Wild Temptation (43 page)

I hug my knees tighter to me. I want to say the words. They’re there, sitting on my tongue, teasing my lips. But they won’t come out.

The thought of saying them twists my heart painfully.

“Well?” she raises penciled-in eyebrows. “I thought as much. You fear weakness because you never want to feel it again, and that’s why you can’t commit. Love makes you weak, Olivia. It makes you weak and it makes you strong at the same time. But the strongest love is the one you accept and embrace. Fight it and you’re destined for weakness.”

My eyes burn with tears, and I swallow hard. “I know,” I whisper. “I know.”

“So why are you fighting it? If you’re so afraid of weakness, why don’t you get off your ass and tell him what you want? I bet he doesn’t even know how you feel, does he?”

I shake my head.

“Flamin’ heck, girl! You’re making a total pig’s asshole of this, aren’t ya?”

I nod. If I talk, the tears will come.

“You need to talk to your young man and tell him how you feel, Olivia. That’s the only way you’ll ever move on. Fuck your fear. Face it and embrace it and you will kick it in its rusty butt.”

I half-laugh, half-sob.

Mom gets up and wraps her arm around my shoulder. “Don’t let the fear of falling in love stop you from basking in the beauty of the possibility. Think about how beautiful it could be, how happy you could be, and go from there.” She kisses my temple. “Come on, Mother. It’s time for your medication.”

Mom gets up and helps Nana up. Nana pauses by the door.

“Olivia.”

I look up and meet her gaze.

“I’m staying in your room. You’ll have to take the spare room.”

I shudder and smile. “Okay, Nana. Thanks for letting me know.”

“You’re welcome. Now, Mare, does that husband of yours have my salmon yet?”

I laugh into my knees as Mom leads her away. She shuts the door behind her, leaving me in the silence of the conservatory. Leaving me with the overwhelming noise of my thoughts.

With the realization of my stupidity.

With the ache of my heart.

Nana’s right. I’m not afraid of love or my addiction—not really. I’m afraid of the product of my addiction, which is weakness. I’ve been strong for so long that spiraling into a place where I’m not strong is terrifying.

That would be easier to swallow if I weren’t already weak. Tyler makes me weak. He makes me want to give everything to him when sometimes I have nothing myself. But maybe I should.

Maybe I should stop being such a fucking idiot and just do it.

An impulsive decision, contradicted by the thought put into it.

We are perfect for each other. In the most nonsensical way, we are. And like he said, waking up to a day where I don’t need him is vomit-inducing. I don’t want to not need him. I don’t want to not have him around, making me laugh, turning me on, teasing me. I don’t want a day where I don’t hear his voice and have it send tingles down my spine.

I want to hear him mutter his dirty words. I want to feel him tie my hands and completely own my body. I want to taste him on my tongue, see his dark eyes that show so much, smell his cologne mix with his natural scent.

I want him every second of every day and I shouldn’t be afraid of that. I shouldn’t hold back from something we both want just because of my fear. Like Nana said, I have to face it head on. I have to deal with it or I’ll never be happy. Because Tyler is the guy who makes me happy. He’s the one who makes my day brighter, and maybe he’s the guy who can help me banish my fear.

Maybe he really will always be there.

Maybe I should finally woman up and tell him everything.

My name is Olivia Warren. I’m not in love with Tyler Stone—not yet. But I am wholly, irreversibly, and overwhelmingly addicted to him.

“I love you, Nana.” I peck her wrinkly cheek. “Thank you for the ass-kicking.”

“Any time,” she answers honestly. “Did you know your dad has gone to get me salmon?”

I smile.
Yep. From the store.
“I know. You enjoy it, okay? I’ll call you soon.”

“Don’t bother. You’ll probably just piss me off.”

“True that. Bye, Nana.” I kiss her cheek again and turn to Mom. She immediately folds me into her arms. “Thank you, Mom. I’ll definitely call you soon.”

“Please do.” She squeezes me and then lets me get into my car. “I love you, Olivia.”

“Love you, too.” I smile and pull away from the house. I catch Nana’s wave in the mirror and wave back before rolling my window back up.

It’s an hour drive from my parents’ place to mine. At least it should be. It’s actually a long, traffic-jammed two and a half hours on the interstate before I’ve even reached the outskirts of Seattle. I fiddle with my radio, trying not to think about calling Tyler or the fact my stomach is, in Nana’s words, about to digest itself.

Lunch wore off an hour or so ago.

My skin is tingling at the thought of touching Tyler. At being near him. At the thought of hearing his voice. Every part of me is consumed with longing and it’s barely been thirty hours since I last saw him.

After a few honks and a few more fingers in the air, I pull up outside my apartment. I grab my bag from the passenger’s seat and walk into the building. Then I pick up my stack of mail from my mailbox in the lobby and flick through it as the elevator takes me up. Bill…bill…bill—oohh, shoe sale!

I smile to myself as I step out of the elevator. A quiet knocking sound fills the hallway and I look up.

At Tyler.

Sitting on the floor, his back against my door, throwing a tennis ball at the wall opposite him. One of his legs is bent up, the other stretched out. I watch him throw the ball, catching it one-handed every single time.

I open my mouth to talk to him, but he beats me to it.

“I’ve been sitting here like a fucking idiot for about four hours. I have no idea why. At first, I thought you were in. Then I remembered you went out of town. Fuck knows where. No one will tell me where or why you went. So I sat down and started playing with this. Hit your neighbor’s door a few times. He invited me in, but I said I’d rather sit here. Got hungry and ordered pizza.” He knocks the box next to him. “Sat here like a fucking teenage boy hung up on some girl he’s never gonna get.”

My chest tightens when he looks at me. I’ve never seen his eyes so empty, so dull.

“That’s what I think. You know that? That I finally found this amazing woman who doesn’t give a fuck if I’m rich or down to my last five dollars. That I finally found this incredibly sexy and confident woman who isn’t afraid of what I want. Of my desires. And that I’m going to lose her, because despite being the same, we’re so different. Yet I still can’t fucking go anywhere. I tried. Couldn’t leave the motherfucking building!” He yells the last word and turns away from me. He slams the tennis ball against the wall opposite him and ducks to the side when it bounces back. “I have no idea what you’ve done to me, Liv. I just can’t walk away from you even though I know you’re going to ask me to.” He dives his fingers into his hair and looks down.

“I’m not.”

He looks up. My hands shake, and I’ve never been more afraid of my own words.

“I’m not going to ask you leave. In fact, if you try it, I’ll beg you to stay.”

“W
hat?” He stands up slowly.

“I’m not asking you to leave,” I repeat, walking to him. “Stay. Please don’t go. Please don’t think I want you to. I don’t.”

He cups my face and brings my lips to his. “I’m not, baby girl. I’m not going anywhere.”

I hold him tight. “Good. I’ll kill you if you do.”

He buries his face in the side of my neck. “I need you, Liv. I need you so fucking badly right now. I’m coiled tighter than I’ve ever been.”

I dig into my bag blindly and grab my key. I slot it into the door and walk inside, him hot on my heels. I dump the bag on the floor and the mail on the coffee table then turn to him.

He kicks the door shut, and I’ve barely taken a breath before he’s on me, pushing me back on the sofa, pushing my sweater up my stomach. His hands slide across my skin as desperately as his lips move against mine.

I tangle my fingers in his hair and flick my tongue against his lips. Begging him for more, because I need this, too. I need all of him, starting right now.

“We should talk,” he whispers against my jaw. “I know we should.”

“Fuck now, talk later,” I say, throwing his words back at him. “And I’ll even agree to a snuggle.”

He grins, lifting me and pulling my shirt and sweater over my head in one swift motion. “Snuggly bitch.” He runs his nose along my jaw before his lips find my neck and travel down to my breasts.

He cups them over my bra, rubbing his thumbs over the spots where my nipples are. His mouth is hot against my skin, the wet, openmouthed kisses he’s dropping against me burning into me. I tug at his sweater now. I need to feel his skin against mine.

I don’t have the patience for this.

I tug more forcefully until he laughs quietly and pulls it off. His shirt follows. My fingers find his stomach instantly, ghosting over it. I kick my shoes off when his fingers trail down my sides to my jeans.

“I’ll take my time later. Right now, I need in you too badly.”

I unbutton his jeans. “Then stop talking and fuck me.”

“Gladly.” He shakes off the rest his clothes and removes mine.

My socks are removed with my jeans, my panties all but torn from me, and my bra roughly unclipped. He grabs my legs and hooks them around him, leaning one of his knees on the sofa. He lifts my hips and rubs himself against my wetness, covering the head of his cock and teasing me until he pushes inside.

I reach for him as he fills me. I cling to him like a koala, lifting my hips into him as he kisses my neck and drives into me forcefully. My nails dig into his shoulders. One of his hands is steadying him and the other is in my hair, tangling and pulling it, and I’m moaning in his ear, asking him to go faster, because I need more, always more.

He closes his mouth over mine and swallows my cries as they get louder. Our skin slaps together and my body is hot, so hot, trembling, shaking, shuddering, ready for the explosion of the build. Ready to feel him finish inside me, ready to take every last bit he has.

I bite down on his bottom lip. He groans and thrusts harder. It’s painful in the most beautiful way. He tugs on my hair and bites me back on my lip, a possessive nip, and that’s my moment.

My body tightens in delight as the orgasm washes over me. Needed and welcome, I hold Tyler until he comes, too. He collapses on top of me, my name leaving him in a series of quiet whispers.

“My bitch,” he murmurs, turning his face to mine and kissing me.

“Your bitch,” I reply just as quietly, running my fingers through his hair.

He lets out a long breath and holds me tight to him. His heart is pounding in a relentlessly fast beat, the same as mine. I never want to move. I just want to stay here, in his arms, because I know that, in a few minutes, it’s going to get serious.

He doesn’t move either. Neither of us wants to tackle the bullshit no matter how badly we want to make this work.

“Come on,” he whispers. “Let’s snuggle and talk.”

I smile and let go reluctantly. Now my heart is pounding in apprehension, not happiness. “You know we have to tell each other everything, right? If we’re going to do this…a relationship— a real one—we have to have no secrets.” I swallow hard.