Without care (3 page)

I pulled out my
lunch box. “We are going to a party on Saturday” I announced.

“Who's?” Becks
quickly asked.

“Chase
Walker's” I give a little dance in my chair and both their mouths
drop open in shock. Ali wasn't even blinking. “Well, say
something?”

“Jen,” Becks
snapped. “You're my best friend and I love you, but you can't go
around gate crashing people's parties.”

“We're not gate
crashing. He personally invited me and my friends.” I took a bite
of a carrot and my eyes wandered around the cafeteria. I didn't
even mean to, but I found my eyes looking at Ayden, sat in the same
place as yesterday.

His eyes locked
with mine, this time he smiled and gave a little wave. Instantly I
looked back down at my lunch box, was he just been nice to me? No,
I bet he was mocking me. I don't know how to explain, but the more
he pushes me away the more I want to talk to him. Does that make
sense...? I no longer felt hungry and put my lunch box away.

“Oh my god,
Jen” Becks voice made me jump back into reality. “Chase is looking
at you.”

My eyes now
turned to face the popular table, and she was right, he was staring
at me and smiling. I smiled back and he mouthed, 'please come'. I
just nodded and at the same time blushed, knowing my friends had
just witnessed it. What has gotten into him lately? Why am I having
this strange feeling that this is just some cruel game?

I push the
thought to the back of my mind. Chase is hardly a problem, after
all it's not like I am obligated to go. Then again this may be the
only party I am ever invited to in my whole short teenage
years.

It does feel
nice for once, to actually feel as if I am settling in. Although,
it’s always there. We have moved around that much its only time
before we move again. If I just knew why we left in the first place
I would understand things a lot better.

“I think
someone likes you” Becks sings in a teasing voice. Yet once again,
I turn bright red, my eyes look back at Chase and he is still
smiling. If only life was that kind to me.

After school, I
head straight home, Tuesday and Thursday are my days off, well from
work anyway. Mrs Queen picks Lacey from school and my mother
doesn't finish work till six. As I enter the house the smell of
food hits me and I can hear Lacey laughing in the kitchen. This is
strange. I slowly make my way towards the kitchen. I hope that Mrs
Queen hasn't decided to come and cook again, she always makes a
mess.

To my surprise
my mother is leaning on the breakfast counter playing with Lacey.
She's dressed in her tight yoga pants, a tight white vest and her
red bra very visible. This is weird. I stand and watch them for a
second. It was like I was playing my own little game of spot the
difference, the whole scene was wrong. Firstly, why was she home?
Secondly, why was she cooking and thirdly, why wasn't I telling her
my mind.

“Jennifer” she
finally turned and smiled at me. Jennifer? I couldn’t help but
scowl at her, was this some weird dream, she had finally pushed me
over the edge and made me crazy? “Why don't you go and get ready
for dinner.”

It was then I
noticed her eyes drift over to the far end of our kitchen/dinning
room. My eyes followed and sitting at a table was a bulked up, bald
headed man. Ah, now it made sense, this was all an act for the cop,
who I now knew was called Ted, Beck's father's friend.

He gave a big
white smile, but the lines on his face showed it was straining for
him. I narrowed my eyes, turned on my heel and headed towards my
room. How pathetic is this? Why exactly was she doing this?

She's had many
boyfriends, well if you could call them that, but she's never
brought them home for dinner. I dumped my bag on the floor and
dived onto my bed. I closed my eyes and tried to control my anger.
Why couldn't she just be a Mom? Once again, my thoughts returned to
my father, what was he doing? I missed him like mad. Had he met
someone else, was he happy?

A single tear
rolled down my cheek and I brushed it away with the back on my
hand. Life wasn't fair... I wanted my old life back desperately. I
missed the family trips to the ice cream parlour, I missed the
visits to my grandparent’s house, and I missed my old room and
friends.

I took in a
deep breath and sat up. I had to go downstairs and try to save
Lacey from this mess. Poor Lacey, did she even remember anything
about our father? I close my eyes and try to picture his face... I
need to remember him. My heart hurts again, as I try to think back
to why we left that night. What happened? As like always there is
nothing, nothing to suggest the problem.

I make my way
back down into the kitchen, the table is now set, for like the
first time ever. She has actually excelled herself, chicken,
potatoes, and vegetables. I didn't even realize she could work the
oven. I take a seat opposite Lacey. Mom is sitting at the top of
the table and Ted opposite her.

The atmosphere
is awkward, everyone eating in silence. My mother has a big smile
on her face as if she's achieved the impossible. I look over at
Lacey, she is watching Ted in fascination and you can tell he is
getting uncomfortable. Every now and then he gives her a little
smile.

“Are you
mommy's friend?” Lacey blurts out. Ted nervously looks over at my
mom and nods. He obviously doesn't like being put on the spot. In
fact, this is very amusing. “Really? My mommy has a lot of
friends!”

I choke on the
mouthful I am eating and can't hold back my laughter. My mothers
face has turned bright red, Ted doesn't know where to look and
Lacey looks purely angelic as always. Although, this just shows how
observant Lacey actually is.

“Lacey,” I
smile. “It's perfectly okay for Mommy to have friends.”

“Not when they
are all boys!”

“Don't you have
friends that are boys?” Ted asks, even he can see the funny side
now.

Her face screws
up. “Ugh! No, boys are disgusting.”

“Okay” my
mother sighed. I hoped that Lacey's comment had made her realize
that the way she behaves is disgusting. Now my little sister had
caught on surely she should know that she has to stop. “Enough with
this...” Her voice almost breaking, was she actually showing
emotion? As always a smile hits her deep red lips and then I knew,
nothing Lacey had said had affected her. Was she numb inside? Did
everything just fly over her head?

“I'm going to a
party Saturday” I announced, actually it felt good. She wasn't the
only one who could go out and have fun. “Chase Walker's” I added,
my eyes moving in my mother's direction and she was still
smiling.

“That's
wonderful news, Jennifer” she said, why was she calling me
Jennifer? “See, Ted, my beautiful Jennifer has been having a hard
time fitting in. For some reason these Summerton fork have a
problem liking us Hopkins women.”

I frown at her
that was a blatant lie. How dare she say something like that? She
knows nothing about me or school, as I never tell her anything. I
could feel the steam escaping from my ears. No one likes her
because, and I am not going to go round the houses, she is a slut.
Always flirting with other women's husbands, picking up men at
every chance she can get and throwing it in people's faces.

I on the other
hand, have two great friends and the only reason I won't introduce
them to her is because she is a complete embarrassment. That and I
never have any free time to socialize.

I just stare at
her, with wide eyes and my mouth in a tight line. I am that angry I
feel like bursting into tears. I'm her daughter and I am virtually
a stranger to her. She knows absolutely nothing about me and has no
interest in my life. I wish I was with my father, I wish she had
disappeared on her own.

At that moment
I make a decision to stop looking out for her, stop making her life
easy. I had to focus on myself. I was in need of fun and
excitement. She was practically draining my life dry. I looked back
at Lacey, I knew Lacey would suffer by my decisions, but I wasn't
her mother. I would be there to help her with sister problems.

I pushed back
my chair in anger and stormed out of the kitchen. I could hear my
mother yelling at me and I didn't care to answer her. Before I knew
it, I was out of the house and walking down the road. I could do
this, right! I could leave that house anytime I wanted to. Then why
did I feel guilty?

I took in a
deep breath. I would go and hang out at the Diner for a while. Let
myself cool down and let her fester. It was about time she dealt
with that house. I hope Ted got a good look at her today and
decided to run as far away from her as he could get. She didn't
deserve anyone to care for her and she didn't deserve me or
Lacey.

After walking
for five minutes I was outside the Diner. I walked through the door
and into the laughter, the brightness and warmth of the place. I
ordered a soda and found an empty table. I was deep in thoughts
when Betty brought my soda over to me, I even forgot to say thank
you.

Why did I have
to have a mother like her? I wanted my old life back desperately, I
loved living in Summerton, but it wasn't home. There was nothing
familiar about it. There was nothing here for me, I couldn't spend
the rest of life living in this small cramped up place. I was now
more determined to go to college, maybe go back home and see my
father. Well, if he was still there.

At that precise
moment I began to feel anger towards him. Why hadn't he bothered to
find us? Was he glad me and Lacey had been taken away from him.
Great, now I had two worthless parents, both self absorbed in their
own lives and couldn't give a damn about their children.

The tears built
up in my eyes and my whole body shook with rage. I and Lacey only
had each other, which meant I couldn't go to college and leave her
behind.

“Hi,” said a
low, deep voice. I quickly brushed away my tears and looked up. To
my amazement, it was Ayden standing next to the table. For once, he
wasn't looking at me with hatred.

“What do you
want?” I snapped, like I even needed any more grief. I picked up my
soda and took a large gulp. Hoping he would take the hint and leave
me alone. He did the opposite and sat down at the table. Great!
Another chance for him to be cruel towards me.

“You look like
you need a friend.”

“You don't want
to be my friend, remember?”

“Yeah, about
that… ” he said casually, as if it was no longer a big deal.

It was as I was
corned. I remember the way he looked at me in the store. The way
his mouth was all tight and those dark eyes glaring into me. For a
brief moment, he looked dangerous as if he could harm me and not
feel any remorse. I shuddered just at the thought.

Now he was
here, why - He wanted to be my friend? I couldn't help the little
laugh that escaped my mouth. Seriously, he had to be more messed up
than me. Well, if that was hardly possible?

“I know it’s
funny” he added dryly. “I was out of line today.”

My eyes
flickered at him. He had his head resting in his hands and his eyes
firmly on me. He no longer looked dangerous, it fact, I actually
thought I saw that mist drift away from his eyes. He seemed more
content, more approachable. Maybe he had realized what a Jackass he
actually was.

“You just
caught me off guard,” he gave a half smile. “I haven't had the
warmest welcoming from the small town folk.”

That I could
relate to. Mrs Howard told me that people fear newcomers to the
town. They don't want the outside to interrupt the quiet of
Summerton. After a few weeks I fitted in well, Carl gave me a job
and I made friends with Becks and Ali.

“So,” his voice
was a lot huskier now. “Is the blonde boy in maths your
boyfriend?

“No!” I
snorted, how anyone could think something absurd like that. Wait,
maths, how did he know.

As if he could
read my mind, he answered my unspoken question.

“I sit right at
the back, but you're so consumed with Chase,” he gave a weak laugh.
“Chase?” he repeated. “What sort of name is that?”

“It's a name,”
I reassured. “And no, Chase is not my boyfriend. Like that has
anything to do with you if he was.”

“Okay, I get
your point. I’m trying really hard to apologize for my
behaviour.”

“You haven't
actually said sorry yet.”

He raised an
eyebrow. “I was getting to that part...”

“Yeah?”

“Yes...” he
smiles and I can't help but smile back. I like this new Ayden,
which I shouldn't and I know I shouldn't. He was horrible to me. He
made me feel like nothing as if I wasn't worthy to talk too.

“Get on with
it” my voice more demanding, as I remember how he throws my attempt
in my face.

“Please,” I
have no idea why I added that.

He waited for a
second, his whole composure changed. I was scared again, even with
a room full of people. This boy put me on edge.

“I'm sorry,
Jen” I gasped and he continued. “I know I must have looked stupid.
I am not used to people just wanting to be nice. And again, I'm
sorry.”