Without care (7 page)

After mine and
Chase's swim we join his friends. He won't leave my side and his
hand is permanently locked with mine. He keeps asking me if I am
okay and running his hands through my hair. His friends are
actually okay. Becks always made out they were a bunch of stuck up
snobs, but they have been very welcoming to me.

“So Jen,”
Chrissy smiles sitting down next to me. She has now covered up her
amazing body with a t-shirt and shorts. “Who are you taking to the
dance?”

The dance. I
hadn't even thought about it. This is the first time I have spent
time in one place long enough to actually go to a dance. Its girls
ask boys dance. My eyes look over at Chase and he leans towards
me.

“Yes, I would
love to go with you.”

I swear my
heart just slammed against my chest, I feel as if I am living in my
own private movie. His lips brush against my cheek and without
thinking my free hand moves up into his hair and it feels amazing.
I am finally feeling and doing all the things I have read about in
romance novels. We can't stop looking at one another. It’s as if we
are trapped in a spell.

“Alright,
that's enough” says a voice. It’s Becks, standing over me with her
hands on her hips and tapping her foot. “If you would excuse Jen, I
want a word with my friend.” Before I can protest she is pulling me
up and dragging me away from paradise.

“What are you
playing at?” She asks as we move further away from the group.

“Excuse me?” I
stop and pull my arm out of her grip. This is the first time we
have spoken in a week.

“You! Parading
around in swimsuits and throwing yourself at Chase. This isn't you,
Jen. You’re making yourself look easy. In fact, you’re reminding me
of your mother.”

“Becks!” I
yell, looking mortified. I can't believe she just said that, I am
nothing like my mother. I finally feel as if I fit in here and she
has to destroy it with her bitter jealousy. She's always wanted to
be one of Chase's group. That's it! That's why she said all that
stuff to Chase. She was trying to make me look stupid.

“I can't
believe you just said that” I scowl. “You know how much I like
Chase.”

“I also know
how much Ayden likes you!”

“Ayden, what
has he got to do with it?”

She shakes her
head and shrugs. “Forget I even mentioned him.”

“No! Tell me
what you meant.” I should have known Ayden had to be behind this.
“What do you mean he likes me? You’re with him.”

Becks laughs
and begins to walk away. “You’re in denial, Jennifer. Open your
eyes, take a look around.” She turns her back on me and walks back
in Ayden's direction.

Now I am
seriously confused, what did any of that mean? Ayden likes me and I
like Chase. Why would she been mean like that? I haven't done
anything wrong and I don't think my behaviour was out of line. I’m
just having fun. No, she is jealous. I have spent two years wanting
to fit in somewhere, wanting a normal high school experience. I
finally have that, my mother is settling down, my sister is happy
and I have a life.

She is just
pissed that it isn't her, that's all. Well as far as I’m concerned,
she and Ayden are welcomed to each other. I have to cut them out
and stop being friends with them. There is only six months left of
high school and I am going enjoy every moment of it. For the first
time in my life and I am looking after number one and to hell with
everyone else.

***

Chase has been
ringing and texting me constantly. Tonight my mother is going out
with Ted and Chase is coming over. This is the first time we are
actually spending time alone and I feel a wave of excitement wash
over me.

I have avoided
Ayden and Becks. Although I do feel as if I have been abandoning
Ali. I like Ali, she is such a great friend. I also enjoy spending
lunch with Chase and his friends. Maybe next week I could invite
her to have lunch with us and bring her over to the dark side.
That's what Becks described Chase's group once.

I apply a
little more lip gloss just as my mother enters my room. She
actually looks classy in a back cocktail dress. Ted is taking her
out for a meal to celebrate their one month anniversary. I can't
believe she has actually stayed with one person that long.

“We will be off
in a few minutes” she smiles, taking a seat on my bed. “Wow, you
look beautiful, honey.”

I have to admit
I do, it’s as if overnight dresses and make-up have become my best
friends. I think it was the beach that gave me more confident. I
actually like the way I look at the moment and Chrissy has been
giving me a lot of tips on hair and make-up. I feel like a whole
new person, and I am actually looking forward to shopping with
Chrissy at the weekend. I am going to buy my first ever dance
dress. Everything feels new and exciting.

“I love that
shade of eye shadow” she points to my smoky eyes. “On serious
matter” she sits up straight and her voice sounds more authorizing.
“Sex!” My eyes widen and I feel the heat in my face.

Is she
seriously going to have this talk to with me? I shouldn't complain.
I have waited and prayed for months she would turn back into my
mother.

“What about
it?” I sigh, as I put my things away. I am just playing along as I
don't want to hurt her feelings. I like her like this and I am
really happy Ted came along when he did. He has been a breath of
fresh air for her. I can't even think of her being that selfish,
uncaring person again.

“I'm not going
to explain ins and outs as I think you already know about babies
and protection. However, I do want you to know that it is
completely up to you. Don't let him put pressure on you and insists
he wears something.”

I move over to
my mum and I actually hug her. I haven't hugged in over a year. I
feel my eyes welling up. I have missed her and its times like this
I think about my father. I wonder what he would of thought about
Chase. Would he of had the father talk with him?

“Thank you” I
kiss her on the cheek. “Chase is a nice boy and won't rush me into
anything.”

My mother
raises a perfect eyebrow and gives me the 'yeah right' look. “All
boys seem nice to start with. They have one thing on their mind and
before you know it, you're pregnant, playing house and they are
lying to you.”

I stand up
straight and take a good look at her. She is staring a head and
blinking back tears. Her last words play in my head... 'They are
lying to you.” What did she mean? I can't let this lie.

“Did Dad lie to
you?”

She gives a
little laugh and shakes her head. “They all lie, honey. It’s in
their DNA.”

“Does Ted lie
to you?”

“No” she says
with a huge smile on her face. “Ted is in a different league.” She
slowly stands up and places a hand on my shoulder. “Just keep one
step ahead.”

I watch as she
walks out and my thoughts are confused. Is that why we left my
father? Did he lie to her? I try to think back to before we left
and once again it’s blank. I have this undying urge to question her
further, find out exactly why we are in Summerton. She looked so
sad as she thought about him. Is there a chance she still loves
him? Did she want to leave him? I guess I will never know as I
never want to see her pained expression again.

Chase arrived
ten minutes after my mother left with Ted. My mother has excelled
herself, she has thought of everything; movies, pizza, popcorn and
soda. I am feeling very nervous as me and Chase take our places on
the sofa. I can't bear to make eye contact with him, I stare down
at my hands and we sit in silence.

“I like your
dress, Jen” his voice is shaky and I wonder if he is nervous too.
He sits back on the sofa, reaches out for my hand and pulls me
towards him. Now I can't help but look up at his beautiful
face.

“There’s no
need to be nervous around me” his voice is low and his eyes softly
look down at me.

My heart
thumps, blood rushes through my veins and I want nothing more than
to kiss his soft moist lips. My hand moves up his chest, he
flinches under my touch and my hand moves round to back of his
neck. Our lips meet and a fire erupts inside of me. I love the way
his fingers gently play in my hair and I love the way he
smells.

I pull away,
breathing heavily. I would love nothing more than to spend the next
through hours kissing him, but my mother has made an effort. I jump
up and grab the DVDs off the side. I spin round to face him and he
is smiling at me, which melts my hand. How can anyone look that
cute? I quickly gather myself and carry on with what I was
doing.

“We have 21
Jump Street or” I raise an eyebrow at my mother's choice. “Magic
Mike.” should have guessed she would pick them. She has a huge
thing for Channing Tatum at the moment. Tell the truth both movies
don't appeal to me.

Chase holds out
his hand and I place the DVDs down. I make my way back to him
gracefully, my hips swaying and place my hand in his. He pulls on
my arm and before I know it, I am laying on the sofa underneath
him. I look up into his blue eyes and I feel something I have never
felt before. I like the weight of his body pressed against mine.
There is a new desire for him and I feel myself licking my lip.

“Let’s not
watch movies” he is almost growling as his lips crash on to mine. I
gasp at the shock and his tongue enters my mouth. My hands grip
hold of his shoulders and I feel myself falling deeper into his
kiss. My own tongue moving against his and I swear he groans in my
mouth.

I need more, my
hand moves up the back of his shirt. I feel his back flex under my
touch, his own hand reaches for my thigh and takes a firm grip. Our
kiss becomes hungrier and I still need more. Even though we’re
pressed together tightly, I feel there is still a barrier between
us.

Without warning
Chase sits up and runs his hands through his hair. I stare up at
him blinking, wondering what made him stop. He looks back down at
me and smiles.

“Sorry” he
whispers. “I just want to take this slow and if we carry on...” He
lets a little air out of his mouth. “I don't think I will be able
to stop and I don't want you to think that is all your worth.”

I can't help
the grin on my face as I sit up and adjust my dress. I wrap my arms
around his neck and hug him hard. “That's sweet of you, Chase.” At
least one of us has some self discipline. I am still trying to gain
my breath back and my mind is racing with new thoughts and
feelings.

For the rest of
the night we watch TV and innocently kiss and hug. Something has
switched on inside me and kissing doesn't seem enough. Surely I am
not ready to go further, mind wise no, body wise yes. That night I
dream of bodies’ moulded together, heat and Chase. I swear once
during my dream.... Ayden.

CHAPTER
SIX

The week that
followed was amazing. I enjoyed everyday of my life. Chase would
pick me up everyday for school and was the most caring boyfriend a
girl would want. My mother brought me the most gorgeous prom dress.
Becks still had a problem with me and Ayden barely said a word to
me. Ali was having her own romance with a boy called Travis from
her French class.

I thought I was
walking on cloud nine, with my first dance on Friday and my 18th on
Monday, I had tons to look forward to. I skipped in the cafeteria
on Wednesday, Chase wasn't at school today. He was playing an away
game in another town. I scanned the room and looked at my old
friends and then at my new ones.

I pang of
sadness flooded through me, I really did miss them. They were all
laughing at something a red haired boy was saying, my guessing that
was Travis. As Ali was fluttering her eyelashes and had a dreamy
look on her face. Ayden looked up and our eyes meet. That familiar
chill ran down my spine as he gave a little smile and then turned
back to talking.

Why did I now
feel guilty? I had turned into one of those girls who put
boyfriends before their friends. In fact, everything in my life now
surrounded around Chase. I had to make amends. I had to give both
set of friend’s attention. I took in a deep breath, straightened
out my shoulders and strolled over. No one looked at me as I sat
down at the table.

“Hey” I said
weakly.

“Jen,” Ali
beamed. “Hi. Haven't met Travis yet, have you?” I gave Travis a
little smile and then looked round the table. Becks was scowling as
she looked down at her phone and Ayden was staring intensely at
me.

I now felt
small and unwanted. This was all my own doing. I had ignored my
friends and this was my punishment. I could feel the tears welling
up in my eyes and I kept blinking to hold back. I looked down at my
hands locked together in my lap. Maybe I didn't belong in this
group or maybe I never fitted in.

“So, what you
been up to Jen?” A chair is pulled out beside me and I can smell
Ayden's scent. I look out of the corner of my eye and he has taken
the bold move to sit next to me. Relief rushes through me, does
this mean he doesn't hate me?

“Not much” I
mutter. “You?”