Willie's Redneck Time Machine (10 page)

“YOU’RE NOT TOUCHING MY HEAD,”
you tell Uncle Si. “Even if it looks like a melon.”

“We don’t have much time, Jack. They’re coming.”

“Then you better get me out of here.”

Si heaves a sigh and opens the door behind him.

You’re led through dingy, shadowy hallways and up a cracking, abandoned staircase until you get to the top of the building. Then another narrow flight of steps in near darkness leads you onto the roof.

It’s even windier up here, and the rain is falling harder. As you follow Si, you catch sight of the spacecraft he’s walking toward. It’s long with a narrow front and two wide, multilevel wings
 
—as if they’re four or five wings all stacked up on each other.

“These things separate,” Si says, touching one of the wings. “They call this ship the Spider ’cause the wings look like spider legs.”

The machine doesn’t appear to have much room in it.

“Can we both fit inside?”

Si nods. “Yes. There’s seats for two people. You’ll be back here.” He taps on some kind of barrel sticking out the back and opens a door in its side. You realize with a jolt that you’re supposed to crawl in there.

“In case we get followed, you shoot them.”

“What’s happening, Si?”

“I’ll tell you once we’re in the sky. You know, you go up high enough and you can still see the blue skies. But down here all you get is this rainy gray death gloom.”

“So are you fighting against the rebels?”

“No, man. I’m
leading
the rebels. This is like
Terminator
land going on here. We’re the guys fighting the machines.”

You want to ask more, but you don’t know where to start. So you take a breath and get inside the barrel compartment.

When the spacecraft starts to go up, the strangest thing happens. You don’t feel anything. Your stomach doesn’t turn over like you thought it might. You feel as if you’re just sitting down watching the massive city get smaller and smaller.

“Isn’t it amazing?” Si says. You can see him in the pilot’s
seat through the opening that connects the cockpit to your compartment.

“How can you fly this thing?”

“I’ve been here over a year.”

“Where is here?”

“This used to be Chicago. Now the country is divided into quadrants. This is quadrant four.”

You glide through the clouds. So far, from the seat you sit in that turns forward and backward, you can’t see anybody following you.

“How could you have been here a whole year already?”

“The time machine got blasted two seconds after I stepped foot out of it. But this time I made sure it was protected when you arrived.”

“You saw?”

“Yes. And we tried getting to you before Big Brother did. This place is trippy. And it’s only 2319 too. The machines are winning.”

“They’re machines?”

“Nah, not really. It’s just bad guys controlling machines. It’s not exactly like
The Terminator
or
The Matrix
. The bad guys are the rulers who are imprisoning everybody and using machines to do it.”

“Uncle Si
 
—we have to get home.”

“I know. But we need to help these people.”

“How are you going to do that?” you ask.

“By defeating the bad guys.”

When the machine you’re in lands on another rooftop, Si looks back at you before exiting.

“You can take off if you want, but I got a battle I need to win.”

Do you decide to stay and help Uncle Si win the futuristic war?
Go here
.

Do you decide to find the time machine and somehow force Si to travel home with you?
Go here
.

JOHN LUKE WANTED TO COME
with you and see your old locker, but you pushed him back in the time machine before he could get into any more trouble.

You shut the door of the time machine and follow the familiar path to your locker. Just down the hall from the boys’ room, in the middle of the
R
s in your class. Stanley Rose had a locker right next to yours and had the worst breath imaginable. Every morning you’d say, “What’s up?” and he’d deliver a blast of poo in response.

That was the worst.

Here you are again, staring at your locker, trying to remember the combination.

It can’t be the same, right?

But it’s 1990 again. So of course it can. It’s still your locker.

Your idea really could work. It’s only a tiny idea that won’t harm a soul and won’t be a big deal.

You think of those tough early days with the family, the times when you had to work so hard for so little. You’ve always wanted to go back in time and just help things out a bit. Not because money is that important in life, ’cause it’s not. You’ve always been happy with your family. God’s given you guys so much.

But . . .

You could have used some help. Before you decided to work at the camp. Before Duck Commander, when you were struggling those first few years.

So you test out your memory on the locker combination. Yep. It works.

You see books tossed around and what looks like a bagged lunch with some gym shorts on top of it. Some pictures of Korie and you decorate the inside of the door. Your locker sure doesn’t smell very good (but it’s nothing like Stanley’s breath). You dig around until you find a notebook and a pen, then open it to write yourself a note.

Hey, Willie. This is yourself from the future. Life’s been good to you, buddy. Just stay strong in your faith and stay close to Korie. Oh, and just so you know
 
—the Buffalo Bills never win
a Super Bowl. After four consecutive trips. So . . . just saying.

And another thing. DO NOT eat the ducks you shoot on Christmas morning 1998. Just don’t.

Willie

You take tape from the back of one of the pictures in the locker and stick the note to the door.

You head to the time machine, ready to go home. Hopefully John Luke made it back already.

You don’t expect anything to be different. Maybe some of the memories you have of lean days and nights cutting back on meals will change. But still
 
—you’ve done nothing wrong. Have you?

You might be telling yourself about a potential sports bet you can make. But that’s all.

This is a gift from above. You’re just helping yourself out a little.

You find the time machine and step in.

Go here
.

“GOOD EVENING, GENTLEMEN.”

They all start to laugh at you. Obviously they don’t know who you are. Not with the beard. And maybe you’ve put on a little weight, but other than that you don’t think you look that different from when you were in high school.

If they don’t recognize you, though, you might as well use this to your advantage.

“Henry Billowby,” you say with a heavy, threatening voice.

“Yes?”

Now they’re not laughing. They’re wondering why the guy with the long hair and beard and the big boots is standing over them looking like he might paddle any of them in a millisecond.

“Staying out of trouble?”

The kid nods.

“You want to hear something? You may not know me, but I know you. And here’s my promise to you on this night. If you do anything
 
—and I mean
anything
 
—that might be considered foolish, then I’m going to come find you. I know where you live. At the end of Baker Lane, right? You and your brother.”

“How do you know us?” Henry asks.

“From a long time ago. Let’s just leave it at that.”

“So what are you gonna do, anyway?”

This is Ralph talking. Henry was always the bigger talker, but Ralph was always the one getting in more trouble.

“Ralph, Ralph. Do you know what it feels like to hold the beating heart of a dead deer?”

The boy only shakes his head while you lean toward him and stare into his eyes.

“You don’t want to mess with a man who’s really good at carving up things.”

His eyes are big, like balloons ready to burst.

You are about to say something else, but then you see someone approaching the entrance to the gym from the other way. It’s a cute, tall, skinny girl with curly hair you recognize quite well.

It’s Korie. Your date for tonight.

Your date for the rest of your life.

You don’t have a clue what you’re going to do.

Do you rush over to say hi to Korie?
Go here
.

Do you head into the gym to search for John Luke?
Go here
.