With All My Love (45 page)

‘Last thing, Katie,’ she said. ‘Let’s go and have some coffee and lemonade.’

‘I’m going to buy Valwee a dolaphin bracelet, Mommy, ‘cos she likes bracelets, an’ I’m going to buy you a star one,’ her daughter declared matter-of-factly. ‘An’ I have to buy a present for Daddy.’

‘You are the kindest little girl,’ Briony said proudly, very pleased that Katie would decide to spend some of her money on gifts, without being prompted. She had a generous nature, which was a source of satisfaction to her parents. Some of the kids in Katie’s crèche had been selfish little brats.

Briony put her phone back in her bag. She wanted to ring Finn and pour her heart out to him. He’d surely take her side and understand her hurt. She had to be careful, though; she didn’t want Katie getting wind of any upset with the grown-ups.

Her godmother knew exactly what buttons to press to make her feel guilty. Had Lizzie tried to talk Valerie out of her decision to cut the Egans out of their lives, all those years ago, Briony wondered as she sipped strong sweet coffee outside a small restaurant in an enclosed shaded square and watched her daughter dipping her dolly’s feet into a bubbling ornate fountain. El Zoco had a Moorish atmosphere, and the arches and terracotta hues were soothing to her frazzled spirit.

She trawled back through her memories again, getting flashes here and there. She remembered crying, telling her mother she missed Gramma and Gandad and Valerie telling her they lived far away now but she still had Granny Carmel, who came to see them every week.

She remembered, when she was a little older, asking why did other girls and boys have a daddy and why had her daddy not come back to them, and Valerie explaining very gently that her daddy had died.

And then, once, when she was seven or eight, asking if she could go back to Rockland’s to visit Carmel and her other granny and granddad, and Valerie telling her that her other granny and granddad didn’t want to see her or Valerie ever again, because they had been cross with Valerie when her daddy had died. She couldn’t understand why they would be cross and wondered, was it anything
she
had done? It never occurred to her that her mother – or any adult, for that matter – would tell her a lie so she’d just accepted what she was told. All that worry and anxiety she had silently endured because her mother had lied. Briony was still in shock thinking about the trauma her mother had inflicted on her.

She took her phone out of her bag and speed dialled Finn.

‘Hi, I can’t talk right now; I’m just heading into a meeting. Can I call you later?’ Her husband sounded harassed.

‘Oh, Finn, I need to talk to you. It’s not even nine a.m. at home, ’ she said, exasperated.

‘But you know we have back-to-back meetings on Monday mornings, starting with a breakfast one,’ he reminded her. ‘What’s wrong? Is Katie OK?’

‘Yes, Katie’s fine. It’s Mom and me. I found a letter from my grandmother, my dad’s mother, that was written to me years ago. Mom lied to me and I just don’t want to be near her. I want to come home,’ she said, glad that there was no one at any of the nearby tables.

‘What? You want to come home?’ echoed Finn, flabbergasted.

‘Mom lied to me about my dad’s parents not wanting to see me. It’s hideous. I can’t believe she’d do something like that. I’m devastated. I’m going to book a flight home. I want to come home,’ she repeated.

‘Look, don’t do anything hasty. I can’t talk now, I have to go. I’ll ring as soon as I can, OK?’ he said, sounding slightly fraught. ‘Sorry, Briony, I have to go.’

‘What’s new?’ she muttered and hung up.

‘I knew this day would come eventually. And now it’s a right mess,’ Lizzie remarked, pouring herself another cup of coffee, having given her husband the latest update on ‘the Spanish Situation’.

‘Why don’t you go over and sort them out? Do a Kofi Annan on it?’ Dara suggested, draining his coffee and finishing the last of his toast.

‘You mean go over to Spain?’ She wasn’t sure if she’d heard him properly.

‘Look, you pair are practically joined at the hip. Just as well I’m not the jealous type,’ he grinned. ‘You’ve always been there for each other. You know Valerie’s past. You love Briony like a daughter. Maybe you could act as referee. Just a suggestion.’

‘Oh, Dara, you are the kindest husband.’ She got up, threw her arms around him and hugged him.

‘I know,’ he said smugly. ‘Anyway, I owe you one. You let me and Killian go to the Euros and even bought me a green jersey. Going to Spain to act as referee might not be as much fun as going to a football match but if you want to go, I’ll even bring you to the airport.’

‘But what about Madam?’ She pointed up to the ceiling where Katy Perry was getting loud airplay.

‘I can take care of the frustrated teenager. Killian looks after himself anyway, more or less. Get a cheap flight over, defuse the situation and try to fit in some R & R.’

‘Yeah, but what about work? It’s a bit short notice.’ But Lizzie was really liking his suggestion. An unexpected trip to see two of the people she loved most in the world,
and
get some sun! What a treat, even if Briony and Valerie were having the mother of all rows.

‘Take today’s appointments. Reschedule or get someone else to do the rest of them for you. It’s only for a couple of days and anyway, this is an emergency,’ he said firmly.

‘Are you sure?’ she said doubtfully, following him into the hall where he put on his overcoat and took the big umbrella out of the hallstand.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll get you again. Probably the next World Cup. Ring me and let me know what time your flight is and we’ll sort out the airport.’ He opened the front door. ‘God, it’s still chucking it down. The tube will be the pits this morning,’ he groaned.

‘At least let me give you a lift. Come on, Rachel,’ she yelled up the stairs. ‘I want to give your dad a lift to the station so we have to take a detour.’

‘Like I’m going to be
so
late if we do that.’ Their daughter clomped down the stairs and glowered at them.

‘Like deal with it,’ Lizzie said briskly, the prospect of a few days in the sun away from teenage tantrums looking more inviting by the second.

‘This is for you, Valwee.’ Katie raced into the garden waving a small paper bag. Valerie’s eyes lit up when she saw her granddaughter running over to her where she was on her knees weeding a flowerbed.

‘For me?’ she exclaimed. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Briony standing at the French doors in the sitting room.

‘What is it?’ Her heart filled with love at the sight of Katie’s eager, upturned face, blue eyes dancing with excitement. Sometimes she looked so like Jeff she thought with a pang, as Katie wrapped her arms around her neck and planted a loving kiss on her cheek.

Valerie held her tight, savouring the moment. A thought struck her like a hammer blow and this time she couldn’t run away from it, or justify her behaviour to herself. Since Briony had found her grandmother’s letter, Valerie had struggled to ignore the guilt that was eating her up. She had deprived Tessa and Lorcan of moments like this. And even worse, she had deprived her own daughter of an abundance of unconditional love that would have always been there for her to tap into. She had committed a terrible injustice to the person she most loved in the world. She’d never had to face up to what she’d done all those years ago until now. She’d never actually
understood
the huge repercussions of her decision to deny Briony access to her grandparents, and to deny them access to her. When her daughter had threatened never to let her see Katie again, what she had done had finally hit home. It was horrendous! She had behaved in such a mean-spirited, selfish way, and she’d never given it serious consideration. What did it say about her, what did it say about the type of person she was? How had she felt no guilt? Lizzie was right, she had become so bitter and twisted she couldn’t even see the grave injustice she’d done to her own child, let alone Jeff’s parents, and indeed Jeff himself. He would never have approved of her actions.

‘Look, Valwee.’ Katie held out the bracelet she’d bought, proud as punch. ‘It’s a dolaphin one.’

‘Oh, darling, it’s beautiful.’ Valerie’s voice shook as she tried to regain her composure. ‘Put it on me.’ She held out her hand and Katie slid the purple and silver bracelet over her wrist.

‘Valwee, it’s so pwetty on you. I love dolaphins.’ She fingered the little charms with delight.

‘I’ll always treasure it,’ Valerie said, swallowing hard. ‘You’re a very kind girl. What else did you do when you were in El Zoco?’ she asked, desperate to know if Briony had booked a flight home.

‘We went to the toyshop an’ then we had lemonade and a cake, an’ I played at the fountain, and then we came home. Can I have some tea towels to play hospital? My dolly is very sick – she has pumonia,’ Katie declared matter-of-factly.

‘Oh dear, pumonia! That’s serious. We’d better get the tea towels and perhaps a sponge and some water to take dolly’s temperature down.’ She knew Katie loved anything to do with water.

‘Oh, yes, an’ some sweets for when she’s feeling better?’ She eyed her grandmother hopefully.

‘Absolutely,’ agreed Valerie, laughing. She stood up and took Katie by the hand. It didn’t sound as though there’d been any visit to an internet café, which was a huge relief.

Briony was slouched on the sofa flicking through the latest
Hello!
, yawning her head off. She never even glanced at her mother. She looked very peaky, Valerie thought guiltily. She probably didn’t get much sleep the previous night either.

‘I’m just going to set up the hospital with Katie. Would you like a cuppa?’ she asked lightly.

‘Thanks, I had coffee in El Zoco.’ Briony never raised her head from the magazine. Valerie’s heart sank even further. How would her daughter ever forgive her for what she’d done?

While Katie busied herself sorting her sick dolls on her bed, Valerie procured the requested tea towels, a small Tupperware bowl of water, and a sponge.

‘Maybe we should put a towel on top of the bed just in case any water gets on it,’ she suggested, getting one of the fluffy bath sheets out of her hot press.

‘Gwate idea, Valwee. Don’t forget the sweets, an’ you have to call me Nurse now, not Katie.’

‘Certainly, Nurse, sweets coming up.’ Valerie hid a smile.

Nurse was completely engrossed in tending to her many patients, teddy bear included, when Valerie placed a small dish of jelly babies on the bedside table.

‘Thank you, Valwee. I can’t talk now I’m doing a nopo-ration.’ She popped a sweet into her mouth and turned to resume her duties. Summarily dismissed, Valerie walked back down the hall and took a deep breath.

‘Briony,’ she said, coming to sit beside her daughter, ‘I’m so sorry. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. What I did was unforgivable. Would you let me try and explain? I truly never meant to hurt you, but now I have to face the fact that I’ve done something really awful.’ Tears blurred her eyes, overflowing down her cheeks.

Briony looked at her. ‘It’s a bit late for tears now, Mom; that’s not going to bring my grandparents and my aunt and uncle back to me,’ she said coldly. She yawned again and stood up. ‘Look, I’m tired and I don’t feel the best – can we talk about this later? I’m going in to lie down for a while.’

‘OK,’ Valerie said, subdued. ‘I’m glad you’re still here.’

‘For now,’ Briony said curtly, clearly in no mood for discussions of any sort.

What the hell was going on in Spain between Valerie and Briony, Finn worried as his mind drifted from the droning voice of the company accountant laying down a list of cost-cutting requirements for each department.

He had never known his wife to have a row with her mother. They got on very well, as a rule. Something about a letter from her grandmother. He glanced at his watch. Twenty minutes more and they should be breaking for lunch and then he could phone her. He’d felt bad giving her the brush-off this morning. Briony could be a bit of a hothead. He hoped by the time he spoke to her she would have cooled down some. It really would be a shame for them to cut short their holiday. But if she was coming home, he’d need to put manners on the kitchen and the bedroom. Even in the three days his wife had been away, standards had slipped considerably. He didn’t want to get caught on the hop. Her timing was crap, he thought ruefully. He’d never been so busy at work. He didn’t have time for family spats. The sooner it was sorted the better.

‘I really think you should try and work it out, Briony. Listen to what Valerie has to say. At least do that much before you book a ticket home,’ Finn said patiently.

‘That’s easy for you to say, Finn,’ Briony said crossly. She’d been having a lovely snooze when her phone had rung and Finn had demanded to know what was going on.

‘I know that, but you don’t make a decision like that lightly. There are always two sides to every story,’ he reasoned. ‘She’s always been a great mother to you and a wonderful grandmother to Katie, don’t forget that either.’

‘All right, Finn, I hear you,’ Briony said grumpily. ‘But it would be nice if someone could see it from my point of view too. You and Lizzie are making excuses for Mom. I think she behaved appallingly.’

‘Decide when you hear what she has to say about it all, Briony, that’s all I’m asking. And I know you’re hurt and upset, and I wish I was there with you, and if it does get too much to bear of course come home,’ he said kindly, and she burst into tears.

‘Oh, Briony, please don’t cry. You know I hate it when you cry,’ Finn said agitatedly.

‘I’m just devastated,’ she sobbed.

‘Just talk to Valerie and find out why. It might help,’ he urged.

‘OK, I will. I’ll talk to you later.’

‘I love you, if that’s any help.’

‘It is,’ she assured him, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘Thanks for ringing.’

‘Have you stopped crying?’

‘Yeah. See ya.’

‘Mind yourself,’ he said, and she knew he was probably relieved the phone call was over. Much as she hated to admit it, he was right: she needed to talk to her mother and get her side of the story before she could make any real judgement. She lay on her bed, watching the sunlight spill onto the terrace, and dapple her bedroom through the dipping wisteria branches. She listened to the rhythmic melody of the sea and even in her agitated state it still had the power to soothe. It dawned on her that there was no sound apart from the sea and birdsong and the murmur of the breeze through the leaves. Katie was usually singing or running around the place. She never walked. No sound of song, or little footsteps on marble tiles. She got off the bed and went out to her daughter’s bedroom. The hospital patients lay neatly on the bath sheet, each covered by a tea towel. Of the nurse there was no sign. Briony went into the kitchen. A note from Valerie lay on the counter.