Wolf Tracker (27 page)

“No,” he said softly. “Whichever form we’re in when we die is the form we are buried in. We can’t change after we’re dead.”

He was grieving over the three Pack members who had died; all of them were. Tami hadn’t known Chad, Tain, and Black Bear well, but they had died defending their home and their Pack because a man decided he would take her regardless of her feelings. That was why she was focusing on little things. She knew it wasn’t her fault they were dead. That blame could be laid on Dick. But it felt like it was her fault.

Taye took charge of wolf bodies while Des, having arrived with Red Wing and Hawk right after the fight ended, made arrangements to have Dick and his guys taken back to his ranch. What had happened to Dick’s surviving friends, Tami preferred to not think about. Carla brought Tami to the edge of laughter by first clutching her undamaged guitar to her chest with grateful tears on her cheeks and then yelling in outrage over the bullet holes in the back and seat of her big leather chair. Tami saw Taye’s eyes measure the placement of the bullet holes in the chair and match them to where they corresponded on Carla’s body if she’d been sitting in it. Tami knew then nobody with an ounce of sanity would want to tick Taye off. The Alpha wrestled with something unseen to force his fury back. In spite of that, he agreed when Carla said Dick and his men should be treated with respect and returned to their families. Other than the way Carla had hugged her guitar, Tami found nothing to laugh at in any of this.

It was already dark when Tracker came in to the rec room where Tami was bent in a circle of light from lanterns scrubbing at the drying blood near where the Christmas tree had stood. The tree, mangled by men crashing into it, had been carried out by Snake a little while ago. Pine needles and some broken twigs littered the wood floor. Tracker squatted down by her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“It was right here we were married yesterday, ain’t it?” he murmured.

Tami tossed the worn-out brush into the bucket with an icy splash of water. Her hands burned from the cold of it. She tucked them under her armpits to warm them. “It was only a day ago?” She counted back in her mind. “Yesterday. You’re right.” She remembered his white blond hair hanging loose down his borrowed dress shirt in front of the rustic Christmas tree. How handsome he had looked. Now he looked almost as weary as she felt. Well, no, actually his smooth, cool face didn’t show his tiredness, but she could tell.

Snake came in with a fresh bucket of water. “Tami, the Grandmother has some hot food ready in the kitchen. You should go eat. I’ll finish here.”

Tami wanted to hug him. She got up from her knees and twisted to loosen the tight muscles in her back. Tracker dug his thumbs into her muscles along her spine. She sighed in relief. “That feels good.”

“I’ll do some more later in our room.”

This morning, that statement would have held a teasing promise of sexy delights to come. Now it was just a matter-of-fact offer to ease her tight muscles. She mourned the death of their plans for tonight. But really, she wasn’t in the mood for sex up against the wall. He probably wasn’t either. “Thanks.” She looked down at Snake, scrubbing vigorously. “Thanks, Snake.”

He waved them off, not looking up. She walked with Tracker across the hall and through the dining hall, so oddly empty with most of its furniture gone. The kitchen was much tidier than it had been, the smashed dishes swept up and the broken window neatly sealed with wood and canvas. It was warm, too, with the stoves lit and soup bubbling over the fire. Or at least warmer than anywhere else in the den. Rose and Carla were there, too, with about a dozen wolves, all standing around the kitchen eating bread and cheese and soup with bleak faces.

The Grandmother served them soup in the type of coffee cup that in Tami’s time had boasted they couldn’t be broken. Tami guessed their advertising had been proven true over the past fifty years. She took her soup and bread to stand close to the fire. Rose gave her a tired smile and made room.

“I just want a hot shower and ten hours of sleep,” the teen moaned.

The Grandmother joined them. “No hot showers for us tonight,” she said. “But we’ll chase the men off after they all eat and wash up in hot water in here.”

One of the men said soberly, “We’ll be outside singing the dead.”

Tracker finished his soup and put a hand on Tami’s shoulder. “I’ll be out with the Pack for a couple of hours tonight. It’s something the men do for our dead. You go on after your bath and go to bed. I’ll be in later.”

She nodded mutely.

The calluses on his finger were rough when he touched her cheek. “I’ll stop by our room first and build up the fire so you won’t go to a cold room after your bath.”

After the Pack men had eaten and left, Carla, Rose, and Tami washed the cups and spoons. Then they removed their upper garments and took spit baths from the water the Grandmother supervised on the stove. A long hot shower would have been better, but even a rough washcloth with soapy hot water felt good.

“Some honeymoon,” said Carla. She was washing Tami’s back while Tami washed Rose’s and Rose washed hers. The Grandmother, declining to bathe with them, freshened their washcloths for them. “No offense, Rose, but I wish Taye was doing that.”

The teen gave a worn-out snort and managed to drag up some bloodless sarcasm. “Sorry. Guess I’m not the right age, height, or sex. And I’m not a wolf.”

Carla gave a weary chuckle. “No, you’re not. Hey, Tami, I heard Tracker turned tonight for the first time in his life.”

Tami froze. “You mean, he turned into a wolf?”

“Just for a second, when he heard you were in danger,” Carla confirmed. “So at least one good thing came out of this.”

That was a good thing? It might have been cold air that caused Tami’s shudder. But she didn’t think so. But … really, did it matter that Tracker had a wolf? Did it make him something different than the man who had just held her and offered to build up the fire in their room so she wouldn’t be cold? She didn’t think so. Tonight she had seen wolves fight and die to protect her. They weren’t monsters. Maybe she should try to explain it to Sherry?

Tami had never washed another woman’s back. It felt kind of strange, but not sexual, and it made sense to get help washing the places they couldn’t easily reach. Tami couldn’t help but notice Carla’s elbow was badly bruised and swollen. Had Taye seen it yet? But they all avoided each other’s eyes and washed their arms and fronts themselves.

Rose popped her head through the neck of her T-shirt and settled it around her body. “So, Tami, are you okay? After shooting Mr. Dickinson, I mean?”

Tami suppressed a shudder. “I guess.”

Carla gave her a sympathetic look. “You didn’t have a choice. And I don’t think you need to worry about being arrested. It was self-defense.”

The Grandmother wrung out a washcloth and handed it to Tami to wash her face. “You wouldn’t need to worry about it at all, even if you had shot him in the back while he was walking down the street in Kearney. Ray Madison might have asked you some questions, but arrested? No. But this happened here, at the den, where Taye makes all the rules. He won’t be having you arrested.”

Tami still felt vaguely like a murderer. “It’s a relief I don’t have to worry about going to jail. And now I don’t have to wonder anymore about when, or if, Dick is going to attack us. But it’s still hard. I killed him with his own gun.”

“He was asking for it,” Carla said grimly.

“Hey!” Rose perked up. “You married Tracker so you wouldn’t have to marry Dick-Dick. Now he’s dead, so what are you going to do?”

Tami wiped at the built-up dirt-encrusted sweat clinging to the base of her throat. She was silent for a long minute because she hadn’t even considered Dick’s death released her from her marriage. “Nothing. Tracker and I were married by a priest, so it doesn’t matter. There’s no divorce for couples married by a priest, right?”

“That’s right,” the old lady confirmed. “And when a woman has been married in church or by a minister she can’t be taken away and made another man’s wife.”

“That’s why you made Dan get a priest,” Rose said with dawning comprehension. “So even if Dick did capture you, he couldn’t marry you. I get it.”

No
, Tami wanted to say.
You really don’t.
But she didn’t say that. She just got dressed and said good night, taking one of the lamps to go to her room. The room was warm and the stove glowed with welcome heat thanks to her thoughtful husband. She quickly got undressed and slipped under the covers, pulling them to her chin to keep her body heat in. Whatever her initial reasons were for marrying Tracker, they didn’t matter now. Her feelings had changed. She was glad Tracker was her husband. And if he was happy about being a wolf, then she was happy for him, too. Maybe he would show her his wolf. Not tonight. All she wanted tonight was for Tracker to come and hold her in his arms. But someday soon she wanted to touch his wolf the way she’d seen Carla touch Taye’s wolf.

* * * *

Tami rolled over in bed when she heard the doorknob turn. The slots in the stove gave out a soft glow from the fire. When Tracker came into their room there was enough light to just make out his face. He looked coldly expressionless. Tami had become used to reading the tiny hints of emotion he showed her. But he wasn’t showing anything now. He brought one of the chairs by the stove over to the bed and sat down, watching her impassively.

“Tracker? Aren’t you coming to bed?”

“Naw.” He stared down at his linked fingers in his lap. “We gotta talk. Get some things straight.”

Tami half sat up, the blanket dropping off her naked chest. “What?” Colder air tickled her breasts, crinkled her nipples. She moved to pull the blanket back up, but Tracker was looking at her with a trace of lust on his face, so she left it.

“Cover up, Tami. It’s cold.” He turned his eyes back to his hands. “I heard you and Rose talking in the kitchen. You made me fetch a priest and married me to get away from Dickinson. Now he’s dead. So now what’re you gonna do?”

“Do?” she said blankly. “About what?”

“Us. We were married by Father John. We can’t be divorced.”

“Well, that’s good. I don’t want to be divorced.”

His head lifted at the bite in her voice. “Be sure,” he warned. “If you say so, I’ll leave you here and make myself scarce. You can live your life however you want, and I won’t bother you. But if I get in that bed with you, I don’t reckon I can ever let you go.”

She lifted the blankets for him. “Tracker, get in bed.”

His leather shirt came over his head and hit the floor at the same time as his pants. The scent of sage perfumed the air. She slid over to make room for him. He got under the covers and lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling hidden by the dark. “Are you sure, Tami?”

“Positive.”

She tugged at his shoulders, trying to roll him on top of her. He froze, holding his weight off her with his hands planted against the bed on either side of her shoulders. “Tami?”

“Lay on top of me, Tracker. Make love to me like this.”

He hesitated, searching her face. “Tami, there’s one more thing. My wolf. I know you don’t like it. Wolves, I mean. But I do have a wolf. I wanted you to know before we do this. If you want to deny me because of my wolf, do it now.”

Tami stared up at that still, cool face above her, reading the vulnerability hidden there. Maybe no one else would have recognized it. But she did. She hated the sight of it and she knew she was the reason for it. This morning in the yard she’d told him she was glad he didn’t have a wolf. And this morning she
had
been glad. But today she had seen wolves who barely knew her die to protect her. It was still weird, knowing men could turn into feral, fierce, furry creatures. But they weren’t evil or weird or ugly. They were brothers and cousins and husbands. They loved and cherished and protected.

Tami searched his eyes through the gloom. “Are you different now? What is it like?”

Tracker was silent for a long moment. “Naw, I ain’t changed. My wolf? He’s a pain in the ass. It’s kind of scary. I don’t know how to trust him. But he’s the reason I belong to you. He chose you to be my mate. When I found out Dickinson was here and you were in danger, my wolf finally cared enough about something to take over.”

Had her stoic husband just admitted he found something scary? That was twice in one night he had admitted fear. Would he have said that to anyone but her? The trust he showed her made her want to hold him tight and cry. “Tracker, I was thinking about it a while ago. I want to meet your wolf. Will you change for me tomorrow?”

There was no strain or tremble in the arms that held his weight off her, but his face showed a shadow of strain that had nothing to do with the strength of his muscles. “I don’t know if I can ever change again without some sort of spur, like you being in danger, Tami. But if you want me to, I’ll try.”

Tami reached up to caress his lean cheek. “Thanks. I want to know what his fur feels like. I want him to like me.”

Tracker let out a chuff of a whispered laugh. “He likes you just fine. He chose you to be my mate.”

“That’s good.” She paused before adding deliberately, “Make love to me, mate.”

Only inches separated their bare bodies. Carefully Tracker settled his hips against hers, then eased himself down to his elbows, letting his chest press on her breasts. “You okay?”

Tami was silent, waiting for the trapped feeling to seize her. It didn’t. Heat bloomed between her thighs, delicious and sweet. She opened her legs to give him more room. “Fine. The only thing that could make it even better would be if you were kissing me.”

He did, gently and sweetly. “Last chance, Tami. If we do this, I’ll never let you go.”

Her hand snaked out and grabbed one of his braids close to his head. She yanked sharply. “If you ever let me go I’ll track you down the way you tracked me down last fall. And when I find you, I’ll … I’ll…”

The ghost of a laugh she had grown to love shimmered in the air. “You’ll what?”

“Tie you up and have my wicked way with you. I have a rope and I know how to tie knots.”