Without You: Book 1 of the Changing Hearts Series (28 page)

“For me, it’s my sister. She’s older than me by two years and pregnant. It’s hard being away from her and not seeing her cute belly grow.”

Ariana turned to her and smiled. Vanessa was the first to go to college in her family too.

A few minutes later, she and Vanessa were going into their dorm room.

She set her stuff down on her desk and climbed the ladder up to her bed. She needed a few minutes of quiet with her eyes closed to process the day. Those classes were long, and she was still kind of full.
 

Vanessa headed off to shower. “Be back later.”

“’Kay,” she replied as Vanessa closed the door behind her.
 

She got up and grabbed her phone from her desk, her arm barely reaching it from on top of her books.
 

She looked at the time. 3:47 p.m.
 

Lucas would be out of class and heading home if she remembered correctly. She dialed.

Two rings later, “Hey, babe.”

“Hey,” she said with a smile. “I miss you.”

She heard his sigh on the other end. “I miss you too.”

“How was your day? Are you heading home or to work?”

“Home then work. It was good. Not too much homework and no tests on the radar yet. You?”

“Tons of reading to do and a test in two weeks. First one.”

“I know you’re gonna rock it. Because that’s you do.”
 

Ariana’s heart skipped a beat. “I wish I could kiss you right now.”

“I wish I could do more than kiss you right now.”

Again with the heart skipping.
 

“Did you eat?” she asked, staring at the ceiling just inches from her face.
 

“Not yet.”

“I did. At the dining hall. It was officially awesome. I think I’ve already gained the freshman fifteen.”

“No way. Seriously?”

She laughed. “Maybe. Is that a problem?”

“Not at all. Just means there’s more of you to love.”

She could see him doing the wink he always did. “That’s what I thought,” she said, and he laughed.
 

She sighed. “When do I get to see you? This weekend?”

She had gone home a couple of weeks ago but had hardly seen him because of his work schedule.
 

“I have to work pretty much the entire weekend. This other girl has the flu or something so we’re having to fill in her hours until she comes back.”

“Okay. Not this weekend. Not next weekend because I’ll have that test. I guess we can talk next week and see if maybe the next next weekend…”

She tried not to sound too hopeless there.
 

“Maybe I can come up there. I haven’t gone yet. You could show me around.”

“You really think they’re going to give you the weekend off?” she said before he had hardly finished his sentence.
 

“Um, so not a weekend. Maybe weekend day? I’ll ask at work.”

She thought about the hassle it would be for him, his mom, and his sisters. He was supposed to help take care of them.
 

“It’s okay. I can go there. We’ll work it out.”

“Okay. I love you. Hey, I have to go. I only have a few minutes to eat before I have to leave again for work. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yeah. Love you.”

“Hey,” he said right before she was about to hang up. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

Next, she tried Mayra.
 

After calling three times and not getting an answer, she settled for sending a text instead.
 

Hey bestie. I miss you. Call me later.

She sighed, climbed down, and began the night’s readings.

###

It was finally Christmas break. She was free, at least until January 3
rd
, when classes started back up.
 

Her final exams were finished and hopefully aced. She’d be able to check online in a week or two.
 

It was time to go home.

And she couldn’t wait.
 

She had seen her family and Mayra a grand total of four times in the past almost five months. It had sucked.
 

She had seen Lucas a grand total of three times. That had sucked more.
 

Especially since they hadn’t been talking much lately. It was as much her fault as it had been his.
 

As the semester had passed, they had talked less and less. School had gotten hard for both of them. Ariana’s classes were really challenging, and she didn’t want to settle for getting anything less than all As. Lucas, meanwhile, had seemed like a zombie last time she had seen him a month ago. She tried to remember the last time she spoke to him. It had to have been at least two weeks, and they hadn’t talked more than a few minutes.
 

She had also missed almost all of Jimmy’s basketball games. Mayra had sent her a few video clips, but it was nowhere near the same as being there to cheer him on. She was so excited that she was gonna be able to make it to his last game before he got out of school for Christmas break.

Ariana packed a few last things into a huge shoulder bag before looking around. Her charger. She unplugged it and shoved it into the bag. She had all of her toiletries and her pillow.
 

Vanessa came in. She set her keys down.
 

“Are you sure you don’t want to come home with me a few days?” Ariana asked.

“Nah. A few days of quiet will do me good. And I have plans to hang out with Nick. No worries.”

Vanessa wasn’t going home right away. She had met a guy on campus. Someone in her chem class. Ariana had seen him on Twitter. He was pretty hot. And smart, from what Vanessa had told her. He had offered to tutor her, although it sounded like they had been doing more than tutoring lately.
 

Ariana hugged Vanessa, not letting go for a few seconds.
 

“Well, take care. Have fun but not too much fun.”
 

They laughed.
 

“I promise I will. Or won’t,” she replied.
 

“Let me know if you need anything,” Ariana said, emphasizing that last word. “I’ll be back in a flash, or if you do decide you want to come spend time at my house, you’re always welcome.”

“Ditto,” Vanessa said. “Stay safe. Text me.”

Ariana nodded and grabbed her bag and phone. All her other stuff was already in her car downstairs.
 

She walked out and quietly let the door shut behind her, making herself slow down and enjoy the walk down.

###

A few hours later, Ariana was finally home. In her room. On her bed.
 

She hugged it and breathed in, closing her eyes. Seeing her parents and Jimmy had been just what her heart needed. It had proved impossible not to shed a few tears, especially when she saw how Jimmy had changed a little bit more since she had last seen him.
 

He still had one more week of school left, but Mayra and Lucas were supposedly already out of school like her.
 

Jimmy came into her room, jumped, and landed on her bed.
 

“Hey,” she said with a smile.
 

“So you’re coming to my game later, right?”
 

“Duh,” she replied, making room for him. “I’m already thinking of where I want to eat after.”

He lay down beside her.
 

“So how are you and Mayra doing?” She studied his face for any hint of bad news. There wasn’t any.

He stared at the ceiling. “We’re doing pretty good, actually.”

She thought for a minute. “You guys have been together almost a year, right?”

He nodded and looked at her. “Like eight months.”

Lucas and Ariana had been together for over a year now.
 

They’d seen each other for a few hours a few days late on their one year anniversary two months ago. It had felt a little forced, and it was evident that Lucas had been really tired.
 

She hoped things would go better this time. She needed him. She remembered all the times they’d gone out last year, walking together, laughing. Things were so different now.

“How are things with Lucas?” Jimmy asked, finally breaking the silence.
 

She sighed. “Okay, I guess. Could be better. I’m just glad we’ll spend more time together over the break.”

“I bet you will,” Jimmy said, putting his arm around her.
 

She tried to smile but decided to text Mayra instead. She at least needed to see her best friend tonight.

A few days later, Ariana finally sees Lucas on his day off.
 

She had seen him the day after she had gotten back, but it hadn’t gone that great.
 

Lucas had been in a rush as usual, this time to take his sisters to karate practice. They had taken a hit financially when his mom had lost her job, but he insisted on letting his sisters have a better childhood than what he’d had. His mom had found another job after a week or so, but she had to work more hours to make the same money she had made before, which already hadn’t been enough.
 

Lucas was back to working full-time while going to school full-time and helping out at home.

Now she looked at the Lucas in front of her. He looked pale, his eyes had circles underneath them, and his head was in his hands.
 

She didn’t know what to say. She just stared, wondering if he was so tired that he couldn’t keep his eyes open or what.

“What can I do to help?” she asked, taking his hand.
 

He looked at her and blinked a few times. “Nothing. It’s okay. We’re just getting through some tough times right now, but we’ll get through it. We always do.”

He seemed to be saying it more for himself than to her.
 

“Seriously,” she went on. “I can take your sisters to their practices. I don’t mind at all. I can even give you some money so you can cut back your hours for a while until you’re on your feet again.”
 

He looked at her and sighed. He shook his head. “I could never ask you to do something like that for me.”

“Please, Lucas. I promise I don’t mind. I don’t have anything to do right now anyway, and I have savings—”

Lucas looked down. “I can’t let you do that. These are my responsibilities. I can do it.”

“Lucas—”

“Let’s talk about something else. Please.” His eyes still wouldn’t meet hers.

###

“I need to tell you something,” Lucas said a week later. They were in his car outside of his house. She had come over to see him, but they’d decided to get out of the house and grab some alone time.

Ariana glanced at him. He looked just as tired as the last time she had seen him, despite being on winter break.
 

“Lucas, has your mom seen how tired you are?”
 

“Ariana,” he said, turning on the car. “Please.”

She stopped and tried to figure out what was going on with him.
 

“I mean, you don’t have class right now. How come you’re not getting enough sleep? I’m kinda worried here.” Lucas went to put the car in drive, but his hand went back to the arm rest.

“I’ve been picking up some extra shifts at work. It’s busy because of the holidays, and I need the extra money.”

“Lucas, you need to take care of yourself first.” Ariana turned her body towards him.

“I need to talk to you.” Now he looked her right in the eye. Ariana felt a pang in her belly.

She waited for him to say whatever he wanted to say, but nothing came out of his mouth. Lucas looked back down, and his lips scrunched together.

Just as she was about to speak, he continued.
 

“I—I think we should take a break,” he said, looking at her again.
 

Her mouth fell open before she could talk. “What?” she uttered.

“I’m sorry. Don’t think I don’t love you because I do. This is why I want to do this.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” she began. “If this is about how busy you are, I’m not pressuring you. We can work around it. I said I can help you. Let me help you.”

It all came out so fast. Every thought that was flashing in her mind right now.

Lucas held her hand.
 

“I promise this is so hard and I don’t want to do it, but we have to,” he went on.

“I don’t get it,” she said, a couple of tears running down her face. She took her hand out of his and faced forward.
 

He scooted towards her. “You deserve better than…this.” He used his hands to indicate himself.
 

“I love you,” she said, looking at him.

“I love you too,” he said. “But you deserve a chance for these to be the best years of your life. Not waiting on me to show up all the time.”

Ariana’s chest convulsed as she finally let the tears come. She couldn’t keep the sinking, crushing feeling in.
 

Lucas tried to hug her from his seat but only one arm reached around her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I hate seeing you like this, but the more we try to make this work, the worse it’s gonna to be. We’re gonna regret trying to make this work.’

“No. I’m not,” she said through the tears.
 

“Yes, you are,” he said, looking at her. “I can see how much it hurts you that we can’t have a normal relationship. You deserve someone who can give you that, and I can’t give you that right now.”

She tried to plead with him but couldn’t get any words to come out. Just more tears.

She saw tears in Lucas’s eyes, and he hugged her again before she could see them leave his eyes.
 

“I hate doing this to you. I almost wish I had never met you so we wouldn’t be hurting so bad right now, but you’re the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me.”

She felt him taking deep breaths as he tried to control his emotions.
 

“We don’t have to do this. We can keep trying,” she said.