Worth It All (The McKinney Brothers #3) (14 page)

They both froze and the sound of her own blood pulsed in her ears.

“Sorry. I wanted to make sure you had a towel, but…” Hot, appraising eyes took in her bare shoulders and barely covered body. “I can see that you do.”

A drop of water fell from her hair and slipped beneath the edge of the towel between her breasts. Jake watched it disappear.

“Feel better?” His voice was thick and raspy and his eyes came back to hers.

“Yes.” The word came out a breathless whisper because she couldn’t breathe. The man was large, intense, and his brown eyes burning into hers made it hard to swallow, impossible to move. He exuded sex but for long, silent seconds he just looked at her while her heart raced, unsure what he would do next.

She wanted his lips on hers, his hands running over bare skin. She wanted this, wanted to be touched, to feel alive and free, and not full of worry and fear and guilt. Mostly she wanted Jake.

The muscles in his jaw tensed with barely contained restraint and he looked down at her from hot and heavy eyes. Finally, he raised his hand and traced one rough finger along her collarbone, making every nerve fire as he went.

“Tell me to stop.”

“No.”

He continued along the edge of the towel, his knuckles just brushing the top of each breast. “Paige. You’re tired.”

“I’m not that tired. Please. Just this once.” She needed him, right now. Needed his kiss, needed the way she felt in his arms. Like for once she wasn’t racing toward something wonderful that always seemed to move farther away, but was already grasping it.

With a simple tug, she untucked the edge of the towel where it wrapped around and let it drop to the floor at her feet.

Jake sucked in a deep breath, and she watched as his eyes burned her naked body. Starting at her feet and pausing between her legs, then her breasts, he continued up until his gaze met hers. Her nipples tingled at the thought of his touch, but he didn’t touch them.

Instead he framed her face in his big hands and traced the crease of her lips with his tongue, silently asking for entrance. The answer was yes. Utterly and completely, yes. He kissed her long and deep, making love to her mouth until the only thing holding her up was his arm banded around her back.

Her nipples rasped against his cotton shirt, her thighs against his jeans. She needed his clothes off, wanted to feel his hot flesh against her own, but then his hand moved lower, slipped between her legs and she couldn’t speak. He devastated her with his kiss and his touch until she was trembling in his arms. When he lifted her off her feet and to the bed, she was on fire, begging.

Still clothed, he braced himself over her, his hands planted on either side of her head and a reckless craving burst inside of her. He was so beautiful, so male with his hard body, but with soft eyes that reached right out and touched her heart.

She pulled at his shirt, sighed when her hands found skin. Then sighed again when he stripped it over his head. His body rippled with strength she yearned to explore. And she did. His sculpted abs and chest, his broad shoulders and powerful arms. Before she was finished, he took her hands and pinned them above her head. His eyes burned into hers and a fiery heat curled low in her belly.

Then he surprised her by reaching out and gently brushing the hair back from her face. If she thought sex with Jake would be fast and powerful, she was wrong. Wrong about the fast, but Jake’s touch was powerful in a way that took over all her senses, her thoughts, her breath.

“God, Paige. Do you have any idea how badly I want you?”

He kissed her again while his hands roamed every inch of her body. His slow exploration left nothing undiscovered, and she turned to liquid under his skilled hands.

She clutched at his shoulders, speared her fingers into his hair, and held on when he turned his attention to her breasts. He drew them into his mouth, licked, played, and teased until she was at the edge. It was all new, all of it and only for Jake. His hand skated down, tracing a line over her stomach, skipping the important parts and caressing the inside of her thighs until she wanted to scream.

He teased her for what seemed like hours, showing her all the ways and places he could touch her. With his long, skilled fingers between her legs, he brought her to the edge until she was crying out at the unfamiliar pressure building inside her.

She whimpered when he slid away to leave a slow, damp trail of kisses from her breast to her mound. With her body quivering under his lips, he whispered as he went, words of patience and all he was going to do to her. His wide shoulders forced her thighs open to him, and he did all those things and more, showing her an entirely new kind of pleasure until she did cry.

JT took a condom from a dresser drawer, and sat on the side of the bed to strip out of his pants, removing his prosthesis as he went. He had a split second of indecision about putting his leg back on then he looked back at Paige, let his eyes roam over her curves laid out for him in the soft lamplight, and he stopped thinking.

He rolled on the condom with Paige watching him, her eyes dark with desire and her sexy mouth curved in a contented smile. Coming over her, he kissed her shoulder and across her chest until her eyes fluttered closed. Her face was flushed and he got a deep satisfaction knowing it was from him. “You’re so beautiful.” Her skin was hot and damp from earlier, and he licked a path along her neck, sighing at the taste of her.

He hadn’t even been inside her yet and already nothing else compared. He drew her breast into his mouth, feasted on one, then the other, and finally found her sweet mouth again. He’d never gone slow, never taken his time to explore a woman’s body. He’d never wanted to. Until Paige. Even knowing they were both more than ready, he held off, drawing it out until she was begging. When he rested his lips at her pulse, he felt her heartbeat racing, felt her tremble.

He raised his head and lightly skimmed the back of his hand over her cheek. Paige might be tough, but she was also soft, so soft. “I won’t hurt you.”

“I know.”

He kissed her cheeks, her temple, then stared deep into her eyes, knowing more than anything he wanted her trust.

“You’re shaking.” He rested his forearms on either side of her head and studied her face. “I know you’ve done this before.”

She half smiled at his obvious statement. “It’s been a long time.”

“How long?”

“It was only that once,” she said softly, not looking at him.

“Paige.” Just once and she’d gotten pregnant and given up being a young and carefree girl to become the woman he was falling for. He kissed her again, slowly, tenderly, wishing he’d been that one other time. “You can still tell me to stop.”

She took his face in her hands. “I don’t want you to stop. Please.”

His eyes never left hers when he finally pushed inside and joined their bodies. Her breath hitched, her eyes widened, and he knew the look on her face was something he’d remember for the rest of his life. A touch of pain and so much sweet desire he almost lost it right then. She’d said just once, but hadn’t he already known once would never be enough?

He paused. “Okay?”

“Yes. So okay.”

Her answer was half whisper, half sigh, and he pressed his hips into hers, going deeper until he could go no farther. They stared at each other, looking deeper than he’d ever looked into another person. When she would have moved, he pinned her body to the mattress with his own.

“Please.” Her short nails dug into his shoulders, and she brought her legs higher on his hips, dug her heels into the back of his thighs.

“Another second,” he panted. Sweat trickled down his back. He stretched her arms above her head and linked their fingers, and kissed her, wanting to keep her just like this, wanting it to last forever.

When he finally started to move, it was a perfect slow dance. She moved with him, their bodies molded together, his eyes never leaving hers.

“Please. Please. Please.”

It was her anthem, becoming more and more desperate. So close and so was he.

“Let go, Paige. Just let go.”

She did. Her eyes glazed over and she surrendered to him, crying out her release, and in that moment there was no past, no mistakes, no guilt. Just Paige. And the sound of his name whispered on her lips pushed him over the edge.

It was a little after seven in the morning when JT went back to the bedroom to check on Sleeping Beauty and found her up and getting dressed. She was facing away from him, her panties already on and in the process of slipping into her blouse. He wanted to strip both of them off. “Hey.”

Her hands stilled, but she didn’t turn. “Want some breakfast?”

“I can’t,” she said, not moving, not turning around. “I’m…um…supposed to be at the diner at eight. I can’t be late. Where’s Casey?”

Her voice was scratchy, her words halting, and he stepped farther into the room. “She’s in the kitchen. Eating pancakes.”

“Thank you.”

Her back was still to him, but he could see the tension in her body, could practically feel it permeating the room.

“Paige. Look at me.”

“I can’t do that either.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I can’t afford to let go any more than I already did.”

She’d taken a leap with him, stepped way off her imaginary line, and now she was scrambling back. She pulled up her shorts, her fingers furiously buttoning the very top button of her blouse, and he wondered if that was a mistake, her obvious nerves, or if she was subconsciously protecting herself.

She finally faced him and took her time meeting his gaze. Looking at her standing there, barefoot in his bedroom, hair tousled, lips berry red and looking well kissed, his heart pounded with each passing second. His skin felt tight, remembering all the ways he’d touched her, how their bodies had come together.

He hadn’t let more than a breath of space between them all night, and he didn’t want this space between them now. All he wanted to do was make love to her again, but she looked defeated, guilt-ridden. All the magic of the night before was gone. The carefree Paige was gone. “Do you regret it?”

Their eyes met and she looked incredibly young, innocent and uncertain. “Do you?”

No. He didn’t regret it. He regretted that she was leaving, that he couldn’t figure out how to say exactly what he was feeling. That a night with him had caused her more stress, had made the weight on her shoulders heavier instead of lighter.

She grabbed her shoes and made a dash for the door.

“Paige, wait. I don’t—”

“I have to go.” She moved to push past him, but he stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“Paige.”

“Jake, I have to go. Please.” Her eyes pleaded with him. “Casey, honey, get your shoes. We’re late.”

“Look at Boulder! I syruped his nose.”

Paige didn’t look at Boulder before heading out to her car. He stood back while Paige got Casey settled in the back. He wondered about her car, the oil, the tires, suddenly remembering all the things his dad used to do for his mom and sister. He wanted to do that for Paige.

She closed the door and he waved goodbye to Casey, wondering what else he could say to make this better. She was already stressed. Telling her all he felt, all he wanted, would only add to it. “I’ll come by tonight.”

“I have class. And I have to study.”

Shit. “I’m sorry. I promised you—”

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I forgot. I was irresponsible.”

Because she’d done something for herself, or because she’d taken a chance with him, or both. He reached for her.

“Jake, I have to go. I can’t be late.” She covered her face with her hands then dropped them to her side. “I’m sorry.”

She looked on the verge of tears and it killed him not to kiss her, but she was already climbing behind the wheel, rushing, worrying.

This was a jumping-off point. He knew for most people it wouldn’t be, that one night in bed wouldn’t land them here, but this was Paige, and there was Casey and…His jaw tightened with the painful thought that maybe this shouldn’t happen. Maybe she did have too much going on and maybe there was no possible way he could be everything they needed.

What made him think he could be a father now when he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, before? He watched Paige drive away with Rachel’s words echoing in his head.

You don’t deserve a family.

Later that night, Paige sat at her kitchen table with her thick textbook on the Roman Empire open in front of her. She’d put Casey to bed over an hour ago and so far she’d made eight flash cards and read the same page three times. But she’d made some really nice ink spirals while she daydreamed about Jake.

It was hard to concentrate on Caesar when her body was still throbbing in places that had never been touched. The words blurred and all she saw was Jake over her, spearing her with heated brown eyes. Or under her as she lay on top of him, kissing her way across his broad chest and shoulders. She could probably write a ten-pound textbook on the varied and extensive beauty of Jake McKinney. And he knew what to do with each and every part.

The trailer door opened and she looked up and watched Jenny come in. “Hey.” She’d left Jenny a message, but she hadn’t seen her to give her an update. Jenny dropped her purse and went to the fridge.

“You’re home early. Have fun?”

“Yeah.” Jenny poured herself a glass of milk and joined her at the table, grabbing a cookie from the paper plate in front of her. “Yum.”

“Casey and I made slice and bake.” She studied her cousin. “You didn’t have too much fun if you’re home at ten, having a glass of milk.”

Jenny shrugged and bit into the sugar cookie. “I think we should talk about you. You slept over last night.” She waggled her eyebrows.

“Yeah.”

“Well, come on, girl, spill. Was it good? Tell me everything.”

Everything would be way too much to tell. She’d come undone under his very capable hands and mouth. It was impossible not to. One night in his arms and she felt like something huge had changed inside her.

Jenny leaned her face in close. “My God. Are you about to
cry
? If you are I’d say it was way better than good.”

“It was…incredible. He was incredible.”

Jenny squealed and sat back.

“But it definitely wasn’t the responsible thing to do.”

“I bet it was worth it,” Jenny said, picking out another cookie.

“Yeah, but there’s a battle going on inside me, complete with swords and Roman headgear, shouting about shame and stupidity, while my heart and my body are more like Julie Andrews spinning on top of a mountain.”

“I’d go with Julie Andrews. I mean, look at their faces.” Jenny tapped on the open textbook. “Those people do not look happy. No singing songs and eating jam and bread going on there.”

No, but fun and happiness didn’t always lead to a better future. She knew that. So why was this so hard? Why was her heart putting up such a fight? “I’ve got Casey and—”

“And everything you do is for Casey.”

“Yes, it is.” Because that’s what she’d promised her daughter before she’d even been born. That every choice she made would be putting her first. “Last night I was thinking of myself.”

“Is that so bad? Does taking care of Casey exclude doing anything for yourself? Would it hurt to have both?”

“Maybe. I mean I wanted him, so much that I stopped thinking about anything else.” Her eyes fell closed. “I was getting lucky with my daughter sleeping right down the hall.”

Jenny broke off a piece of cookie. “Is that what it was? Getting lucky?”

“No.” It was way more than that, which scared her even more.

“So, what comes next?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know what should come next. I don’t even know what I want to come next.”

“I call liar on that one.” Jenny stood and took her glass to the sink.

True. She’d like about ten more nights in a row exactly like last night. “With the way I ran out of there this morning, I’ll be lucky if anything happens at all.”

“Mmm. Let me guess, you woke up and your intense sense of duty and work and striving for perfection kicked in, and you ran out of there with your tail on fire.”

“Pretty much.” She’d considered coming home in the middle of the night, but waking Casey, driving home at midnight, hadn’t seemed like a good mom move either. So she’d stayed, slept with her body pressed tight to Jake’s. Maybe what scared her the most was how much she wanted to feel him there again. How much she wanted to be with him in any capacity.

“Are you afraid it won’t work out?”

“Work out?” She turned to stare at Jenny still at the sink. “What does that even mean? We date? I become a single mom with a boyfriend? And then what? It fizzles out and six months or a year from now I have another and then another, and Casey grows up with men coming and going?” It made her stomach hurt to think about it.

“Why are you so sure it won’t work out for you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m not sure there’s even such a thing as working out.”

“That’s sad.”

“Do you think there is? How would we know, Jenny? I’ve certainly never seen it.”

“I have. All the time.” Jenny grinned. “Don’t you watch TV?”

Paige shook her head. “Maybe you have to have it to believe in it.”

“Or…maybe you have to believe in it to have it.”

That seemed like a mighty big risk. Her mom had always been willing to risk it, the leap-before-you-look type, and it hadn’t turned out well for her at all. In fact, most times it had turned out very badly.

But her mind went back to Jake and his velvety eyes and heart-stopping smile. Then it went to Casey and work and school and the job she wanted and the house. She groaned. “Look at me. I can’t even concentrate.”

She picked up the much larger stack of blank notecards beside the few she’d done. “I waited six years to get out of Dugger, to go to college and change Casey’s and my future, and now instead of studying for my first test—a
key
to that future—I can’t stop thinking about a man!” She dropped her head to the table, thunking her forehead.

Exactly why she didn’t have time to be distracted by a man. Though it felt like a whole lot more than a distraction. Like after just one night in Jake’s arms she’d been shown what was missing. She lifted her head and took a cookie.

“I can’t let myself want this. It’s a mistake, Jenny. How could it not be? Wanting something so badly I’m afraid I can’t say no.” She took a bite and had to make an effort to swallow it. “I’m running on empty as it is.”

Jenny moved closer and wrapped an arm around her. “Are you sure that’s it? Or maybe you’re scared you’re falling in love with him.”

Yes,
she thought, and felt the sheer terror of it. Overwhelmed, she let herself lean against her cousin. “I’m not going to get anywhere like this.”

“I guess it depends where you’re trying to go,” Jenny said softly, then gave her shoulders another squeeze. “Okay. Stop thinking about him and start studying. I’m going to bed.”

She returned Jenny’s hug, determined to double up her efforts to ace her first college test. It was one thing to screw up your own life, making decisions that could screw up a child’s, her child’s…that was much, much bigger. Her chest felt tight and her stomach got that familiar falling feeling she hated. The one that said if she wasn’t careful, she was going to mess everything up.

And now on top of that, there was the very real fear of losing her heart.