Years of Summer: Lily's Story (6 page)

For the last time he spoke.  “Lily, I really screwed up didn’t I?”              

“Yeah, Chance, you did, and that’s putting it lightly.” He reached for my hand and I put both of them behind me and leaned back on them. I wanted him to know that I meant every word I said.  I said one last thing, “Stay away from me and stay out of my life.”  He stood up from my blanket, stared down at me one last time, as if searching for some spark of possibility, but finding none.  He finally realized it was over.  He nodded his head in a final blatant understanding and jogged off.  I never saw him or heard from him again.

I flopped back flat on the blanket, feeling emotionally drained.  I put my sunglasses on and laid there letting the sun recharge me.  I felt like a solar panel, but it felt good just to soak up the sun and lay there with Jace, who surprisingly had not said anything.  The tower clock chimed on campus it was four o’clock.  Chelsea would be out of class about that time. Fifteen minutes later here she came.  I heard her call from across the lawn.

“Hey Lil!” I saw her pulling Ty across the lawn, holding his hand, in a much coupled manner. 

I sat up propping on my elbows and poked Jace in the ribs.  He jumped and opened his eyes.  “Look at the happy couple.” 

He propped on his elbows then and laughed.  “They finally gave in to each other didn’t they?”

I laughed then.  “Took ‘em long enough.”  Then we both had a good laugh. 

Chelsea had brought her own blanket, because with Jace and me on the one I brought out, ours was full.  A thought flitted across my mind . . .
ours
. . . I liked the way that sounded.  I pushed that thought aside.

“Hey Chels, y’all gone public now?”

“Ha Ha, Lil, very funny.”

“Yeah Ty, last time I mentioned something about it, you went all postal on me.”  Jace started laughing.

“Yeah, Jace, good one, Hardy Har Har.”

“Well what about you two, Mr. Big Shot.  Y’all look all cozy.”

“Just soaking up the sun Ty, nothing more.” 

It was funny, Jace was always so controlled.  Nothing ever got to him or rather he never showed if anything did.  He was just so laid back, like he was just taking in life however and whenever he could. He didn’t waste time doing anything. He was the most patient person I had ever known, at that time, especially with me. 

Chelsea laid out the blanket she brought for her and Ty and then was serious.  She poked me in the leg.  “Have you had any run-ins with Chance since lunch?”

I started to answer, and then she took a little postal curve, herself.  “Lily, please tell me you didn’t mean that you wanted him dead.  That is sooo not like you.  Why did you say something like that?  I mean I know he is probably the most evil person on earth to you right now, but what if something really does happen to him when he goes off.  You’re going to feel like it’s your fault.”  Then Chelsea started crying.

That blew my mind.  “Chels why are you crying, did you like him?”

“No, that’s just it, I hate him, but if after you said that, something happens to him, you’ll never be able to get over it, and I want you happy Lil, not regretting every part of your life.”

I took Chelsea’s hands and looked at her. “Chels, I really am okay and getting better.”

She looked at me and then at Jace.  He shook his head, no, in answer to her unasked question.  “Chels, you’re right, I didn’t mean what I said when I told him I wanted him dead.  I still hate him, well maybe hate is too strong of a word now, but I still highly dislike him, but I don’t wish death on him.  He came out here earlier before you were out of class.”

“And you were by yourself?”

“No, Jace was out here too.  I had felt bad about telling him I wanted him to die when what I really wanted was him to just stay away from me and never try to come back. I told him that and believe it or not I think he agreed. It was kind of one of those unspoken promises, but this time it was genuine.  He will never come back; because I asked him not to if he ever cared for me at all.  So don’t worry I am not going to regret my life over him, honestly, he’s not worth it.”  Jace and Ty were listening intently to mine and Chelsea’s conversation.

Chelsea gave me her serious look again.  “Lily, do you think he ever really cared about you at all?”

Then my tears started; Chelsea, as my best friend, was trying to give me closure.  Dave happened up about that time and just sat down on my blanket too.  Jace was sitting there waiting on my answer, as well as Ty, as I swiped a few tears that tumbled out of my eyes.  “I’d like to think he did at one time, he might have even loved me for a split second, but the hardest part about all of this was the way it felt when he acted like he owned me and he acted like he had the right to push me around, no matter how much I pled with him.  He made me feel worthless, even before what," I pointed to Dave, "he came into that night. You know what else, I actually believed him. I am still having a hard time not believing that.  I want to know that one day I’ll be happy and can put my past fully in the past, but I almost feel like that is not going to happen.” 

The next thing I said kind of brought out reactions I wasn’t expecting.  “I want to live a normal life with a normal husband and normal kids and the white picket fence in front of the three-bedroom house and a dog in the backyard, preferably a golden retriever.”  Everyone laughed; I hoped it broke the tension that was laid thick on us at that time.  Then Dave and Jace gave me an offering of comfort.  It was strange that they both felt the same.  Dave’s hand rubbed my shoulder and Jace’s hand rubbed the small of my back.  I realized that they both cared about me and wanted to make sure I really was okay.  They made me feel like I could trust them both.  They were two very important people in my life, neither of whom I would ever forget.

Then Dave had some information. “Lil, I am going to tell you one more thing about Chance and then I will happily drop the subject and never bring it up again.  When I was on my way out here earlier I happened to walk by his room and his parents were there helping him box things up.  So, buck up sweetie, smile more, you are prettier when you do, you’re going to be fine and I’m sure true happiness will find you.”  Spoken like the true person he is. 

I started crying again, but they were happy tears and I hugged Dave. He and Jace would be great as roommates, true down to their very hearts. “Thanks Dave, you are such a good friend.” 

“Anytime sweetie, anytime.”  He and Jace punched fists together and then he let me go.  The clock tower chimed five o’clock. 

I saw Brianna coming across the quad and Dave stood up to greet her.  “Is anybody ready for dinner?”

In chorus, “Yeah.”  We all got up off the ground and shook out our blankets.  We walked back into the dorm and everyone followed Chelsea and me to our room, because it was the closest. We dropped off the blankets and pulled out our ID’s for dinner.  Jace took my hand again, as Brianna and Dave took hold of each other’s hand too and of course Ty and Chelsea.  It gave me warm fuzzy feelings inside knowing that all of my friends seemed very happy, and for the first time in months, I did too.  I guess it was the spring weather that brought out the closeness of everyone.  I knew one thing though—I never wanted it to end.

Chapter 4

None of us went home that weekend because Jace and Dave’s fraternity was having a cookout after the intramural games, and they invited several of us from the sorority, actually whoever stayed that weekend.  We had a blast.  It was an unofficial mixer.  We all just had a good time. 

Later that night Jace walked me back to the dorm, and right before I walked into the main door he stopped me.  “Lil what are you going to do when you get back to your room?”

“Probably get a shower and read my book some.  Why?”

“Could I persuade you to come on a walk with me instead?”

“Yeah, just let me go grab a jacket and meet me at the side door.”

“Wait, here, you can wear mine.”  He proceeded to take off his pullover jacket.

“But Jace, then you’ll get cold.”

“Trust me; I am very hot-natured.  My long-sleeve shirt will be plenty.  Now come here and let’s get this on you because right now it’s still warm.” 

I walked back down the steps to him and he pulled the jacket over my head and pulled my hair out of the back, rather slowly.  “You know you have really pretty hair.  It’s really thick and wavy.  Is it a dark red?”

I felt electric currents running through my body in the form of chills as he ran his fingers through my hair very slowly pulling it free from the jacket and letting it fall back down my back.  I shivered, then he turned me around and I looked into his eyes, because there they were.  They were a purple-cast gray which told me he was very happy right now.  It might sound pompous, but I could only attribute his happiness to my presence since there was nothing else and no one else around. 

I had to pull myself out of my thoughts for the moment because they were going places that I knew I was not ready for, so I looked down.  “Actually my hair is a dark red-brown; kind of like mahogany wood; that would more match the color of my hair.”

He had not heard a word I said and I started giggling.  He looked at me with this shocked expression like he just then realized I had said something and then he grinned and blushed despite himself.  “I’m sorry.  Obviously, I wasn’t paying attention.  What did you say again?”

“You asked me about the color of my hair.”

“Right, yeah, dark red.”

“It’s more of a dark red-brown, more like mahogany wood.”

“Well, Lily Grace, it suits you perfectly.”  I still don’t think he heard anything I said, but at least he was able to cover it well this time.  We began walking down the brick sidewalk.  I had my arms crossed over my chest and his arm was around my shoulders.

I wondered. “Am I in trouble or something?”

“What, why would you think that?”

“Because you used both my first and middle name.  I used to only get that from my mom when I was little and I was about to get into trouble.”

He laughed.  “Oh, well no, you’re not in trouble.  I just like the way it sounds together, do you mind if I call you that?”

“No it won’t bother me; I like both of my names.  I always wanted everyone to use both of my names, but no one ever did.  But you can use Lil or Lily too; I answer to any form.”

He laughed his jovial laugh that I could see myself getting used to.  “Well then I will just mix them up and use whatever I feel like using on any given day.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

Again I had to stop my thoughts.  I didn't need to get used to it, not now, anyway.  Then I started asking myself why I didn’t need to get used to it and couldn’t give myself a good enough reason why, but there was something that gnawed at me.  It seemed so natural with him and I didn’t have to put on a front; I had no reason to disbelieve his sincerity.  Why was I trying to keep myself from feeling what this was?

“Lily, you seem like you have a lot on your mind.  Please, tell me what it is.  I’m here, talk to me.”

“Jace, please don’t take this wrong, but
why
are you doing this?”

“We’re friends; that’s why.”

“Okay, let me re-phrase this, again just listen, don’t get mad.”

“I promise I won’t get mad.”

“Why have you taken such a special interest in me, you’ve done this since before Thanksgiving, when I was still engaged to Chance.”

I could tell he was starting to get angry and I thought it was towards me, so I cringed away from him and started backing off.  I was scared.  I was out in the middle of campus at night with no one around.  Tears started coming up hot in my eyes.  He saw that and came to me and took hold of me.  I went stiff, the only defense I ever had with Chance. 

“Jace, please, don’t hurt me, whatever it is I did, I’m sorry, just please let me go back to my dorm.  I know you can out run me, just please don’t hurt me.”  My eyes were closed; I was barely able to breathe.  “Please let go.”

“Lily . . . sweetie . . . stop, I am not going to hurt you, but I would love to hurt Chance right now.”  The last part came out as an angry growl, he was so furious.  “Come over here and sit with me, and please calm down, I swear I won’t hurt you.”  My breath hitched, and I opened my eyes, still wary, as I let him pull me over to the picnic bench on the quad of the education building. 

He wiped the tears from my face.  “There is something you need to know Lily bell (new name, he had a ton of them), and the problem is I don’t know if I can get through it without wanting to rip Chance’s head off, so forgive me ahead of time if I go ballistic. I promise I won’t hurt you.  The other problem is that, I know what I’m about to tell you is going to hurt you more than what you have been led to believe.”