You Can't Run From Love (14 page)

Rachel was intoxicated by such open admiration, no one had ever looked at her like that before and she needed this woman to make love to her, right now. “Jess, please?”

Jess smiled, looking down amazed at the wanting and need in those eyes. It had to be satisfied and she was going to do exactly what Rachel wished for, over and over again.

***

The pressure started to build again and Rachel’s head was spinning.
I’m going to explode.
“Just once more,” she heard Jess whisper. Those same three words were said two orgasms ago and she was heading for another and her body couldn’t wait. She had never experienced such pleasure.

Jess sensed the rising in the wondrous body that was driving her beyond crazy. She had never wanted to please a woman so desperately. Her tongue slowly stroked around nipples, while her fingers danced tantalizingly up and down warm moist thighs. As Rachel began to buck and sway, Jess pressed her thigh between Rachel’s and pushed her center in rhythm against the movement of the woman beneath her. Instantly she was greeted with a deep guttural moan.

“You are so gorgeous. I could do this all night.” Those words tickled Rachel’s ear, arousing her further and causing her to push with a greater need. She felt fingers slide inside, sending her so close to the edge. They tried to slow her urgency, moving in and out in unison with Jess’s thigh.

Rachel started pushing harder. “Oh yes, yes. Please I have to…”

As Rachel continued to rock, Jess slid her fingers out and then in once more while her thumb rubbed over Rachel’s engorged clitoris. She cried out and dug her fingers into Jess’s back, holding on, riding the wave of ecstasy washing over her. One last cry of Jess’s name and Rachel collapsed, exhausted.

***

Jess stretched out on the bed with Rachel’s head cradled in her shoulder, their limbs all entwined and bodies glistening with sweat. The heat they radiated left no need for the sheet that lay in a tangled heap at the foot of the bed.

“How do you do that?”

Hearing a sniffle to Rachel’s voice, Jess rose and rolled onto her side. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I’m happy, believe it or not.” She smiled lovingly. “Nobody has ever made love to me like that. No one.”

Another tear escaped and was gently brushed away as Jess looked contentedly into the sparkling deep brown eyes. She smiled softly back. “That’s because I lo—”

Jess suddenly stiffened and a look of disbelief cloaked her face. Pushing abruptly away from Rachel she rolled and stumbled out of bed. “No.”

Rachel sat up feeling instantly dizzy. “What? What’s wrong?” Panic riddled her voice.

Jess frantically grabbed for her clothes. She looked at Rachel with pure anguish and fright before fleeing from the room.

It took Rachel a number of seconds to comprehend what was happening. She scrambled frantically out of the bed in pursuit. Jess was already at the front door, trousers on, only half done up. Her T-shirt on back to front and rolled up over her breasts. Desperately she tugged at it as she bundled other items of clothing under the other arm.

Rachel grabbed the arm tugging at the shirt. “Jess, stop. Please stop. What have I done?”

Jess stopped only momentarily. Then pulled away and escaped through the door.

Rachel screamed, “Jess, please.” She stared at the fleeing figure and then at her own naked form standing in the doorway. She closed the door before slowly sliding down the back of it, hugging her knees and sobbing uncontrollably.

***

Jess ran. She ran like she had when the lorry plowed into her family’s car. She ran like she had when the logs crushed the life out of Kirsty, and she ran like she had when Alison walked into that hospital room.

Eventually, out of breath, she came to a halt aware of a painful burning sensation in her feet. She found herself in the middle of the yard, not understanding how or why she was there. Her head started to pound and a feeling of suffocation suddenly gripped her as she dropped to the ground clasping her feet.

Crawling into the barn, gasping for breath, she propped herself up against a lump of wood. Her breathing began to steady and her feet throbbed. She tried hard to think, but everything was a jumble. She couldn’t understand what was happening, how long she had been here. Then to her agonizing dismay, her mind started to recall parts of what had happened. Her head fell into her hands. “Oh no, what the hell have I done?” She swallowed back the scream and blinked back the tears that welled. “Oh how could you? What sort of monster are you?”

Distraught with revulsion, anger and guilt, she couldn’t gather any comprehensible thoughts.
I should go back, yes. But what do I say...Sorry?
Laughing bitterly she grabbed the ax aggressively from the wall and began to chop frantically at the wood waiting to be spliced into fire logs.

***

Waking to a feeling of dread, Jack eased himself up onto his elbow and looked around to orient himself. “Well, I’m still alive.” He queried as to why he felt so uncomfortable. “I must have been dreaming.” Listening, he tuned into a rhythmic noise. “That’s someone chopping wood.” Frowning, he looked at the illuminated display of his bedside clock. “At this time?”

Jess swung the ax down hard to meet the wood. Something was definitely wrong; if the time hadn’t given it away, the appearance of his niece certainly did. She was a mess and didn’t even have her boots on. “Jess?”

She stopped at the sound of her name, exhaustion instantly washing over her, she leaned on the ax embedded in the wood and stared at her uncle.

Jack waited until she slumped down heavily and sat. He inched forward dragging a small lump of wood with him and sat within inches of her. “What’s going on, Jess?”

She looked at her uncle. “I need to disappear for a couple of days.”

Jack was unnerved. Jess only went on walkabout if she was truly upset. He sighed. “All right, there isn’t anything that couldn’t wait or somebody else couldn’t do.”

Jess smiled without emotion. “It must be light by now?”

He’d learned many years ago, that it was fruitless pushing Jess into talking, she just distanced herself more. But looking at the pain in her eyes, he had to ask. “Yes it is, just. What’s happened, Jess?”

She fought back tears again and lowered her eyes. “I’ve done something no one could ever forgive. An incredibly hurtful and unbelievable thing.”

He looked at the head dropped in shame and knew at once that something had gone horribly wrong and it involved Rachel. Gripping her knee he replied, “Surely it can’t be that bad. Would you like to talk about it?”

Jess shook her head forcefully.

“Okay. At least let me look at those feet before you go. You won’t get very far if they’re as bad as they look.”

Chapter Eighteen

Jess stood on the ridge overlooking the village. There was no activity out on the road, only a number of lights indicating that life was beginning to stir behind closed doors. Dawn had broken, yet the sun had not reached the top of the hill. Her sight honed in on the shop: the daily newspapers had already arrived and the van that appeared with fresh produce was parked outside.

She’d been roaming the mountains for three days and nights, only stopping to pitch a tent when it became impossible to move safely. She hadn’t seen a soul by avoiding the paths to the more popular Munros and Corbetts. Something that wasn’t too difficult in this vast mountainous region. She thought she’d also been lucky with the weather, or unlucky. A good lashing by the elements might have done her some good.

She sat feeling racked, tired and sick, and aware of the constant throb of her feet. Sleep had eluded her and her appetite had been nothing for the amount of exercise she had asked her body to do. It was beginning to fight back. Two days she had said to her uncle, so he and Marie had probably expected her back yesterday, if not the night before, and she didn’t deserve their worry. She had to go home. The time away wasn’t enough. She hadn’t come up with any answers as to what she should do next. All it had achieved was to make her feel even more incapable of dealing with the situation.

The guilt she’d carried for all those months after Gretchen’s attempted suicide seemed inconsequential now. This was worse. “You must be the biggest bitch on this earth, Jess Brewster.” How could she ever, in a million years, make up for what she had done? There was no way anyone would forgive that.

Jess heaved herself up and headed down toward the village. Maybe a good tirade from Julie would absolve enough of the guilt to see her through the next few days until Rachel left.

***

The bell to the shop tinkled as Julie started to sort the morning papers. “You’re early this morning…” She looked up expecting to see Bill, who was always first into the shop in the mornings despite probably being the last into bed at night. She gasped at the sight of her friend. “Good grief, Jess, what’s happened? Is it Jack?”

Jess said in a weary tone, “No it’s not Uncle Jack, he’s fine.”

There was urgency to the soft tone in Julie’s voice as she guided Jess back through the door. “Jess, go round to the kitchen. I’ll meet you there.”

“Tom,” Julie called, “could you keep an eye on the shop? Jess is here and she looks like shit. It’s not Jack, but it’s something bad.”

“Yes, of course.”

***

Julie finally felt she had a grasp of the situation and couldn’t quite equate it with her friend. “What are you going to do?”

“What can I do? It’s been over three days. Would you listen to me if I tried to explain now?” She sighed heavily. “I couldn’t anyway. I can’t even justify it, or explain my behavior to myself. It’ll just make matters worse.”

“Surely she’ll at least realize that you regret what happened.”

Jess laughed sarcastically. “Julie, would you forgive someone if they…” she took a deep breath, “Took you so thoroughly and then ran off, before your breathing even had the chance to settle?”

Her friend sighed and looked at the despondent and reddened face. “No, but…”

Jess shook her head. “I’m a fool, I should’ve known better. I’ve hurt her and what’s the point in trying to make amends? I’ll only let her down again.”

Julie frowned. “What on earth do you mean by that? You can’t not make amends. That’s heartless.”

Jess snapped, “I am heartless. What I’ve done is heartless. Even if I make amends and by some remote chance she forgives me, what then?” She glared at her friend. “She’ll just get hurt some other way, die probably.” She shook her head in frustration. “Oh, I don’t know. It wouldn’t be fair, just to make me feel better.” She saw the shock on her friend’s face and her fight dissolved as quickly as it appeared. “She’ll have started to deal with it all, and I should let her do it.”

Julie shook her friend’s arm. “What about your uncle? How will he feel if you and Rachel are no longer speaking? You have to at least try and apologize. Wasn’t she planning on coming back after her sister’s wedding?”

A tear trickled down Jess’s cheek. “She was hoping so. That’s probably highly unlikely now.”

Julie stood. “No, I think maybe you’re right. Leave Rachel alone, unless she confronts you, which I actually doubt. I also doubt she’ll say anything to Jack.”

“How do you know that?”

“I phoned yesterday and she was visiting, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Jack didn’t even mention you were away.”

“Oh,” was all Jess could come up with.

“Now go and get a shower. Do you have any clean clothes in that pack?”

Jess nodded.

“Go then and I’ll give you a lift up to the house after I’ve fed you.”

Chapter Nineteen

Three days had passed since Jess had been dropped off by her friend. On her return, Marie and Uncle Jack had questioned her very little. The concern and worry on their faces was evident. She had thrown herself into work around the estate. Too much time had been spent enjoying herself and jobs had been put on hold. This was a fine opportunity to catch up. Sleep was still a rare commodity; it opened her mind to thoughts she wanted to forget. Eating was no longer a pleasure either, it just left her feeling nauseated.

***

Unloading logs at Rannoch Lodge Jess mulled over in her mind what to do, if anything, about Rachel’s imminent departure. Hearing footsteps coming up the path, her heart quickened until she realized they didn’t belong to who she hoped it would be.

“Hi Jess.”

She turned around. “Hi Tom, everything all right?”

“Yes fine, I just wanted to speak to you before I saw Jack. Can you spare me about ten, fifteen minutes?”

Jess raised a quizzical eyebrow. “How about a cuppa? I have a flask and two mugs.”

He smiled. “That would be great, thanks. I actually wanted to speak to you about something personal, so please don’t throw it at me. Firstly though, how are your feet?”

She smiled cautiously and sat down on the porch step, handing him a mug of tea. “They’re fine, on the mend now. Personal you say?”

“Yes.” He shifted a little awkwardly as he sat next to her. “Julie was telling me about your incident with Rachel.”

Jess froze.

“I’m only interested in your memory loss, nothing else, don’t worry.”

She frowned. “Memory loss. If only. I would be jumping for joy if I could forget it all.”

“No, I mean your memory loss at the time. The fact you don’t remember what you did.” He looked at Jess and sighed. “I’m not getting this right.” He attempted again. “The running and not being aware of doing it at the time.”

“I don’t want to pry but I hope you know I’m your friend as well as your doctor. This is important, Jess.” His tone lightened. “This has happened before hasn’t it? You’ve run before.”

Jess looked at him, tears stinging her eyes. “No. Not like this.”

Tom gently squeezed her arm. “I know this is different, but it has happened before, hasn’t it, a long time ago? I remember Jack saying, that you ran after your family were killed.”

Jess rubbed her fingers over her brow. “Yes. I ran until I was exhausted and collapsed. They didn’t associate me with the crash, as it was quite a distance away from where I was found. It wasn’t until later, when I started to recall things, that they made the connection. Uncle Jack thought he’d lost everyone.”