Zane & Lucky's First Christmas (Forever Love, #5) (12 page)

“Thanks for looking out for me dad.”

“It all worked out well, though. Didn’t it? You have Lucky now.”

“How did you know her name?” I gasped. “I never said her name.”

“You’re my son, Zane. I keep up with everything in your life.”

“Yet, you don’t call or come visit.”

“I was hoping for an invitation. I wasn’t sure how welcome I would be if I just showed up.”

“You don’t even call, dad.” I shook my head. “Don’t try and turn this around on me. I’m not going to take the blame for you being a shitty father.”

“There’s nothing I can say to make this better.” He sighed. “I don’t know what to say, Zane.”

“Why don’t you start with I’m sorry. Why don’t you tell me about my mom?”

“I miss her every single day of my life. Getting with Noah’s mom was a mistake. I never loved her, she knew that. And when she left I was happy because then I didn’t feel like I had to fake it. I never let myself grieve and I never let you boys grieve and I think my heart is still broken to this day.”

“Oh, dad.” My heart went out to him. After what I had just gone through with Lucky, I understood where he was coming from. If Lucky wasn’t upstairs sleeping in our bed, I may very well have cut myself off as well. “Do you want to come over for dinner?”

“I can’t.”

“Okay.”

“It’s not because I don’t want to.” His words rushed out. “I’m flying to Singapore tonight. But I’ll be back in two weeks. I’d like to come round and meet everyone then.”

I paused for a moment and then laughed. “This is going to sound crazy, but how would you like to come to my wedding?”

“What?”

“I’m getting married in two weeks. It’s going to be a surprise for Lucky. I’m getting everything ready for her. Maybe that can be our reunion.”

“Are you sure?” His voice sounded hopeful. “I’d love to come, if you want me to.”

“Yeah, I do. Lucky will be happy as well.” I smiled as I imagined the shock she was going to feel when she realized I had set up a wedding and my dad was there. “She’ll love it.”

“Well text me the info and I’ll be there.”

“Okay.”

“Oh and Zane.”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for reaching out. I missed out on your life growing up, I don’t want to miss out on anything else.”

“No worries.” I hung up the phone and sat on the couch in shock. What had just happened? Had that conversation really happened? I stood up and walked into the kitchen and then back to the living room. The house felt lonely without Noah and Skylar in it. I couldn’t believe that just a year ago, I had lived here all by myself and thinking that I had everything I ever needed. When I thought back to the days when my most meaningful relationship was with women who meant nothing to me, I felt sorry for myself. How could I have ever thought that was a life I wanted to live?

I decided to go into my study while I waited for Noah and Skylar to come home. They had gone to visit Sidney in the hospital with Robin and I had seen them arriving as Lucky and I had left. We all still had heavy hearts, even though everything was fine with Lucky and the babies. Sidney was also physically okay for now, but he couldn’t walk, without help, and the doctors weren’t sure if he would ever be able to talk again.

It was with a heavy heart that I started making phone calls to different vineyards to see if they had a field I could rent out for the wedding. Part of me wasn’t sure if I should continue making the plans for the wedding, but I knew that this was the sort of occasion that could bring us all together and make our lives happy again. I only hoped that Sidney and Betty would be able to be a part of our special day, or I knew it would feel incomplete.

Chapter 11

Noah

“Thank you, Noah.” Betty hugged me as we got to my car door. “Sidney didn’t want to me to tell the kids and scare them so I’ve been all alone dealing with him. You don’t know what a help you’ve been to me this last week.”

“Betty, I look at you and Sidney as my pseudo parents. I hope you know that there is nothing I wouldn’t do for both of you.”

“You know, you are like a son to us. Sidney loves you like you were from his loins.”

“He’s been a father to me.” I teared up. “I can never repay him for everything he’s given me, all the advice and support.”

“You don’t need to repay him. Just come and visit when you can.”

“I’ll be here every week, Betty. You know that. And I will continue to do everything I can. I just want to see him talk again.”

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “He’s old, this isn’t his first stroke. I told him to be careful with what he eats.” She wiped away some tears. “But what’s the point of nagging now?”

“Are you going to be okay? I can stay the night if you need help.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I can handle one night by myself. The CNA starts tomorrow and she’ll be with us 7 days a week.”

“It will be good for you to have some help.”

“I just can’t do it by myself. I can’t carry him and bathe him and feed him.” She squeezed my arm. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t complain.”

“Betty, you’re not complaining.” I shook my head and gave her a big hug. “You’re the strongest woman I know.”

“You’re a good boy, Noah.” She rubbed my cheek.

“I don’t know about that,” I sighed, reluctant to get into the car. “Call me if you need anything, okay. No matter what time.”

“I will, thank you Noah. You drive home safely, you hear.”

“Yes, mam.” I got into the car and drove off with Betty waving behind me. I felt sad as I drove home. My heart was full of sorrow and sadness and all I wanted to do was cry. I thought about Sidney’s face as we had put him into bed. His eyes were full of emotions, yet he couldn’t express them. When he tried to talk, nothing came. Yet, I knew he wanted to say something. There was frustration in his glance and eventually he tuned us out. I tried talking to him, but it was weird talking to someone who couldn’t respond.

I felt so helpless. I kept talking and talking, trying to make him laugh, but he just stared at me with a blank unhappy expression. In all the years that I’d known Sidney, he had never not had a smile on his face. He’d always been the one to bring me out of my funk. He’d always been the one to tell me what to do and I missed his words of wisdom. I’d never regretted going to Palm Bonita until now. Maybe if I hadn’t gone, I would have noticed that he looked sick. Maybe I could have done something to prevent the strokes. I’d missed out on a year of conversations with him and now I may never be able to speak to him again.

I drove aimlessly, not wanting to go home and have Skylar see me so upset. I was frustrated and angry. Yet, there was nothing I could do. This was life. It was never going to be one smooth sweet ride. I was beginning to understand that. It didn’t matter how many hurdles I had already crossed, there were always more waiting for me. I drove into a Target parking lot and stopped the car. It took only a few moments for my tears to come flying out. I hit the steering wheel in frustration, wanting to shout and scream. Why had this happened to Sidney? It wasn’t fair. What had he done? Hadn’t he and Betty already had a tough enough life? I was worried about Betty as well, I knew she was putting on a brave face, but I noticed that her hair was looking whiter than ever. She wasn’t even bothering to dye it anymore. Her clothes didn’t look like they had been ironed, and she looked scared and worried. I didn’t know how she was able to cope without telling her kids, but I knew that Sidney had always said that if he ever got sick, he wouldn’t want his children to know. “Sickness is a part of life,” he used to say. “I don’t want them to spend years of their lives worried about me. I want them to live their lives and do what they want to do free of guilt.” At the time, I had agreed with what he had said, but now I wasn’t so sure that was such a good idea. His kids deserved to know what had happened to him. I would want to know if he was my dad.

I bit my lip as I thought about my mom and her phone call. I hadn’t told Zane and Lucky everything about that call. I’d only told them that she wanted me to meet my brother. I hadn’t told them that she was dying of cancer. I hadn’t wanted to think about it. If I didn’t think about it, it wouldn’t be real. But now that I was faced with Sidney’s immortality, I couldn’t stop thinking about my mother. I’d spent half my life thinking about her and our eventual reunion. I had dreamed of our joyful reunion every night for years. I’d been obsessed with finding her, and I had been devastated when I had met her and everything I had thought was wrong.
Aside from the fact that she loves you
, a voice whispered inside of my head.
She never stopped loving you
.

I tried to remember the words that Skylar had spoken at the picnic, something about not being able to fully love until you had forgiveness in your heart. And I knew, that she and the TV preacher were right. I still harbored resentment and pain in my heart and I knew that if she died before we talked it out, I would never forgive myself. I wiped away my tears and pulled out my phone. I knew that Sidney would want me to make this call. I smiled to myself as I thought about what he would do when I told him. I hoped that it would bring a smile to his face.

“Bonjour.”

“Bonjour, comment
ca va?”

“Noah?” Her voice was light with disbelief.

“Oui.”

“Noah!” She almost sung my name. “I am so happy to hear from you.”

“Sidney had a stroke.”

“Oh, no. That’s horrible. I’m sorry.”

“He can’t talk.” I paused as I felt tears rising and threatening to fall. “He can’t talk and he can’t move. It’s the second one he has had in the last couple of weeks. He didn’t tell me about the first one.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Noah. I know he’s your friend.”

“He’s more than my friend. He’s the father I never had. He’s my mentor. He believed in me and trusted in me when no one else did.”

“I have always believed in you, Noah.”

“You left.” I shouted. “You abandoned me and my brother and then you disowned my brother.”

“I was wrong to do that.”

“I’m only calling to talk to you because I can’t talk to Sidney.” I ignored her. “And because Skylar taught me that to move on in life we have to forgive those who have hurt us.”

“It kills me that I hurt you.”

“You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to try and make everything okay. I don’t want you in my life.”

“I’m your mother, Noah.”

“And Sidney is my best friend.” I felt the tears rushing out of my eyes again. “You don’t understand how I’m feeling right now.”

“You feel like a piece of you has been ripped out and you can’t find the hole to stuff it and stop the pain.” She spoke slowly.

“You
don’t
know how I feel.”

“My cancers in remission.”

“What?” My heart stopped for a moment.

“The chemo worked. I’m in remission.”

“So you don’t have cancer anymore?”

“That’s right, for now I’m cancer free.” Her voice grew soft. “If you were calling me because of what I said in my last call, about me dying and wanting to see you, you don’t have to feel guilty. I’m not dying anymore. Well, at least not of cancer.”

“So you’re fine?”

“I’m cancer free, but I’m not fine. I want to see you.”

“You made your choice years ago.”

“I’ll tell your father I don’t need the money anymore. If that will prove to you how much I want a relationship with you.”

“What will you do for money?” I scoffed.

“I can sell the farmhouse. We can move to an apartment somewhere. I’d rather have you in my life, I’d rather Pierre get to know his brother.”

“What about Zane?”

“I was immature and petty.” She sighed. “I will have him in my life if he will have me.”

“Really?” I asked suspiciously.

“I know I’ve a lot to make up for.” She sighed. “I don’t want to waste this opportunity to have you in my life again.”

“You almost sound sincere.”

“Give me a chance, Noah. Let me prove myself to you. Please.”

“I guess so.” I took a deep breath. “But I’m not coming to visit any time soon. If things go well, I will come next year and bring Skylar during the summer.”

“That would be nice. I can’t wait to meet her.”

“Yeah, she’d like to have a grandma.” I said the word grandma hesitantly.

“And I would love to be one.”

“I guess we’ll see how it goes.” I sat back, feeling content with the way the conversation had gone. I knew that Sidney would be happy that I was trying to make amends with my mother. Thinking of Sidney again made me shiver. I couldn’t imagine never being able to talk to him again. I just didn’t know what I would do if I never got to hear his advice or his laugh again.

***

Robin opened the door and stood there with her arms wide open. I fell into them and pulled her into my arms, before slamming the door shut. Wordlessly, we walked to her bedroom. I tore my clothes off and watched as she slipped off the gown she was wearing. She was naked underneath it and I grabbed ahold of her and fell onto the bed with her on top of me, kissing her hard. Our fingers explored each other and she rolled me over onto my back and pulled away from me and stared at me intently. She stared at my bloodshot eyes and kissed every inch of them, licking the residue of tears from my cheeks.

I rolled her over onto her back and kissed my way down her stomach to her most intimate of places. My tongue found her bud, already soaked with lust and I lapped her up with my tongue, delighting at the taste of her as she trembled beneath me. I closed my eyes as my tongue entered her and she buckled underneath me, with a small whimper. I was glad for the silence, there were no words to ruin the moment. There were no words that could touch the magic of the silence that filled the room as our two bodies connected and became one. Robin was like home to me. I hadn’t known her long and we were still in the beginning stages of dating, but I knew in my heart and soul that one day she was going to become my wife. I looked up at her before I entered her, and I felt my heart explode as she kissed her lips lightly against mine as she clenched her legs around my waist and then whispered in my ear.

“I love you, Noah Beaumont.” Five simple words, but they were better than any orgasm I’d ever had. I wanted to ask her to marry me then. I wanted to get down on bended knee and beg her to be my wife, but I knew it wasn’t the right time. When I proposed it was going to be in the midst of a joyous occasion, not when I was still in sorrow over the ill health of my best friend. I loved Robin, but I wanted to ensure that when I told her and asked her to spend the rest of her life with me, that she knew it was for all the right reasons.