Years of Summer: Lily's Story (15 page)

Dave took hold of my hand from his side of the table.  “It’s okay Lily, deep breath, come on you can do this.  I’m right here and so is Ally.  Deep breaths until you have control.”  I closed my eyes and kept thinking to myself. 
It’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to feel.  You can do this, Lily. 
Except that last part came through in Dave’s voice.  I kept hearing him say that to me in my mind.  It made me stronger.  A couple of more deep breaths and I was able to regain control.  “There you go, that’s the way.”  A few tears dripped down and Dave handed me a handkerchief.

  I laughed a little. “I thought Dad was the only one that carried a handkerchief anymore.”

Dave looked a little embarrassed.  “It’s something I picked up from my dad.  Normally I don’t, but I thought I might need to tonight.”

Ally was mesmerized.  “Aww, you’re so sweet, Dave.”

Dave just shrugged his shoulders as I took the handkerchief from him and blotted at my eyes, noticing that my mascara didn’t run.  I looked at Ally.  “I put waterproof on you; I thought you might need it.” 

“Thanks, Ally, you are the best.”  Then I looked at Dave.  “You both are the best.”

“We are here to celebrate you being out of your room; you’ve been in it for three months. I didn’t expect you to be instantly okay. It’s going to take some time, Lily.  I understand that, but I am here for you and you know Ally is too.  Whatever happens let it happen.  I promise we won’t think less of you.”  I smiled some, as more tears made their way to the surface.

“I love you guys. Thank you for understanding.” I squeezed both of their hands. The waitress brought salsa and chips and Dave ordered a cheese dip. All through dinner tears would escape sometimes and I just let it happen. It helped, and having Ally and Dave there helped tremendously. I mostly just sat and listened while Ally and Dave carried on conversation after conversation. They were so good with each other. It was like they had known each other for years. I thought that they would be great together as a couple. Dave, on the other hand, probably would not agree with me, because Ally was his sisters’ age, so he pictured her as just another little sister. Through dinner Dave would look at me every once and a while, I could tell he was trying not to make me uncomfortable, but he was also trying to make sure I was okay. I knew neither one of them was expecting me to be a part of the conversation, but I could also tell they wanted this night to do me good. 

Tonight though, afterwards, what is going to happen to me? I will go to sleep and the nightmares will come. Will all this be for nothing?
I didn’t know. I was suddenly afraid for the night to come.  Things started going through my mind.
What kind of nightmares will I have tonight? Will I see things I don’t want to see?
I started freaking out. My breath started coming in gasps. 

“Ally, let me out. Please let me out.” The tears started coming. “Let me out. Ally let me out.” I had to get out of there, I needed air. I couldn’t think straight. Ally moved as I ran out the door. Dave came after me. 

He caught up to me and took me by the shoulders. I fell into him and cried. “Lily, calm down. It’s okay.” I wrapped my arms around him and he wrapped his arms around me. He made my fear go away. “Lily, you‘re going to be okay. I know it’s hard right now and in my opinion you are doing fantastic. It’s okay to let the feelings come, the nightmares too. It’s okay to let them come too, but in the middle of them realize you’re going to wake up and you can stop them. It’s going to be hard at first, but you will get better.”

I was dumbfounded. “Dave how do you know what’s going on in my head?”

He looked at me sympathetically. “Lil, I have a confession to make. There were times, during those three months that you were locked inside yourself, that I came by and all I did was sit in your rocking chair in your room, as you slept, and I watched you. You didn’t realize I was there, but I saw what would happen to you when the nightmares happened. It killed me to see you go through that.  You would wake up screaming like someone was killing you and I couldn’t do anything about it.”

“Dave, why would you want to?  Why would you even bother?”

“Lily, I care about you. I cannot stand it when things hurt you or upset you. Friends are supposed to look out for each other and I want you to allow me to do that, please. I know I can help you. I have seen you at your best and at your worst and all the avenues in between.  I know who you are and I know who you can be, and the person that you can be is still there.  It’s just covered with other things right now. I want to help you find your strength again.”

I started crying again.  “Jace was my strength, Dave, and he took it with him when he left me.”

“Lily, that is where you’re wrong, and I’ll prove it to you.  Answer me one question.”

“What?”

“Who made you go out tonight?”

I smiled up at Dave, he was rather tall.  “I did.”

“Exactly, now come on and let’s go finish dinner.  I have a feeling that Ally is rather anxious at the moment.”

Dave and I walked back in and Ally looked like she had been crying.  I came in and stood at the booth.  “Ally, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize; I just want you to be okay, Lily.  That’s all.  I guess I expected too much from tonight.”

Ally stood up and moved so I could sit back down.  “Ally, all I ask is that you don’t give up on me, please.  Don’t give up on me.”

“Lily, I wouldn’t dream of it.  I know you are still in there somewhere.  I want to help you get back to yourself.”

“Well that makes two of you and I really want to get back to myself. I just need to start.”

Dave looked at me, concerned. “Lily, it’s not going to be good for you to be at home by yourself; that will only send you backwards. What can you do to keep yourself out of your house and away from your bedroom?”

“I can go to the library or I can go to the store, I can find something.”

“Wait, I just thought of something, something you said a long time ago, I think I can manage it, too.”

I stared at Dave suspiciously.  “What did you just think about?”

“I’m allowed to have surprises aren’t I?   Whose birthday is the week after next?”

“Mine, Dave you’re not going to get me anything.”

“Who said I was?”

“I just know that look.  It’s your sneaky Dave look.”

“Now, Lily, I am shocked that you would even accuse me of being sneaky.” Dave grinned. He had something up his sleeve.

I just dismissed it, because he wasn’t going to tell me and I wasn’t in the state of mind to fight and win. He looked at me. “You’ll love it, trust me.” He hugged me. 

He paid for dinner, wouldn’t let us help out and walked us back out to his truck and drove back to our house. I had been trying to think of a way to talk him out of giving me a present and couldn’t. So I just asked him.

“Can I talk you out of it?”  He pulled into our driveway and climbed out of the truck to open the door for me and Ally, before he answered.

“No, you can’t, so don’t try. But in the mean time I want you to do several things for me.”

“What things, Dave?” I asked as we made it up the deck and sat down at the table and chairs that were there. He started listing things.

“First, you are not allowed to go to bed unless it’s to sleep at night. I want you to get out of bed every morning and eat some kind of breakfast and get yourself dressed.”

Mom opened the doors onto the deck and brought out a couple of different creamers, some coffee in a carafe, and cups to pour it into.

“Thank you, Mrs. Aldridge.”

“You’re very welcome, honey.”  Mom walked back in and Dave continued.   

“Second, I don’t want you spending more than two hours at a time inside. Now, I’m not saying you have to leave the property, but I want you outside in the autumn sun. It’s not too hot. It’s fairly comfortable. If you don’t do anything but sit out on your deck, that’s fine, but I want you out of the house. Watch the way nature plays around you. It’s amazing what an experience that is, especially if you concentrate on what they’re doing. Nature is not chaotic, it’s neatly ordered and you’ll discover that if you spend time and watch it. Thirdly, I’m going to call you after every class I have and I expect you to answer the phone.  If you don’t, then I will automatically think the worst and leave campus to come and find you.”

“Dave, you’re going a little overboard aren’t you?”

“If I am, then so be it. I want you to be okay. The only way I can make sure of that is to do what I’m going to do. I may bug the heck out of you, but I don’t care about anything but your well-being. If you feel the need to, then you can tell me to shove off. I will never bother you again, because by then I’ll know that you’re back to the Lily that I knew. I’ll have accomplished what I set out to do.  Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir.”  Then I saluted him.  He laughed.  I liked his laugh.

“Lily, I’m very serious about this.  I want the old Lily back and I will do everything in my power to get her back.”  There was an unspoken reason under that and it made me feel good, when I realized it later.  He was my best friend and best friends look out for each other. 

He wasn’t going to give up and honestly, underneath it all, I didn’t want him to. He continued with his requirements.

“Lily, be prepared to see me here every day after I get out of my classes and I’ll know whether you have done what I asked. Then when you start next term it won’t stop here. I told you I would help you and I know it’s going to be rough going those first few weeks, but I believe you’re strong enough to handle it. I have faith in you and I will see you graduate and become the best teacher any elementary school has ever had to walk through their doors.  You’re one of a kind, Lily, and being that rare you’re going to give the kids you teach, hope, that they would not have had otherwise.  I can’t wait to see that.”

“Dave, what if it rains and I can’t go outside. What do I do then?” I wasn’t joking; I was serious, because everything he said was right. Being by myself in the house was not going to be good for me, and I really wanted to get better. I wanted me back and the way Dave was talking he could help me get there and I knew I couldn’t do it alone.

Ally who had been silent the whole time that Dave was talking offered a suggestion.  “I have an idea, Lily.  How about on those days, you come to campus and hang out with me, or Dave even. All of the buildings that our classes are in have really nice lobbies and places to sit.  You can bring a book and sit there, or you can stay in my dorm room or something like that.”  Ally looked at Dave. “What do you think about that, Dave?”

“I think that’s a great idea. You would be out of your house, and you could see where your classes will be held.  I think that’ll work.  How do you feel about that Lily?”

I really wasn’t sure.  I didn’t know if I was ready for that yet.  Dave took my hand and squeezed it.  “You will be fine Lily.”

“Can we cross that bridge when we come to it or do I have to plan?”

“We can cross that bridge when we come to it.  Don’t worry.”

* * * * * * *

Over the next two weeks, Dave was better than his words. He called to check on me after each class and brought me everything I would need to get a transfer from UM to UNA.  He even brought me the financial aid application and helped me get everything filled out. I was determined to finish college on my own, without help from Mom and Dad and staying at home and commuting to classes would take a big load off of the cost. Dave personally delivered all of my information to the appropriate parties. He was amazing.

I did keep my end of the bargain and did everything he wanted me too. He even bought a pager (which was popular at the time for communication) so I would have a way of getting in touch with him if I ever needed to. He helped me more than anything. He gave me something more.

A few days before my birthday, he called, but he called to talk to my mom. I thought that was really strange. He normally called to talk to me. I’ll admit I was even a little upset by that. Of course, he only talked to her for a minute or two and then she brought the phone to me.

Dave was funny.  When he would call me after his classes; it was like he was calling for a report. He would ask me what I observed that day, and then decide whether he was satisfied with it, and always ended our conversations with one question. “Am I bugging you to death yet?”  That always made me laugh.  I always answered no.  Truth was he never bugged me.  If he was looking to get out of what he had committed too, he was never going to, but he wasn’t looking to do that.

It was Friday. Mom and Dad were going to have a little birthday party for me when they came home from work.  Ally was coming home and Dave had come from his classes that day and just hung out. I thought I kept hearing a puppy whine, but I didn’t believe it, unless one of the neighbors had a new puppy. I just dismissed it. It wasn’t a cold day; it was rather mild, highs in the upper fifties, closer to sixty.  The wind wasn’t blowing and it was sunny.  Dave looked at me. “How long have you been inside?”  I looked at my watch it had almost been two hours and I was feeling a little melancholy, feeling sleepy.

“It’s been about two hours.”

“Has your mail run yet?”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Let’s go get the mail.”