Your Orgasmic Pregnancy (23 page)

“Self-care at the levels of

body, mind, and soul instills

the balance essential to good parenting.”

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e could devote an entire book to everything couples need to know in order to maintain a hot sex life for the next eighteen-plus years. But we’ll limit our focus here to gettingyoubackinto top-notch Hot Mamashape, becausethere aremanyfactors that canimpacthowmuchintimacyyouandyour sweetheart will enjoy in the next year. As you evolve into mother- hood it is important to recognize how this unique time can serve you, yourrelationship, andyoursexlife. You nowhavetheoppor- tunity—the perfect excuse—to reevaluate, reconceptualize, and redefine intimacy in your relationship. Regardless of how you see yourself in terms of your sexuality, use this chance to explore all the new and different ways you might share intimate, loving mo- ments with your partner. You may actually enjoy a markedly im-

proved sex life as a result.

In this chapter we’ll address the major factors that could af- fect your game beyond the early-postpartum period covered in Chapter 6. Withalittlebitofawareness, andahandfulofpractical pointers, you should be feeling like your pre-preggie Hot Mama self in no time!

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Breastfeeding and Sexual Response
The breast—it’s beautiful, it’s erotic, it’s a source of amazing plea- sure. And for many of you, it’s your baby’s first “bottle.” While breastfeedingachildisoneofthemostspectaculareventsahuman being can ever experience, this gift may require a small trade- off for some of you. In study after study, breastfeeding is strongly correlated with reduced sexual desire in women and reduced

frequencyofintercourseintheearlyperiodafterchildbirth. One study in particular found that women who breastfed showed sig- nificantly less sexualactivityandlesssexualsatisfaction thanthose who did not. Most of the women we interviewed reported reduced sexual satisfaction and sex drive as they wrestled simultaneously with feelings of guilt, shame, or being overwhelmed. Those who addressed these issues in discussions with their partner, or who simply let them go, seemed to enjoy a healthy postbirth rebound, almost as readily as their formula-feeding counterparts. And once breastfeeding has ceased, some women report experiencing orgasms that are more intense than ever, even trumping the in- tensified climaxes experienced during pregnancy.

It is extremely important to note that it is perfectly normal and natural for a mother to become aroused during breastfeed- ing. Strong surges of oxytocin released into your bloodstream during feedings, coupled with uterine contractions correspond- ing with your baby’s suckling, can cause significant arousal. At least one-third to one-half of women surveyed feel that breast- feeding is an erotic experience, reporting
faire l’amour
with each feeding. Others admit to engaging in masturbation or sex in the moments after baby’s done feeding. A minority of women actually climax during feedings. For shame? Hardly! Your nipples are an erogenous zone and this is part of a natural sexual response cy- cle. Somewomenaresimplymoresensitivethanothers, andthat’s nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it’s a bonus that other women may feel jealous of.

You can employ this oxytocin surge for your own dirty deal- ings. It’ll do a world of good for your partnership and the re- bounding of your sexuality. Harness the sensual feelings and the glowing, energeticloveawakenedduringbreastfeeding. Accumu- late sensual energy in your lower abdomen while you’re nursing your babe, and keep it ripe and ready for your lover later. Pre- sent your sexed-up self to your partner and revel in the sexy fun that results. Danielle did, with impressive results. Contrary to many of her girlfriends, who reported feeling guilty about their sexual feelings while breastfeeding, Danielle felt sensually awak- ened during the act of providing nourishment to her child. Trust us—it works! Mother Nature knew what she was doing. Many of us have simply forgotten how to listen.

Yet another joy of breastfeeding is your new squirt potential. If and when you have sex, your nipples may ejaculate milk dur- ing climax. This is an experience the lovely Julienne likes to re- tell: “My partner and I found ourselves in hysterics as my climax sprayed him with warm milk during one of our romps. ‘Mama, you’re lactating all over me!’ he giggled. While a bit embarrass- ing at first, it was a bonding moment that has turned into a fond memory. Hewasn’tgrossedoutordisgusted, rather hewasamused andstrangelyaroused. Hiscasualandlovingreactionlentitself to increased confidence in my sexual prowess and a decrease in my self-consciousness.”

Another instance of breast-milk erotica found a lover trying to catch the squirtingmilk inhismouthashis Hot Mamahadone ofthemostintenseorgasmsofherlife. Amy, a twenty-seven-year-

old Hot Mama from Los Angeles, recalls, “In the early days of weaningmyson, mypartnerwouldnurseawaysomeofthepainof engorgement. One particularly intense female-dominant sexca- pade found my nipples squirting the wall directly above his head. It was so hot to look down and see his mouth opened in anticipa- tion trying to catch the warm spray. I believe it may be the closest feeling to male ejaculation I’ve ever had the pleasure of experi- encing. I’ve never felt more womanly and empowered!”

An interesting phenomenon in same-sex partnerships is the possibility of coincidental lactation at any time during the preg- nancy. The nonpregnant partner may experience lactation in tandem with her Hot Mama, as thirty-five-year-old film pro- ducer Natasha describes: “Meghan, who is premenopausal, ac- tually began lactating with me during the fourth month of our pregnancy. It was hysterical to go from quitting our periods for a long time, to sharing the breastfeeding experience, to adding milk to our sex play. Yummy fun!” An early appearance of milk in a pregnant woman is more anomaly than norm, but you can see how the hormonal synergy shared by female partners can have far-reaching implications similar to the couvade syndrome de- scribed in Chapter 3.

Asmentionedinthelastchapter, breastfeeding suppresseses- trogen production from the ovaries, which results in decreased vaginal lubrication, even when you are sexually stimulated. If you fancy being intimate, you’ll likely need to use saliva or a lu- bricant to counter the dryness. Danielle and her lover used K-Y Warming Jelly and Kama Sutra oils and loved them. Astroglide

What’s Going On with Your Partner

Your partner may be turned off or aroused by the milk spouting from your nipples. If breast milk turns either of you off, schedule sex after a feeding or pumping. Many partners feel neglect when babe’s on the boob 24/7, which is especially an issue with multiple births. So be sure to stroke your partner’s ego with compliments, acknowledgement, and touch. Express your love and appreciation for him or her. Words may seem trite, but they really help to maintain lovers’ emotional connection.

for hot mamas

is another great (though more costly) option; it tends to be more slippery than other lubricants.

Finally, another issue for a breastfeeding mother is that of feeling overtouched. Having constant physical contact with an- other human can be draining, comforting, or stimulating—de- pending on the day, the mindset, and the frequency. This can affect your desire for intimate touch with your partner, and it’s one more important reason to keep the lines of communication open.

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Postpartum Birth Control

( Yep, You Still Have to Worry)

When you start having sex again, birth control is an important consideration, even if you are breastfeeding. Most women will

resume a regular menstrual cycle within six weeks of childbirth, although women who breastfeed exclusively have a natural pe- riod of lactational amenorrhea (LAM), during which there is no menstrualcycle for sixmonths to a year. Whilebreastfeedingdoes act as a contraceptive to a certain extent, it is not 100 percent re- liable, especially after the appearance of your first menses. LAM is actually proven to be as effective as a number of commercial methods for longer than six months, provided the mother does not supplement feedings with formula
at all
. This means regular pumping and feeding at night—all night, every night. Still, Dr. Meulenberg warns not to be overly dependent on LAM for con- traception. “I would never recommend relying on LAM for birth control since the failure rate is pretty high,” she says. “There are othermethodsthat areeffective, suchasprogesterone-only OCPs [oral contraceptives], Depo Provera, IUDs, and condoms.”

Ninety percent of couples use contraceptives postpartum, mostly the pill or condoms. Using birth control you trust and feel comfortable with is very important to help ease you through the sexual reattunement phase; plus, you’ll more readily enjoy a higher degree of sexual satisfaction than if you were wavering. Manydoctors swearby IUDs, whichcanbeinsertedsoon after the birth while the cervix is still malleable, making installation less dramatic than at othertimesinawoman’s life. Here’s Dr. Meulen- berg: “I
love
IUDs. I feel that they are great forms of birth control both for young professional women who can’t worry about birth control but don’t want children for a long time, and for women who think they are done with childbearing but are not ready for

a tubal ligation. IUDs are just as effective as a tubal, last for five to ten years, and are reversible [unlike tubals]. Women who have them don’t even know they are there. They are very small and can be easily inserted and removed by the OB-GYN in the office. I strongly recommend IUDs to all my patients.”

Most IUDs are a nonhormonal contraceptive, so many nurs- ing mothers feel the most comfortable with this method. Still, manywomenfreakout at thethoughtofhavingadeviceimplanted in their cervical region for up to ten years. If you feel at all squea- mish about an IUD and don’t think you’ll get past it, please, do your sex life a favor and opt for a different method.

• Postpartum Depression
  Contendingwithpostpartumdepressioncanmakeitenormously difficult, if not impossible, to be intimate with your partner. A 2003 study found that women with postpartum depression were less likely to have resumed intercourse by the sixth month and were far likelier to suffer from sexual problems when they finally did. Watch yourself or have someone else to check in with if you suspect your malaise may be more than just a passing phase. And don’t be afraid to seek out a mental-health counselor or therapist to help you deal with this most difficult situation.
  
• Three’s Company?
  

For couples who opt to have their newborn sleep in the mas-

ter bedroom or in bed with them, having the baby in such close vicinity can be a bit unnerving when it comes to sex. With Mama

How You Can Help Her

Regular comments from you like, “Sexy mama,” “Oooh, you’re so sexy,” or “You’re sexier than ever” can work wonders to help your Hot Mama get past any issues she might have concerning body image and motherhood. Your well-timed compliments can boost both her ego and spirits. She has given birth to your child and needs to be hailed as the goddess mother she is. Given the subtle and not- so-subtle changes her body has undergone—for example, carrying extra tissue around her lower abs—hearing positive statements from her lover is of paramount importance. Julienne explains, “While I loved my body, I felt shy around my husband at first, fearing that he would no longer want me with the more ample curves. Never again could I be that hot young thing! I was a mother, and no amount of working out or dieting would change the fact that I per- ceived my body differently, with more deference, but with a little bit of fear as well. I was worried that he would, as the media would have you believe all men would, secretly fantasize and pine away over twenty-year-old, air-brushed gals while we were in the throes of passion. I feared he’d see me in my underthings, postpregnancy ‘imperfections’ and all, only to view our culture’s sexual ideals five minutes later on the TV in our living room. It’s not easy reentering a society which objectifies women in such overt and subtle ways.”