Without care (4 page)

My mouth opens
and then closes, I get this weird feeling he is going to say
'gotcha'. His voice was sincere and I think he actually meant his
words. A smile creeps upon my face and he returns it with a
mesmerizing smile of his own. This time his dark onyx eyes light up
and I am hypnotized by them.

I have to pull
my eyes away from him, I can feel my cheeks flaming bright red and
I am chewing on my lip as I can't think of anything to say to him.
He quickly stands up from the table and places his hands in his
pockets.

“Well, I should
be off,” he points to the door. “I'll see you at school tomorrow,
Jen.” I just nod like some stupid ornament people have in their
cars. He gives a quick smile and strolls out of the Diner. I take
in a deep breath and my lungs burn, as subconsciously I didn’t
breathe.

Today has
seriously been strange, some things good and some things not as
good. I start thinking about my mother and wondering what I will
find when I get home. I know I shouldn't be hard on her, at least
tonight she tried. Was she trying for us or him?

I don't know
and I know I shouldn't dwell on why we left my father. It's just
the pain I feel for him is exhausting, and my heart feels heavy. It
feels as a huge chuck of my life is missing and I don't know how to
move forward.

At least I have
Chase's party to look forward to and my new friendship that is
developing with Ayden. Maybe life in Summerton isn't so bad, maybe
it’s me that holds myself back. I blame my mother, but really, am I
to blame?

After feeling I
have cleared my head and reached a sort of closure. I head home, do
my homework and go to bed feeling a lot more optimistic about my
last few months of being 17 and in high school.

CHAPTER
THREE

For the last
three days my mother has been acting very weird, everyday when I
get home from school or work, she has been here – cooking! She has
also been asking me about my friends and how I feel I am doing in
school.

The other
constant thing in our house has been Ted. He's stayed over every
night, and I am not actually finding him a problem. He seems to
have a calming effect on my mother, and he doesn't drink, which is
a good bonus.

Friday, for the
first time ever, my mother stayed in. As a family which strangely
includes Ted, we ordered a pizza and watched a DVD. Lacey has taken
a shine to him too, and he is actually good with her. I am no
longer allowed to read her a story at bedtime. Apparently, I don't
do voices, and Ted does.

The night of
the party fast approached, and I even allowed my mother to help me
choose something to wear. Becks has been excited all week, Ali, not
so much. She's not really into crowds or loud music. I have to
agree with her, I am over anxious about this party.

I have this
thought at the back of my head that Chase is having a joke at my
expense. After a long debate with my mother, I settled on wearing
black skinny jeans, a white lace blouse and my leather jacket. I
straightened my hair and even allowed my mother to apply make-up.
My way not hers!

The whole ride
to the party in Becks car, my stomach churned in anticipation. This
is the first party I have ever been to, unless you count the tea
party when I was six. This is a teenage party. I am expecting drink
and people getting together.

This is what
scares me. I have never been kissed. I almost freak out as Becks
pulls in the long drive away, which is filled with cars. As I exit
the car, music pumps out of the house, and the whole atmosphere
feels energetic.

“Can you
actually believe we are going to this party?” Becks says, as she
takes in the surroundings of the house. A big smile spreads across
her face, and her eyes are wide with happiness. I feel as like I am
walking towards a danger zone. Ali has remained quiet, and I know
she is feeling just like me.

I don't know
what to expect, will the cool kids laugh at me because I don't
drink. Or will someone mention anything about my mother. I know
there must be a lot she hasn't told me. Before I know it we enter
the house.

The hallway is
packed with people from school. As we walk past a room, I take a
sneaky peak and everyone is dancing with a drink in hand. We end up
walking further into the party, squeezing past people, and some
actually smile at me. I can see another doorway and we have now
ended up in the kitchen. It's not so crowded in here and I can hear
Ali give a breath of relief.

All three of us
stand there looking awkward. Becks has now lost her confident
persona and her eyes are darting around.

“What are we
meant to do now?” She tuts, I and Ali shrug in response. Becks
makes a face and rolls her eyes. “Great! This should be fun.”

“Hey, you came”
my head turns to the kitchen doorway and there stands Chase. He's
dressed in blue baggy jeans and a light blue shirt. He is smiling
at me and instantly my heart flutters. His attention turns to my
friends. “Becks and Ali, why don't you head into the next room.
Grab yourselves a drink.”

Both my friends
look at me, and I nod giving them approval. Without a word they
disappear leaving me alone with him. He grabs hold of my hand and
leads me out a door and outside. My mouth is dry, I have no idea
what is going on.

The garden is
massive. All decked out in flower beds, water features and tiny
lights that light up the large space. We walk past a pool, styled
in a Greek way, the water shimmers in the moonlight and yet we keep
walking through trees. I turn, and the house is further away than I
expected.

My heart is
beating fast as I have no idea what is going on. Every now and then
he turns and smiles, which doesn't put me at ease. Finally we stop,
and I can hear running water, my eyes swipe over a lake.

“Sorry” Chase
quietly murmurs. “I should have explained where I was taking
you.”

I am
speechless, this is beautiful. I sit down on the grassy bank and
just stare out at the view. The lake looks like it goes on for
miles. A waterfall tickles down a side of a cliff. I feel envious
that he has this wonderful escape at the back of his house. I would
die for something like this, I feel him sit down beside me and we
sit there in silence listening to the water, the birds and taking
in the fresh breeze of salt water and the great outdoors.

I have
completely got over my anxiousness now, and the party seems far
away. His hand takes hold of mine, and the feeling is luscious,
tender and perfect. For the first time in a while, I feel calm and
at ease. Chase takes his hand away from mine, stands up and walks
over to a tree. My hand now feels empty, I am not sure if it was
his gently gesture or the place that’s affected my mood.

He quickly
returns with a rucksack and once again sits down next to me. “I
brought us a few things, so we could spend a while out here.”

I can't help
but smile. “You planned this?”

“Yep. Although
I was a little unsure you would come or not.” He opens the rucksack
and pulls out a bottle and some glasses. To my surprise it's only
soda and not alcohol. “I asked Becks yesterday and she said you
don't drink.”

He asked Becks
and she didn't tell me, there’s a first. I doubt very much she kept
that to herself. This whole thing has taken me by surprise. Looking
at Chase you wouldn't think he could put so much thought into
something like this. He looks like your typical jock, only thinking
about sports and himself. Tonight I have seen him in a different
light.

“I really want
to get to know you better, Jen” his words bring a smile to my lips.
“I know I should speak to you more in class, but I get nervous.” he
turns his face from me and in the moonlight I swear I can see him
blushing.

I reach out and
take his hand again. This is such a bold move on my part, I
normally shy away from this sort of thing. His eyes move from our
interlocked fingers up to my face and my breathing escalates. I
want him to kiss me, desperately.

I feel my heart
pounding in my chest, my lungs gasping for breath. I feel myself
moving towards him, his breath is now against my lips. My eyes
fling open, and he is just smiling at me, why isn't he kissing
me?

“Jen,” he
sighs, his finger brushes across my cheek. “I promised Becks I
wouldn't rush anything with you. She explained about you being new
to all of this.”

I raise an
eyebrow in confusion. Becks? A promise to Becks? I didn't realize
Becks had some sort of control in my life and what I did. I am
feeling a mixture of embarrassment and anger. I snatch my hand away
and just glare at him.

“What exactly
did Becks say?”

“She just
explained you’ve never had a boyfriend before.”

“I wasn't
asking you to be my boyfriend, Chase. It was just going to be a
kiss!” I can't stay here a moment longer. I need to keep some
pride, and I need to tell Becks to keep her mouth shut. I stand up
and walk away from him. I can hear him calling my name, but I can't
bear to look back.

I'm back at the
house before I know it, I race in and storm across the kitchen. I
need to get out of here. I feel suffocated and not to mention
stupid. It was a bad idea coming to this party. Why did I put
myself out like that?

I must have
looked needy. Somehow my mother has rubbed off on me. I can see
Becks in a room, holding a bottle of beer and flirting with someone
from school. How could she? How could she tell my secrets and
pretend nothing has happened. The bile is creeping up my throat and
I want to explode. I trusted her, never again, I will never trust
people so easily again.

My eyes are
filling up to the brim. There is no way I am going to cry. I carry
on walking through the hall and to the front door.

My escape is
welcoming, finally I can breathe. I am never putting myself out
like that again. The air is now turning colder, as I walk down the
gravel driveway. I wrap my leather jacket around my body. The
humiliation radiates through my body. I could see myself – eyes
closed, lips puckered, and waiting for him to kiss me, only to be
rejected.

As if to match
my mood, the heavens open and surges down as I walk alone through
the dark streets of Summerton. The party is now a distant memory, I
will not get over my foolishness. I knew it was too good to be
real.

An engine
growls behind me, and I hear the vehicle stop directly in my path.
My eyes slowly focus and it’s a blue truck. The passenger door
swings open, and I freeze on the spot.

“Get in” yells
a voice, dark eyes locking with mine. “Come on,”

I enter the
warmth of the truck and close the door behind me. He gives an a
little nod and drives off to god knows where. My body shivers with
the warmth, I am suddenly aware how heavy it was raining and how
drenched I am.

I decide to
focus on the music playing, the truck cabin stinks of stale
tobacco, and I wonder if he is a secret smoker.

“So,” his voice
cuts through the music. “Why are you walking alone in the
rain?”

“Don't want to
talk about it” I snarl, returning my attention back to the music.
“What are you listening to?” I like the low, depressing voice it
calls to me.

The words it
sings sum me up in one,
'Stranded in this spooky town '
. Am
I stranded? I guess yes, I have nowhere else to go and I can't turn
my back on Lacey. This town is spooky, no one ever leaves and
everyone knows everyone. Nothing is a secret, which means right
now, what I tried to do, everyone is talking about.

I place my
hands over my face and let out a little cry. It was just a moment
of weakness, mainly on my part. I assumed, I must never assume
anything again and I shell never trust another living person
ever.

“Hey” says a
caring voice. I feel pressure on my leg. Through my fingers I look
down and see his hand on my leg. “What happened?”

I cringe again
as the memory comes flashing back, something feels like it hits my
chest and I can't breath. I can feel my heart beat pounding in my
ears and no matter how I try to regain my breathing it doesn’t
help.

“Okay” I heard
his voice, but it sounded distorted. A hand rubbed my back softly
and I focused on the touch. Slowly I began to come back to reality
my breathing more even and aware the truck had now stopped moving.
I looked up at him curiously, his dark eyes staring down at me.

“It was just an
anxiety attack.”

“Oh,” I murmur,
feeling slightly embarrassed. My chest still hurts and I was still
soaking wet.

“Where do you
live?”

I couldn't
reply. I was stunned by this caring behaviour. He wasn't like this
the first time I introduced myself, so what was up with the
dramatic change of personality.

“On other
thoughts” he began, tilting his head as he eyed up my drench
clothes. “You shouldn't go home in this state. You're pale, cold
and you need a change of clothes.”

He started up
the truck and drove off. I know I should been asking questions or
demanding he took me home. Truth be told, I would much rather stay
with him, than have to explain everything to my mother.