Witchy Tales: A Wicked Witches of the Midwest Fairy Tale (8 page)

“Good,” I said. “Pucker up!”

“I hate you for this,” Thistle said. “This is all your fault.”

“How do you figure that?”

“I haven’t decided yet, but the second I can find a way to blame it on you I will,” Thistle said.

“I’ll be waiting.”

“Oh, and you’re officially dead to me.”

“I’m used to that,” I said.

“Okay,” Thistle said, inhaling a steadying breath. “This isn’t going to be so bad. It’s just a frog. It’s not like it’s a snake … or a rat … or a clown.”

“I’m never going to live this clown stuff down, am I?” Landon complained.

“Probably not,” I said, slipping my hand into his.

Thistle pressed her lips together, resigned, and then leaned forward. “Oh, crap. Here we go.” The second her lips touched the frog a bright green light flared and the frog disappeared from her hand.

I shielded my eyes from the blinding light, and when I dared turn back I wasn’t surprised to see Marcus standing in front of Thistle.

Thistle pulled back, her eyes wide. “It was you!”

“It’s about time,” Marcus grumbled. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to follow you guys as a freaking frog?”

Thistle’s face went from happy to sad within an instant, and then she promptly burst into tears. “I’m so sorry. You’ll never know how sorry I am.”

Marcus was taken aback. “I … it’s okay.” He rubbed Thistle’s back worriedly and pulled her in for a hug. “It’s not as if you knew.”

“I was going to stomp on you,” Thistle sobbed, tears running down her face.

“We wouldn’t have let you stomp on him,” I said.

“I almost stepped on you,” Thistle said. “I’m a horrible person.”

“You’re not a horrible person,” Marcus said, kissing her cheek. “You didn’t know. It’s okay. We’re all together now. Everything is going to be okay.”

Marcus held her close and then began to sway, rocking her as she cried.

“It’s okay,” he whispered over and over.

“Well, we’re all together,” Landon said. “Now what?”

“I’m ready to wake up,” Sam said.

“I think we’re all ready for that,” Landon said. “How do we make that happen? How do we get out of the book?”

If seven strangers offer to help you,  run the other way. Men don’t run around together unless they’re in gangs. Well, sometimes they run around together if they’re trying to sell you a pack of lies, too – or a nice bridge.

–
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up

“I don’t think we can magically get out of the book,” I said.

Thistle had stopped crying, although she didn’t look particularly happy. Marcus kept her wrapped tight against him, her face pressed to his chest, and he was still swaying. “We have to finish the story,” Thistle said. “That’s what you think, isn’t it?”

I nodded. “Aunt Tillie isn’t the type of person to let us walk away because we finished a few fairy tales. She promised retribution, and she needs us tied up for a long time. We’re going to have to finish the book.”

“She warned us that she was going to do something,” Clove said. “We should have expected it.”

“How were we supposed to foresee her cursing us into a book?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Clove said. “I feel like we missed some obvious signs.”

“We can’t focus on that right now,” Landon said. “We have to start working our way through this world, and we need to do it faster than we have been doing it.”

“What if our mothers are here?” Clove asked.

“I don’t think they are,” I said. “I’m sure she did something else to them. This was for us specifically. We’re uniquely qualified to solve this because she created it for us.”

“I feel so loved,” Thistle growled. “It’s not every great-aunt who creates a horrible fairy tale world to curse her nieces. It’s like I’m the luckiest girl in the world.”

“As much as I’m loving the pity party, we need to move on from this place,” Landon said. “We’re obviously done here. We can keep talking. Let’s just do it while we’re walking.”

“Yes, sir,” Thistle said, mock saluting.

While I didn’t think the sass was necessary – or helpful – I was glad to see the color returning to her cheeks and the snarkiness taking up residence in her voice again.

Landon narrowed his eyes but wisely bit his tongue. After an ugly staredown, he turned his attention to me. “Which way now, sweetie?”

“Why are you asking her?” Clove asked.

“She hasn’t led us astray yet,” Landon said. “She knew how to find Thistle and she led us to Sam. I say we stick with her intuition.”

“I don’t think it’s going to matter,” Thistle said. “I think we could pick any direction and we’d still stumble upon the next chapter in the story.”

“I still want Bay to choose,” Landon said. “Is that too much to ask?”

“Whatever,” Thistle said. “Come on, Princess Bay. Pick a direction.”

I ignored the sarcasm and pressed my eyes shut, feeling a tug to the right. “There,” I said, pointing.

Landon grabbed my hand and started pulling me. “Let’s go.”

“He’s really alpha right now,” Marcus said.

“That’s because the curse is also making us give in to all of our personality defects,” Thistle explained. “Bay is insecure. Landon is bossy. Sam is defensive. Clove is a Pollyanna.”

“What are you?” Marcus asked.

“Relieved to have found you.”

Marcus smiled and gave her a soft kiss. “That’s very cute. I don’t believe you, though. I’m guessing you’re complaining a lot more than usual, which is a frightening thought.”

“I hate this night,” Thistle grumbled.

“It’s okay,” Marcus said. “We’re together now. I’ll take care of you. I’m your prince, right?”

“That’s kind of insulting.”

“You’ll live.”

“How do we know where we’re going?” Clove asked.

“I just had a feeling to come this way,” I said, pushing through some overhanging tree branches. “I don’t know why.”

I sucked in a breath when I reached the other side of the trees. This couldn’t be good.

“I have a feeling I know why you picked this way to come,” Landon said, his eyes landing on the yellow sidewalk cutting a winding path through the woods.

“Is that what I think it is?” Thistle asked.

“It’s a yellow brick road.”

“That’s not a fairy tale, though,” Sam said. “It was a movie.”

“It was based on a book, and it’s technically considered to be the first American fairy tale,” Clove said.

“How do you know that?”

“It’s my favorite book.”

“Oh,” Sam said. “That means this is probably going to be a fairy tale for you, doesn’t it?”

“We won’t know until we find out where the path leads,” I said. “Let’s get moving.”

“I’m warning you guys right now, if there are flying monkeys I’m out of here,” Marcus said.

“You’re afraid of flying monkeys?” an obviously tickled Thistle asked.

“They gave me nightmares when I was a kid,” Marcus conceded.

“Well, we can put your monkeys in a room with Landon’s clowns and have a free-for-all,” Thistle laughed.

“Way to get a handle on that bitchy thing, Thistle,” Landon said.

“Way to get a handle on that bossy thing, Landon,” Thistle shot back.

“Everyone shut up,” I said. “Can we have five minutes of silence? Please?”

Landon and Thistle made twin faces of disgust.

“I agree with Bay,” Marcus said. “This is getting out of hand.”

“Maybe you should be Bay’s prince, then,” Thistle said. “You obviously like her temperament better than mine.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” Landon said. “I’m hanging on to my princess and Marcus is definitely hanging on to his. I don’t want his princess. Good grief … the things I’m saying tonight are just flabbergasting.”

“Can we please walk down the yellow road for five minutes without sniping at each other?” I asked. “Just five minutes?”

“Fine,” Thistle conceded. “After that, though, I’m going nuts.”

“That’s going to be a short trip,” Landon said.

“HAS
it been five minutes yet?”

“I’m going to have to kill her,” Landon muttered under his breath.

I gripped his hand tighter. “I know this is hard for you. I’m sorry.”

Landon’s face softened. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about,” he said. “You didn’t do this.”

“My family did, though.”

“Bay, I love you,” Landon said. “I’m not angry with you. I’m angry at this situation. I’m sorry I’m being so … obnoxious. I can’t seem to help myself.”

“None of us can.”

“I just … oh, someone tell me what that is.”

We slowed our pace and focused on the small figures standing in the middle of the road about twenty feet in front of us. I had no idea where they came from, but they were here now.

“I’m guessing we’re about to embark on Snow White,” I said.

“What makes you say that?”

“There are little people standing over there,” I said.

“Maybe they’re munchkins. We are on the yellow brick road, after all.”

“No, they’re dwarves,” Thistle said. “Look. They’re holding axes … and there are seven of them.”

“Is anyone else worried that they’re holding axes?” Sam asked.

“I’m not thrilled with it,” Landon said. “Everyone be ready to run if it becomes necessary. Just … be careful.”

We slowly approached the dwarves, and I pasted a bright smile on my face as we drew close. “Hi. Who are you guys?”

“Way to not make this awkward, sweetie,” Landon said. “Just forego all those little conversational pleasantries that make people more comfortable around strangers.”

“I thought you were in a hurry?”

“I still don’t want to tick the little guys with the axes off,” Landon said. “Now … get behind me.”

I rolled my eyes.

“We’re not little guys,” the first dwarf said. “We’re dwarves.”

“We figured that out,” Thistle said.

“What gave it away?”

“The axes.”

“That usually does it,” the dwarf said. “I guess I should introduce us.”

“That would be great,” I said.

“I’m … .”

“Wait, let me guess,” Thistle said. “You’re Grumpy.”

“Well, it hasn’t been a great day, but I’m not grumpy.”

“I thought that was your name,” Thistle said, disappointed.

“No, my name is Flip.”

“Flip?”

“Flip.”

“Huh,” Thistle said. “I don’t remember this part of the story.”

Flip ignored her. “This is Kip, Trip, Skip, Pip, Whip and Bud.”

Well,  that sounded fun.

“Bud?” Thistle asked. “Your mother couldn’t think of one more name that ended with ‘ip?’”

“Apparently not,” Flip said. “It’s been a lifelong embarrassment for Bud. He doesn’t talk much.”

I studied Bud for a moment. “He doesn’t look happy with his lot in life.”

“Would you be happy with our lot in life?” Flip asked. “We spend twelve hours a day digging in mines and we don’t even get paid for it.”

“So stop doing it,” Thistle said.

“We can’t,” Flip said. “We’re dwarves. That’s what we do.”

The rest of his brothers nodded in enthusiastic agreement.

Landon cleared his throat. “So, um, is there a reason you’re hanging around the yellow brick road?”

“We’re waiting for someone,” Flip said.

“Who?”

“Snow White.”

“I told you,” I crowed.

“You’re the smartest woman in the world, sweetie,” Landon said, refusing to let me slide out of the arm cage he’d built behind him to corral me.

“Do you know what Snow White looks like?” Sam asked.

Flip nodded.

“Do you know when she’s supposed to get here?”

“She’s already here,” Flip said.

“Oh, this is going to be bad,” Thistle said. “Does anyone remember whether the dwarves gang-banged Snow White in Aunt Tillie’s story? I’m really worried about that for some reason.”

“We’re not sexual deviants,” Flip said. “We just need her to clean our cabin and sing while we’re at work.”

“Sing?”

“Sing.”

“Which one of us do you think is Snow White?” a nervous Clove asked.

Since she was the only one with dark hair, we all expected it to be her.

Flip grinned at her. “Welcome home.”

“Oh, no way,” Clove shouted. “I just spent two hours in a tower waiting for someone to climb my hair. I’m absolutely not turning myself into a maid and … singing.”

“You have to,” Flip said. “That’s what you do.”

“Well, I’m not going to do it,” Clove said. “I’m drawing the line. I’m done. This fairy tale world sucks.”

“It does suck,” Landon said.

“Listen, I have no idea who the rest of you are, but we need to claim our Snow White before it gets too late,” Flip said.

“Yeah, we want dinner,” Trip said. “We haven’t had a decent meal in ten years.”

“How did you know to wait here for Snow White?” I asked.

“The crone told us.”

“What crone?”

“The one in the black dress and hood with the red apple,” Flip said. “She said Snow White was coming and we were to wait here until she crossed our path. We’ve been here a long time.”

“How long?”

“A couple of hours.”

I rubbed the back of my neck, weary. “Does anyone have any suggestions?” I asked. “It’s not as if we can let Clove go with the dwarves. If that story plays out, she’s going to eat a poison apple and then land in a glass coffin.”

“Yeah, I’d really rather not die,” Clove said.

“We need to move this along,” Landon said. “Um, guys, here’s the thing … you can’t have Snow White. I don’t know what this crone told you, and I’m really curious what she looks like because I’m picturing a tiny woman with a round face and evil eyes … .”

“How did you know that?” Flip asked.

“Just a lucky guess,” Landon said, grimacing.

He’d described Aunt Tillie. Had she really based some of the characters in the book on herself? That made sense. She always thought she was the center of all of our worlds.

“The thing is, the crone’s information is outdated,” Landon said, and I could practically see his mind working. “It seems Snow White can’t do any manual labor until her contract is settled.”

“What contract?”

“Yeah, what contract?” Clove asked.

Landon shot her a quelling look. “Snow White joined a union.”

“No way,” Flip said. “Is that even allowed?”

“It’s a new world, man,” Landon said. “She’s on strike until the contract is settled.”

“When is that going to happen?” Flip asked. “We really need a maid.”

“I suggest hiring the crone,” I said. “She’s great with a broom … and a cackle.”

“And she sings like a dream,” Thistle said. “This one over here is tone deaf.”

“I am not,” Clove protested. “I have a beautiful singing voice.”

“Since when?” Thistle asked, laughing. “You’re so off key you scare small children and household pets.”

“That’s not true,” Clove said. “Bay, tell her that’s not true.”