Without Doubt (27 page)

Before I realize it, my glass is almost
empty. Dec’s been silently letting me work through my words in my
head. This is one of the reasons I believe we were created for each
other, sometimes… we just know.

“
I assume you haven’t been
sleeping with anyone since I moved out?” I ask. No need to beat
around the bush, after all, we’ve gone through more stress in our
short relationship than a lot of couples will ever have to
experience, let’s just get it out in the open now right?
Right.

“
Uhh, your assumption is
correct, I have not slept with anyone since you took a small break
from our home.” Apparently he’s in a bit of denial about the status
of our relationship, especially judging by the fact that he hasn’t
changed anything here in the house even though I did, in fact, move
out.

“
Can I also assume that
you still feel the same way about me as you did before all of this
took place?” I’m fairly confident in what his reply is going to be
but I’m not 100% certain, so I opt to not look at him for this
answer.

“
Sunshine, look at me.” My
strong, possessive man has made an appearance and my body lights up
like an inferno.

I love when this Declan shows up. My head is
still bowed as I tilt it in his direction and cut my eyes toward
him beneath my lashes. But that’s not good enough.

An irritated noise resounds from the back of
his throat as he takes my chin in between his thumb and forefinger
to tilt my head up in the direction of his gaze. “I honestly didn’t
think it was possible, but I love you even more than the day all
this shit started.” He sets our glasses on the end table behind him
before continuing. “Ava, you shock the shit outta me all the time.
Just when I think you’ve proven yourself to be tough, you go and
live through something and show complete resilience. If just some
of the moms in this world showed half as much of your tenacity when
it comes to the care and protection of their children, our world
would be amazing. You have to know that I will never take that away
from you. I just want to be a part of it, Ava, with you and with
Harper. I want our family back and I want to know that our daughter
can keep the mom she knows and loves without worrying about it
anymore. Please, Sunshine, let me give that to you, to us.” He’s
staring so deeply into my eyes I can feel it tinkering its way into
my soul.

I’m lost to him and I know without doubt
that I don’t ever want to be found without him; I never want to be
alone again. “I’ll sign the papers. As long as you keep your
promise and they go directly into the safe and they’re only brought
out in an emergency, non-ideal situation,” I say with as I close my
eyes. I get my family back, exactly what I want, but a tiny, scared
part of me recognizes that I just gave up the last bit of control I
had, even if it did have a time limit on it. I don’t have long to
dwell on it, though, because before I realize it, I’m lying flat on
my back and Dec is heavily on top of me.

His large hands gently but firmly grab onto
either side of my face before he lowers his forehead to mine and
closes his eyes. His breathing is heavy, as is mine. When he rests
his lips against mine, I’m fully prepared to share a warm and
passionate kiss, to reunite properly, but that’s not what he gives
me. He just leaves them sitting there, connecting, fusing together
but not moving. After a moment, he props himself up on his elbows
and pulls back enough to rub his eyes with the heels of his
hands.

“
Ugh, I’m sorry. My
fuckin’ allergies are driving me crazy tonight,” he says in a gruff
voice as he sniffles.

I look into bloodshot eyes as he removes his
hands. My badass boyfriend was moved to tears by my agreement. His
sorry excuse of allergies is comical but he’s being dead serious,
silently pleading with me not to call him on it and there is no way
on God’s green earth that I would do that right now. My hands slide
along his gorgeous face up to his hair and tangle together at his
nape before I pull him back down to kiss me again. I realize in
this moment that he’s told me he loves me twice tonight and not
once have I returned the sentiment.

“
Dec?” I can’t hold it in
anymore. I went from telling him several times a day every day that
I love him to not saying it all for months.

“
Yes,” he whispers in his
raspy voice, his lips brushing against mine as he leans back in to
actually kiss me this time.

“
I love you, babe, and I
have missed you
so
much,” I say, my own tears once again falling from the
corners of my eyes.

Declan makes a noise I was once used to
hearing, then lifts me off the couch and carries me through the
dining room, through the formal living area, to the foyer and up
the stairs. He’s kissing everywhere his mouth can reach me and I’m
laughing uncontrollably. I don’t remember the last time I felt like
I could burst from happiness, but I do know that it was because of
this man. Just before we reach the top landing, the doorbell rings
and Dec freezes, his teeth nipping at my jaw, frozen in place.

“
Shit, the food’s here.”
He sets me down and kisses me softly on my lips. “Why don’t you go
ahead and get ready for bed and I’ll bring the food up; we’ll eat
in the bedroom tonight. Sound good?”

It does sound good, but me
being ready for bed is me being naked. I’m pretty sure I’m not
being presumptuous; that that’ll be okay with Dec, but I can’t eat
naked, it’s weird. I tell him okay anyway and make my way to
our…his…no,
our
bedroom when I hear him yell at me to stop.

“
Seriously Ava, please
wait! I just remembered something and I need you to not go in there
without me, please,” he says anxiously, looking up at me from the
bottom of the stairs as the doorbell rings again.

“
Uhh, ohhh-kaaay, I’ll
wait right here, promise,” I tell him as I walk back and sit on the
top step.

“
Thank you,” he says,
obviously relieved, and goes to open the door to collect our food.
In the meantime, my mind is spinning and I’m freaking out about why
I can’t go in the room without him. Did he lie to me? Has he had
someone over here, in our bed, since I’ve been gone? Did she leave
her things behind and he forgot to get rid of them or did he just
forget to double check? Crap, please don’t let that be
it.

Just as he opens the door for the food, I
spring to my feet on nervous energy, trying hard not to lose it as
the thought settles and begins to strangle my blissful, peaceful
thoughts of my future with my family. “Declan, I swear, if you have
another woman’s shit up there I will castrate you!” I scream at
him, all the ferocity of my ugly conclusions exploding and
billowing from my mouth.

Antonio, the sweet delivery boy who is
always requested by Dec because he’s too shy to speak to me other
than what’s absolutely necessary, swings his head up from the
receipt he has out for Dec to sign just as Declan spins around at
my outburst.

I’m sure my face is bright red, I can feel
it, though Declan doesn’t deny my accusation. He doesn’t confirm it
either, instead he ignores me, signs the receipt, and slips a tip
to Antonio. Antonio bows his head a bit and asks Declan if he’ll be
all right and if I’m really crazy. Dec gently but firmly cuffs him
on the shoulder and assures him, “Nah, I’m good, man, she’s not
crazy, she’s just madly in love with me,” then thanks him and grabs
the food before closing the door.

Declan comes up the stairs and walks right
past me without saying a word. I’m still fuming and also fearing
what’s on the other side of that bedroom door. Once he clears the
doorway to set the food down, I notice my blanket on the back of
the sofa in the sitting area that I curled up in every night before
bed, no matter the weather. It’s my favorite. As I stand there
frozen, he returns and picks me up, cradling me to his chest.

“
I didn’t lie to you and I
sure as shit wouldn’t have another woman in our home, baby.” He
kisses me soundly as he walks me into our room. I knew when I left
that I didn’t grab all of my things, but it wasn’t anything that I
couldn’t just replace, so I never worried about it. Never worrying
about it meant never thinking about it, which in turn leaves me
dumbfounded that he hasn’t touched anything that I’ve left here
months ago, exactly where I left it.

My book of useless information is lying
open-faced on the back of the sofa next to my blanket, there’s some
jewelry laid out on top of the dresser, my house shoes are at the
foot of the bed and the State hoodie that Declan gave me is strewn
across the back of the chair by the window. If I were to walk into
the bathroom right now, I know what else I would find and my mind
is boggled at the thought of my obsessively clean man being unable
to touch my things until I returned home. It’s heartbreaking to me
that it took me this long to realize that he’s on my side. We’re
partners and that’s not changing.

I slowly spin around to find him sucking on
the corner of his bottom lip, hands shoved in his pockets, eyes
squinted. The air in my lungs swooshes out of me. It has been one
hell of a day, not at all how I expected it to go, but that’s more
than okay with me. Without removing his hands, Declan stalks
towards me, a man on a mission and I am about to be
accomplished.

He presses his body against mine but doesn’t
stop. I can feel his body heat begin to blend with mine. This is
not my loving Declan, full of beautiful passion and pure happiness
from just moments before. No. This man is going to take not only
what he wants but what he needs. And if I’m being honest with
myself, I need him to do exactly that. He gently guides me, with
the sheer force of his weight alone, to the bed behind me. His
forehead is against mine; eyelashes, noses and lips all touching in
some form and when the back of my knees hit the bed, his hands are
quick to reach between us to unbutton my jeans. My lower belly
flinches at the brush of his fingers on my skin beneath my shirt.
My hands glide up his firm, heated body, gliding over the ridges of
his abdomen and begin unbuttoning his shirt. We finish at the same
time and both shove the articles of clothing off the bodies that
we’re each in desperation to get to.

We stand there staring at each other. We’re
consumed in this moment, in the meaning of the moment. My nerves
are like live wires sparking inside my heated body. I have gone
months without this man’s touch and I don’t think I can handle it a
minute longer.

I reach for his face to bring his lips back
to mine, needing desperately to continue tasting him when he
catches my wrists firmly and slowly shakes his head no. I was
right; he needs to do this. Sex has always been equally
participated between us; it has never been dominated by one or the
other. By the look in Declan’s darker than ever before eyes, things
tell me that’s about to change.

Declan slowly drags my shirt up and over my
head while his calloused fingertips follow it and gently scrape my
highly sensitive skin along the way. He tosses my shirt over his
shoulder without breaking eye contact with me and I can feel my
body begin to quiver under the intensity of his gaze. I continue to
stand there as per instructed and he steps a half a step closer to
reach around me to unclasp my white satin bra. I learned a while
back that Declan has a few preferences; white satin and no panties.
I’m obliging him on both tonight.

Other than a few brushes of his fingers
while removing my bra, he doesn’t touch me. Once I’m completely
naked and standing proud for his viewing pleasure, he walks over
and neatly places my bra on the back of the sofa before returning
to stand in front of me. He stops about three feet away, way too
far away. I am hot, my body is clenching and aching and I’m
breathing too heavily for my own good. I wet my lips, which seem to
keep going dry on me, and Dec just stands there. I can see his
arousal in his slacks and he doesn’t hide.

After a moment it seems that he’s figured
out his puzzle or has come up with his game plan because he undoes
his belt buckle while our gazes are connected. I can see in his
eyes that he has a plan for me and if his eyes are telling me
anything at all at this point, it’s most likely going to be
overwhelming. Once his buckle is released, he thumbs the button on
his slacks and a small moan escapes my lips, my heart rate taking
off at the sight of him undressing in front of me without allowing
me to touch. It’s cruel and unusual punishment.

His pants and boxer briefs slide down his
long, muscular legs until they pool on the carpet. I may have
missed his legs just about as much as anything else, especially the
way they feel when they’re so forceful when wrapped around me. I
really want to be pinned to the bed by those legs right now, not
just standing here practically salivating over them. He reaches me
in three long strides and I force my hands to remain at my sides
instead of touching him, exploring his nakedness and reclaiming
what’s mine.

Declan’s firm, naked body
is close but not close enough, he’s still not touching me. He leans
in to my ear and I hear his lips quietly part, then he gently
exhales.
Oh. My.
The tip of his nose barely brushes the side of my face right
in front of my ear, once again exhaling, only this time allowing a
small moan of his own.

When his hands touch the tops of my thighs,
it takes all that I have to keep from taking what’s mine. I may
have a heart attack playing this game with him. I bite down on the
inside of my cheeks and close my eyes tightly when his hands begin
to travel upwards towards the apex of my thighs.