Willow (Blood Vine Series) (31 page)

“I know what Gage thinks of them,” she cut off my panicked rant, “but it’s not like that.”

“They don’t hunt down wolves?”

“My dad’s friends are just people who have been affected by werewolves. Someone they know has been changed or killed. It’s like an … AA meeting … but not.”

“So it’s like WA instead,” I half smirked.

“My uncle is with them and they would never hurt him. As far as I know, they’ve never hurt anyone.”

“But they hunt wolves down for what - to look at them?”

“I think so.” I was being sarcastic but she seemed completely serious. “I think they just want to learn all they can,” she went on hastily.

“Gage said … ”

“I’m not saying he’s wrong. I’m sure there are others out there.” She twisted the cap back on the nail polish now that all ten of my toes were sparkling pink. “Just know this - not everyone is out to kill you.”

Chapter Thirty-Three

Gage’s Secret

Carlie let the matter of the Knights finding Ivy drop and turned instead to finishing her math homework. “I just don’t get this stuff,” she groaned. She threw her pencil aside to open the textbook. “Math should be about numbers. Why do they have to throw in all these letters?” She flipped a few pages. “Who uses this stuff after high school? If I get a job where I have to find the value of A, B, or X; I’m getting a new job.”

I tried to laugh with her but my mind wasn’t really on math - letters or numbers. Ivy was always the one who loved math. I couldn’t have picked a favorite subject; I wasn’t very good at school.

I replayed the things Carlie had said. Maybe it was a good idea to see if the Knights could help. They wouldn’t have to know about the boys. They wouldn’t really even have to know about me. We could just do everything through Carlie.

The front door banged shut, signifying Gage’s return. Every time he came in the cabin he made sure to make as much noise as possible to announce his arrival. “Gage,” I said to Carlie’s questioning look.

Within seconds there was a soft knock on the bedroom door. “Yeah?”

The door opened and Gage stuck his head in. “Everyone decent?”

“Yes.” Our eyes met across the room. “Something wrong?”

“No,” he came in further but stayed close to the door, holding tight to the handle. “Do you want to take a walk?” he asked awkwardly.

“Ok.” I quickly pushed my feet into a pair of slip on shoes and followed him, thoughts of Ivy and the Knights completely forgotten.

He waited for me to catch up just outside the front door. I took his offered hand and pressed myself into his side. The moon was bright above us, not quite full, but casting its white light on the earth.

I expected us to morph but Gage held tight to my hand, not saying anything while we made our way slowly to the tree line. He kept looking at me, making me self-conscious, so that by the time we passed the first tree I was chewing on my thumb.

“You nervous?” His voice sounded extra hoarse after the quiet of the night.

“No,” I mumbled.

“Sorry to take you away from Carlie.”

“She painted my nails,” I blurted.

“How very … girly.”

“They’re pink and everything.”

“That’s good. I know how much you love pink.”

“Absolutely.”

He squeezed my hand tighter. “Carlie seems … nice.”

“Agreed.” He didn’t bring me out here to talk about Carlie, no matter how nice he thought she was.

He smiled sadly. “Very opinionated girl.”

“Yep.”

We made our way to the clearing, either on purpose or just because the path was so well known. We didn’t talk most of the way, just walked and held hands. Gage didn’t seem in any hurry to get there and I didn’t want to rush him.

The forest looked different when we weren’t running through it. The sounds were different, too. It was more peaceful as a human; I wasn’t straining to hear signs of danger or footsteps of prey.

“It’s so nice out here,” I murmured softly, not wanting to break the spell that had fallen all around us.

“The forest is my favorite place to be.” He didn’t bother to whisper. “It doesn’t matter here whether I’m man or wolf.”

“It looks different as a human, though,” I argued in my same soft voice.

He smiled. “Perhaps.”

We settled on the ground by the stream but Gage sat further away from me than I preferred. I tried to pull him closer but he held his ground. “I wanted to talk to you.”

I shivered but it had nothing to do with the sudden breeze. “Ok.”

“Did Carlie tell you what we talked about earlier?”

“A little.” Nothing that would make you look like that or sound like that. “She said you agreed that Carlie is good for me.”

“I … ” he chuckled lightly but it seemed misplaced, “I reserve judgment.”

“So that way if it ends badly you can say I told you so?”

“Yeah.” He laughed again.

“She didn’t tell me much.”

“She told me that,” he hesitated, “she knows my true name.”

All noise ceased to exist as I tried to understand his words. I mean, I was aware that the wind was still moving through the trees and snaking along the tall grass, that the stream was still gurgling on the jagged rocks, that Gage’s mouth was still moving; but none of it made any sense.

Carlie knew Gage’s real name? Why wouldn’t she tell me? How did she find out? How long had she known and not told me? Was it even important that she knew? Would it make any difference?

“Willow?” Gage’s voice started to cut through the haze. “Willow?”

“Huh?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Carlie knows your name,” I mumbled.

“Did I lose you there?”

“Uh - huh.”

“Carlie knows who I am but she said she wouldn’t tell you.”

“She didn’t,” I said quickly.

“She said I should tell you.”

“She did?”

“Said you would want to know.”

Did I? I wasn’t sure. It didn’t seem that important anymore. “I don’t really care what your name is, Gage. You don’t have to tell me and I won’t ask Carlie.” I knew as I said the words that they were true. I didn’t care what he was called; he would always be Gage to me.

“In ancient mythology a name is very powerful. Knowing a thing’s name gives you power over it.”

I wasn’t stupid enough to tell him we didn’t live in a myth. “I don’t want power over you,” I said instead.

“I believe you,” he reached over to squeeze my hand but let it go almost immediately.

“We should go back.” I jumped to my feet, filled with a strong desire to go back to the cabin. Gage had the power to change everything and I just didn’t know if I was ready for that.

“Willow, please sit down.” I obeyed without thinking. “I want you to know my name because I want you to know who I am.”

My heart sped up. “You’re Gage.”

“Gage is just a made up name; you already know that.” His grey eyes held me prisoner. “Just as your name is made up.”

“I don’t even know my true name, so I am Willow. It has become who I am.”

“Gage is not who I am.” The words were soft but the echoes were deafening.

“You are to me,” I croaked.

“We’ve come as far along this path as we can.”

I hated when he started talking like an old man. “Gage.” Would he think I was childish if I stuck my fingers in my ears and started singing?

“I want to tell you, Willow. I think it’s … important that you know.”

He was so serious, so intent; there really wasn’t anything else I could do. What harm would it do anyways? I’d just have to learn to call him by a different name. I could do that. “All right,” I pressed my hands firmly in my lap, “I’m ready to hear your true name.”

He smiled indulgently. “Good.”

“But it won’t make any difference to me. I don’t care who you are. I … ” I took a deep breath, “I love you … no matter what your name is.”

His eyes widened and then softened. “I love you, too.” He looked so concerned about this fact that it took away most of my elation at hearing the words.

“Well good,” I jerked my head back, “now that we’ve gotten that out of the way - next.”

“Willow,” he took my hand in his; his tongue darting out to moisten his lips.

For one wild moment I thought he was going to propose to me. Maybe that was why he needed me to know his true name. He would want me to take that name, not his made up one. I held my breath, trying to force my heart to slow down. This was it and I already knew what I was going to tell him.

“My true name is Mikhaul.”

“Yes!” My smile froze. Wait, what?!

I jerked my hand away from his as his words sank into my head one at a time. “That’s not funny,” I shook my head.

“I’m not trying to be funny. I’m Mikhaul.”

“No you’re not.”

“Try to understand.” He reached for me but I jerked my hand back.

His words were like fire rushing through my brain, eating everything else up. “That’s not funny,” I repeated.

“I’m Mikhaul.” But the words came from far away, not possibly from Gage. It wasn’t possible.

Chapter Thirty-Four

What?!

My thoughts raced around in my head so fast it was hard to think straight, but it wasn’t really many thoughts - it was just one thought. Gage had just told me he was Mikhaul. He was lying, of course he was lying, but why? My breath came out in short rasps, echoing around inside my hollowed out heart.

“That’s … that’s not true,” my voice was shaking. “I don’t know why you’re lying … ” I swallowed hard to keep the knot at bay.

Gage was staring at me, his grey eyes alert and bright. “I’m not going to hurt you, Willow,” he held both hands out to me, “I never would.”

“You’re not Mikhaul.”

“Willow … ”

“No.” I pushed hard at his hands. “I know you’re not him. You know how I know that?”

“How?” he asked in a miserable sort of voice.

“Because Mikhaul … he … he … ”

“I am Mikhaul.”

“But he wants to eat my heart,” it came out mostly as a strangled sort of sound that I couldn’t be sure he even understood until he responded.

“That’s ridiculous. The things Bella told you … ”

“She wanted to keep me safe.” Without consent a tear started its slow trek down my face. When I went to wipe it away I was shocked to feel that most of my face was wet.

He cupped my face with his massive hand. “I will keep you safe,” he murmured.

I closed my eyes, wishing it wasn’t true, but I knew then that he really was Mikhaul. Maybe I had always known it. Well, maybe not always, but at least since the night I told the boys about Abigail Lewis. Gage hadn’t been sent there to protect us. He was Mikhaul and he had come here to kill us. I pulled roughly away from him but his hand stayed out, reaching for me still.

“You know,” I tightened my lips and half rolled my eyes, “Mikhaul,” I almost spit the poisonous name out, “you don’t have a very good track record for protecting your females.”

“Willow … ” I saw his heart breaking in those ancient grey orbs but he had lied to me, and in such a big way. I couldn’t stop myself. The feeling of betrayal outdid any of the sympathy I might have felt for him.

“First you let Abigail die.”

He flinched back.

“Then you killed Noreen.”

“Willow.” Was he only just going to keep saying my name?

“You turned on your own kind.”

“They turned on me first.”

“All those wolves slaughtered at your hand.” As if shot by my words, the hand that had been reaching for me fell limply back to his side.

“I wanted you to trust me.” I hated how low his voice sounded, or maybe I just hated how I wanted to react to it.

“By lying to me?”

“I told you the truth.”

My breath came out in a soft moan. When he would have wrapped his arms around my waist, I sprang to my feet. “Don’t you touch me!”

“I know this is hard for you to understand.”

“You’re wrong,” I half screamed, “this is easy to understand. You’re Mikhaul, the one wolf who starred in all my nightmares as a kid. The reason I slept under my bed for almost two years.” I didn’t bother to wipe away the now steady flow of tears that were making my voice sound funny. “I only had to stop because Bella found me there one night. And she was so pissed she called me a coward. She threatened to kick me out of her house. You know why?” He just stared at me, his mouth hanging slightly open. “Because I was fourteen.”

I turned away from him with a broken sob. It was then that Ivy and I had stopped being close. She had stopped being afraid of him, but I couldn’t let go of the cold fear that had taken residence inside my heart, until it became what I was.