he’s so amazing that I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for me to
screw this up somehow. I’m not sure what he sees in me.”

“Maybe he sees someone that is smart, successful, funny, and
pretty. And if he makes the effort to be your friend, he’ll find they don’t get
any more loyal than you.”  

“Now you’re just kissing ass.”

“I am not. Every word I said is true. Tyler said that CJ has
been hurt. Maybe it’s not the same kind of hurt or loss as yours, but I’d bet
that he has his walls to scale too. You already admitted that you love him.
Isn’t it worth a little worry and work to see where it could go?”

Burrowing her nose back in the blanket, Annie let thoughts of
Teresa, Austin, and CJ’s love of Wyoming chase around with her fear and doubts.
Her voice was muffled, but she answered truthfully.

“I honestly can’t think of anything I wouldn’t do at this
point. I think that is what scares me the most.”

Trudging up the stairs in his stocking feet, CJ pulled out
his phone and checked the time. Almost eight in Wyoming meant ten in Michigan.
He groaned, eyes flicking between the bed and the bathroom. A hot shower
sounded like heaven, but he really wanted to talk to Annie. He looked at the time
again. Seven-fifty. Pulling up her name he sent a quick text.
Made it home.
Give me ten minutes to shower and I’ll give you a call.
His phone chimed
before he could put it down.
Take your time. I’ll be waiting.
He
grinned. The thought of her waiting promised he’d hurry.

The hot water felt fantastic on his weary body. Turning his
back into the spray, he reached for the soap. Compared to a lot of trips, it
hadn’t been a physically taxing day at all, but it had been a struggle to stay
focused and mentally sharp. He wasn’t used to that. Every chance it got, his mind
had wandered back to Annie. He loved her. That wasn’t in question.
Unfortunately, he was still wrestling with the idea of giving up everything.
His dad’s reminder that relationships were a two-way street echoed in his head.
He’d worked damn hard on this place and building up the business. Walking away
from it now just felt wrong. 

Blunt fingers dug into his scalp as he scrubbed his short hair.
Forty minutes outside of town had proved too far for Teresa. That was leaving a
population of four thousand. Annie lived in the middle of a metropolis that
boasted almost two hundred thousand. How could she be happy in his mountains? Tough
and buff Boone had married a woman from Billings. She’d lasted eight months
before packing up and heading home. That didn’t give a guy like him much hope.

Towel wrapped around his thick waist, CJ looked in the mirror.  At
a shade over six-foot and pushing two-sixty last time he was on the scales, the
weight charts said he was obese. He patted his stomach. At least it was solid,
but it was more keg than six-pack. The shit thing was, he was in good shape. He
could hike all day in mountainous terrain carrying sixty pounds of gear. It was
more than he wanted to haul, but being a guide sometimes felt like being a
mommy. The point was, he couldn’t be out of shape and do his job.  

Shaking his head, he pitched the towel and pulled on boxers, shorts,
and a t-shirt before flopping on the bed. He could starve himself, manage to
lose twenty pounds and no one could tell. Or he could be happy. It seemed like
a no-brainer. Or at least it had until he’d met Annie. He’d actually had a side
salad instead of a baked potato tonight with dinner. Who did that? He had it
bad. Stuffing a pillow behind his head, he hit the button for FaceTime. He
needed to see her beautiful face. 

“Oh my God it is so good to see your face,” she said in
greeting.

CJ grinned, loving her smile even as she fussed with her hair.

“Damn, you’re beautiful.”

“No makeup, hair I didn’t blow dry, and pajamas. I’m sure I’m
ravishing,” she said with a laugh.

“Trust me.”

“With those dimples how could I refuse you anything?”

“I need to remember to use them to my advantage,” he teased.

“Just be careful. With great power comes great responsibility.
Use your super dimples for good.”

He laughed, wanting nothing more than to wrap her in his arms
and kiss the playful smirk from her lips.

“Tell me about your day.”

“How did the scouting go?”

Their words tumbled over one another making them laugh again. How
he’d missed that sound.

“You first,” he insisted.

“After I heard your voice, the rest of the day went well,” she
confessed, shyly brushing hair behind her ear. “The library is always fun. Cami
thinks it’s small time, but they hosted my first signing and it’s like having coffee
and donuts with a bunch of old friends. I always see former classmates,
teachers, neighbors; the kind of people you lose touch with. We ended up with a
hundred and forty-six this year, plus the staff. That’s a new record.”

“People respect it when you don’t forget where you came from,
or the people that helped you. Good for you.”

“Thank you. I agree.”

She stared at him through the screen. Her lips quirked
slightly. CJ wished he knew what she was thinking. He was just getting ready to
ask when she continued.

“The other two signings went well. The turnout at the bookstore
in town surprised me, with already having the thing at the library that morning.
With it being at noon, a lot of people came in on their lunch breaks. The
hometown pride is humbling,” she said, dropping her gaze. He thought he could
make out a blush in the dim light. “Detroit was umm…big. They publicized the
crap out of it and raffled off some sweet swag bags. I’m still not used to
having the big corporate machine working for me. It was crazy.”

“But you made it through.”

“I had to imagine you holding my hand more than once, but I
made it.”

“I’m proud of you. It takes guts to face your fears and keep
pushing your dream to the next level. “

“Or it could be that I’m just really lazy and don’t want to have
to get a real job,” Annie whispered.  

“Someone needs to learn to accept a compliment.”

“Sorry,” she said, hanging her head again. “I’m bad about
that.”

“I have a hard time too,” CJ admitted.

“How did it go with the Hollywood crew?”

“They are actually super nice guys. We spent most of today in Ten
Sleep Canyon. Tomorrow we’re going to check out a couple of lake locations up
near Cloud Peak. They said to tell you they hope I’m not in too much trouble
for missing your book signing and promised to send us autographed pictures, t-shirts
and stuff.”

“Oh. Well, in that case, I guess I’ll have to forgive you,”
Annie said, throwing up a hand in feigned defeat.

Even through the phone, the sparkle in her hazel eyes made his
heart do funny things.

“I miss you,” he said, the morose words slipping out unbidden.

“I miss you too,” she said, sobering. “Should we talk about the
stuff we need to talk about?”

“Probably,” he said, nodding slowly. “Before we’re interrupted
again, or one of us nods off.”

Annie moved around on the screen, getting comfortable and
wrapping her arms around her purple throw blanket.

“Okay. I think I’m ready.”

CJ rubbed his fingers over his bearded chin trying to decide
how to start the conversation. He sighed. There was no easy way to talk about
money.

“You were right this morning when you said that rare doesn’t
mean never, but I do think we’re going to have to go about some things
differently than most to make it work.”

He could see the confusion on Annie’s face, but she didn’t say
anything.

“Are you willing to throw conventional dating etiquette to the
side and just be blunt?”

She frowned but nodded resolutely. “I like blunt. Yes.” 

CJ took a deep breath.

“I might not have a lot of money, but I resent the fact that
your family and people think that I’m after yours,” he said, staring into the
screen. “I love you, Annie. There’s not much I wouldn’t do to show that to you.
I’m at a bit of a loss right now because part of me wants to throw caution to
the wind and move to Michigan to be near you, and the other part is asking how
in the hell I hope to support you there.”

There was so much more he wanted to say, but his voice faltered
watching the emotions flit across Annie’s face. Confusion was replaced by
dismay, followed by disbelief, then horror, and now if he wasn’t mistaken it
was pure rage twisting her beautiful features into a mask he didn’t recognize. Shit!

“You want to talk about money?” she hissed, voice breaking. “That’s
what this is about? What in the hell is everyone’s obsession with the almighty
dollar? It can pay the bills, but it sure as hell doesn’t buy happiness. How
can you think that it matters to me? How many times do I have to say that I
would give back every cent? I would give everything, my life, if it just meant
they were here. I loved them. They were better people than I will ever be.
Maybe I should be glad they can’t see the way I turned out, but I don’t give a
shit about money. How cou—”

“Annie, listen to me,” he interrupted, sitting up on the bed to
hunch over the phone. Her pain and anger were ripping his heart out.  He had to
fix this. “I know that you loved your parents, and I think they would be very
proud of the strong and beautiful woman that you’ve turned out to be. Maybe
that came out wrong. All I want is to be able to take care of you. I’m never
going to be rich. I just want to be able to put a roof over your head that
you’re proud of. I want to provide for you and make you happy. More than
anything, I want to be with you. Being halfway across the continent from you is
killing me and it has been two days.”

“I miss you so much,” she whispered, voice breaking.

“Oh, baby, I miss you too. I wish I was there to hold you right
now. I don’t want to fight. That’s not what this is about.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s my fault. I didn’t say it right. I was never
blaming you. I’m just scared to death that I won’t be able to be the man you
need and there’s nothing in the world I want more.”

“I don’t need money,” she said, turning to grope for a tissue.

“We all need money,” he corrected as gently as possible. “And I
understand that your family is trying to protect you. I hope you do too. It
just pricked my pride that they would think that was what I was after. I want
you.”

“They need to keep their nose out of my life,” she snapped, the
anger reigniting.

“Your aunt and uncle, Crystal, Cami, I think they actually care
and are trying to look out for you. Angie might just be a jealous bitch.”

Annie snorted at that and blew her nose.

“Cami too? I’m going to smack her. And when did you talk to my uncle,
or Crystal for that matter.”

“Your beloved cousin threatened me at the airport before she
left for her honeymoon.”  

“She didn’t tell me that.” She smiled a little. “Tyler’s good
for her.”

“I haven’t talked to your uncle. Angie said that the family has
been talking. You’ve said more than once that your uncle is your go-to for
financial matters. I figured if the family is concerned, he’d be involved.”

Her sigh whispered through the phone. CJ watched her hug the
blanket she’d been pummeling.  

“Okay. Since we’re being blunt, let’s just get this over with
and put it all out of the table. Complete transparency.” Her mask slipped into
place. “When my parents died I was their sole beneficiary. They both had two
life insurance policies, the ones they had on each other and smaller secondary
policies through their employers. On top of that, the auto insurance paid out
for a vehicle fatality.”

She sounded like she was reading a report. How many times had
she had to explain this? His heart broke a little more.

“The police found cocaine in the semi sleeper and, later, in
the driver’s system so we sued the trucking company. I don’t understand how
they put a price on lives. Apparently, they can. By the time that was settled,
along with what seemed a million other details, I’d graduated high school.
Since I was eighteen, and in no way ready for the responsibilities of upkeep,
maintenance, taxes and everything else on a three-bedroom house and five acres,
we put it up for sale.”

Annie bowed her head. He watched a shudder run through her and
ached to hold her. She swiped at tears.  

“As I told you before, there was a lot of fighting in the
family, and discussion about where I would live. I finally told them I was
getting an apartment. No one liked the idea of me being by myself, but I just
wanted to be alone. For safety reasons, I agreed to the condo when my uncle showed
it to me. He was the only one that I didn’t feel had some sort of agenda. He was
such a huge help through all of it. You know I hate math. All of the questions
and numbers were paralyzing. Being a banker, they come second nature to him.
The money that was left after buying the condo, he put in bonds and stuff. I
don’t know. He handled everything. What I do know, and he probably didn’t at
the time, is the way he set my finances up made it possible for me to live as a
writer.”

“Annie.”

She waved him off.

“The interest puts fifteen hundred dollars a month in my
checking and about eight hundred in my savings. With the condo paid for,
there’s no rent or mortgage payment. The main expense everyone has is gone. I
can live on fifteen hundred. My big thing is insurance, health, life, auto and
home. What is that people say, I’m insurance poor? Oh, there’s also association
fees for the condo, but that’s set up to be paid out of my savings,” she said,
frowning and rubbing her forehead.

“You don’t—”

“Taxes suck. Being self-employed, I have to deal with that
quarterly. People get all caught up in the advance money an author gets, and don’t
seem to realize that otherwise we might get royalty checks four times a year. I
say might because it depends on if books are selling, if you’ve earned out your
advance, and a couple of other things that only lawyers and bankers would
understand.”