World Without End (140 page)

'Oh,' he said. That stopped him short more effectively than the accusation of sin.

'Now, go home.'

'Very well, Mother Caris.'

'And find yourself another woman - preferably one who has not taken a vow of chastity.'

'Never,' he said, but she did not believe him.

He left, but she stayed where she was. She felt restless and lustful. If she could have felt sure of being alone for a while, she would have touched herself. This was the first time in nine months that she had been bothered by physical desire. After finally splitting up with Merthin she had fallen into a kind of neutered state, in which she did not think about sex. Her relationships with other nuns gave her warmth and affection: she was fond of both Joan and Oonagh, though neither loved her in the physical way Mair had. Her heart beat with other passions: the new hospital, the tower, and the rebirth of the town.

Thinking of the tower, she left the hospital and walked across the green to the cathedral. Merthin had dug four enormous holes, the deepest anyone had ever seen, outside the church around the foundations of the old tower. He had built great cranes to lift the earth out. Throughout the wet autumn months, oxcarts had lumbered all day long down the main street and across the first span of the bridge to dump the mud on rocky Leper Island. There they had picked up building stones from Merthin's wharf, then climbed the street again, to stack the stones around the grounds of the church in ever-growing piles.

As soon as the winter frost was over, his masons had begun laying the foundations. Caris went to the north side of the cathedral and looked into the hole in the angle formed by the outside wall of the nave and the outside wall of the north transept. It was dizzyingly deep. The bottom was already covered with neat masonry, the squared-off stones laid in straight lines and joined by thin layers of mortar. Because the old foundations were inadequate, the tower was being built on its own new, independent foundations. It would rise outside the existing walls of the church, so no demolition would be needed over and above what Elfric had already done in taking down the upper levels of the old tower. Only when it was finished would Merthin remove the temporary roof Elfric had built over the crossing. It was a typical Merthin design: simple yet radical, a brilliant solution to the unique problems of the site.

As at the hospital, no builders were at work on Easter Monday, but she saw movement in the hole and realized someone was walking around on the foundations. A moment later she recognized Merthin. She went to one of the surprisingly flimsy rope-and-branch ladders the masons used, and clambered shakily down.

She was glad to reach the bottom. Merthin helped her off the ladder, smiling. 'You look a little pale,' he said.

'It's a long way down. How are you getting on?'

'Fine. It will take many years.'

'Why? The hospital seems more complicated, and that's finished.'

'Two reasons. The higher we go, the fewer masons will be able to work on it. Right now I've got twelve men laying the foundations. But as it rises it will get narrower, and there just won't be room for them all. The other reason is that mortar takes so long to set. We have to let it harden over a winter before we put too much weight on it.'

She was hardly listening. Watching his face, she was remembering making love to him in the prior's palace, between Matins and Lauds, with the first gleam of daylight coming in through the open window and falling over their naked bodies like a blessing.

She patted his arm. 'Well, the hospital isn't taking so long.'

'You should be able to move in by Whitsun.'

'I'm glad. Although we're having a slight respite from the plague: fewer people are dying.'

'Thank God,' he said fervently. 'Perhaps it may be coming to an end.'

She shook her head bleakly. 'We thought it was over once before, remember? About this time last year. Then it came back worse.'

'Heaven forbid.'

She touched his cheek with her palm, feeling his wiry beard. 'At least you're safe.'

He looked faintly displeased. 'As soon as the hospital is finished we can start on the wool exchange.'

'I hope you're right to think that business must pick up soon.'

'If it doesn't, we'll all be dead anyway.'

'Don't say that.' She kissed his cheek.

'We have to act on the assumption that we're going to live.' He said it irritably, as if she had annoyed him. 'But the truth is that we don't know.'

'Let's not think about the worst.' She put her arms around his waist and hugged him, pressing her breasts against his thin body, feeling his hard bones against her yielding flesh.

He pushed her away violently. She stumbled backward and almost fell. 'Don't do that!' he shouted.

She was as shocked as if he had slapped her. 'What's the matter?'

'Stop touching me!'

'I only...'

'Just don't do it! You ended our relationship nine months ago. I said it was the last time, and I meant it.'

She could not understand his anger. 'But I only hugged you.'

'Well, don't. I'm not your lover. You have no right.'

'I have no right to touch you?'

'No!'

'I didn't think I needed some kind of permission.'

'Of course you knew. You don't let people touch you.'

'You're not
people.
We're not strangers.' But as she said these things she knew she was wrong and he was right. She had rejected him, but she had not accepted the consequences. The encounter with Harry from Outhenby had fired her lust, and she had come to Merthin looking for release. She had told herself she was touching him in affectionate friendship, but that was a lie. She had treated him as if he were still available to her, as a rich and idle lady might put down a book and pick it up again. Having denied him the right to touch her all this time, it was wrong of her to try to reinstate the privilege just because a muscular young plowman had kissed her.

All the same, she would have expected Merthin to point this out in a gentle and affectionate way. But he had been hostile and brutal. Had she thrown away his friendship as well as his love? Tears came to her eyes. She turned away from him and went back to the ladder.

She found it hard to climb up. It was tiring, and she seemed to have lost her energy. She stopped for a rest, and looked down. Merthin was standing on the bottom of the ladder, steadying it with his weight.

When she was almost at the top, she looked down again. He was still there. It occurred to her that her unhappiness would be over if she fell. It was a long drop to those unforgiving stones. She would die instantly.

Merthin seemed to sense what she was thinking, for he gave an impatient wave, indicating that she should hurry up and get off the ladder. She thought of how devastated he would be if she killed herself, and for a moment she enjoyed imagining his misery and guilt. She felt sure God would not punish her in the afterlife, if there was an afterlife.

Then she climbed the last few rungs and stood on solid ground. How foolish she had been, just for a moment. She was not going to end her life. She had too much to do.

She returned to the nunnery. It was time for Evensong, and she led the procession into the cathedral. As a young novice she had resented the time wasted in services. In fact Mother Cecilia had taken care to give her work that permitted her to be excused for much of the time. Now she welcomed the chance to rest and reflect.

This afternoon had been a low moment, she decided, but she would recover. All the same she found herself fighting back tears as she sang the psalms.

For supper the nuns had smoked eel. Chewy and strongly flavored, it was not Caris's favorite dish. Tonight she was not hungry, anyway. She ate some bread.

After the meal she retired to her pharmacy. Two novices were there, copying out Caris's book. She had finished it soon after Christmas. Many people had asked for copies: apothecaries, prioresses, barbers, even one or two physicians. Copying the book had become part of the training of nuns who wanted to work in the hospital. The copies were cheap - the book was short, and there were no elaborate drawings or costly inks - and the demand seemed never-ending.

Three people made the room feel crowded. Caris was looking forward to the space and light of the pharmacy in the new hospital.

She wanted to be alone, so she sent the novices away. However, she was not destined to get her wish. A few moments later Lady Philippa came in.

Caris had never warmed to the reserved countess, but sympathized with her plight, and was glad to give sanctuary to any woman fleeing from a husband such as Ralph. Philippa was an easy guest, making few demands, spending a lot of time in her room. She had only a limited interest in sharing the nuns' life of prayer and self-denial - but Caris of all people could understand that.

Caris invited her to sit on a stool at the bench.

Philippa was a remarkably direct woman, despite her courtly manners. Without preamble, she said: 'I want you to leave Merthin alone.'

'What?' Caris was astonished and offended.

'Of course you have to talk to him, but you should not kiss or touch him.'

'How dare you.' What did Philippa know - and why did she care?

'He's not your lover anymore. Stop bothering him.'

Merthin must have told her about their quarrel this afternoon. 'But why would he tell you...?' Before the question was out of her mouth, she guessed the answer.

Philippa confirmed it with her next utterance. 'He's not yours, now - he's mine.'

'Oh, my soul!' Caris was flabbergasted. 'You and Merthin?'

'Yes.'

'Are you...Have you actually...'

'Yes.'

'I had no idea!' She felt betrayed, though she knew she had no right. When had this happened? 'But how...where...?'

'You don't need to know the details.'

'Of course not.' At his house on Leper Island, she supposed. At night, probably. 'How long...?'

'It doesn't matter.'

Caris could work it out. Philippa had been here less than a month. 'You moved fast.'

It was an unworthy jibe, and Philippa had the grace to ignore it. 'He would have done anything to keep you. But you threw him over. Now let him go. It's been difficult for him to love anyone else, after you - but he has managed it. Don't you dare interfere.'

Caris wanted to rebuff her furiously, tell her angrily that she had no right to give orders and make moral demands - but the trouble was that Philippa was in the right. Caris had to let Merthin go, forever.

She did not want to show her heartbreak in front of Philippa. 'Would you leave me now, please?' she said with an attempt at Philippa's style of dignity. 'I would like to be alone.'

Philippa was not easily pushed around. 'Will you do as I say?' she persisted.

Caris did not like to be cornered, but she had no spirit left. 'Yes, of course,' she said.

'Thank you.' Philippa left.

When she was sure Philippa was out of earshot, Caris began to cry.

78

Philemon as prior was no better than Godwyn. He was overwhelmed by the challenge of managing the assets of the priory. Caris had made a list, during her spell as acting prior, of the monks' main sources of income:

1. Rents
2. A share of profits from commerce and industry (tithing)
3. Agricultural profits on land not rented out
4. Profits from grain mills and other, industrial mills
5. Waterway tolls and a share of all fish landed
6. Stallage in markets
7. Proceeds of justice - fees and fines from courts
8. Pious gifts from pilgrims and others
9. Sale of books, holy water, candles, etc.

She had given the list to Philemon, and he had thrown it back at her as if insulted. Godwyn, better than Philemon only in that he had a certain superficial charm, would have thanked her and quietly ignored her list.

In the nunnery, she had introduced a new method of keeping accounts, one she had learned from Buonaventura Caroli when she was working for her father. The old method was simply to write in a parchment roll a short note of every transaction, so that you could always go back and check. The Italian system was to record income on the left-hand side and expenditure on the right, and add them up at the foot of the page. The difference between the two totals showed whether the institution was gaining or losing money. Sister Joan had taken this up with enthusiasm, but when she offered to explain it to Philemon he refused curtly. He regarded offers of help as insults to his competence.

He had only one talent, and it was the same as Godwyn's: a flair for manipulating people. He had shrewdly weeded the new intake of monks, sending the modern-minded physician, Brother Austin, and two other bright young men to St.-John-in-the-Forest, where they would be too far away to challenge his authority.

But Philemon was the bishop's problem now. Henri had appointed him and Henri would have to deal with him. The town was independent, and Caris had her new hospital.

The hospital was to be consecrated by the bishop on Whitsunday, which was always seven weeks after Easter. A few days beforehand, Caris moved her equipment and supplies into the new pharmacy. There was plenty of room for two people to work at the bench, preparing medicines, and a third to sit at a writing desk.

Caris was preparing an emetic, Oonagh was grinding dried herbs, and a novice, Greta, was copying out Caris's book, when a novice monk came in with a small wooden chest. It was Josiah, a teenage boy usually called Joshie. He was embarrassed to be in the presence of three women. 'Where shall I put this?' he said.

Caris looked at him. 'What is it?'

'A chest.'

'I can see that,' she said patiently. The fact that someone was capable of learning to read and write did not, unfortunately, make him intelligent. 'What does the chest contain?'

'Books.'

'And why have you brought me a chest of books?'

'I was told to.' Realizing, after a moment, that this answer was insufficiently informative, he added: 'By Brother Sime.'