Wilde Bear (BBW Paranormal Shapeshifter Romance) (Blue Bear Rescue) (4 page)

X
avier bent to
retrieve the shirt he’d discarded earlier and handed it up to Laurel. She smiled and pulled it on while he yanked on his jeans. Although he definitely preferred her bared to him, he saw the gratitude in her eyes as she mumbled her thanks. What the hell was it about this dominant woman’s submissive side that made him putty in her hands?

He’d gone to her in that clearing without conscious thought. His bear had wanted only to protect and comfort. But somewhere along the way, it had become more. She had become more important than he could have imagined. And now, he was in too deep. There was no turning from her, not even if he wanted to.

That scared the ever-loving shit out of him.

He’d known for a while now that his bear craved a mate. But he denied it. Just like Laurel denied her fox. He couldn’t have that responsibility on his shoulders again. Not when he’d handled it so badly the first time. Putting a mate first meant possibly putting his other loved ones in danger. He couldn’t—no, he wouldn’t—do that ever again.

“Xavier?”

He found Laurel watching him uncertainly and knew he’d let his dark mood show in his expression.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” he said, guiding her along the tree line with his hand on her back.

“Did I do something wrong?” Her voice was too damn small and vulnerable and he cringed. Underneath all that alpha-woman bravado, she was so sensitive. He’d seen it when she’d told him about her childhood. And he hadn’t been brave enough to share his own secrets back.

“No, you didn’t do anything,” he said.

“Then what—?”

He grabbed her wrist and stopped them just inside the tree line. From here, he could see the station. His truck was parked near the wall, and thankfully, Jake’s truck was gone. At least one thing was going right. “There are things I haven’t told you about my past. Things that make it hard for me to…”

“To what?” She frowned, and he had to resist the urge to smooth those lines from her delicate mouth.

“If you knew, you’d change your mind about me. I’m not who you think.”

She shook her head. “You’re not making any sense.”

“You can’t tell me you haven’t heard people talk in town. The Wilde Bear alpha, head of Search and Rescue. How I used to party hard and fuck even harder, right?”

“They say you don’t go out. You don’t date anyone. It seems like I’m not the only one hiding,” she said.

“So you think you know me.” He snorted, and Laurel flinched like he’d slapped her.

His polar bear reared up, furious at him for the way he was acting, but he couldn’t make himself stop. It was the first time he’d ever tried explaining himself. The first time he’d felt the need to, dammit. Of course, he was going to be an ass. His guilt wouldn’t let him do anything except hurt and be hurt when it came to his past.

“Look, the rumors are true. I was called Wilde Bear for a reason in high school and it’s not because of my last name. But that’s my past. It’s not my present and it’s sure as shit not my future.” Guilt and regret rose up so fiercely he couldn’t breathe for a moment. His vision blurred as memories he’d buried long ago broke the surface, threatening to cripple him. “Tonight was fun, but it’s not a part of the plan. It can’t be.”

Laurel’s face swam in front of him and he grit his teeth to keep it together. When she came into focus again, a single tear tracked down her cheek.

He hated himself for hurting her. His bear wanted to roar and stomp at watching her cry. But better she heard it from him rather than someone else. The drawback of growing up in a small town: there was no escaping your mistakes. In fact, given long enough, they became you. It was only a matter of time before someone else told her and who knew what version she’d get from one of them.

Xavier shoved his hands into his pockets, hating himself for what he was about to say. “I’m telling you all this because you told me your stuff. And because my bear wants you.”

Laurel’s eyes widened at that and he felt that pull tugging at him. The same one he’d felt the moment they’d met. And every damn time he touched her. Earlier, when he’d been on the brink of coming, he’d wanted to bite her. Just a nip at her shoulder, but it would’ve meant so damn much. A claiming mark. He snorted at the impossibility of that choice. His bear was just itching for a mate, craving it, actually. But he couldn’t do it. Not to himself and not to someone else. It wouldn’t be fair. His job would always come first and last.

Now, he felt the urge to claim her just by looking at her. She was killing him.

“As in…?” She trailed off.

He nodded. “Claim you, yes. As a mate. It’s all I can think about. And it’s all I can do to resist. But… I don’t know if I can pick you, Laurel. I can’t pick anyone. I’ve chosen already. My job, my life is about rescuing people. No matter what time of day or night or what else I’m doing, I have to go when I get called. Doesn’t leave room for anyone else. Especially not a mate and honestly, not even for—”

He broke off and Laurel’s eyes flashed, cutting him. “For a quick screw,” she finished for him.

She huffed and he knew he’d fucked up. She shoved past him, nudging his shoulder as she went. He hurried to catch up with her, determined to somehow make it right. He couldn’t change how he felt, but he could still take care of her tonight. “At least let me give you a ride home.”

“No thanks. I’ll walk,” she said, still striding toward the road.

He stared after her a minute, taking in the short hemline of his shirt—more like a mini-dress on her—and her bare legs and feet. Like hell he’d let her walk.

He rushed her from behind, scooping her up and tossing her over his shoulder. She squealed and kicked her legs, but he held tight. “Woman, I’m taking you home.”

“Put me down,” she demanded, practically screaming the words, but Xavier held fast. Laurel gave one last yell, and then her body shook and trembled violently in his arms. With a final pop, her torso and legs disappeared and he lost his grip on anything firm.

The shirt she’d been wearing went slack. He grabbed at the fabric but it was empty. A large red fox leaped from his shoulder to the ground and shot off into the woods, giving a high-pitched bark as it went.

“Dammit!” Xavier cursed and considered going after her, but she was already gone. His alpha fox had disappeared into the night, and true to his worst fears, taken his heart with her.

L
aurel let
herself into her apartment as silently as she could. The sliding glass door was already unlocked, and she sighed in relief, glad she wouldn’t have to bother with the noisy deadbolt on the front door. She only vaguely remembered leaving the house earlier. Her fox had been in a frenzy from too many weeks of not shifting, and she’d almost blacked out when she’d finally shifted.

She couldn’t even remember if she’d undressed first or where she’d stashed her clothes to retrieve them now. She hoped it wasn’t an outfit she liked.

She didn’t bother with light as she crept across the tiny dining area she shared with her roommate. Kelly was a light sleeper, and the last thing she needed now was a bunch of questions about why she was creeping inside after one am. Kelly was friendly enough, but she was also Laurel’s landlord, and she was a “no bullshit” kind of girl. Laurel had met her when she’d come to town for the interview with DOT last year. Kelly had been working in HR, doing background checks for new hires. These days, she’d graduated to working for a local bounty hunter’s office downtown that had an owner known for being anti-shifter. Even though Kelly had never said anything one way or the other about the subject, she was not someone Laurel wanted to cross.

Besides, Kelly was bound to have questions, including why Laurel was currently dressed only in a size XL men’s tee. Not a conversation Laurel was dying to have. After everything that had happened tonight, she just wanted a shower and bed. She’d sort out Xavier and everything he’d said tomorrow.

“Ow!” Her foot came down hard on something sharp, and she yelled out before she could stop it.

A second later, the hall light came on, and Kelly appeared, disheveled from sleep and wielding a wooden bat. “What the…?” Kelly didn’t relax at the sight of a familiar face like Laurel expected. Instead, she switched her shocked gaze from Laurel’s face to the apartment around them.

For a split second, Laurel stared in shock too, too distraught to understand. The apartment was trashed. Utterly and completely. Books and shelves all littered the living room floor. A floor lamp lay on its side barring the front door, and the bulb shattered into tiny pieces across the entryway.

Beside her, the kitchen chairs had all been upended and lay upside down and sideways on the tile floor, which was covered in something white. Flour? Sugar? She ran a toe through it to check, but red liquid stained it and she examined her foot closer.

Blood.

She yanked a shard of something sharp from her foot and held it up. The lamp that used to sit by the back door. The end table it sat on was now on its side. Above it, the window had shattered, leaving tiny shards of glass in a pile on the windowsill.

“Oh my god,” Kelly shrieked. “Were we robbed?”

Laurel opened her mouth, ready to speculate that very idea along with her friend, but then dread washed over as she realized what had really happened. Her fox. In her panic over shifting against her will, it had done all but tear the walls down.

She hadn’t done damage like this since she was a kid. Seventeen, to be exact. Her parent’s house. It was the last time she’d seen her parents. But even then, it hadn’t been this bad. Everything that could possibly be broken was. And it was all her fault. What was she going to say to Kelly?

“I think we—”

“Ssh!” Kelly crouched, knees bent, as she turned left, then right. “We need to call the police. We can’t touch anything, we—” She broke off, and her eyes narrowed as she zeroed in on something across the kitchen floor.

She crept toward it, tiptoeing over the flour, and Laurel held her breath.

“What the hell?” Kelly demanded as she bent over something. “What is this?”

Laurel could see it from here. She already knew.

Kelly whirled, eyes wide, as she pointed down at the animal print caught in the pile of flour. “Is this a… paw print?”

“Yes.” Laurel squeezed her eyes shut in resignation. After tonight, she wouldn’t deny it. Xavier might be a complete and total ass, but he’d shown her one thing: she couldn’t possibly continue this double life. Not in her own home. And she wouldn’t lie. Not after Xavier had just basically done the same thing to her.

Okay, maybe not an actual lie, but he was hiding something. And now that she knew how it felt, the shoe on the other foot sucked. Besides, she didn’t have the mental energy to even think of a good excuse right now.

She sighed. “I think it is.”

Kelly’s eyes narrowed to slits, and her head cocked sideways, her cropped brown hair bouncing. “Why are you wearing a man’s shirt?” Her expression changed as she finally noticed Laurel’s bare feet and the half-open back door. “Are you just getting home?”

Laurel nodded. “Kelly, I’m sorry about the damage.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’ll pay for it all.”

“What? Why would you do that? It’s not your fault.”

Laurel didn’t answer, but she felt Kelly’s suspicion finally land on her.

“What is going on here?” Kelly demanded. She looked down at the paw print in the flour and then back to Laurel’s feet. The cut from the lamp shard had already stopped bleeding. It had probably already healed. Kelly’s lips thinned. “Tell me now.”.

“I’m a shifter,” Laurel said quickly before she could change her mind. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I try very hard not to shift unless I’m far away from home and town and everyone. I’ve been busy at work and fighting it, and I think I waited too long this time and… I’m sorry. I’ll pay for everything,” she repeated, and because she knew she was rambling and Kelly hated that, she shut up.

Kelly stared at her for a long, wretched moment, and for a second, Laurel thought maybe she’d let it go. Accept it. Maybe she’d finally found a human who would let her be herself. But then Kelly’s face went red, and she stabbed a finger in the direction of Laurel’s bedroom. “Get your shit and get. Out.”

“Right. I understand if you want me to give notice. I know the lease says thirty days—” Laurel began.

“Now!” Kelly screamed. “You can get out right fucking now!”

“You’re really that mad at me for being a shifter?” Laurel yelled back.

“Are you kidding me?” Kelly demanded, continuing before Laurel could answer. “I’m kicking you out for lying to me and for trashing my house. Yes, you can pay for it by mailing me a check tomorrow. But right now, you can get your shit and get out. I don’t believe this.” She stomped out and a second later, Laurel heard Kelly’s bedroom door slam shut.

She held her breath and listened, waiting to hear if Kelly had decided to call the police or worse, her boss, but all she heard coming from behind Kelly’s closed door was muttering. Curses—lots of them, at first, and then nothing.

Shoulders slumped, she went to her room to change and pack.

B
y eleven the next morning
, the sun was shining, birds were chirping, and Laurel had to fight the urge to cry at the unfairness of such a beautiful day. She kept her head down as she made her way back to the car at the end of the block. The realtor’s office had been her last hope, but in the end, it hadn’t been an option. Just like the apartment complexes and even the rent-per-week time share office she’d visited this morning. All of them wanted a reference from Kelly. None of them were going to get it. Not after what she’d pulled last night.

God, why did she wait so long to shift every time her animal wanted out? It never ended well, and now she’d ruined the little bit of friendship she’d had with Kelly and she had to find a new place to live, effective immediately.

She’d stood outside Kelly’s door and tried reasoning with the girl one more time, but it hadn’t worked. The last thing Kelly had said to her before she’d left the apartment: “Even if you’d paid a pet deposit, you’d still be out on your ass.”

She couldn’t get the image of their trashed apartment out of her mind. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the mess she’d made.

As of this morning, she was now homeless. If she didn’t figure out something fast, she’d be sleeping in her car tonight.

Just in front of her, a bell chimed as someone exited a shop. The massive frame filled the sidewalk and Laurel pulled up short to avoid running into the person. His scent hit her at the same time she recognized the cut abdomen straining against the thin tee. She looked up at Xavier, relief washing over her for a split second before she remembered how things had ended last night. Dread crashed over her, and she looked away.

She moved to go around him, but he put his hand on her arm, and she froze, unable to move away from his touch.

“Laurel?” He said her name like it pained him, but she ignored it. She was in pain too. “What are you doing out here? I thought you’d be at work.”

She stared at her tennis shoes, the most casual pair she owned. “I called in sick today.”

His shoulders tightened. She watched as the muscles bunched and she felt the air around them change. He was worried for her. “Why? Are you ill? Did I hurt you last night? Was it something I did?”

“No, it’s nothing you did. I…” She hesitated, hyper-aware of the people passing by them and the curious glances they were already getting just by standing there.

Xavier slipped his hand underneath her elbow and led her along. “Where are we going?” she asked, but she didn’t resist. Her animal wouldn’t have let her if she tried. Even after he hurt her last night, she still wanted him. Still chose him. What an idiot to choose someone who would never put her first.

“My truck, come on,” he said, heading for the lot where she’d parked earlier. “We can talk inside.”

She let him lead her through the lot and helped her inside his jacked up Ford Raptor with the word WILDE on the license plate. Xavier climbed in beside her and waited expectantly. She faced him knowing full well what a mess she was. Her eyes were puffy from a sleepless night and too much crying. Her cheeks were probably flushed from the visit with the realtor. No make-up. She hadn’t even brushed her hair before she’d rushed out of her house. No, not her house anymore.

“I called in to work because I need to find a place to live,” she explained. “When I got home last night, I found my apartment trashed. Broken lamps, shelves overturned, dishes shattered.” She took a deep breath as Xavier’s frown grew. What would he think of her now? Not any less than she thought of herself. “I told you last night that I’d been resisting the change for a while now. Apparently, I resisted too long, and my fox went a little nuts. I shifted inside and broke a window to get out. That’s how I ended up in the woods. I didn’t even remember doing all those things. I was so out of it, so panicked when I shifted. But my roommate… she didn’t know I was a shifter. When she found out it was me, she kicked me out.”

Xavier was quiet, just listening as she vented everything, and she appreciated it. She hadn’t realized how long it had been since she had someone to just listen. “I spent today going to all the rental offices in town, but they all want a reference from my last landlord. Kelly won’t tell them about my fox, but she will tell them about the damage, and that’s enough to ruin my chances.” Desperation clawed at her as she added in a whisper, “I don’t have anywhere to go.”

“You can stay with me,” Xavier said.

Her eyes whipped to his, but she couldn’t detect a trace of teasing in him.

“Seriously?” she asked, and he nodded. “No, that’s a bad idea. Very bad. I can’t just move in with you. We had one date, Xavier. And it ended pretty awful.”

“I don’t mean with me,” he said. “I mean at the Lodge with me and the crew. We have an empty room you can use until you figure things out.”

“Oh.” Disappointment pricked at her chest. Of course, that’s what he’d meant.

“But if you wanted to stay with me, I wouldn’t stop you,” he added.

Again, panicked desire had her staring back at him with rounded eyes. “I can’t keep hiding my animal from DOT if I’m openly living with a bunch of shifters,” she said.

“Well, you can’t exactly sleep in your car. Or tell people why you got kicked out of your apartment. This sounds like it’s your best option. Your only option.”

He had a point, darn it. She bit her lip, thinking it over, and realized she had no choice. Explaining to people that she’d moved in with a houseful of shifters would be the lesser of two evils. She sighed and kneaded her temple, warding off a stress headache.

Xavier cleared his throat. “I want to say sorry for last night. We had a great time and then I really fucked it up there at the end. I didn’t mean to make it sound like it didn’t mean anything to me. I think we should start over. Again.”

Her brow rose. “Didn’t we do that already?”

He flashed a smile that had undoubtedly melted countless panties. “Third time’s the charm?”

“You told me your animal chose me and followed it up with informing me that being chosen meant I’d be second-rate to everyone else in the world.” Her temper flooded her all over again as she spit his words back at him. “That I’d never be first for you in case it meant someone else got hurt. What did you expect me to do?”

“Exactly what you did, I guess,” he grumbled. The air in the cab thickened and she wondered if he was angry with her or himself. His voice rose as he added, “It came out wrong, all right?”

“If you’re so sorry, why are you yelling at me?”

“Because you drive me insane, and I just want to kiss you to shut you up. Damn, woman, you’re killing me.” He grabbed her wrist before she could argue and pulled her across the slippery seat and into his lap. His lips curved as he brushed her hair away from her face, his fingertips trailing down her neck. “I’m beginning to think you just like to argue.”

She shivered and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Nah. I only like it when I win.”

“Win this,” Xavier said as he kissed her.

Laurel braced herself for the same rough and wild energy they’d shared last night, but Xavier’s lips were soft on hers, barely moving and never pushing for more unless she offered it. She melted slowly against him, soaking up the gentleness in him. Equals. Right now, that was what they were. She loved this side of him just as much as the alpha, she realized. Her alpha, letting her have an equal say.