Your Orgasmic Pregnancy (19 page)

Some couples who find anal penetration too risqué take great pleasure in the almost-anal practice of gluteal sex. The thrust- ing partner uses the crease of the woman’s buttocks (without ever penetrating the anus) as she contracts her gluteal muscles and ro- tates her pelvis to increase friction. Note: Lube is a must!

Anal Beads

Usually consisting of five or so plastic or latex beads that range in size from marbles to golf balls, strung together on a nylon or cot- ton cord, anal beads are ideal for easy stimulation of the nerve endings that line a lover’s anus and rectum, or for giving your guy a delightful prostate massage (viva the male G-spot!). For those concerned with cleanliness, cover the beads with a condom knot- ted at the end. Using lots of lube—and we mean lots—insert the beads into your lover’s rectum, one bead at a time, all the while teasing your partner’s genitals to help him or her relax into plea- sure and to intensify reactions.

Aneros

A secret weapon for advanced sexers, the Aneros is specifically designed to stimulate a man’s prostate. Made of a nonporous

material, it providesgreater pressure thanadildoorvibrator can. Curled handles at the base press against the prostate both inside and outside of the body, adding even more sensation as he flexes his anal sphincter.

Butt Plugs

Whether rippled or smooth, large or small, butt plugs feel fabu- lous both on the way in and on the way out. Usually diamond shaped, with a narrow tip and flared base, butt plugs are usually offered in vinyl, silicone, or rubber. Silicone is our favorite, not onlyforitsresiliencybutalsoforitsexcellentability to retainbody heat—very important for user comfort. Furthermore, as the easi- est of the three materials to clean, silicone can stand up to anal play’s requirement for the highest standards of hygiene.

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Sexandintimacyduring T3 will bewhat youmakethem. Withthe variety of options available to you, it’s mostly a matter of choosing your preference. Be sure to maintain some sexual contact with your beloved, even if only by making suggestive comments dur- ing commercials while you watch TV. Even casually sexy interac- tions can keep your mindset primed for sensuality. Maintaining intimacy is paramount as you rewrite your sexual identities and repertoire during pregnancy to ensure that you and your partner will have an easier time adjusting to life with a new baby.

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All the Ways to Love Yourse

During Pregnanc

“Loving self-care is a crucial part of a holistic approach to

ity.”

both pregnancy and sexual

e

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R

egularly tending to your needs and inventing new ways to pamper yourself throughout pregnancy will increase bliss, reduce stress, and leave you feeling wonderfully sen-

sual. Your sex life will benefit from a calm mind and a rested and

healthy body—and so will your baby. Studies conducted in 2005 at Bristol University in England offered proof that controlling stress is vital for pregnant women. Cortisol, the primary stress hormone, crosses the placental barrier into the womb, immedi- ately affecting your little boarder. Worse, late-pregnancy anxiety has been linked with elevated cortisol in ten-year-old children. Excess cortisol levels have been associated with immune suppres- sion, weight gain, depression, elevated blood pressure, and a slew of other health problems.

Come with us, Hot Mama—we’re about to show you how to kick the cortisol and kick into your sexiest self! The following suggestions aregreat forpartneredbondingorsolotime. Wesug- gest you practice a blend of both, incorporating as many of these sensual secrets as possible into your routine.

For thosewho’veneverbeenmuchforself-indulgence,“steal- ing” some downtime may seem awkward at first. Sabine says, “I’m not big on pampering, but starting soon, I will go for massages. Somebody also suggested Reiki during pregnancy; they said it has a calming effect on the baby.” She’s absolutely right. Break out your schedulebooks and find some“you” time. Your overall well- being—and your sex life—depends on it.

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How You Can Help Her

Ask her what you can do to make her life easier. Got kids? Offer to baby-sit. Run errands, do chores, fill her car with gas....

for partners

• Walk This Way
  For Danielle and a number of other preggies we interviewed, the simple act of wandering aimlessly around town, with no set des- tination or agenda, helped them tune into the body’s subtle in- ternal rhythms. Jill, Danielle’s prenatal yoga instructor, used the following mantra: “You have nowhere to go and nothing to do.” Embracing this mindset during a relaxing walk can help you re- lease worry and stress. Spending quiet, sacred time with yourself in this way is a great balancer and soul tonic.
  

  Are you at or past your due date? Walk your way into labor! Walking causes the baby to press down on the cervix, encourag- ing dilation.
  

• Just Breathe
  

Do something most people take for granted—breathe! Relaxed

deep breathing, known in yogic practice as
durga
breath, is an ex- cellent tool for centering. Here are some guidelines from yoga instructor Paula D. Atkinson, who is based in Washington, D.C.: “Breathing in, first fill the belly, then the rib cage, then the throat. Thebreath should first bepulleddown to thepelvic floor;

How You Can Help Her

Help your harried honey center herself by taking hold of her shoulders, looking into her eyes with a supportive smile, and ask- ing her to breathe with you. Continue for a few minutes until she’s calm. Finish with a long hug, and ask her what else you can do for her.

for partners

then it should fill the body from there, like you’re filling a glass of milk. Next, empty the lungs slowly, from the top down. Release s-l-o-w-l-y. Making the exhalation twice as long as the inhalation can further relax you.”

When you’re looking for a quick pick-me-up, try the Breath of Fire, or Kabalabati. Atkinson explains, “These short breaths through the nose should start below the ribs. The short spurts of air shooting out through the nose occur from squeezing all sides of the waist in toward the middle.” Kabalabati boosts your heart rate. It can also help mitigate the unleaded-coffee blues.

For either technique, do five to ten repetitions for optimal results.

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Know Your Acupressure Points

Tapping, rubbing, or pressing the acupressure points in and

around your head, face, and neck is incredibly soothing (see Fig-

ure 5.1). It also enhances the flow of blood and energy that are fundamental to sexual- ity. Acupressure is an an- cient Chinese healing art that encourages the body to rebalance its vital energy (its “chi” or “qi”) by stimulating pointsalongtheenergychan- nels, or meridians. Maintain-

ing a smooth flow of chi can help keep your skin, muscles, or gans, and emotions healthy, a ing in thepreventionofdisease stress. For more information on helpful acupressure points I rec-

Figure 5.1

The acupressure points on the head, neck, and face

-

id- and

135

Third Eye

Supporting Nourishment

Human Welcome

Water Rushing

ommend Michael Reed Gach’s book
Acupressure for Lovers
.

The stimulation of certain acupressure points should be avoided in pregnant women. John O’Connor, a massage thera- pist andownerof Rhythm Massage Studioin New York City (www

1. hythmmassagenyc.com), explains, “Be sure to avoid the pres- sure point between the thumb and forefinger. Also, although you can rub your feet, take care to avoid pressing on the pressure points around the feet and ankles, as this can cause a downward rush of energy resulting in premature labor and other undesir- able consequences.”
   

   Figure 5.2
   

   A preggie with the proper pillow supports enjoying a massage
   

   '
   Massag
   

   Massage
   

   m
   

   a tio
   

   

   e Is a Must
   makesyoufeelsexy! Prenatal assage loosens tight muscles,
   

   calmsthenervoussystem, and increasescirculation.Touch that is caring and sensu- ally stimulating willcoax
   

   you into a more posi- tive, accepting mind- set, enhancing bodily awareness and leaving you longing for love.
   

   Aside from the obvi- ous and commonly touted benefits of massage, it can lsohelpdeepenyourconnec- n with your baby. Here’s John O’Connoragain:“Thebabyissen-
   

   sitive to the mother’s emotional state.
   

   There’s a lot of energy that comes into the baby. When a woman is constantly stressed out, the baby feels it. Massage releases endor- phins and other good chemicals. When this happens, a person comesbackinto herselfandheals. Thingshappenonanenergetic level. A massage opens a gateway between mother and child. In- steadofviewingthebabyasanalienthing, shecanconnectwithit. Massage puts people back into contact with their body and tunes
   

   

   How You Can Help Her
   

   Practice Hot Mama massage! A 2004 study exploring fetal-at- tachment behaviors, anxiety, and marital adjustment in Ameri- can fathers found that those who learned to massage their pregnant wives improved anxiety levels and marital adjustment. This, in turn, affected paternal fetal attachment. Relaxation training was found to be even more effective than massage therapy.
   

   Have her lie on her side, supported by pillows under her belly, and focus on kneading her shoulders, neck, thighs, hips, and but- tocks. Work her scalp, hands, and feet, and alleviate muscle ten- sion around her spine. For ideal support, try a prego pillow (www
   

   .pregopillow.com).
   

   for partners
   

   them into what’s going on inside instead of what’s in their head. Massage is about coming back into your own presence.”
   

   Treat yourself to agood massagewithanexperiencedprenatal massage therapist, preferably as often as your finances will allow (see Figure 5.2). Then coax your partner to imitate the tech- niques you’ve picked up from your professional masseuse.
   

   During prenatal massage, unless you’re physically and emo- tionally ready to initiate labor, beware of certain “hot” spots, specifically, those associated with bowel and intestinal release.
   

   Massaging these areas can trigger downward momentum. Dan- ielle recalls: “My water broke after an evening massage that fol- lowed a week of long walks, miserable prelabor symptoms, and ut- terly sleepless nights. My master massage therapist hit all of the “downward energy” spots with his magic hands, sending me into themostdeliciousdreamstate. When Iawoke, mywater brokeand mybabyboywasonhisway. Thebenefitsofmassageareboundless and beautiful at any stage of pregnancy, provided you (and your massage therapist) know what you’re doing.”
   

   Your massage therapist may integrate other bodywork or en- ergypractices. Reiki, aromatherapy, theuseofcrystalsandstones, chakra balancing, and other energy-stimulating techniques can enhance and deepen your experience, restoring balance to your chi and realigning your sexual energies to flow freely through your body. Hop your voluptuous self onto that massage table and see just how hot you can get!
   

   Last but not least, reflexology, a specialized (and out-of-this- world) form of foot massage, is soothing to both you and baby. It can help with not-so-sexy pregnancy side effects like morning sickness, digestive distress, and lower-back pain.
   

   • Bath Time ( Vibrating Rubber Ducky Optional)
     Baths provide wonderful opportunities to relax, rejuvenate, and get into the mood. Accessorizing your bath time with candles or scented oils increases the sensual experience. Try eucalyptus, jas- mine, chamomile, or lavender to promote relaxation; citrus or
     

     peppermint to invigorate your weary self when you’re lacking pep; rose essence or rose petals to combat negative or distressing emotions.
     

   • Essential Oils Are Just That
     

     Essential oils, indispensable for enhancing your bath or blend-
     

     ing with an unscented massage oil, can alter your mood, appear- ance, and attitude. They can light your fire and soothe your soul. Lavender and myrrh are excellent for reducing stretch marks and improving skin elasticity. (Myrrh was a favorite of queens during pregnancyandbirthingin Biblicaltimes.) Avoidanyessentialoils designed to cleanse your intestines. They may cause diarrhea and can induce delivery. Oils to avoid are tarragon, rosemary, win- tergreen, tansy (Idaho), sage, hyssop, calamus, and basil. Ones to use with caution include nutmeg, marjoram, eucalyptus, fennel, mugwort, celery seed, cinnamon bark, citronella, clary sage, and angelica.
     

   • Preggie Yoga
     Prenatalyogamaybethesinglemostbeneficialpracticeyoucanadd to your routine. It enhances your enjoyment of your body, boosts your spirits, and helps you reconnect with yourself—things that guarantee to enrich your sex life. Pregnant women must observe some precautions during yoga. Yoga instructor Paula D. Atkin- son says, “Pregnant ladies should
     never, ever
     do twisting poses, and they should never lie down on the belly, even during early preg- nancy. They should slow down their routine if they are used to
     

   doing a fast series of poses. I encourage them to pay close atten- tion to the time of day the body craves movement. Finally, once a woman starts showing, she should always do Savasana (final re- laxation pose) by lying on her side, in a fetal position.”
   

   Paula also cautions preggies to avoid any back-bending posi- tionsandinversions. Further, whendoingposeslikefulllotus(see Figure 5.3), beware of the muscle-loosening effects of relaxin, a sex hormone that softens the pelvic girdle to allow for musculo- skeletal expansion in preparation for labor and delivery. (It is the same hormone that makes some women physically more flexible during sex or during their period.) Elevated levels of relaxin in- crease the possibility of hyperextending the hip joints when per- forming certain yoga poses. Other joints (e.g., ankles
   

   and knees)
   

   ing your r ful, Ho crutch core
   

   of r fe b
   

   

   may be a bit less stable, too, increas- isk for twists and sprains, so be care- t Mama. It’s tough to feel sexy on es! Developing a strong abdominal via yogic practice will alleviate some elaxin’s potentially problematic ef- cts. A program for core strength that uildsgraduallywilldecreasetherisk of injury while increasing overall bodily well-being. As a sexy bonus, tuning into energetic subtleties, exploring your musculature, and raisingbodilyawarenessalldeepen
   

   Figure 5.3
   

   A preggie in full lotus position
   

   sensual pleasure and sensitivity.
   

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   Easy Exercise
   

   Keep up your exercise routine during pregnancy to ensure that
   

   your energy level remains stable. Activities such as stationary cy- cling, hiking, low-impact aerobics, and swimming are fantas- tic choices for preggies. Invest in a good support bra and athletic shoes. Be sure to warm up before every workout, and keep your pulse below 140 beats and your body temperature below 100 de- grees Fahrenheit. At the end of your session, take time to cool down and rehydrate.
   

   Important:
   Ifyou’re pregnant, besuretoconsultyourhealth- care practitioner before taking on any exercise routine, even if you’re a veteran at working out. Be sure to stop exercising imme- diately if youexperiencedizziness, bleeding, troublebreathing or walking, irregular heartbeat, or pain in your back or womb while working out—and arrange to see a physician right away. Avoid ex- ercises that involve contact sports or rough play (e.g., basketball, skiing, or waterslides), jerky movements (including some types of dancing), and being flat on your back.
   

   • Sleep Well
     

     As your belly gets bigger, sleeping may become more difficult.
     

     Rest is vital for overall well-being, sexual and otherwise. Try the following sleep-well techniques:
     

     • Sleep on your side to allow more blood flow to the placenta.
       
     • Cross your top leg over your body, placing a pillow under- neath it.
       

       

       How You Can Help Her
       

       Get things done before she has to ask you to do them. This will help her feel supported and loved, which in turn will help her relax and be more sensual with you. Simple gestures go a long way, as Raleigh knows. “Pirro Cy would do things to prep for the baby, like installing the car seat,” she says. “His taking the initiative to cross things off the to-do list has been so wonderful and has made things easier on me.”
       

       for partners
       

     • To breathe easier, raise the head of your bed four to six inches.
       
   • Music’s Magical Effects
     Musical vibrations directly affect your psyche, giving music pow- erful curative properties. Soothing tunes that have no lyrics are often best for mitigating stress and can be a great accompaniment to relaxing or doing yoga. Nostalgic, upbeat, and fun songs tend to elevate your energy levels. Pay attention to which tunes rev your engine and which knock you out. Play accordingly!
     
   • Calming Colors