WORTHY, Part 3 (The Worthy Series) (18 page)

“What did I tell you?” Jonathan asked, kissing me. “Sex is always better when you love the one you’re with.”

“I believe you,” I said.

He eased out of me, and we curled up together, not caring that we were just naked on the carpet of his office, not caring that anyone could walk in at any time and see us.

All that mattered was that we were together again, that we would never be apart again, that we would never, ever stop loving each other.

A comfortable silence settled around us, and I contented myself with listening to the beat of Jonathan’s heart. Its thump was primal and soothing both at the same time, and when he finally began to speak, I realized I had been nearly asleep, soothed by the rhythmic life force of my husband.

“I went back out to the cottage,” Jonathan said, weaving his fingers through mine. “You weren’t there, the car wasn’t there, and I knew that something was wrong. The door was unlocked, the garden was overgrown, and the goat had gotten loose. But I couldn’t figure out where you were, where you’d gone, and it made me panic. I thought — I thought we had our differences, that it was hard to see whether or not we’d be able to get past them, but that there would always be the opportunity, when we were ready, to try to get past everything.”

It was a strange revelation to hear, especially since I was naked and in his arms. He thought that time would heal everything?

“You thought we were just going to get past everything at that point?” I asked, dumbfounded. “You were willing to wait until — until what? Until I told you I was ready to kiss and make up?” I swallowed hard. “I have to be honest with you, Jon. I don’t know if that day would’ve ever come.”

“I know,” he said, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything. When I realized that you’d gone, that I’d pissed away any chance I had of ever making it right, knew that I’d probably never see you again and that it was all my dumbass fault, I lost it. I don’t know what to call it. Some kind of nervous breakdown, maybe. All I know is that when I finally came out of my stupor, I remembered everything.”

“Just like that?” I asked, peering at him. “Everything was back with just a snap of the fingers?”

“The doctors can’t really explain it, either,” Jonathan said, “but it makes sense for me. I understood what happened. It had been all mental — all of it — from the very first. I’d banged my head pretty good in the woods, but the memory loss was all of my mind’s twisted doing.”

“Why would your mind fool you like that?” I asked, cocking my head. “I thought you said it would make sense.”

“Well, it does,” Jonathan said, meeting my eyes. “It does when you understand why I was riding through the woods on my motorcycle in the first place.”

I tried not to tremble as my husband sat up a little, noticeably gathered himself, and began to tell me exactly what we had both always wondered about.

“I’d stolen the money,” Jonathan said. “I’d just stolen the money from Wharton Group out of, I don’t know, boredom, I guess.”

A chill that I couldn’t resist made its way up and down my spine. He sounded almost exactly like Jane. What had happened to them to make them listless enough to commit crimes and other terrible misdeeds for fun?

Jonathan faltered a little bit at whatever look I had on my face before plunging onward.

“I hadn’t wanted to marry Violet,” he said. “The marriage was my mother’s creation. Violet and I had fucked — excuse me — we’d slept together, traveled a bit while we were dating, but that was it. I wasn’t that interested in her, but she was extremely interested in me. Violet contacted Amelia, enlisted her help in trying to arrange something.”

I hissed out a breath through my teeth. Of course Amelia was in collusion with everything. Of course she was.

“Amelia viewed Violet as the daughter she’d always wanted. Violet was attentive and would do anything Amelia suggested, and finally, they both cornered me into making a marriage proposal. It wasn’t something I wanted for myself. I didn’t think I wanted anything to do with marriage, least of all marriage to Violet. She’s vapid, she has a mean streak — well, you know her.”

“Yes, yes I do.” And I wished I didn’t.

Jonathan squeezed my hand tighter without seeming to realize he was doing it. “So, out of frustration or boredom or hatred or whatever you might call it, I stole the money. It was so easy that it scared me, and I decided that I didn’t want this life anymore. I didn’t feel like I deserved to helm Wharton Group. I didn’t want to marry someone I didn’t love. So I left without having any idea where I was going — just that I wanted out. I rode my motorcycle for so long that I rode right into a storm and turned off into a path in the woods to try to shelter from it.”

This time, I squeezed his hand. They had been my woods, though he hadn’t known it then. He’d run away from his life and fled unwittingly into mine.

“I hadn’t bothered wearing a helmet, or maybe none of this would’ve ever happened,” Jonathan said, waving vaguely at me. If he hadn’t been injured in the woods, there would’ve been no way that I would’ve found him.

There had been a time when I’d wished I’d never met Jonathan, but I didn’t feel that way anymore. I couldn’t regret knowing him, loving him. Even after everything, after all the horrible tragedy, I couldn’t say that I wanted to forget him. I’d come too far for that. Loving the man beside me had helped propel me forward in life. I’d thought my cottage, my woods were a sanctuary, but I had been fully prepared to make them into a prison of my grief. It was Jonathan who’d led me out of all that, Jonathan who’d made me start looking in the mirror again and assessing what needed to be done to be happier, freer, whole again.

“I guess I’d overestimated my off-roading abilities on the bike,” Jonathan continued. “But in a slippery, flooded patch of mud, I lost it. I went straight over the handlebars and down an incline, and the next thing I remember was waking up to you, not knowing anything.”

“I just don’t understand that your mind could just turn its back on everything,” I said. “You really didn’t have any memories?”

“Of course I didn’t,” Jonathan said. “Jane, on more than one occasion, accused me of faking it, but I never understood why anyone would want to do that — until I got my old memories back, of course.”

“When you still didn’t know who you were … well, I guess it’s ironic, in a way.”

“What is?”

“You were running away from marriage, and yet you proposed to me,” I said, feeling troubled. “You were running away from a sort of heritage — leading your family’s company — and yet when you were back in Chicago, it became the most important undertaking of your life to prove yourself worthy of the CEO position.”

“I’m guessing my mind wanted me to be a man,” Jonathan said. “To have a chance to marry someone I loved. To lead a life of my choosing.”

“And yet, even then, there were people moving against you to ensure that you wouldn’t,” I said, lowering my eyes to my hands woven through his. “They took everything from us, Jon.”

“We’re still here, aren’t we?” he said, putting a finger under my chin and lifting it so I was forced to meet his eyes again. “After every stupid thing, we’re here now, together, right?”

I couldn’t figure out why my heart was pounding so hard. “After everything, you would still want to be together — with me?”

Jonathan pulled me close enough that he could put an arm around my shoulder, then pulled me in even closer, so that I was pressed against his chest. My eyes fluttered closed, and I inhaled deeply. This was what I’d been needing all this time, but I’d only just been able to realize it.

I’d needed my husband.

“I think that trying to be anywhere else or do anything else after everything would be a waste of time,” Jonathan said. “Think about it. The universe wants us to be together, Michelle.”

“Are you always this metaphysical?” I asked, looking up at him and smiling. “The Jonathan I used to know was pretty straightforward.”

“And the Michelle I used to know would never look in me in the face like you’re looking me in the face right now,” Jonathan said. “Let’s face it, baby. We’re different people now. You said it yourself. But you know what?”

“What?”

“We get to fall in love all over again,” he said, kissing my forehead. “How many people get to do that?”

“Nobody I know,” I said, kissing Jonathan deeply.

“Exactly.”

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the renewal of the sacred marriage vows of Jonathan and Michelle Wharton.”

We smiled at each other as the minister from our wedding talked about commitment and faith and loyalty and love. I had to squint — the summer sun was very bright, and all of the Queen Anne’s lace was making it particularly hard to see.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

“We are here to bear witness to the love that these two people share,” the reverend continued. “I understand that you have prepared some remarks.”

“Yes,” Jonathan and I said at the same time, then ducked our heads, smiling. I couldn’t stop smiling. I never wanted to stop smiling.

“Jonathan, you can go ahead,” the minister said.

My husband fumbled in the pocket of his suit jacket for a moment, and I squeezed his hand. It was endearing that he was nervous. We were already married, of course, and this was just a renewal of our vows.

Of course, I had to admit that it was a little more than that. When we’d gotten married, Jonathan and I had been entirely different people. He didn’t have all of his memories, and I wasn’t willing to be exactly who I was, either. But now, after everything, we were ready to fully commit to each other — to every aspect of each other.

Jonathan finally located the piece of paper he’d been looking for and unfolded it, grinning sheepishly. I looked over at our guests. Ash and Hans were trying their best to stifle their laughter, and Collier was grinning. Felix looked a little confused by all of the proceedings, and Rowan and Lucy just looked happy to be out of the city with the sun on their faces and the fresh breeze in their hair.

Everyone who was important to us was standing in the field beside the cottage, watching Jonathan and me have our second chance. We were lucky as hell, and I didn’t want anyone to miss it.

We’d both agreed that it wasn’t a good idea to invite Jane, especially in light of the fact that she’d been the one to pretty much cook the whole thing up. And on this special day when we had a chance to do it all over again, we agreed that Amelia wouldn’t be a very welcome presence, either.

Our original wedding had seen hundreds of guests, but Jonathan and I had known hardly any of them. Though there were notably fewer people at our vow renewal ceremony, it felt even more important as a consequence.

These were the people we cared about who we knew cared about us, and that was all that mattered.

“Michelle, our love started out like we were in a fairy tale,” Jonathan read, his blue eyes flicking upward from the sheet of paper to meet mine. “What we had was magic, and no matter how hard I get hit on the head in the future, I’ll never forget it.”

Collier chuckled openly at that one, and I smiled at my husband. Leave it to Jonathan to make light of the thing that had hobbled him for so long and nearly destroyed us.

“We’ve been through some tough things together, and made plenty of mistakes,” he continued, the grin fading from his face. “In fact, most people live their entire lives without having to deal with the things we’ve dealt with.”

He looked up from his piece of paper slower this time, and I held his gaze. I would never leave him again. I squeezed his hand even tighter, and he balled up the piece of paper and let the wind take it from his hand.

“Baby, if I could change things, I would,” he said, choking up. “If I could go back in time to do certain things differently, I absolutely would. I would do anything for that to happen, to transform the worst of it into what should’ve been the happiest moments of our lives.”

I swallowed and tried to stay strong for my husband. Rowan had done some light “tear proof” makeup for me, but I needed to let Jonathan get through this. I couldn’t get too upset, not in front of our friends. Ash and Collier knew everything, of course, but everyone else thought this was only a vow renewal ceremony.

This was much more than that. This was the beginning of the rest of our lives together — whole, and completely devoted to each other. There were no lies, no more mystery, just Jonathan standing in front of me and pledging himself to me forever.

In a few moments, I would do the exact same thing.

“We now know the worst of it, and you know what?” Jonathan continued. “I’m glad. I’m glad the worst of it already happened. That means we can use the rest of our lives to experience the best moments, the happiest moments, only the brightest moments that we’ll cherish forever. It hurt us, Michelle, everything hurt us, but we’re past that. We knew how dark life could be without each other, and now I’ll never let go of these hands.”

His fingers threaded through mine, Jonathan squeezed so hard that it hurt, but I didn’t care. I would never let go.

“I love you,” he whispered, and I knew this part was only for me. “I love you, and we are going to chase our dreams together.”