15 Things Highly Happy Wives and Girlfriends Understand About Men That You Don't (2 page)

Treat your man exactly how you would like to be treated, and he will thank you for it by returning the respect and admiration you deserve.

Another large bone of contention is that women do not like to feel as if they are being taken for granted. However, they never stop to think why would their man enjoy it?

Women absolutely harness a lot of the responsibilities in the home, mostly by default. If it is true that men do not take the initiative to say, "Thank you for a clean home, laundry, children, etc." maybe women should think about the last time they said, "Thank you for picking up the kids, cutting the grass, shoveling the driveway, etc."

Relationships are a two way street, and if you would like to be applauded for your efforts, the least you can do is applaud him for his.

At the very least, try and notice when your man does something right in your eyes (this is few and far between for some women), or applaud his efforts at work, school or in the community.

Every man needs someone to champion his efforts, and if you are not going to be that person, do not be surprised when he finds someone else who will. Just like you, men resent those who take without giving.

They have needs, desires and affections that must be fulfilled, and if you love him like you say you do, you will start paying attention to those requirements, instead of nagging him to empty the dishwasher.

Women tend to think that when men do something that falls within their "duties" that they are just doing what they are supposed to be doing, and there is no reward for such behavior.

Why is it is then that women feel like they are being taken advantage of if men do not acknowledge their "duties". Double standards lead to arguments, and dissolving them is a great way to acknowledge exactly how much each of you contribute to the relationship.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

•   If you and your man are hanging out, and you take a phone call from a friend and talk for an hour, do not expect the “hang-out” time to pick right back up when you’re done. He has every right to go and start doing something else if you’re going to blow him off for an hour.

The same goes with you staying up late watching TV and him going to bed, or any other situation when you spend your time at home doing something else, and then when it crosses your mind to spend “quality time” with your man you expect him to just drop what he’s doing and join you. It doesn’t work that way.

•   If you’re the breadwinner this obviously doesn’t apply, but if your man leaves and goes to work everyday to provide for you and the family, that is a huge burden that someone who has never done it will never understand. Men are completely happy to do that because it’s their duty, but if you’re constantly complaining about petty things when he is around, it won’t be long before he just doesn’t talk to you when he gets home. Acknowledge all his hard work once in a while and tell him you’re grateful for all he does. Even if you work full time as well, it will still have the same positive effects if you verbally reward him now and then.

•   Identify any “double standards” that you’ve been guilty of in the past, and quit doing it. Few things will cause resentment in a relationship faster than you doing one thing but expecting something else out of your husband or boyfriend.

One very sticky area in relationships is the equality that modern society dictates. Women can do everything that men can do.

They make their own money, pay their own bills, and feel a sense of superiority for doing so, which is why they point such accomplishments out to their men all of the time.

Women have no trouble explaining how much money they make, what they have purchased in their home, or which part of their accounts belongs to her.

Keep in mind, men are happy to have you working, making your own money, and buying your own things. However, when that means you are taking off for the mall using the shared account's debit card, or spending hundreds of dollars at the salon every six weeks, that is not the definition of getting what you deserve out of a relationship.

Women have entitlement issues, and the man in their life is typically the one who receives the fall out of that posturing. For whatever reason, women seem to think that they are "owed" something in a relationship, instead of being a partner.

They develop a superior right to happiness while men are left footing the financial, emotional and physical bill of that behavior.

This positioning delivers a double standard in relationships. First, if you want to boast your independence, but later expect your man to take care of you, you are being unfair.

If you want to spend all of your man's money, but never want him to mention that he is the one providing such a lifestyle for you, you are being unfair.

You cannot have it both ways. You cannot want to be this strong, successful, independent woman, and then complain that your man is not taking care of you. You also cannot count on your man to deliver all of the care in the relationship, and then complain about not having your independence.

There has to be a balance in the complicated world of relationships. That balance begins with a simple explanation:

You are not entitled to any more happiness than your man is. He does not "owe" you anything, and if he did it should not be transferred in materialistic items.

Being in a relationship means partnering with someone physically, mentally and emotionally, not through abusive spending tactics or conversations that suggest he is any less of a man for not providing you with those instruments.

When you enter a relationship the intention is usually pretty clear. Either you are dating, and enjoying each other's company, or you have moved on to building a life together. In the beginning you would never think of complaining about a restaurant, or about how often you two go out, so what happens when you move to the next relationship level?

For men, nothing happens. They still think you are awesome, beautiful and love the idea of spending time with you. They want you to be a part of their life, and enjoy a partnership that they two of you can build on moving forward.

When women move to the next level they immediately start changing things. Whether it is how they dress, how they act or the physical furniture in the home, change is a necessity in their eyes to make this relationship their own.

From the moment the transition from dating to couple status is complete, the woman decides that everything is now all about her.

Women can deny it if they want to, but the facts are very clear in this area of a relationship. They want to enforce their will upon their man for their own satisfaction, and it starts almost immediately.

When this does not work out, because men are tired of being railroaded, women will often wonder where all of the "real men" are, and complain about the lack of their existence.

The truth is, the real men are busy being treated as such by their loving and nurturing girlfriends, instead of putting up with the likes of anyone who would identify them with those terms.

Women get what they put into relationships, and if your stance is to criticize or belittle your man in an effort to get what you want, you do not deserve a real man.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

•   If you both work, you are not allowed to hoard your money as “your money” and expect him to do all the bill-paying while you get to spend your money how you want. That’s ridiculous. I have seen several of my friends’ marriages crumble because their ex-wives had totally unrealistic views (not to mention a complete lack of basic understanding) of money and what they’re entitled to just because they got married for some reason.

Since roles are not as equally defined as they once were, expectations become blurred within relationships, which mean arguments are bound to ensue over things as trivial as who is doing the laundry this week.

To avoid such petty fallouts, the lines of communication need to be opened for discussion. Berating your man until he finally picks up his clothes in the bedroom is going to take a lot longer than it would if you just picked them up and put them in the laundry.

Now, I’m not suggesting you become his maid, because that is the first thing women derive from such a suggestion. What is suggested is that you let SOMETHING go by for once.

Pick your battles so to speak. If that’s all you have to complain about, your relationship is in the top 1% so be grateful.

Here’s the thing, and something that all men share, they are damned if they do, and damned if they don't.

If you want your man to start doing laundry, you cannot complain to him about how he folds the clothes when it is his turn.

If you want your man to load the dishwasher, make the bed or clean the windows, you cannot monitor his application of those chores and then criticize his efforts and the results.

No one, even women, enjoy being told that they are doing something wrong. Not even a little bit. Why would anyone want to help around the house, or assume more responsibilities, only to be verbally assaulted for doing so?

Women have a really hard time placing themselves in their men's shoes. Again, imagine if you spent the entire morning cleaning the house, only for him to tell you that it does not look like you have lifted a finger.

You would be hurt, upset, disgruntled, and reluctant to clean going forward. So why are women so surprised when men respond so harshly to the same type of nagging? If you are going to be awful to the person you love, they are going to be awful right back to you.

The problem is women feel as if they are the only ones who are entitled to be upset about it. 

This type of behavior is certain to push your man away, and leave him feeling beat up and unappreciated. This certainly is not how you would want to feel at any time, so why would you make him go through that type of abuse?

If you do not like the way he makes the bed, than you should make it instead. Do not nag and complain that he is doing it wrong every chance you get. Simply appreciate the fact that he is doing it, or do it yourself.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

•   If your man is willing to help out- even after you’ve screamed at him- cut him some freaking slack on the job he does. He’s not a professional cleaner (most likely), and like I mentioned earlier, try to focus on the good things- in this case the simple fact that he
tried
to help out. Let him know how happy it made you, even if the job he did totally sucked, and then next time lovingly give him a tutorial on how to do it correctly- something like “It’s easier when you do it this way”. Don’t say, “This is the right way.”

•   If you just can’t handle the way he does something, do it yourself. Complaining every time and then ultimately doing it yourself because you can’t stand how he did it is way more work than just doing it yourself. Again, acting pissed off when telling him how to do it right will NEVER work. Kill him with kindness when your teaching him how to do something DOES work.

Throughout life there are a number of times when someone is going to critique your behavior.

Whether it is your parents guiding you through your childhood, or a coach who only wants you to get better at your sport, people are going to tell you things that will help you discover a better path.

This is called constructive criticism. It is when your professors write notes on your term papers, suggesting things you could have done differently to get a better grade.

It is when your boss says, "Next time, let's present first, and discuss dossiers after" when a meeting did not go as planned. These are all acceptable associations for people to tell you how something could have gone differently, and resulted in a more appropriate or appreciated outcome.

Relationships have room for constructive criticism, and can benefit from it incredibly! If you do not like something that your man is doing, yelling at him in front of his friends about it is not constructive.